All sorts of muscles were aching but the biggest ache of all was in her heart. It was a bittersweet kind of ache. The kind that she got when she saw little children playing at playgrounds with their mothers. It reminded her of the times when her mother brought her to the one near their home. She'd get ice cream right after and her mother would hold her hand and bring her home.

Happy times. She'd just had a pretty happy night with the girl in her bed. And right now, her heart was locked in turmoil. She had flashing images of Tiffany and her laughing together, delirious from the highs of their long, deep kisses that went on for most of the night. It was as though neither could get enough of each other. Tiffany would kiss her and she would lean in and it would be another breathless round of kisses. Then, they would stop. But she wouldn't be able to resist Tiffany's marshmallow eyes and reclaim those lips for herself one more time.

It was nothing like she'd ever felt before with any other girl. This ache. This longing. Wanting something so much. Even if she'd be burnt in the end.

“Taeyeon?”

“Mmm.” Tiffany's leg shifted and rubbed against hers. Silly how that could distract her and steal all of her attention. Even sillier how it could raise goose bumps all over her skin.

“How are you feeling? Better?”

If she were to be honest with herself, she'd admit that she liked having someone ask about her, caring for her. But she didn't like to wear her heart on her sleeve. Especially not for Tiffany to see. “I'll feel better after you leave.” Pressing her face into the pillow didn't help to silence the nagging voice that was telling her she was wrong about this. “So go away.”

An arm sneaked around her waist and Tiffany's skin stuck to her like glue. “Why should I.”

“ you Tiffany.”

The feeling of Tiffany's lips on her neck was the last reaction she wanted to get out of the frustrating woman. But the kiss became two and two became three and by the fourth, her skin was on fire, burning from the hair raising touch of Tiffany. “Tell me. Are you feeling better? Tell me before I make you regret it.”

“Why do you need to know.”

Tiffany's hand crept up her body, taking her breath away. “Tell me.”

“I'm fine. Okay? Happy now?”

“Are you really fine? Does your chest still hurt?”

“Why ask if you don't believe what I say.”

“I just want to make sure.”

“ing nag.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Don't you have better things to do.”

“You are the better thing to do.”

Enough was enough. Her body wanted nothing more than to stay in bed but Tiffany was more than she could handle. She had to get Tiffany out of her place before she succumbed to her longing. Removing Tiffany's arm from her waist was the first step. Getting out of bed was the next. But before she could even get up, Tiffany was on top of her in a heartbeat.

“Are you hungry? I'll make breakfast.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“Liar. You didn't even end up eating the sandwich I bought.”

“And whose fault is that.”

“Yours.”

“Mine? you. You're the one who forced your way into my place.”

“And who's the one who kissed me?”

“You were talking too much.”

“Deal with it.”

“Why should I.”

“You know you want me. You gotta take me as I am. The good with the bad.”

“You're a good . That's all you are. Don't get any funny ideas about us.”

Tiffany bit her lip and for a second, Taeyeon wondered if she went too far. But there seemed to be a surge of energy within Tiffany, glowing in her eyes like neon lights in a desert and she said “I don't think it's funny.”

“It's not funny. It's stupid.”

“It's not stupid.”

“It is. You are. I am.”

“You're not stupid. I'm definitely not stupid. I know what I want. Taeyeon.” Tiffany's voice drilled straight through her skull and she was surprised to hear the steel in it. “Taeyeon, I'm not just a good . I can be a good girlfriend too.”

“You. You and your messy dealings with rich men. A good girlfriend?” Taeyeon scoffed and tried to push Tiffany off. “Don't make me laugh.”

“I've explained my relationship with Paul. Stop using him as an excuse.”

“God knows how many other rich men you have in your pocket.”

Tiffany got off of her before she could finish her sentence. “Holy Taeyeon. I'm not like your ing mother. Stop putting it on me. I care for you and if you're too blind to see that then you're the ing idiot.”

The startling mention of her mother and the loss of Tiffany's warmth chilled her down to her bones. Memories of her mother leaving her alone in bed, thinking she was asleep and none the wiser, flooded her at once and the urge to hurl the nearest object at the wall was strong. But she'd be damned if she was going to lose control in front of Tiffany. Neither was she about to beg Tiffany to stay. No. Begging was the last thing she wanted to do again.

“And now you have nothing to say.” Tiffany lowered her eyes for a moment but not before she caught the pain in them. Sharp pangs wrecked her heart but she held her tongue. She no longer trusted herself to speak. “Just be honest with me, Taeyeon. Tell me. Am I nothing more than a to you?”

The burn in Tiffany's eyes was killing her inside but her jaw remained locked, her tongue, tied. She wouldn't. She couldn't. So she didn't. 

Her silence might as well have been the most vulgar scream of rejection. The light in Tiffany's eyes died and she looked away. Her tears welled up as Tiffany put each piece of clothing back on and it was all she could do to hold them back. Why the hell was she even tearing? This was exactly what she wanted, wasn't it. She wanted Tiffany to leave and now, Tiffany was leaving. It was time to pop the champagne. Not tears.

Her jaw was so tight that her teeth were beginning to hurt when the sound of the door opening and slamming shut jolted her. There. She'd done it. She'd chased Tiffany away. Perfect. Finally. She had her peace again. And that was the best timing too, for the first tear rolled down her cheek and was followed by countless others, unable to be held back any more.

-

Her heart was thumping but for the wrong reason. Cold sweat was breaking out across her skin and she could barely breathe.

“Yuri, I need to get out.”

“Out?”

She nodded and fumbled for the door. It opened and she stumbled out, the weight on her chest lifting the instant she stood on her feet.

“Sica, what's wrong?”

She shook her head, trying to clear it. “I don't know. But I couldn't breathe.”

Yuri was by her side right away, her hair. “We'd better see Doctor Seo again.”

“No, let's just go home. I don't want to go back.”

“But you said you can't breathe.”

“It was only when I was in the car. I'm fine now.”

“That doesn't sound good to me.”

“Trust me. I'm alright. Let's get back in.”

“Okay...but tell me straight away if you don't feel well.”

“I will.” She put one leg back in but something didn't feel right. She didn't want to sit up front.

“Something wrong?” Yuri asked.

“Yuri, I want to sit behind.”

“Behind? The backseat?”

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“I just...I need more space.”

Yuri blinked, obviously not truly understanding her reason but she smiled and nodded anyway, just like she always did. “Okay. You can lie down and sleep too. I'll wake you up when we're home.”

“You're the best. I love you.”

Yuri's answering grin dazzled. “I love you too, Sica.”

-

She was sleepless all the way back. It was unheard of. She'd never had any trouble sleeping anywhere at any time. But she knew why. Her mind was occupied. Beyond occupied. Her mind was crippled by fear. For the breathlessness she experienced while sitting up front had nothing to do with her injuries. And as she thought about it more and more, the answer grew clearer and clearer. Doctor Seo had warned them about it and arranged for her to see a counselor before discharging her. She'd been so sure she wouldn't need to but Yuri made her agree to it.

Now, she wasn't so sure. It was a horrible thought but the pressure in her chest felt a lot like what Doctor Seo had described it as. On top of that, a headache was forming—another ailment mentioned by Doctor Seo. But she hoped it wasn't what she thought it was. No. She couldn't afford to suffer from trauma. It had taken her months to get over the car crash when she was a child. This time, she didn't have months to get over it. She had an important race coming up. There was no time to spend at the counselor's.

No, please, no.

-

Yuri was getting on her nerves. It was Sica this, Sica that, a hundred and one questions ever since they returned home.

“Sica, are you hungry?”
“Sica, do you want some water?”
“Sica, it's time to bathe.”

All she wanted to do was get some sleep. “Yuri, I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep.”

“But—”

“I'm going to sleep now. I don't want to do anything else.” She turned away from Yuri and shut the door on her. She needed some time alone. Just for today.

-

Forget her. She doesn't want me.

She revved up her engine and gripped the steering wheel, feeling the low hum in it. This was the one thing she was good at and she'd better make it good if she wanted to make something out of it.

it all. Just it all. I don't need her to do this.

The lights blinked green and she stomped on the accelerator, unleashing all of her burning anger on it. Her car reacted accordingly and sped off, leading the pack. She turned the first bend, pulling away from the other racers with ease and ate up the straight road like a ravenous monster, hungry for speed.

Taeyeon's words from yesterday and her subsequent silence had stung hard and deep. She'd been surprised by how much it could hurt and how long it'd taken for her to realize that the depth of emotions she'd spent on Taeyeon was a bad investment.

It'd been a one-sided affair all this time. How stupid she was to think that someone like Taeyeon would ever like her. She'd almost allowed herself to believe that with Paul's backing and her racing prowess, she had a chance at leaving her past behind. It wasn't like her to lose her grip on reality like that. It wasn't like her at all. She was all too aware of where she'd come from, what she'd gone through and where she belonged. But was it wrong to want something more? Was it wrong to try for something better?

She must have been losing her grip entirely because even her tyres were screaming like screeching parrots. ! Her hands fought for control over the wheels, steering this way and that way, trying her best to counter the car's spinning momentum and her foot jammed on the brakes for all it was worth until the screaming stopped and her world stopped spinning.

Safety officers dashed to her car and helped her out, many hands supporting her as she made her way to the safe zone. They seated her and fussed over her so she had to assure them that she was alright. Her car was fine too; she'd been lucky enough to have spun where there was open space.

But that was the end of her practice for the day. She was no longer in the state of mind to drive. It was best to take a rest from driving, the officer advised and she agreed. She was rather shaken by the whole thing, considering how close she'd come to ending up like Taeyeon, or worse. So, she thanked him for his help and trudged across the grounds to the locker room to take a shower. She needed something to calm her down.

-

To say that things were not going well today would be an understatement. Tiffany took a deep breath and told herself to hold it in as Denise, Bernice and Venice entered the locker room just as she stepped out from the shower.

“Hi champ.” Denise's voice was the most irritating thing in the world. “Oh, wait. I'll have to check with Paul about this. I don't think champs would lose control of their car like that.”

Her jaws clenched hard, as did her fists. She was one nerve away from serving up a generous piece of her mind but a voice of reason interrupted her. Denise isn't worth it. Move on. She hesitated. Her voice of reason spoke words of wisdom and had helped her on more than one occasion. And most of the time, she didn't have a problem doing just that. Her tolerance level had been honed since her early days in school where she had to put up with scornful looks from her schoolmates and esteem-shredding taunts from mean bullies. But not today.

“Just what is your ing problem with me?” she blasted out at the woman, hating her thin, unkind lips.

“See? This is what she's like,” Denise said to the other two woman and they looked at her with distaste.

“Yes. This is what I'm like. I'll say it for you. I'm just a . Nothing more than a good . Hell. I'm not even sure if I’m even a good . I'm probably nothing more than a worthless piece of . Right, Denise?”

Denise and the two women had backed away from her and were reaching for the door by the time she was done ranting. Perplexity mirrored in their eyes as they exchanged looks and she laughed at their unease. This wasn't new to her. She was used to it, in fact. It didn't matter what she did or how hard she tried. Nobody wanted her and she was never going to be accepted, no matter where she went.

But none of that was going to stop her. Nothing could stop Tiffany Hwang from getting what she wanted. Sure, Taeyeon didn't want her for anything more than what her body could offer but she wasn't about to crumble. It would take a lot more than that to pull her down. A slow smile warmed her cheeks as her train of thought pulled in at the station. It was simple; the answer had been staring in her face all along.

Raise the stakes.

It was that simple. All her life had been game after game of stakes. Stakes, high and low, had always presented themselves in all shapes and sizes, and some, in the most crucial of moments. So stakes it would be. Since Taeyeon had started it all by raising the stakes, she would put an end to it the exact, same way.

-