CHAPTER 10

 

In one Sunday morning, I went to church alone. Dasom was with eomma in their house. The night before that, Dasom and I slept at their house. Dasom was still slumbering when I exited the house to go to church. After the mass, Yonghwa and I crossed our paths on our way outside the church. We looked at each other, feeling surprised, and we both freezed. He looked away. He tried to go another way.

"Yonghwa-ya.." I called out to him.

He eluded me but I immediately followed him. I held his arm to stop him from eluding. He faced me. I looked deep into his eyes. Those eyes were expressing the same feeling. I gulped. He looked down at my clinging hand. When I saw the ring on my ring finger, I abruptly took off my hand from his arm. "Everytime he looked at your ring, he remembered how you love Wongeun so much even when he's gone . And that fact breaks him." Yoona's words resounded in my mind.

"Seohyun-ah, did you......did you......" Yonghwa couldn't ask me directly.

But I have guessed what he wanted to ask, so I answered his unfinished question. "Ne. I received a call from you when you were drunk."

Yonghwa gulped. "Mianheyo, I never meant to call you. I meant to call Yoona, but I erred from pressing your number. I just realized it after I saw your name in my cell in the morning, indicating that I've called you. I was so gullible. Mianheyo. I never meant that." Yonghwa explained.

"I know that you meant to call Yoona since you kept on mentioning her name. It was so apparent that it was her whom you're talking to." I said. "Do you remember what you said?" I wondered.

Yonghwa felt ashamed. "A sort of. But I'm not sure." He said. He stooped.

"Yonghwa-ya, if you're trying to keep that from me, I want you to know that before I learned it straight from you, I already learned it from Yoona. I hope you wouldn't get mad at her because I insisted. Do I not deserve to know?" I bursted.

"What for?" Yonghwa seriously asked me, looking deep into my eyes.

I freezed for his question. It made me speechless. When he didn't receive a word from me, he looked away and left me. I wasn't able to move my feet to follow him because I didn't know what I would say.

After the mass, my next destination was on the seashore, the exact place where Wongeun lost his breath. I cried at the thought of Wongeun. I remembered how he loved me, and how I loved him. He was gone for more than two years, but he still occupied my heart. And he would always stay there. The thought about Yonghwa made me cry all the more. I didn't know what to feel. All I knew was that I'm hurting when I see him sad and hurting, especially because of me. When I looked at my ring, I smiled when I remembered Wongeun gave the ring to me. But that smile turned to crying when I remembered Yonghwa. Yoona told me that Yonghwa is hurting everytime he saw my ring, because it reminds him how much I love Wongeun. I didn't know what to do. The situation's really hard for me to deal. My heart and my mind were always conflicting between Wongeun and Yonghwa. It was really hard. The situation constantly caused me to spend crying nights. Before, I only cried at night for Wongeun's death. But after I learned Yonghwa's feelings for me, it added to the reason of my tears. The situation confused me.

 

 

After I went to the seashore, I went to eomma's grave. And from there, I headed to Wongeun's grave. When I arrived, no one was there. I wondered if Dasom, eomma and appa will not going to visit Wongeun on that day. I stayed. As what I've done in the seashore, I cried as well in front of Wongeun's grave. I couldn't withstand the heavy load I was carrying.

"Seohyun-ah, gwaenchana? Why are you crying?" Eomma surprised me. I didn't notice her arrival together with Dasom.

"Eomma, you're crying again." Dasom was worried.

"Seohyun-ah, Dasom told me something. And I think, that's the constant reason why you always cry. Dasom told me that you always cry in the night." Eomma said.

"Mweo?" I got surprised.

"Eomma, most of the time, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I always hear your silent crying. You weren't sleeping well because of that." Dasom said.

"Seohyun-ah, do you like him?" Eomma asked.

"I love Wongeun so much." I uttered, looking at his grave.

"Seohyun-ah, I want you to confess to me with all honesty." Eomma warned.

"But that's the truth, eomma." I said.

"Seohyun-ah, you will not cry for Yonghwa if he means nothing to you." Eomma explained.

"He's my friend and I hate to hurt him that's why I'm crying." I explained.

"That's the point, you care for him. It hurts you when he's hurting." Eomma said.

"I care for him but I love Wongeun. Eomma, molla eotteoke." I bursted.

"Seohyun-ah, let's go home. I will show you something." Eomma made me wonder. She placed the flowers she was holding for Wongeun, and thereafter, we went home.

 

 

"Seohyun-ah, this is from Wongeun. There's a letter inside. He wrote that two days before he died. I saw this in his closet together with the picture I placed at the small cabinet beside his bed, and many other memories, like pictures of him with you. I think he failed to give you this." Eomma handed me a small box. "He kept all of your memories in the closet, and I think he mistakenly included this."

"Is this the box for the ring I'm wearing?" I asked.

"Ne. Read the letter Seohyun-ah." Eomma provoked me. When I opened the box, the falwlessly folded letter greeted me. I unfolded the letter.

 

 

 

LETTER CONTENT:

 

To Seo Joohyun:

 

Seohyun-ah, I want you to know that, I think I couldn't stay any longer. Thank you for still accepting me. Thank you for accepting Dasom. You know that I wanted to give you a ring that would symbolize my promise of taking care of you. And I've planned of giving it to you when I get cured. But you see, I've never been cured. I bought the ring before I went abroad. I have hoped that I would be cured, so that I could confidently give you the ring.

Seohyun-ah, when I learned that you didn't enter into relationship after I left, my selfish heart rejoiced. I was so fortunate to find a faithful girlfriend like you. I know my heart became so selfish because I adopted Dasom to make you remember me everytime you see her. But I realized, you have to go on with your life. I can't leave you being alone and lonely. So I will leave Dasom to you. Please take care of her for me.

Seohyun-ah, I don't want to be selfish anymore. I wish for your happiness. You can mourn for me, but after that, please go on with your life. Start again with Dasom. You know what, I've changed the symbol of the ring. I will give you the ring which will symbolize my will to give you freedom. I'm keeping all our memories because I want you to move on. And that implicates my sincerity to give you freedom. Seohyun-ah, if you find a guy who will love you with all his heart, don't let him go. I will be happy if you find him. I will wish for that time to come on your way. Do not hesitate to accept him, remember the 'ring of freedom'. It would be my pleasure if you find him. I know, whoever he is, he will be able to fulfill the thing I wouldn't be able to. He will be able to take care of you.

Seohyn-ah, thank you for everything, especially the love. Annyeong Seohyun-ah, 'til we meet again.

 

 

Love,

Lee Wongeun

 

 

While I read the letter, tears flowed down my face. The letter became tears-stained. After I read the letter, "Seohyun-ah, mianhe. The letter's for you but it's me who read it first. I'm sorry for not telling you about this before. I really waited for this day before I plan to give it to you. Seohyun-ah, I thank you for keeping faithful with my son. But he's right. You should go on. You deserve to be happy. He gave you the ring of freedom, so I guess if you like Yonghwa, there's no reason not to accept his love. It's Wongeun himself whose provoking you." Eomma adviced.

"Eomma, do you like Yonghwa eemobu?" Dasom asked.

"I don't want to hurt him." I answered Dasom.

"You care for him. You are hurting because you're hurting him. Stop hurting yourselves. Stop crying for him. Find your hapiness, Seohyun-ah." Eomma said.

I looked at eomma. I smiled while tears were oozing. Eomma caressed my hair and hugged me. "Stop crying, Seohyun-ah." Eomma comforted me. "Seohyun-ah, you're hot!" Eomma felt my forehead. "You have a fever."

"Mweo?" Dasom was worried.

"Maybe you got it from not sleeping well for how many days....Wait, I'll just get the medicine....Seohyun-ah, give yourself a rest. After taking the medicine, you sleep well, okay?" Eomma said.

"Ne. I'm sorry for this eomma." I apologized.

"Don't worry about that. Just help yourself." Eomma said.

"Arasseo. Kamsahamnida." I uttered.

 

 

Because of my fever, I wasn't able to go to work for two days. I informed Yoona to excuse me in the office. On the second day of being absent, I was kind of feeling well but I chose not to work, so that I could obtain enough rest. I stayed at eomma's house while I was sick. On that second day, my girl friends visited me at eomma's house. They decided to work half day only, so that they could visit me altogether. Eomma welcomed them and took them to Wongeun's room.

"Seohyun-ah, how are you?" Yoona asked.

"I'm feeling well." I replied.

"I'm sorry for everything." Yoona blamed herself again.

"Why do you always blame yourself?" I asked Yoona. "How is Yonghwa?" I further asked.

"By the way, I told him that you're sick. He wants to give this to you." Yoona handed me a beautifully wrapped one basket of apples.

"Apples!!" Dasom became excited.

I smiled. I opened it and gave Dasom one piece of apple. "By the way, where is he?" Yoona, Yuri and Hyoyeon became astonished at my queries about Yonghwa.

"Maybe he's spending time with his son." Yoona's words astounded us.

"Son?" Yuri, Hyoyeon and I chorused in shock.

"Ne. When I went to Yonghwa's house right after I learned that he came back, I saw the more than one year old baby boy. Yonghwa said that he adopted the baby when he came back." Yoona explained.

"He adopted a baby?" Dasom asked.

"Ne, Dasom-ah. A baby boy." Yoona replied.

"But why did he adopt a baby?" Hyoyeon asked.

Yoona stopped. She was kind of hesitant when she turned to eomma who was listening.

"Yoona-ssi, go on." Eomma provoked.

"Uhhm...Because he wanted to forget Seohyun." She stopped again, but it was apparent that there are more things she wanted to say.

"Yoona-ssi, go on. Do not hesitate. I already know about Yonghwa's feelings for Seohyun." Eomma explained. My girl friends looked astounded at eomma's words.

Eomma's provocation moved Yoona to continue. "He adopted the child because he wanted to divert his attention. But you know what, I pity my cousin because he always claim that the mother of the baby is you, Seohyun-ah. I pity him everytime I saw him talking to the baby, endlessly mentioning your name." Yoona said.

"He adopted a baby because of eomma? Just like appa?" Dasom interrupted.

"Uhm..." Yoona couldn't answer Dasom. Yoona didn't know that I told Dasom everything about Yonghwa.

My eyes formed some tears because of the things Yoona revealed. "And what are the things he was telling to the baby?" I got curious.

"One time, I heard him telling the baby not to get angry with Seohyun for not being able to be with them." Yoona said. "Seohyun-ah, I'm sorry if Yonghwa is acting like that. I think he just need more time to fully forget you. And I'm sure time will make a way to make him cease from acting such. He will get tired of doing that." Yoona apologized.

"Where is he now?" I asked curiously.

"Why are you asking?" Yoona wondered.

I looked at eomma. She smiled and nodded at me. My girl friends became puzzled with the communication eomma and I had.

"I want to see him." I straightforwardly answered.

"Mweo?" My girl friends chorused.

"Are you sure?" Yoona couldn't believe.

"Ne." I smiled.

"If that is so, then I will call and ask Yonghwa where he is now." Yoona said. I nodded.

 

 

We learned that Yonghwa was in the park, together with his son. I saw Yonghwa sitting at the swing I used to sit. The baby was sitting at his lap. "Yonghwa-ya.." I called him from behind. He turned to me, startling. He stood up, carrying the baby. He looked at me, filled with surprise. He looked at Yoona, Yuri, Hyoyeon and Dasom who was behind me. Then he looked back at me.

"Seohyun-ah, what are you doing here? I heard you're sick." Yonghwa said.

"Ne. I got sick because of you." I bursted.

"Mweo?" He startled.

"You kept on making me cry, so I wasn't able to obtain enough sleep." I explained.

"Seohyun-ah, neomu mianheyo. I'm sorry for everything." He became guilty.

I stared at the baby boy. "Is he my son?" I shamefully asked.

Yonghwa's eyes widened. He was in total shock, so he wasn't able to answer me. He looked down at my hand. His eyes were searching for my ring. He found it on my right ring finger. I smiled to him. He wondered. "What's with the smile? And what's with the question?" He bursted out his curiousity.

"Do you know what this ring symbolizes?" I asked.

"I know." He said. He became serious and sad.

"Aniyo. It's not what you think. I recently found out via the letter Wongeun wrote two days before he died, that Wongeun gave me the ring to give me the freedom. So this is the ring of freedom. Do you understand?" I explained.

"What do you mean?" Yonghwa was acting puzzled.

"I relentlessly cried at night because it was hurting that I was hurting you. Eomma said that I should not be crying, so she gave me the letter from Wongeun. Yonghwa-ya, I don't want to cry anymore because of you. Eomma adviced that we should cease hurting ourselves.....Can we?" I said.

Yonghwa couldn't believe. The unbelief was apparent on how he smiled. I was so glad he was smiling because of me. "You know that I've always been willing, Seohyun-ah. But I still can't believe it." He bursted. The happiness couldn't be denied in his wide smile.

I smiled. Yonghwa and I became teary-eyed. We gleefully smiled with each other. I stared again at the baby boy. "Is he my son?" I asked again.

"Ne." He cheerfully answered.

"Let me carry him. What's his name?" I felt exhilarated.

"He is Jeonghoon." He replied.

"Dasom-ah, come here. Meet your baby brother." I said. Dasom excitedly approached us. Everyone became delightful for us.

 

 

"Dasom-ah, are you ready?" I asked.

"Ne, eomma I'm ready." Dasom assured.

"So, let's go? We shouldn't be late in the wedding." I reminded.

"Arasseo." Dasom said.

We headed to the church where the wedding was held. After a little while, the wedding started. It was the first time I walked in the aisle in an actual wedding. The feeling was nice. The last to walk the aisle was the very beautiful bride Yoona. I was very happy for her. She married her first love Lee Seunggi. On the other side, the relationship of Yuri and Kyuhyun is stable. Kyuhyun learned about Yuri's feelings developed for Yonghwa, but it didn't affect their relationship. And in fact, they're engaged. Regarding Hyoyeon, she's dating someone. For so many years after she was being fooled by her first boyfriend, she finally entertained dating again. I thought she totally became manhater. And........concerning my life with Yonghwa, we are enjoying our parenthood with our son and daughter. But we're not living together. We planned to live in one house after we get married. Yonghwa got another job. Together, we are starting to earn for our future.

-END-