3 years later after completing my studies...

Each night, when there is a chance, Tabi and I have this routine that we would always do, which was to always Skype-date till we sleep whenever possible. One night, while waiting for Tabi to return from his concert, I was having my usual nightmare- I can't be sure what it is but i know it has always haunted me in my dreams. Tabi's calls on skype would automatically be answered whenever, so just on time that he arrives, he saw myself gasping for air as if i was being suffocated- he said it was as if i was dying. Tabi called my name endlessly until i woke up drenched from sweat, heart palpating rapidly and breathing incontrollably- Tabi was breathing heavily, after shouting through the screen. i looked at him, with tears in his eyes- my baby is worried.

I sat up from laying down and looked at the screen, "Baby", I smiled, "I'm alright"- i assured him, "It's just a dream".

"Baby... Please tell me your dream- at least tell me. i don't want my baby to ever suffer like this", Tabi cried.

"Baby- don't worry. It's a dream. Go shower and let go to bed... NO BUTS", I said. Tabi followed as i instructed and while waiting i was falling asleep listening to my favourite J-rock artist, "Miyavi". About Miyavi that you should know- this man saved me... mentally, physically and emotionally. At a point in my life where i was in love with my senior, we did go out for 3 months until I found out that i was a mere pitstop of his boring life- in a nutshell, i won't say he was my first love but he made me feel the excitement of finally understanding love after having a string of playtoys to just waste my bored uninteresting love life- he made me know how it felt like to buy something for someone you are dating and the butterflies of meeting each other during breaks in school. (P.S this was way before i met tabi). He was toying me, i guess Karma caught up with me. I didn't deal well with the depression and i didn't know how to express my pain as i was an introvert in the past and am still now. I, Dara, do not do s like self-inflict harm because i cold not bear to see the tears in my mother's eyes with my own depression so i dealt it in a different way. I ate painkillers like it was my candy, no stop and it felt good. The pain was gone and i felt as if i was on cloud nine- my girls were worried about me, they kept reminding me how this is not who i am and this is not me.

One day, in one of my classes, my close friend, Minzy told me about Miyavi. She loves J-rock, earlier before I did. She made me listen to one his songs, and never have i felt lifted more that day. After the day, i went home an went on a downloading spree for his albums/singles/compilations as well as his hidden bonus tracks- back then, my understanding of the Japanese language was zilch so i was listening to some man singing random things. But as my music shuffled its way through, his song "Onpu No Tegami" played and the strangest thing was that, i finally cried. I cried listening to a song i didn't understanding- i listened to "Tom & Jerry" and so on- i have never felt so connected as i did with Miyavi, and to this day, his music became a source of closure and an indicator of my emotions; my housemates noticed it.

Let's continue the story~

So Tabi was done with showering and after our usual greet of welcome back, hows your day and yourself, we fell asleep with each other's company through the skype. Honestly, i am glad that Tabi understand my character of an Armadillo. He knew how to respect my private space and i love him for that. I tried changing my introverted ways, but i couldn't after 24 years bottling up my emotions, i got so used to it that it became my character- it became my wall to prevent heartbreaks and pain from people- i grew up in that environment of having to protect me and my sisters because we were all girls and because of that, someone in the siblings had to be the man to protect us from harm, and by instinct, i chose that role.

My nightmare... Where do I start? The faceless figure that sees me sleeping while i can see it seeing me sleep? or the fact that i am running away from nothing? or maybe me always nearly dying just a centimetre away from crashing the ground? Or maybe the fact that in my dream, i always slipped down the stairs, close to hitting my head?

where?

Maybe its h