CHAPTER 4

 

In the office, my mind detoured its focus. I lost attention on my work. "I will go to the park." I uttered abruptly.

"Mweo?" Yoona was surprised.

I hurriedly headed to the park. I saw Wongeun on the swing. I approached him and I asked who Dasom is, and he replied "She is our daughter."

"Mweo?" I startled.

"Eomma!!" I heard Dasom called, so I turned to where she was. She approached me filled with tears. "Eomma, appa is gone. He passed away and he told me that I should live with you and call you 'eomma'."

"Mweo? But he's here."

When I turned to his place as I pointed where Wongeun was, I saw him no more.

"Andwaeeeeeehh!!!".......I screamed.

"Seohyun-ah, Seohyun-ah wake up."

"Huhh?"

"You're dreaming." Yoona explained.

"Aigoo." I took a deep sigh. I forgot I was in the office and I fell asleep. Good thing, only Yoona saw me so I was saved from reprimand and embarassment. After I took a quick realization, I suddenly remembered Wongeun. "Wongeun-ah?..I need to go."

"Seohyun-ah, where are you going?" Yoona followed me. We left the office during office hours. We didn't mind what punishment we will receive from the boss when we come back.

 

 

When we entered the park, "Seohyun-ah" my ever-considered-bestfriends greeted.

"Hyoyeon-ah?..Yuri-ya?" They surprised me.

"We learned what happen to Wongeun." Yuri said.

"How?"

"He talked to us."

"Jinjjayo?"

"Urin neomu mianheyo.(We're very sorry.)"

"Aniyo. Let's forget the past. You don't have to apologize, I also erred. Jeongmal mianheyo."

"Aniyo. It's us who greatly erred. We mistakenly judged Wongeun. You're right. He's different. He's good." Yuri and Hyoyeon became teary-eyed.

"Seohyun-ah, he talked to us earlier. He fainted while pleading us not to leave you again. He wanted us to take care of you." Hyoyeon informed.

"Where is he now?" I asked.

"He was sent to the hospital. Let's go, he needs you."

 

 

"Eomma!!" Dasom recepted me with intriguing call.

"What did you call me?"

"You must be Seohyun." Dasom's halmeoni said.

"Ne." I bowed awkwardly.

"We're glad to meet you." Wongeun's parents smiled at me. They overwhelmed me with their welcoming smiles. Nevertheless, I feel ashamed. I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled back.

"You might be wondering what Dasom has called you." Dasom's haImeoni got what I was up to. I intently looked at her. I thought that maybe that was the time for me to get rid of my confusion. "Three years ago.." She started. "Wongeun was diagnosed with leukemia, stage two. He fell in love at that time. He said that he really loved the girl."

I looked at Wongeun who was lying unconsciously on the bed. It was then that I saw him almost hairless. My poor Wongeun, I never thought that that's what hidden underneath your bonnet.

"He wanted to take care of her. He even dreamed of marrying her. He left for medication hoping that he would be cured. His heart was breaking that he had to leave her. But before he went away, he wanted to have a baby." My eyes got clouded because of the tears formed. "He wished to have a baby so that there is someone who would take care of her as she aged when he couldn't anymore." Wongeun's eomma started to cry. "We went to an orphanage. He wanted a baby that's why he adopted Dasom, who was one year old then."

"I got it." I thought, feeling relieved.

"We took care of her while Wongeun was fighting a battle in the States. He was with his brother. After three years, he returned. He looked more pale. His condition is getting worst. I told him to go back to the States for further medication but he doesn't want anymore. He wanted to stay. He wanted to see the girl to apologize to her. He wanted to explain everything. He even wanted to introduce Dasom to her but he's afraid that she would not accept Dasom. We explained everything to Dasom and we were surprised when she voluntarily called you 'eomma'." She ended up her explanation on behalf of Wongeun by looking at her husband, who was silently listening as well.

I looked at Dasom. She shyly smiled at me. "Appa said that you were the only girl who was in his heart and mind when he adopted me, so I decided to call you eomma. Is it okay with you?" Dasom asked.

My tears fell for feeling overwhelmed. I smiled to her and replied "Of course."

Upon receiving my response, she immediately approached and hugged me. I hugged her back. The people around us rejoiced at the moment. Dasom ran to Wongeun. "Appa, wake up. Eomma is here."

I pitied Dasom when I saw how she tried to wake Wongeun up. I couldn't help about the moment, so I relentlessly cried. Everybody in the room was shedding tears except Dasom and Wongeun who was still unconscious. "Appa, wake up." Dasom repeated. "Appa, eomma is already here. You said that you want to spend the rest of your life with eomma and I, so why are you wasting your time? Why are you still lying there? Don't you know, eomma is already here. We're complete. Wake up appa."

I grasped Wongeun's hand. "Wongeun-ah, please wake up. You have to spend somehow a time for us. Jebalyo. Hanbeondo.(Even once.)"

"Aniyo. Hanbeoji anha.(No. Not just once.)" Wongeun responded so my tears became tears of joy.

"Appa!" Dasom became excited.

"Wongeun-ah!" I smiled, teary-eyed. The rest in the room were also very glad when he woke up.

"Eomma, I heard you explained everything on my behalf. Neomu kamsahae." Wongeun thanked his eomma. In response, his eomma smiled to him while wiping her tears. He then turned to me and asked "Seohyun-ah, jebal nal yongseohaejwo.(Seohyun, please forgive me.)"

"Aniyo. There's nothing to ask forgiveness. But if you would insist for keeping me confused, I forgive you." I replied while sarcastically smiling.

He sighed in relief. "But then again, mianheyo."

"Stop apologizing..hmm?"

He smiled. He held my hands and looked at them. When I noticed that he was smiling while looking at my hands, I asked him "Waeyo?"

"You don't have a ring...Haven't you entered into other relationship when I left?"

"Eopseoyo."

He genuinely smiled at me and said "I'm glad to hear that..If you actually waited, neomu kamsahae..I want to clarify that I just left, but I didn't break you up."

"Saranghae..Neomu saranghae..I will try my best to come back..Remember that, I will try my best." Wongeun's last words before he left resounded in my mind.

"I now understand." I replied after nodding.

"I'm sorry if I failed to make you realize about it before." He apologized. I nodded again. "You know what, I have dreamed of seeing your finger wearing the ring that I would give. I have planned to give it to you when I'm already healed. But.." He broke his gaze towards me and stared down. "I think I couldn't make it anymore. I think I couldn't give you the ring that would symbolize my promise of taking care of you." He continued. I bursted into tears again.

"Don't cry eomma. Is that what the ring symbolizes? Appa geokjeonghajima, I will earn money and buy a ring. I will give it to eomma for you." Dasom's innocent words filled the room with smiles.

 

 

Wongeun chose to be discharged from the hospital. His parents consented because they wanted to support what Wongeun wanted to do for the rest of his life. We bonded often. When Wongeun, Dasom and I were together, we appeared as a family to the eyes of the people. And I loved it. Besides, Dasom called Wongeun appa, and she called me eomma. We were really like a family. Even though I know that we were only as if a family, I treated them like my own real family. It was hard for me to accept that anytime soon, Wongeun will leave us, so I tried to make happy moments everytime I'm with him and our child Dasom.

 

 

One day, when I was off duty and Dasom was with her halmeoni in the mall, he invited me to go to the chapel near their house. It was nearing noon then and there was no other people on the chapel. We kneeled down and prayed. I prayed hard for him. I prayed longer than him. I was not yet finished to pray when he held my hand and said "Seohyun-ah..saranghae."

I smiled and replied "Nado saranghae.(I love you too.)"

"Thank you for still accepting me. Thank you for acknowledging Dasom as our child. Thank you for staying by my side."

"Why are you saying that?" I became teary-eyed.

"Don't cry. I'm fine. I'm just happy."

I felt relieved. I nodded at him. Later on, I saw him picking something from his pocket. I was surprised when I saw it.

"Seohyun-ah, let's make something special today." He suggested.

"Ne."

"I will stand in front, near the altar...You stay at the back and slowly walk down the aisle towards me." He instructed.

"Ne. That would be nice."

He stood up and walked in front so I did what he had instructed. While I was walking down the aisle, my eyes were looking at nowhere but on him. He was smiling so I did also. I was halfway towards him when I felt something strange. I became nervous. I saw his smile that was slowly fading away. I felt more nervous. In a sudden moment, he fainted and stumbled. I panicked.

"Andwaeeeh!!!" I yelled. I ran quickly towards him not knowing what to do. "Wongeun-ah, wake up. I beg you, wake up."

 

 

In the hospital, "Eomma, how is appa?" Dasom asked me teary-eyed.

"Moreugesseo.(I don't know.)" I replied. I then looked at Wongeun's eomma, obviously nervous and panicking.

"Moreugesseoyo...choesonghamnida." I said as if she was the one who asked me about Wongeun's condition.

Wongeun's eomma held my arms and said "Aniyo. Don't be." She looked into my eyes. "Seohyun-ssi, I can see that you love my son and that you're afraid of losing him. But you have to understand that anytime soon, he will bid goodbye."

"Aniyo. I'm not ready yet."

She just nodded at me and replied "Me too." The tears formed in her eyes,and when she couldn't held anymore the threat of those tears to fall, she repeated "Me too."

"Eomma!!" Wongeun called out. We all looked to him when we heard him call. His eomma hurriedly approached and hugged him.

"Wongeun-ah, my son." His eomma cried as she hugged him tightly. I saw Wongeun shed tears as he closed his eyes and hugged back his eomma tightly.

"Appa!!" Dasom also approached and hugged him.

Even though I didn't hear much word but the mere terms they called to one another, I could feel the scene. I stayed to where I stood. I was silently crying as I partly buried my face with my hands. My eyes were closed and I hurriedly open them when "Seohyun-ah!" I heard Wongeun called out my name. I stepped forward but I suddenly stopped when I saw him raising his arms like he wanted to hug me.

"Seohyun-ah, come here." Wongeun said. But I didn't step further.

"Eomma?" Dasom wondered. I looked at her. "Waeyo?" Dasom asked. I remained silent.

"Seohyun-ah, jebalyo?" He insisted as his arms were still waiting for me to approach.

"Shireoyo.(I don't like.)" All of them became surprised with what I answered.

"Waeyo?" He asked as he gradually put his arms down. I gave no answer but I cried.

"Eomma." Dasom was curious but her halmeoni took her and gradually dragged her away from us. "Halmeoni, where are we going?"

"Let's go outside. I think they have to be alone." Dasom's halmeoni said.

"Waeyo?"

"Ppali(Hurry), let's go outside."

As soon as they went outside the room, I wiped my tears. "Seohyun-ah, come closer." Wongeun said. I moved closer and he held my hand. "Do you hate me already that you don't allow me to hug you?"

"Geureoji anha.(It's not like that.)"

"Then why?"

My eyes formed some tears. "It's just that...I don't want to lose you again."

He wondered. "But you know my condition right?...and besides, I just want to hug you. Is there any wrong with that?"

I stopped for a moment. I sighed deeply. And finally, after succesfully gaining some courage, I tried to explain. "Do you know that I have a fear when someone wants to hug me?"

"Mweo? Waeyo?" I made Wongeun wonder.

"I'm acting strange right? But I can't help it. My past experiences created me this fear."

"What do you mean?"

 

 

 

FLASHBACKS:

 

 

(1) LAST MOMENT WITH EOMMA

 

I was in the hospital. I fell asleep while waiting for eomma to wake up. When I felt that someone was caressing my hair, I immediately woke up. "Eomma!" As soon as I saw eomma wake up, without hesitation, I hastily hugged her.

"Seohyun-ah, my daughter, how it feels good to feel your embrace. I don't remember the last time that you acted sweet like this. Did you have a misunderstanding with Wongeun?"

I released myself from eomma's arms.

"Eopseoyo." I replied. Eomma looked deep into my eyes and bestowed her motherly intuitive smile.

"Seohyun-ah, try to be the sweetest person to the people whom you have."

"Waeyo?"

"So that they couldn't just lose you easily and that you will not end up being alone when I leave."

"Don't say that eomma."

"Seohyun-ah, you have to face it, even when I don't want to, I will leave you soon."

"Eomma, don't."

"I'm glad that you have Wongeun. You know what, when the time comes that I have to leave this world, I would be happy knowing that Wongeun will take ca........."

"Eomma?..What's happening? Should I call the doctor?....Answer me please..Eotteoke?" I panicked.

I didn't know what to do. Eomma just suddenly had a difficulty in breathing. "Eomma, doooooon't!!!!" I panicked and I cried. I was so scared so I embraced my eomma tightly as if my tight hug would make her feel better. I pleaded her not to leave me. But still, SHE LEFT ME.

 

 

(2) THE CONFRONTATION

 

We were in the park, playing the swing. Yuri and Hyoyeon were talking about something that didn't won my interest. I was bothered at the time so I didn't join their conversation. I stayed silent while playing the swing. The cool wind touched my face as my mind was off to something that annoyed me. The two of them perhaps noticed my silence when they questioned me "Gwaenchanayo?"

"Ne." I pretended.

But Hyoyeon, perceiving what I acted, further questioned me "What's bothering you?"

I shook my head and replied "Eopseoyo."

But Yuri insisted. "Seohyun-ah, tell us."

I was kind of reluctant if I should tell them, but I have something to ask them I was curious about." Seohyun-ah, what is it?" Hyoyeon felt eager.

I stopped the swing and they did as well. I looked into their eyes, they were curious. "Why couldn't you like Wongeun for me?" I bursted.

"Mweo?" They both acted surprise with my question to the point that they mutually reacted in chorus.

"My late eomma really liked him and glad that I have him."

"Aniyo. It's not that I don't like him." Hyoyeon defended.

"Aniyo. You really don't like him. I can feel it."

"Seohyun-ah, calm yourself." Yuri intervened. "Please do understand that we're just concern about you because we care for you." Yuri added.

"If you really care like eomma, then just be happy that I have him."

"We're just afraid that you would experience what I and Yuri's sister have experienced...consider also your eomma." Hyoyeon explained.

"Ne." Yuri concurred.

I knew that Hyoyeon and Yuri's sister had a bad experience when they entered into relationships. They were fooled with their respective exes. Consider also my eomma? Oh yes I knew that she was also one with them that's why I didn't happen to meet appa. "But he's not like them...I know that he's different." I bursted.

"How did you know?" Hyoyeon asked.

"I believe that he's different."

Hyoyeon stood up from the swing and went in front of me. "Please listen to us. He's not different from other guys. He will just fool you and leave you brokenhearted."

I didn't like what Hyoyeon have said. I didn't know how my emotions turned like. But I found myself abruptly stood up, and accidentally, I slapped Hyoyeon. I didn't mean to hurt her.

"Seohyun-ah!" Yuri yelled in shock.

"Huh? I didn't mean..Hyoyeon-ah, I didn't mean it..Mianheyo! Jeongmal mianheyo!" I apologized.

Hyoyeon also was shocked so I wrapped my arms around her. "Jeongmal mianheyo!!!" I sincerely beseeched for her forgiveness. But Hyoyeon was coercing to release herself from my clingy arms. "Andwaeyo. Nal yongseohae.(No. Forgive me.)" I didn't freed her but continued pleading. Unfortunately, Hyoyeon succeeded from freeing herself. She hastily ran out while wiping her tears. Yuri chased after her.

"Yuri-ya!" I called out.

I was about to ask forgiveness but she immediately yelled in anger "What did you do?" Then she turned her back and left me. THEY BOTH LEFT ME.

 

 

(3) UNWANTED GOODBYE

 

I was in the house, preparing my dinner when someone instantly knocked at the door. I was curious who it was because I didn't expect anyone at the time. "Wongeun-ah? You surprised me."

I sensed, based on his aura, that there was something not good that would happen. But I tried to ignore it. "You didn't inform me that you will come. Good thing, I prepared more food."

"Don't be bothered. I will not stay long." He said.

"Jinjjayo? So what are you here for?" I wondered.

I noticed that he was sad. Seemed like there was something that burdened him. "Seohyun-ah..."

Before he could continue, I interrupted. "Wongeun-ah, I have something to tell you."

His mind was diverted. "What is it?"

"Did you know that I had an argument with my friends?"

"Jinjjayo? Waeyo? What happened?" He appeared alarmed.

"I didn't like that they don't like you for me. I defended you so I lost them."

"Andwaehh!"

"They were angry with me."

I felt his sympathy when I saw the formed tears in his eyes. "Andwaeh. This must not happen to you."

I looked into his eyes. I tried to figure out why was the sympathy that much. Then suddenly, his phone rang. He wiped his tears first before he answered. "Yeoboseyo?(hello?)"

"Wongeun-ah, where are you?" I heard a girl's voice. "Come home right now. Help me pack your things. I don't know what you want to bring...Hurry home. Remember that you have an early flight tomorrow."

"Huh?" I reacted which made my eyes widened and my mouth slightly opened.

"Wongeun-ah, do you hear me?...Yeoboseyo?"

"Eomma, give me more minutes." He answered and thereafter ended up the call.

"You didn't tell me that you have a flight tomorrow. What's this?"

"Seohyun-ah.."

"Where are you going? You should have informed me, right?" I calmly asked, pretending to veil the heavy feeling I had inside.

"I don't want to go but I have to."

"What do you mean? When will you come back?"

"Moreugesseoyo."

"Mweo? You don't know when to come back?...Tell me honestly, are you fooling me?"

"Andwaeyo. Don't think that."

"Why can't you tell me why you have to go?" He just hugged me as if he didn't heard what I asked. He hugged me tightly.

"How can I leave when you lost your friends. You have no one to turn to now." He cried so I hugged him back.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked as fear threatened me.

"I will come back."

"What kind of boyfriend are you? You don't allow me to know the things about you." I bursted.

His phone rang again. Before he answered, he cupped my face. "Seohyun-ah, I have to go. You have to wait for me, okay? I will come back." Once more, he hugged me. THEN HE LEFT.

He didn't glance back as I anguishly watched him leaving. While he was on his way home, he called me. "Seohyun-ah, I will try my best to come back."

His words weakened my knees. He made me think that he was unsure if he will come back. I was hurt.

"Please be direct. Do you want to end our relationship now?" I asked.

"You may think that. But I promise you, I will try my best to come back."

"What kind of response is that? I don't understand."

He didn't respond. But I heard him trying to resist from bursting into tears. "Saranghae..Neomu saranghae..I will try my best to come back..Remember that, I will try my best." That was the last words that I heard from him. He puzzled me. He left me puzzled. After he went away to somewhere I know nothing about, I wasn't able to receive his call anymore. We lost our communications. I didn't know what happened to him.

*****