CHAPTER 9

 

More than two years have passed but still, Yonghwa's not home. Were the team not yet done with the project? In another gathering, one person not familiar to me approached. "Kyuhyun-ssi?"

"Ohh..Siwon-ssi, how are you?" Kyuhyun recognized the guy.

"I'm fine, how is Yonghwa? Did he pursue the business he planned?" The guy asked.

"Business?" Yoona startled.

"Ne. He resigned in the office because he said he was planning to establish a business." The guy who happened to be the former officemate of Yonghwa said.

"Jeongmalyo? Is that true?" Yoona couldn't believe.

"Ne. Waeyo? You didn't know?" He wondered.

"Never mind. Thank you for the information." Yoona said.

"Arasseo. By the way, I have to go. Kyuhyun-ssi, just relay my regards to Yonghwa, okay?" The guy exited.

The information shocked us. We couldn't believe how Yonghwa lied. Why did he lie? If his purpose of going abroad was not those that he told us, then what? And why did he have to hide the real purpose of his departure? What's wrong with him? We all looked at Kyuhyun who seemed to have known everything about Yonghwa's departure. He looked so nervous. Seemed like he wanted to escape from our curious minds.

"Kyuhyun-ah, do you know all of that?" Yoona asked seriously.

Kyuhyun sighed deeply. He didn't answer.

"Kyuhyun-ah, I'm asking you, and we're all curious. What are you hiding? Why did both of you have to lie?"

"Mianheyo. But I can't tell." Kyuhyun made us wonder.

"Mweo? Kyuhyun-ah, we want to know. What's up with Yonghwa? What was his real purpose of going abroad?" I pleaded for his answer.

"Seohyun-ah...." He looked deep into my eyes. The nervousness couldn't be hidden from him.

"Ne? Jebalyo?" I waited for his confession.

"The truth is he wasn't really assigned abroad. He resigned from his work." He started.

"We know. We already heard that from the guy earlier. We're after the reason why he resigned and what's his real purpose of going abroad?" I clarified.

"Seohyun-ah, jeongmal mianheyo. But I think I'm not in the position to tell. Jeongmal mianheyo. I really can't tell." Kyuhyun avoided.

"Waeyo?" I wondered. Kyuhyun didn't answer.

"Kyuhyun-ah, waeyo? I think everyone deserves to know since we all cared for him. What happened to him?" Yuri asked.

"Jebalyo?" Yoona pleaded.

We know it was hard for Kyuhyun to tell about something Yonghwa entrusted with him, but Yuri's right, we cared for him and we're dying to know. After thinking over with what Yuri has said, Kyuhyun finally decided to tell. "I don't know what Yonghwa would think about me if I tell you. He entrusted me about that and I was able to keep that. But as they said, nothing remained secret, and maybe that's the reason why this happen. I'm sorry to learn it from other people. After thinking about your concerns, I have thought that, you're all right, you deserve to know." Kyuhyun started. Everyone carefully paid attention.

"Do yo remember what we've discussed during Yoona's birthday? He said there was special someone in his heart. But the love was unrequited. The girl loves another man so much. And that broke his heart too much. Maybe he couldn't endure the pain anymore that's why he decided to went away to forget her. He thought that it would be impossible for him to forget her if he won't stay away. He tried to forget her, but he would always find himself frustrated, because even when she's out of his sight anymore, he would always see her in his reminiscences and reveries. Yonghwa's heart would have been repeatedly broken if he did not distanced himself." Kyuhyun explained everything. But concerning about who the girl he pertained to, that remained a mystery.

"You really know everything about my cousin. I didn't know that he went through that kind of misery." Yoona bursted.

"That's why he's not yet home. Two years have already passed, but he's not coming back yet. If he's been there for work, he should have arrived home after two years." I uttered.

"But wait, speaking of that, did he not succesfully forgotten the girl because until now he's not coming back yet? Or he doesn't have the interest to come back anymore?" Hyoyeon asked.

"Ne. You're right. He did not succeed in forgetting her because until now, his heart continually long for her. And......I want you to know that Yonghwa came back two weeks ago." Kyuhyun admitted.

"Jinjjayo? I didn't know about that again." Yoona startled.

Everyone except Kyuhyun was astonished at the news.

 

 

In the office, I noticed that Yoona kept on staring at me. It made me uneasy. She silently and seriously kept on watching me. At one instance, I caught her staring deep into my hands. She was eyeing my ring. "Waeyo?" I asked Yoona.

She looked at me seriously. Her eyes were saddened. "Eopseoyo." She tried to hide something I was curious about.

"Yoona-ya, my parents want to meet you. Will you come over for a dinner in our house?" Seunggi softly asked Yoona.

"Jinjjayo? I bam?(Really? Tonight?)" Yoona became surprised.

"Ne. Is that alright?" Seunggi smiled.

"Arasseo." Yoona replied.

I felt happy for Yoona. Perhaps, the reason why she kept on looking at my ring was that she was eager for Seunggi to propose to her. I wished for her happiness.

 

 

In another gathering, I brought Dasom with me. It was the first time I saw Yonghwa after he went abroad. "Yonghwa eemobu, you're back. It's nice to see you again." Dasom gladly said.

"Ne. It's nice to see you too Dasom-ah. You've grown up. How old are you now?" Yonghwa asked.

"I'm six." Dasom replied.

"Oh, I see. The last time I saw you, you're just four." Yonghwa said.

"How's your work abroad?" Dasom interrogated Yonghwa.

"Dasom-ah, he didn't work abroad." Yoona explained.

"Jinjjayo? But eomma said eemobu went abroad to work." Dasom said.

"He didn't actually work abroad. He's been there to be healed." Yoona explained.

"Jinjjayo? Like appa?........When they're sick, then why they have to lie by saying they're working abroad?" Dasom's innocence stunned everyone. I saw Yonghwa stooped.

"Dasom-ah..." I tried to stop Dasom from further words she might utter. "Mianheyo for that." I apologized to everyone.

"But are you okay now eemobu? I hope you're healed. Don't die like appa." Dasom's concerned words provoked me to intervene.

"Dasom-ah, don't think that. He's not going to die. His sickness is quite different from your appa." I uttered. "I'm sorry again. Mianheyo Yonghwa-ya." I apologized. Yonghwa didn't look at me. I noticed that for the whole time that we've been gathering around the table in one restaurant, Yonghwa never glanced at me. Even when I apologized to him for what Dasom have said, he didn't look at me. I wondered if he's eluding me. What's in the avoidance? He kept on looking away from me.

"I'm glad if he's not going to die." Dasom said. "Yonghwa eemobu, are you okay now? I really hope that you are healed." Dasom's caring words made Yonghwa to look and smile at her.

The attention of everyone detoured with the topic Yoona raised up. "Chingudeur-ah, I have a question. Anyone's open to answer and those who do not want will not be compelled." Yoona announced.

"What's your question Yoona-ya?" Hyoyeon asked.

"Uhm...I hope you would not be surprised and that you'd be open-minded with this. Is it possible for a person who is so faithful and who once loved so much with a certain faithful man to love again when the man's gone?" Yoona asked. I sensed that the query was intended for me.

"I think it's possible. You know, you can't teach the heart. Even when you keep on being faithful, when a certain man comes along and he catches your heart, it would be hard for your mind to compete with your heart. But anyway, that's only my opinion. And I think the perfect person to answer that is no other than Seohyun." Hyoyeon opined.

"Mweo? By the way, why the question's like that?" I questioned back.

"Mollayo. But I think there's no wrong with my question. But anyway, as what I've said, I will not compel you to answer if you don't want to." Yoona explained.

"I think..." I gave them the hint of my willingness to answer. "I think... Anyway, I want to answer based on my personal experience. If I would be realistic, I think it depends. But if I will answer based on what I'm feeling right now, I don't think of seeing myself with another man. I've never thought about that. All I've thought about was Dasom's enough for me." I honestly confessed. I wrapped my arms around Dasom's. Everyone stared at me, carefully listening except for Yonghwa whose eyes remained stranded on the table.

"The firm and steadfast Seohyun." Hyoyeon bursted.

A short silence followed. I noticed Yoona and Kyuhyun looked at my ring. Uneasiness entwined me, so I unwrapped my arm around Dasom's shoulder and placed it on my lap to hide it from the seriously gazing eyes of Yoona and Kyuhyun. After I did that, they both looked deep into my eyes. I started to feel something strange with their actions. Yoona has been constantly looking at my ring. She always do that even in the office. She'd been acting strange, and her question seemed strange to me as well. I felt bothered for those actions she kept on doing, but I didn't have the courage to ask about it.

I looked at Yonghwa who was also acting strange. "Yonghwa-ya, gwaenchanayo?" I moved to ask.

He finally glanced at me but only for a second when he responded "Ne." After that, he looked away.

"Aigoo~" I sighed so deep.

"Eomma, what's wrong?" Dasom's innocent eyes looked at me.

"Moreugesseo. I just feel something strange here Dasom-ah." I tried to burst out the things that bothered me inside.

"What's strange here?" Dasom further asked.

"Moreugesseo. I don't understand." I tried to shake up the minds of those around me.

"Seohyun-ah, what do you mean?" Hyoyeon asked.

I looked at Hyoyeon, almost teary-eyed. "I don't understand." I answered Hyoyeon. I got irked, not with Hyoyeon, but the strange actions they were showing to me.

"Seohyun-ah, why are you crying? What have we done?" Hyoyeon asked.

It was only then that all of them including Yonghwa looked at me. "What have I done? Why are you treating me like this? You're acting strange these days. May I know why are you doing this to me? This is bothering me." I bursted.

"Eomma, ulji maseyo(don't cry)." Dasom hugged me.

"Seohyun-ah, ulji maseyo." Yonghwa cared.

"And you, what have I done to you? I noticed that you keep on looking away. You know, I feel heavy inside." I bursted again.

Yonghwa freezed, bestowing no words. The silence became defeaning.

 

 

In the office, "Seohyun-ah.." Yoona call my attention.

"Ne?" I replied without looking straight at her. My eyes were focused on the computer.

"Are you mad at me?" Yoona asked.

"Aniyo. I'm just resenting."

"Neomu mianheyo."

"Unless you explain everything to me, I will continually be resenting at you. Don't you know how hard it is for me?" I bursted.

"I don't know how to explain." Yoona's soft voice softened my heart, but I still resent for her actions.

"You're making me feel heavy inside with that something strange that you keep on hiding."

"I want you to know that it's not only you who's feeling heavy. This is hard because we come to this point where all of us are hurting, because the people we care for are hurting." Yoona made my curiousity grew.

"Please let me understand." I pleaded.

"Seohyun-ah, I'm sorry for keeping you uneasy. It's hard for me to see you hurting. I know that my cousin don't want this to happen but I care a lot for you. So, I will tell you so that you would stop resenting at me." Yoona said.

"What about your cousin Yonghwa?" I wondered.

"Seohyun-ah, do you remember the reason behind Yonghwa's departure?" Yoona asked.

"Ne." I nodded.

"He departed because of you." Yoona became teary-eyed.

"Mweo? Yoona-ya, please tell me you're joking." I couldn't believe what I heard. I remembered the serious and saddened eyes of Yonghwa. I remembered how he hugged me tightly. I remembered how couldn't he look in my eyes when I first saw him after he left.

"Seohyun-ah, it's true. When I learned that Yonghwa came back, I went to their house. I asked explanation why he lied to us about the reason for his departure. He confessed to me, but he asked me not to relay it to you. Seohyun-ah, it's true. You are the special someone he was pertaining to. And he left to forget you because he's hurting so much that he's loving a person who would not love him back. Everytime he looked at your ring, he remembered how you love Wongeun so much even when he's gone . And that fact breaks him. When I said before that 'better no one try courting you because they will just fail', I didn't know that I was hurting my own cousin. He left trying to forget you. But he did not make it. He still feels the same for you. And because of that, he's still hurting. That's why he couldn't look at you in the eye, Seohyun-ah." Yoona explained.

"I don't like it that my friend is hurting because of me." I cried.

"I know. But it's happening Seohyun-ah." Yoona said.

"Eotteoke?" I bursted.

"Seohyun-ah, I want you to know that I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. And I'm not also doing this in favor of my cousin. I'm telling you this, even when Yonghwa asked me not to tell you, because it concerns you. You deserve to know. And most of all, I don't want you to resent at me, Seohyun-ah." Yoona explained.

"Ihaehaesseoyo. Thank you for your honesty." I said.

 

 

At home, I spent the night weeping. I remembered everything about Yonghwa. I never realized that those caring actions meant something special. While I was treating him in the same way that I treat my other friends, he was treating me beyond our friendship. I looked up at the huge framed-picture displayed on top of our bed.  The thought about how Yonghwa stared at the picture flashed back. It was only then when I understood why his eyes were that sad. I never knew that everything about me hurts him. He's hurting everytime he saw my ring. He's hurting everytime he saw me with Dasom and how I care about Dasom. He's hurting when he saw our family-like picture. I never meant to hurt my friend. Why did he loved a person like me? why did he resign because of me?  Why didn't he succeed in forgetting me when all I caused him is pain? I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. I didn't know what to do to make things smooth. Tears drowned me for finding no better solution. In the middle of my solemn crying, the sleeping Dasom woke up. "Eomma, why are you crying?"

"It's nothing Dasom-ah. Just go back sleeping." I said.

"Eomma, what's wrong? Please tell me." Dasom insisted.

I looked into her eyes. " Dasom-ah.." I sobbed.

Dasom rose up from the bed and sat beside me. She hugged me. "Eomma, what's wrong?"

"Dasom-ah, I have to tell you something. I hope you would understand."

"What is it eomma?" Dasom was curious.

"Do you remember the time when your eemobu Yonghwa went abroad? His reason was not to work but to heal his broken heart. He left because of me." I explained.

"Neo ttaeme?(Because of you?)"

"Ne, Dasom-ah. I don't know if you carefully understand but your eemobu loved me. I didn't know that he loved me. I didn't know that he left because he's hurting, foreseeing that I could not love him back because he knew how I love your appa so much. He left to forget his love for me. I learned from Yoona that he didn't succeed from forgetting me. He still loves me Dasom-ah. Eotteoke? I don't like this to happen. I never knew this would happen. I hate to know that my friend is hurting because of me. Dasom-ah, did you understand?" I bursted into tears.

"Yonghwa eemobu loves you?" Dasom asked.

"Ne. Not just a friend." I explained.

"Do you love him eomma?" Dasom asked me straightforwardly.

The question shook my mind. Hearing it from Dasom made me tremble to answer. I wasn't sure what she was thinking. "Dasom-ah, you know how much I love your appa. I never imagined myself being with someone else." I honestly confessed.

"Then what about eemobu, are you still friends?" Dasom asked.

"Moreugesseo." I replied.

"Eomma stop crying."

"Molla eotteoke(I don't know what to do.). I don't want to hurt my friend. He's been so good to me."

Dasom hugged me again. "Stop crying eomma."

 

 

Dasom went back to sleep. I couldn't sleep. Around 12:15 midnight, my eyes weren't able to sleep though I'm closing them and trying to fell asleep. I rose from the bed. I went to the kitchen to drink water. After gulping one glass of water, my phone rang. The caller was Yonghwa. I hesitated to answer. I wasn't ready for whatever he would tell. I panicked.

"Yeoboseyo?" After two times of missing his calls, I finally answered.

"Yah(Hey) Yoona-ya! What took you so long to answer?" I heard the drunken voice of Yonghwa. He meant to call Yoona, but he accidentally called my number. "Yah Yoona-ya! Why aren't you responding? But anyway, I beg you not to tell Seohyun about my feelings. Can you promise that? I know you're bestfriends, but please I beg you. Keep that for me. Do that for your cousin. I beg you, Yoona-ya. If she knew, she might stay away from me. It would be too painful for me if that would happen. I don't want her to hate me. But honestly, I hate myself. I really hate myself for loving her. Of all people, why did I chose someone who would never..never..never would love me back? Of all people, why Seohyun? Why did she first meet him? Eotteoke Yoona-ya? Molla eotteoke. I can't withstand the pain. I tried to forget her because I know I have nothing to expect. That's why I left. But you see? I'm such a loser. I wasn't able to forget her. I hate Seohyun. I hate her for making me love her.....huh.....Nan babo(I'm fool). Why am I hating her? In fact I love her sooooo much. She's not to blame here. It's the fault of my foolish heart, right? I love Seohyun. But I hate her for making me like this. But I really love her.....huh.....jeongmal nan babo(I'm really fool).....What am I going to do Yoona-ya, huh? I want to strive more forgetting her, but I don't know how would that be possible. Do you know any way to make that possible? What can you suggest?.........Yah!......Yah!......Yoona-ya, are you there?...Yah! Do you understand me? Why can't you give a word? Maybe you don't understand me because you never encountered love like mine. You have a mutual love with Sungmin...What's his name again?...........You know what, you're lucky. You're too lucky to have a mutual love....................Aigoo~~................Yoona-ya, are you tired of listening? Okay. I just remind you not to tell her, okay?....................hmmmmmmm.....................hmmmmmmm." Yonghwa's long call ended with snoring. He fell asleep due to drunkenness.

"Yonghwa-ya, why do we have to come to this point?" Tears ran down my face at the thought.

 

 

After that sleepless and crying night, I came to the office, eyes almost swelling. "Omo, Seohyun-ah. I'm sorry for everything. If I didn't tell you, you shouldn't have cried so hard." Yoona apologized.

"Aniyo. Don't blame yourself. You were right to tell me the truth." I said.

"Seohyun-ah, it's hard for me to see you both hurting." Yoona said. Her eyes were thereafter turned to my ring. I closed my hand. I felt guilty.

After office hours, Yoona, Yuri, Hyoyeon and I went to one restaurant. We spent gathering without Yonghwa and Kyuhyun. "Seohyun-ah, I learned that you learned about Yonghwa's real purpose for departing abroad. How do you feel?" Yuri was curious.

"I liked how Yonghwa cared for me before, but I never thought that he was doing that beyond friendship. I hate that I'm hurting him. Molla eotteoke." I bursted.

"Have you talked?" Hyoyeon asked.

"Eopseoyo." I replied.

"Seohyun-ah, I have something to admit." Yuri revealed.

"What is it Yuri-ya?" I wondered.

"Do you remember the special someone I was pertaining whom I said was in love with someone else? I was pertaining to Yonghwa." Yuri admitted.

"Mweo?" Yoona and Hyoyeon got shocked.

"Yuri-ya." I said.

"Geokjeonghajima Seohyun-ah, that was way back more than two years. I have moved on because I know it would forever be unrequited. I knew, based on my senses, that Yonghwa was in love with you. It was obvious in his stares and actions." Yuri revealed. Thoughts flashed me. I remembered how Yuri reacted in the airport while Yonghwa was hugging me so tight. She appeared too burdened while stooping. I was so numb. I never knew that Yonghwa and I unconsciously broke Yuri's heart.

"Obvious? But why didn't we notice? Even Seohyun didn't notice." Yoona wondered.

"When you're in love with a person, you would notice his every action." Yuri explained.

"I didn't think that his actions towards me meant something special." I uttered.

"Seohyun-ah, What will happen to the both of you?" Yuri asked.

"Moreugesseoyo." I confessed.

"Seohyun-ah, after you found out about Yonghwa's feelings for you, how did you feel?" Hyoyeon asked.

"I felt guilty because I don't want to hurt him." I answered.

"Don't you have feelings for him as well?" Hyoyeon further asked. "I mean, I know how much you love Wongeun, but he's gone." She added.

"I care a lot for Yonghwa but I don't know if I love him. But it really hurts for me to hurt him. When I see him sad, I'm hurting. I'm getting bothered. Before he left, after he fetched home all of you from Yoona's birthday, the last he fetched was me and Dasom. He carried Dasom to the bedroom. When he saw the huge picture of Dasom and I together with Wongeun, and when he silently watched me wrapping Dasom with her blanket, I saw the sad look in his eyes. I was bothered but I didn't know before how his eyes turned saddened at the time. But he really bothered me. I worried for that. And when he hugged me so tight in the airport, I felt something strange with the hug. I wondered but I tried to ignore it. Before he bade goodbye to me, I once again saw the same saddened look in the eyes as what I've saw in our bedroom. That bothered me when I went home. I was hurting seeing him sad." I revealed.

"You care for him." Yuri said.

"Ne. I care for him." I concurred.