CHAPTER 6

 

Losing my first love Wongeun completely was another unbearable pain to accept. Every passing days, there's no way that he wouldn't invade my thoughts. How could I forget him? How would I do that? I certainly don't know how to do that. I just can't easily forget my first love, the one who showed real love for me. He loved me truthfully. I'm taking back my previous thought that he didn't love me for real. I'm really blessed to be a part of his life. I'm so blessed to have a first love like him. I appreciate everything that he did for me. If not with him, I wouldn't have Dasom. If not with him, I wouldn't be reconciled with Yuri and Hyoyeon. Although he first left me alone and confused, after all, that was all for me. At the end of the day, I clearly understood that he meant when he said that he didn't want to go but he had to. How touching on my part! Apart from my eomma, I'm confident that Wongeun was the one who did greatest things for me. He loved me and I loved him. His love was beyond measure that I couldn't measure out how I loved him back. I still love him. And I will forever love him by taking good care of our child Dasom. I want to think that in that way, my love for him will not cease. I will always love him. And Dasom will be the undoubted fruit of that love.

 

 

As Wongeun gave Dasom to me, I will treat her as my own child. She is the remembrance of Wongeun and I will treasure her for Wongeun. Everything about Dasom would definitely remind me of Wongeun. I will try my best not to cry everytime he steal my mind but rather be thankful to Dasom because she made Wongeun alive to me with her presence.

 

 

"Eomma, I miss appa." Dasom talked in a sudden while we were taking our lunch on one Sunday noon.

"Me too Dasom-ah." I said.

"What time are we going to visit appa?"

"Right after we eat, we will go to your grandparents so we will visit your appa altogether. Do you like that?"

"Ne, eomma."

 

 

At Wongeun's grave, I observed how Dasom felt so comfortable being with her grandparents. I wondered if she feels the same way with me. I hope she do. But so far, for a couple of days that we lived together, I felt no sense of discomfort. An enormous thanks to our pre-established friendship.

"Seohyun-ah, is Dasom behaving well with you?" Dasom's halmeoni asked.

"Ne, Mrs. Lee." I honestly answered with a hint of uneasiness.

"Seohyun-ah, can you call me eomma?" My eyes widened for surprise. "But only if you're willing anyway." She added.

Before I could respond, Wongeun's appa likewise asked. "Can you do the same to me? I mean, you can call me appa if you want."

When Dasom and her grandparents exchanged smiles, I gladly replied "Ne. I would love to, eomma, appa."

"Great. Please call us in a comfortable way as if you're used to calling us 'eomma and appa'."

"Ne, eomma. I will try my best."

"You're almost Wongeun's wife so we want you to treat us as your real parents as we want to treat you as our real daughter. Is it okay with you?"

"Of course, eomma."

"I'm sure my son is happy right now because you approved to our proposal. If only my son got cured, he would have married you because that's what his dream."

I stooped at the thought about that. I wished fate had been kind enough for both Wongeun and I. If only fate had defended for us, we should have been still together, happy together. I wondered how would it feels like if Wongeun got cured and we got married. How would it feels like to be the wife of a faithful and loving husband like Wongeun? How sad, fate didn't allow me to experience such wonderful thing with my dearest Wongeun. I wondered if fate hated me because it mercilessly did all those heartbreaking circumstances in my life. It taken away my loved ones. Nevertheless, I have thought that fate didn't hate me that much, because it bestowed me new family and friends in exchanged for what it taken from me.

 

 

"Seohyun-ah, is everything well concerning your motherhood?" Yoona asked me while we were working in the office.

"Ne." I managed to reply.

"I'm glad. But I still can't believe that you're already a parent." She smiled.

"Well. You have to believe." I proudly uttered.

"I'm proud of you. And I'm sure Yuri and Hyoyeon do the same."

"Neomu kamsahaeyo."

Yoona continued to work on her working table but at any moment, she would sneak glances at me everytime she had some questions to ask. "By the way, who's with Dasom in your house?" She asked again.

"She's not at home. She's with eomma in their house."

"Mweo? Did I hear you right? Are you pertaining to Wongeun's eomma when you said 'eomma'?" Yoona startled.

I just shamefully smiled for I also couldn't believe that I would live my life treating them as my real parents. Personally, I felt awkwardness everytime I have to call Wongeun's parents in such a way that Wongeun called them. I admit it was awkward since I'm actually not Wongeun's wife. Though he left me with Dasom and a ring which placed in my right ring finger, still, I'm not his wife. But anyway, the proposal was initiated by his parents, so I have nothing to worry and should actually be comfortable since I love to call them eomma and appa. It would be an opportunity for me to have someone to call 'eomma' since I sincerely missed calling 'eomma' for a long time. And it would be an opportunity to have someone to call 'appa' since I haven't experienced calling 'appa'.

"Seohyun-ah, did you hear me?" Yoona brought me back to reality.

"Uhh...Ne. I mean, you're right. I'm pertaining to Wongeun's eomma." I widely smiled.

"Jinjjayo? That's great. But......."

I knew she was curious about how did I come up calling Wongeun's eomma like that, so I initiated to explain without letting her to continue what she meant. "Wongeun's parents initiated that kind of proposal so please stop wondering."

"Jinjjayo? That's really great. How kind Wongeun's parents are. No wonder why the late Wongeun's so kind. You're lucky with him."

"Neomu kamsahaeyo." I felt flattered.

"I can't imagine this is happening to you." Yoona became so overjoyed for me that she almost couldn't help to refrain from saying those words in such a way that our co-workers would hear.

"Shhhhh." The other well-focused but annoyed workers warned.

"Choesonghamnida." Yoona bowed with an obvious look of embarassment.

I likewise felt embarrassed with the incident. Yoona and I exchanged gazes and smiles which mutually signifies our concurrence to go back to work with enough concentration.

 

 

After our work, Yonghwa called Yoona to invite us for a usual gathering. They also invited Yuri and Hyoyeon.

"Oh, mianheyo. But I think I can't make it this time. Eomma and appa invited me to go to their house right after work. And besides, I have to fetch Dasom. I hope you understand." I excused myself.

"Is that so? If that's the case, then I understand. And I'm sure the rest will understand. I almost forgot, you're lifestyle had changed a bit these days." Yoona bestowed me an understanding smile. "Go ahead, Seohyun-ah. Just leave me the apology to our friends. I'll take care of it. So go ahead. Your daughter and your parents are waiting for you. See you tomorrow."

"Neomu kamsahae. Jeongmal mianheyo I can't make it tonight." I apologized again.

"Geokjeonghajima."

 

 

"Eomma, neon yeogi." Dasom surprised me on the gate of her grandparent's house.

"Dasom-ah, did you wait for me? Is appa already home?" I asked.

"Ne, eomma. I waited for you and harabeoji. Maybe, harabeoji's on his way home from work."

"Seohyun-ah, neon yeogi." Eomma greeted me with welcoming smile. "Let's go inside. I have prepared special food for our dinner."

"Ne, eomma."

"Arasseo. I'll just go back to the kitchen. Feel comfortable inside, okay?" Eomma said.

"Ne, eomma." I replied. "Let's go Dasom-ah. Let's wait for appa inside."

"Arasseo." Dasom obeyed.

 

 

"I'm home." Appa arrived.

"Harabeoji." Dasom became excited.

I stood from the sofa and greeted appa with a bow.

"Seohyun-ah, feel comfortable, okay?" Appa said

"Ne, appa."

"Feel free to roam around. You can visit Wongeun's room if you want. It's on the second room upstairs."

"Neomu kamsahamnida." I bowed.

 

 

Appa headed to the kitchen, and Dasom chased after him. I tried to be comfortable as that's what eomma and appa wanted me to do. I roamed my eyes. I used to be in their house while Wongeun was still alive. But I've never been upstairs. I wondered how it looks like upstairs. But I was more curious to see Wongeun's room. Being moved with reluctancy, it took a long while before I decided to satisfy my curiousity. Finally, I went upstairs and headed to Wongeun's room. The tidy and well-arranged room greeted me. I went inside. I looked around. I saw a frame on top of the small cabinet placed beside Wongeun's bed. I took it. It displayed the joyous picture of ours. It was taken three years ago. A smile formed my face. Thoughts drowned me. A knock on the open door awakened me.

"Seohyun-ah, I'm sorry to intrude. But the food's ready and they're waiting for you." Eomma surprised me.

"Ne, eomma. I'll be downstairs in a minute." I uttered.

"Arasseo. By the way, I saw that picture of yours and Wongeun on his closet. It seemed taken way back before he left to States. Look, he still have bunches of hairs." Eomma smiled at the utterance. "I bet he brought that to States because I haven't seen that before. I regularly visited and arranged Wongeun's room after he left but I haven't seen that in the closet until he died. I decided to display it because you look good together."

"Jinjjayo? Kamsahamnida." I responded. "Why didn't he personally displayed it? Why did he hide it in the closet?" The thought slightly bothered me.

"I'll just go downstairs. They're waiting." Eomma reminded.

"I'll go with you eomma."

"Arasseo."

I once more glanced at the picture, returned to its place and headed to eomma.

 

 

"Eomma, did you go to appa's room?" Dasom asked me.

"Ne." I replied.

"I'm glad you're trying to feel free to roam around. You can make Wongeun's room as your own everytime you're here." Appa suggested.

"Ne." Eomma concurred.

I couldn't believe how they treated me so nice. They were really striving to treat me as their own daughter. I wondered if Wongeun told his parents to treat me like that.

"Thank you for being so kind but I think that's too much." I humbly refused.

"Aniyo. It's not. We love to treat you as our own daughter, so I hope you would love as well to treat us as your own parents by making Wongeun's room as your own." Appa explained.

"Ne eomma. That would be great." Dasom approved.

"What do you think Seohyun-ah?" Eomma pressured me with her query.

"Uhm..If you wish, then I'm not going to refuse. Thank you so much for your kindness. Thank you for treating me like this." I said.

"Our pleasure." Eomma answered on behalf of herself and her husband.

"Okay..then let's eat. Seohyun-ah, taste all the dishes. If your not aware yet, your eomma cooks really good." Appa proudly complimented his wife.

"Jinjjayo? Then I'll taste all of this." I expressed excitement.

"Gomawo. I hope you'll like it." Eomma said as she obviously felt flattered.

"I'm sure she'll do, halmeoni." Dasom interrupted, displaying a wide grin.

"Arasseo. So, let's go eating." Eomma announced.

 

 

In the middle of a savory dinner, I tried to seek comprehension about my curiousity for a long time. "Can I ask something?"

"Anything. Wha is it?" Eomma wondered.

"Uhm...I'm just curious if you were aware before about Wongeun's relationship with me?"

"Ahhh...Ne, we're aware. But we knew nothing about you, even your name." Eomma straightforwardly answered.

"Jinjjayo? I thought you weren't aware since he didn't introduced me to you for the whole 8 months of relationship."

"I'm sorry for that. But there's a reason behind."

I wanted to ask about the reason but I was moved with shame and reluctancy. It happened that eomma sensed my silent reaction, so she continued without waiting for my readable further inquiry.

"He did that because he was afraid that you would know his health condition from us so he deprived us to be introduced to you." Eomma explained.

"Why did he do that? So he really didn't have the intention to tell me about his sickness?"

"I'm sorry again for that. We knew it wasn't right but he preferred to keep that that way. He was afraid that if you knew, you would personally push him to undergo treatments abroad. Before you entered relationship with my son, he was already sick. We've been forcing him to undergo treatments abroad since his older brother offered. But he would always refuse. And his constant reason was that he didn't want to leave you. He had been so scared to be miles apart from you because he's afraid to lose you. My son had been that selfish. Selfish because he truly loved you. That's his reason behind. You're his first love so he didn't know how to take care of your relationship. All he cared for was that he loved you and was afraid to lose you. We're very sorry for everything."

"Ne. Sorry for everything." Appa's continuous concurrence by nodding was turned to intervention.

"Aniyo. It's okay. Ijeneun Ihaehaesseoyo.(I now understand)" I uttered. I sighed in relief. I have thought that my past curiousity had cleared me. Wongeun had been a kind of mysterious to me way back then. But after all, the mystery gradually revealed its story. "But if he'd been constant on refusing to undergo treatments abroad, then how did he come up to accept the offer of his older brother?" I asked further. I was in the middle of clearing up my curiousity that I didn't notice that I was comfortably asking questions.

"It happened after he met your eomma." Eomma confidently answered.

"Jinjjayo? How?"

"He said that he told your eomma that he would take care of you. He meant what he said but he realized he wouldn't be able to fulfill that if he's sick. So, that moved him to undergo treatments."

"So, that was it." I thought. I admit that I've been hurt for every puzzling thing that Wongeun did to me. All those mystery that he left really confused me. But after knowing their every sweet revelation, it painted a precious smile in my heart that cannot be blotted out.

"My son loved you that much. You see, he did everything for you. But unfortunately, he didn't succeed. But I'm sure he was glad being with you at his very last breath. That was his wish, to die after seeing you and receiving your forgiveness." Eomma said.

I responded with a conflicting expression between smiling and being saddened.

"If not with appa's great love for eomma, I wouldn't be here, right?" Dasom surprised us with her sudden question, eyeing at eomma who was seated across Dasom.

"Mweo?" Eomma, appa and I startled in chorus. Dasom's intelligence always creates a surprise. I wondered how brilliant Dasom's real parents are.

"I'm grateful to you eomma. Because of you, appa adopted me and I received a welcoming and loving family." Dasom turned at me, gazing with her grateful eyes and painting a real smile.

"Dasom-ah, we're treating you as our own family, so stop from intervening the idea of adoption, okay? You are our daughter, and eomma and appa are your grandparents. Please think that way, okay?" I uttered.

Dasom looked at everyone. After receiving smiles, she answered "Arasseo. Neomu kamsahamnida. I love to be with all of you."

"We likewise do Dasom-ah." Eomma said. Appa and I nodded and smiled, looking at Dasom.

 

 

There were other things that were discussed during the dinner. The story behind my first encounter with Dasom, as well as how our friendship had been established was also opened up. The dinner went long and meaningful. It paved the way for possible things, like the beginning of being used to treat each one as a family, and the eradication of discomfort.

 

 

As time passed by, I slowly learned to feel comfortable around eomma and appa, as well as being at their house.I could freely went to Wongeun's room everytime I want to. There were times that Dasom and I sleep at their house. Indeed, my lifestyle has changed - visiting two graves (my very own eomma and my dear Wongeun), from one; and daily routine of going to Wongeun's parents' house right after work to fetch Dasom, from going home right after work, unless being invited by my friends to somewhere else. Eomma suggested that everytime I'm on my work, Dasom will be staying at their house since eomma was always alone at their house because her husband is at work, and I will be fetching Dasom every after office hours. The suggestion seemed nice to me, so I concurred about it. My daily lifestyle went like that. But it doesn't mean that I didn't have time anymore to my friends. Sometimes, I went to usual gatherings together with Dasom. And sometimes without Dasom. But I always made sure that I sleep beside Dasom whether at my house or her granparent's.