CHAPTER 2

 

I was glad that I have found new friends with Yoona, Yonghwa and Kyuhyun. I tried to start living with them. But I could not deny to myself the fact that I missed dear people in my past. One day, Yoona, Yonghwa, Kyuhyun and I went to a coffee shop. I never expected that I would see people in an unexpected place. I kept to myself that I saw Yuri and Hyoyeon. I saw them happy without me. They really forgot me. A little later, Yuri saw me and she told Hyoyeon. They both looked at me and I freezed. I didn't know what to do. I tried to smile a bit but they ignored me. I was hurt. I stooped and became teary-eyed. I sipped some coffee and raised my face but when I looked to where they were seated, they're gone.

 

 

It was my eomma's birthday, so I went to her grave. As usual, I brought some flowers and apples. When noon welcomed, I went to the park. I didn't realize that I was starting to do my old routine again. I sat at the same swing. I didn't know why. Seemed like I was still waiting for them. But based on what happened in the coffee shop, Yuri and Hyoyeon acted like they were not happy to see me. They even ignored me when I smiled to them. I was wrong when I slapped Hyoyeon. I really didn't mean that.

"He left me and I don't know what to do. He even didn't explain why he had to leave me. Eotteoke?(What should I do?)  Jeongmal apahae.(It really hurts.)" My attention was seized when I heard someone's voice. I turned to my right. I saw a girl crying, telling her agony to her friends. Tears filled my eyes when I saw that two friends of the girl were comforting her.

"It's okay. Geokjeonghajima.(Don't worry.) Maybe he's not the right one for you. You only lose him. But us, you still have us and your family. We will never leave you. We know that you are hurting right now but we will help you forget him. Stop crying, okay? We're just here for you." One of the girl's friends said.

I pitied myself when I heard them. I didn't notice that my tears were freely flowing down as I was in the middle of envying. I envied the girl who luckily had friends around when she was on that situation. Later on, I saw them about to hug the girl. I got surprised when "Andwaeeeeh!!(Noooooo!!)" I accidentally shouted to interrupt.

The three girls looked at me filled with surprise. I ruined their moment. I was ashamed when they looked at me teary eyed, so I immediately wiped my tears out and went to another area of the place. I realized how shameful I did. But the embarrassment grew when I was reminded that I forgot to hide my face. Perhaps, I was in total shock that I forgot to save myself from further shame. What have I done? I freely exposed my face. I was so mindless of my actions. How unbelievable it is to think that an unwanted attempt of eavesdropping once had increased the weight of my thoughts.

 

 

When I sat in the bench near the slide, I startled when I heard the voice of the little girl. "Unnie, why are you here?"

When I looked at her, she rolled down the slide. She approached with a bright smile. "Unnie, why are you here?" She repeated.

"Mweo?(What?)" I asked her filled with curiosity.

"I always see you at the swing, sitting on the same swing, holding some plastic of apples." She said.

"Ahh, jinjja?" I wondered.

"Ne. I like apples too." She smiled and I handed her an apple. "Kamsahamnida unnie."

"You're welcome." I smiled to her.

"But why are you here unnie? Is someone sitting on the swing which you used to sit?" She bursted out her curiousity.

"Eopseo(None)." I answered.

"Then why?" She insisted.

"Never mind."

"Arasseo." She was busy eating the apple so she did not insist anymore.

"Is it delicious?" I asked.

"Ne." She replied.

"I'm surprised you like apples too." I said. She just smiled at me. "I didn't know that you always see me at the swing. But I did not notice you before."

"It's because you don't mind the people around you." She fearlessly responded. I looked at her, still surprised. "Your mind always seemed to focus on something. You always look sad." She added. Every further words she uttered, I couldn't help but wonder. A little girl, about four years of age, how could she observe things like that?

"Don't be sad unnie. Try to be happy. Don't you see people here are happy?" She said.

I looked around. "Ne. You're right." I replied.

"People also here have companions but I always see you alone. Don't you have friends or family?"

I freezed for few seconds. I looked at her innocent eyes. They were curious. "I have friends now." I uttered.

"That's good unnie. So where are they now?" She kept on asking.

"They're at work." I replied.

"Oh, I see. But you, don't you have work?"

"I'm off duty now."

"Arasseo."

I smiled to her brightly because of her cuteness. "Wow unnie, you look so good when you smile like that. I never saw you smile even a bit." She gleefully bursted.

I continued smiling at her. "Jeongmal?"

"Ne. Always smile like that unnie. I always want to see you smile. It's always better to see people smiling than being sad, right?" I nodded at her and smiled again.

"Dasom-ah" someone called, sounded like the voice of a lady. The little girl looked at the right side where the voice came from.

"Oh, halmeoni(grandma) is calling." The little girl looked at me. "Unnie, I have to go. Halmeoni is here. Annyeong. I'll see you next time." She hurriedly approached the lady that she didn't wait for me to bid goodbye  also to her. My eyes just followed them until they faded from my sight.

"Annyeong Dasom-ah." I said in my mind while smiling a bit.

 

 

In the office, I told Yoona about Dasom. "Ah, jinjjayo? She might have been observing you before." Yoona said.

"Ne. But until now, I still can't believe that Dasom has been observing me." I looked at Yoona with an obvious expression. "Dasom seemed so cute to me and I like her."

Yoona just looked at me, smiling. "You found a new friend again." She said.

"I hope so."

"I like your aura today. You seem happy and I can see them in your bright smile."

"Ne. You know what, Dasom told me that I should be smiling. She told me to try to be happy because she always saw me lonely in the park." I uttered.

"Jeongmalyo? I'm glad that you met her. You seem inspired by her. So keep smiling. Dasom is right. Try to be happy." Yoona said.

"Ne." My very short answer. "You should meet her also." I added.

"Sure. Next time."

 

 

One Sunday morning, Yoona and I decided to go to church together. After the mass, we went to the mall. Yoona decided to go upstairs because she wanted to see some shoes and shirts. We separated our ways because I remained at the ground floor because I wanted to buy some grocery items. While I was busy looking at the meat section, there was about three girls went at my left side. I didn't mind who they were and they were also busy deciding on what to pick. I was about to touch the clip used to hold the meat so that I could put them in the weighing scale, but the girl in my left did also, so we both became reluctant about who will go first. She looked at me and when I sensed it, I looked at her also. But I got shocked when I saw the girl and those who were with her.

"Uhh!" The girl bursted in shock while gesturing her forefinger at me. Reading her obvious reaction, there's no doubt that she recognized me. Without hesitation, I hurriedly went to another section. I remembered the shame I made before.

"Wooohh, among the many people here, why it has to be them?" My mind talked.

I surely made myself to stay farther from them. My knees trembled. They trembled for shame. Because of what I did in the park the last time, I have no face to show to them. It was really shameful. "Andwaeeeh." I remembered the word I used to say outloud when I interrupted their moment in the park.

I tried to forget that I saw them, so I calmed myself and started to pick some items. When I reached the fruit section, without hesitation, I picked some apples. I was about to go to another section but I came back to the apples because I realized that the apples I picked was not enough.

When I came back, "Uhh" someone said. I looked at him. "Seohyun-ah, it's you." He excitedly smiled. I freezed for a while.

"Ne. Annyeonghaseyo." I bowed at him and when I raised my face, "I gotta go." I eluded.

"Seohyun-ah, chamkanmanyo." He said.

I pretended that I didn't hear him and I hurriedly went away. I started to tremble again. I never expected that I would see people there that would annoy me when I see them.

"Eotteoke? I want to hide away." My mind talked again. I decided to stop picking and went to the cashier.

After I paid, "Choesonghamnida." a guy in front of me bowed. When I realized that it was him, I went away again. I went upstairs. I tried to seek Yoona. And when I found her, without explanation, I invited her to leave the place. I saw the look in her eyes that she was curious and demanded an explanation. But before I tell her, I wanted to leave the place first.

"Waeyo? What happened?" She asked.

I snatched her hand and dragged her. "I'll tell you later. Just hurry. I have to hide away."

"Mweo?......Seohyun-ah what's going on? Are you in trouble?" Yoona remained curious until we reached the way outside the mall.

"Aigoo." I sighed in relief while gasping. "Mianheyo!" I apologized to her as I noticed her catching her breath also.

"What's going on?" She asked again.

"Come....Let's eat first, then I'll tell you."

"Why not now? You can tell now." She insisted.

"Hhmmm.....I'm not ready yet. Maybe later?" 

"Arraseo. It's up to you."

 

 

We went to the restaurant near the mall. "So, are you ready?...Tell me, what happened?" Yoona became eager.

"Aigoo" I sighed. Yoona patiently waited for me to talk. "I saw him." I started.

"Do you mean....Wongeun?" She asked as her eyes grew big. Yoona also knew about him for if I'm not mistaken, I already shared with her everything about me. That's how I trusted her.

"Ne." I answered in a low tone.

"And then?"

I told her the whole story about our first encounter in the mall after he left me.  "What could he mean by saying sorry?" She asked.

"Mollayo(I don't know.)....but maybe he's sorry because he left me...maybe that's it." I replied.

"But tell me, how is it when you saw him?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what did you feel deep in your heart when you first saw him after you broke up?" She clarified.

I started to put myself back in the situation. "Soljkhage mollayo(I honestly don't know.)......Soljikhage, I don't even know why I hid away from him. I just did." As I scrutinized myself, I smiled. "Nan isanghae(I'm weird.)..Mianheyo."

"Aniyo. Geuroke saenggakhajima.(No. Don't think like that.)" She opposed me.

"Yoona-ya, what did you think with what I did?..Didn't I seem like weird or something?" I wondered.

Yoona thought about my question. "Not at all...but, is there any reason why you have to hide away?"

I scrutinized things again. "Actually, if there is someone between us who should hide away, it's him right?"

"Ne."

"Because he's the one who left me, right?"

"Ne."

"So it should be him who should be ashamed of me and hide away, right?"

"Ne."

"But how come that it happened the other way around?"

In a sudden moment, Yoona ceased from simultaeneously blinking and nodding. She proved that she was paying attention to me when she attentively answered "Mollayo. Ask yourself."

We both stopped and laughed. "Oh, let's lower down our tones. We might bother other customers here." Yoona warned.

"Ne..Sshhhh!" Then there was a short silence between us. "Aigoo....Gakkeumeun,(Sometimes) it's nice to be crazy." Then we laughed again in a low tone.

"I think.." I started to get serious. "I think I was just scared of talking with him again. I think it's better that we don't see and talk with each other anymore."

"Waeyo?" Yoona started to get serious also.

"Maybe because...I'm scared that the pain would come back." I said.

"But how would you know his side, his reason why he had to leave you?"

"I have already moved on for a long time. And I don't want the pain to come back...that is why, as much as possible, I don't wanna see nor talk him anymore......But, yes you're right. Until now, I still don't know the reason why he left me. And I don't know if I still want to know. The only thing that matters most to me now is that I don't want to be hurt again because of him." I explained.

"But what happened in the mall was that he seemed to have something to tell you. Seems like he wanted to apologize. Won't you give him the chance for you to hear his side?" I listened carefully at her. "Maybe he was suffering from guilt so he wanted to apologize to you. Maybe he realized that he should have been fair to you, that you deserve an explanation."

"He must have done that before. Jigeum(Right now), I don't want to hear anything from him." I bursted. Yoona felt sorry for Wongeun. "I have moved on from him. And if there are persons from my past that I'm interested to see and talk with, that's Yuri and Hyoyeon." I continued.

Yoona nodded and ceased from insisting about Wongeun. I sensed that Yoona was curious about Wongeun's side.

 

 

After office hour, Yoona told me that Yonghwa and Kyuhyun wanted to meet us in one restaurant. Though I didn't want to come, "Arasseo." I answered.

While we were in the restaurant, Yonghwa sensed that my mind was off to somewhere. "Gwaenchanayo?" He asked.

Silence surrounded us while they were waiting for my response.  Yoona looked at me and suddenly touched my arms to bring back my senses. I turned to Yoona. "Gwaenchanayo?" She asked.

"Mweo?" I absentmindedly asked.

"You seemed far from us, gwaenchanayo?"

"Ne. I'm fine." I pretended.

"Did something not good happen in the office?" Yonghwa asked.

"Eopseoyo.(Nothing.)" I replied.

"You seem bothered now. You seem deep in thoughts. We're very sorry if we meet you up tonight. I think you need to be alone." Yonghwa said.

"Aniyo. Don't mind me. I'm fine. And I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. Neomu mianheyo." I apologized.

"Are you sure that you're fine being here?" Yonghwa asked.

"Ne." I nodded with a smile.

Then they continued their conversation and I acted like I was listening to them. But the truth was Wongeun occupied my mind. I didn't know why but he bothered me again. I wondered if I honestly confessed to Yoona about him. Have I really moved on? Why did I suddenly miss him? Why did I suddenly want to see him again? I wondered, what if I didn't hide away? What if I listened the reason behind his sorry? What would I feel? Omo, why did I missed that? But wait, did I regret? Oh no, I said I have moved on already, so I have to stand firm for it. But really, I wanted to talk to him. There were so many things that I wanted to clarify.

 

 

I went to the park again when I was off duty. "Unnie." I heard the voice of Dasom. She approached  me wearing the same bright smile. "Dasin neon yeogi.(You're here again.)"

"Ne. I'm glad I see you again." I said.

"Me too unnie." I smiled towards her. "I noticed earlier that you were sad. I saw the sad look in your face again." Dasom sympathized.

I looked at her face as it was expressing its sympathy for my loneliness. "That's why I'm glad you're here because sadness just seems to fade away when you're here." I said.

"Jinjjayo?" She asked with the feeling of excitement.

"Ne. When I see your innocent face, I suddenly forget my problems. And when you smile, you simply provoke me to do the same. I like your contagious smile." I complimented.

She ceaselessly smiled at me."Kamsahamnida unnie."

I simply responded her with a smile. "I wish that I'm still in your age." I bursted.

"Waeyo unnie?" She curiously asked.

"So that I would not feel problems yet...so that I'm still with eomma now." I answered.

Dasom looked at me seriously. "Waeyo unnie, did you lost your eomma also?"

I got surprised with what I've heard. "Mweo?" I asked filled with curiosity.  "Do you mean you lost your eomma?" I asked.

"Ne. Halmeoni said that eomma died when she gave birth to me." She confessed.

"Oh...I'm sorry to hear that."

"I never saw my eomma's face even in pictures. Halmeoni said that all her pictures were gone."

"Oh, how sad. You lose your chance to compare who you look like."

"Halmeoni said that I look like eomma. And I believed her because I really don't look like appa."

"Ahh..Is that so?"

"Ne. How about you unnie, who do you look like?" She asked.

I started to think. "I can't compare it well."

"Waeyo?"

"Aigoo...because I never saw my appa. Like you, I didn't saw him even in pictures." I admitted.

"Jinjjayo? I never thought that we have something in common."

Me too. I didn't expect that we have similarity in parent's story. I thought to myself that maybe I met Dasom so that we could share something we have in common.