CHAPTER 1

 

 

I was in the office then, busy doing things when I realized that it's already late. "Seohyun-ssi, are you not going home yet? It's already 7:30pm."

I got surprised with the voice that spoke towards me. "Arayo(I know), I just realized it before you told me." I replied.

"So, let's go?" My co-employee invited.

"Ne. Chamkanmanyo.(Yes. Wait a minute.)" I fixed my things then we left the office together.

Reaching outside the office, we separated our ways. "Seohyun-ssi, the taxi is here. If you don't mind, I'll go first."

"Ne. Annyeong.(Yes. Bye.)" I replied while waving my hand.

"See you tomorrow." She added. Then we exchanged our smiles.

 

 

Yoona is my co-employee, the one who showed kindness to me since my first day in work. She treated me nicely in the office. I almost counted her as my bestfriend, but pre-assessing her part, I didn't think that she counted me as one. It  was my birthday, but Yoona didn't know it. I never told her since we only talked things about our work. "No one greeted me today. But before this day ends, I should celebrate my day." I thought.  No one knew in the office that it was my birthday since I was only new. I've been working with them for almost two months only.

 

 

I decided to buy cake and spaghetti and took them home. I celebrated my day alone again. It's been two years. It's another lonesome celebration. "If only eomma(mommy) is here. If only I didn't hurt my bestfriends. If only he loved me truthfully." My mind started to play again. "I wouldn't have to celebrate my birthday alone. I wouldn't have to be alone." Sadness filled my face while eating.

"Saengil chukhahamnida Seohyun-ah.(Happy birthday Seohyun.)" I remembered Yuri and Hyoyeon greeted me three years ago. I smiled a bit while remembering it.

"Please listen to us. Don't think that he's different from other guys. He will just fool you and leave you brokenhearted." I suddenly remembered Hyoyeon's last words. The thought saddened me. I lost my bestfriends Yuri and Hyoyeon because of Wongeun, the one whom I fell in love with. I lost them because I was blinded by love. Tears fell from my eyes for mixed reasons. They all left me alone. I had no one to turn nor talk to. My world began to revolve only with myself and my memories. All of them were only a part of my cherished past. They starred in my every reminiscing moments. I could not move forward. I used to live my life with them. I badly wanted them back. But my eomma, even when I pray hard, she will not come back anymore. My eomma,  the one person who could bear all my foolishness, if learning how to love is foolishness. She was the person who would never leave me but would try to understand what I am fooling about. She was totally different from Yuri and Hyoyeon. But she's gone.

"Eomma bogoshipeoyo.(Mommy I miss you.) Why did you leave me this early? Waeyo?(Why?)" I started to talk, looking at nowhere. "I'm sorry If I didn't show my love and care for you when I was with you. Jeongmal mianheyo.(I'm really sorry.) If you are listening, even when it's too late, I want you to know that I love you very much. Neomu sarangheyo eomma.(I love you very much mommy.)" I bursted into tears while expressing my honest feelings.

 

 

When I went to the office the day after my birthday, Yoona asked me. "Gwaenchanayo?(Are you okay?)"

I looked at her, wondering her tone. A short silence entwined us when I failed to respond.

"Uhm, you seem like you've cried overnight. But it's okay if you won't tell. I just want to know if you're okay." She broke the silence.

But I was still surprised by her tone, that it made me feel that she's concern. I started to feel that I found a new friend with her. I wanted her to become my friend because she's so nice to me. I felt happy within my heart that I forgot to answer her.

"You don't have to answer me. And I'm sorry if I disturbed you." She bowed.

"Is it obvious?" I asked after realizing that she's about to turn her gaze on the computer. "I'm sorry if I didn't respond right away. I was just partly conscious when you asked me." I reasoned out. Then she smiled a bit.

"That's fine, but are you okay?" She asked again.

"Ne. Jigeum gwaenchanayo.(Yes. I'm okay now.)" I replied as I drew a bright smile.

"I'm glad that you seem happy now. It's the first time that I saw you smile like that. Keep it up, okay?"

Then I nodded wearing the same smile.

 

 

As time passed by, Yoona and I became close friends. We shared stories with each other. We were always together especially that we work in the same company. I really found a new friend in her.

 

 

One day in the office, Yoona invited me. "Seohyun-ah tomorrow is my eomma's birthday. Will you come?"

I suddenly froze, gulped and remembered my eomma. Yoona perfectly understood how I reacted. Perhaps, that was the best and amazing part of being close to someone. The idea of intuition is pretty amazing. "Oh mianheyo. I'm sorry for causing you to be sad, for mentioning 'eomma'. But it would be nice if you will come." She added.

"Ne. I will come." I answered with a bit smile. I wondered how it would feel like when I attend the party. I'm not used to attending parties where people are gathering. It would probably be awkward for me. But I hoped that Yoona would not leave my side.

 

 

In the party I sticked to Yoona's side. Their house is a bit huge and there were many visitors. Most of them were their kins and family friends. "Seohyun-ah feel comfortable. Don't be afraid. Come, I'll introduce you to my eomma." She invited.

"Eomma, saengil chukhahamnida." She kissed her eomma on the cheeks. I just watched them. "By the way, this is my friend and officemate Seohyun." Yoona introduced me.

"Saengil chukhahamnida Mrs. Im." I greeted with a bow.

"Kamsahamnida.(Thank you.) Enjoy the food and feel comfortable, okay?" Her eomma said.

"Arasseo.(Okay.)" I answered awkwardly.

Yoona dragged me to the table where foods were placed. We got some and ate at the table where she felt that I would be comfortable being with. She already knew me better. While we were eating and chatting, her cousin Yonghwa, together with his friend approached us.

"Yoona-ya" Yonghwa called. Then he realized that Yoona was with someone. "Ohh, annyeonghaseyo.(Ohh, hello.)" He greeted me and bowed.

"By the way Yonghwa-ya, this is Seohyun, my friend and officemate." Yoona introduced. Yonghwa bestowed me a half smile. "And Seohyun-ah, this is Yonghwa, my cousin." She added.

"Annyeonghaseyo.  Nice to meet you and to your friend." I greeted back.

"Ne. Nice to meet you too. By the way, this is Kyuhyun." He introduced his friend. Then we bowed with each other. Yoona already knew Kyuhyun since he is Yonghwa's long time friend and she saw him numerous times.

"I never saw her before. Is she your new friend?" Yonghwa asked Yoona.

"Ne." She answered.

I felt awkward when they shared with us in the same table. They were chatting, but definitely, they didn't restrict me to converse. It was my own usual prerogative to remain silent. I just stooped while listening to them. Yonghwa sensed that I was feeling uncomfortable.

"Yoona-ya, I feel that Seohyun is uncomfortable with us being here, so maybe we should transfer to another table." Yonghwa anxiously explained.

"Aniyo.(No.) Please don't mind me. Just continue chatting." I interrupted. I didn't know how would I feel. I felt uncomfortable but I didn't want them to stay away just because of me. How I'd wished that time would run fast at the time. It was still hard for me to mingle.

While slowly eating and continuesly stooping, "Yonghwa-ya, she seemed familiar." Kyuhyun bursted.

I got surprised by his tone so I slowly raised my face and looked at them.

"What is it all about?" Yoona asked. I observed that they were both recalling on where they saw me. I just watched them and silently waited for what they would say.

"Yeah, it's her. The girl whom we saw twice where in both instances, she was weeping." Kyuhyun explained.

I got surprised with what I heared. I feel ashamed without asking where and when it happened. Yoona looked at me. When silence wrapped us, Yoona broke it. "Ah, jinjjayo?(Ah, really?) I thought it's the first time that you saw her."

"I thought so. But Kyuhyun's right. I remember now." Yonghwa said in concurrence while nodding. "But we're glad that for the third time that we saw you, you're not weeping." He added.

I shamefully smiled to them as a response. They unknowingly caused me to look down again.

 

 

"I'm sorry for feeling uncomfortable yesterday with my cousin and Kyuhyun." Yoona apologized on thier behalf while taking our lunch in the office.

"Aniyo.(No) I'm fine. Why are you sorry?" I responded.

"When you left, I asked Yonghwa about the two instances that they saw you. I really intended to ask them by the time that you will leave because I perceived that you might cry when you hear them telling the story. I don't want you to appear that delicate to them. It was nice, right? So that they won't see you crying for the third time, hehe." She explained.

"Ah, jeongmalyo?(Ah, really?) Kamsahamnida. By the way, what did they tell you?" I asked curiously.

"In the first instance, they saw you at the hospital, filled with tears, hopelessly weeping. They were sorry for you. And in the second instance, they saw you at the park, alone and weeping, curious about what's going on with you, asking themselves why do you always weep and with no one comforting. They pitied on you." She explained.

After listening, I gave no reaction. I found myself recalling and reminiscing. "I told them that maybe it was the time that your eomma died when they saw you at the hospital. But I found no idea about the reason in the second instance." She continued.

Without looking at Yoona, I explained. "It was the time that I lost Yuri and Hyoyeon." My tears streamed down. "You see I lost dear people in my life. When I'm at home, alone, I remember them most of the time, that's why I weep often. I never learned to smile then. But now you're here. You befriend me. You helped me regain the smile that I've almost long forgotten. You treated me nicely. Though I'm too silent to be with, you still chose to befriend me. You accepted me the way I am. And I'm too grateful that there is someone like you who is ready to listen to my sad stories. Ready to comfort when I'm sad. Neomu kamsahamnida."

She smiled at me and offered her handkerchief. She freely wrapped her arms around my shoulders to comfort me.

 

 

One day when I was off duty, I bought flowers and apples. I went to my eomma's grave. When noon greeted, I departed from there and went to the park carrying the plastic of apples. I sat at the swing. I ate apples.

"Are you not thirsty?" I was surprised with the voice that I heared. It sounded familar. I wondered who it was so I looked up. "Here, maybe you're thirsty." It was Yonghwa. He offered a milk shake to me.

"It's you." I plainly said.

"Ne. I bet that you kept on eating apples since you were on the cemetery. Having noticed that you didn't carry with you something to drink, I bet you're thirsty. So here, accept this." He offered again.

I accepted the milk shake. "Kamsahamnida."

"Maybe you're curious about how I knew that you were from cemetery." He said.

But again, I just gave him a bit smile to express my response.

"I saw you at the gate of the cemetery. I was on my way to Kyuhyun's house when I noticed and saw you about to enter the cemetery holding flowers and apples." He explained.

"Ahh, jinjjayo?"

"Ne. Please accept my late condolences."

"Kamsahamnida." I gladly gave thanks. He sat at another swing and began to talk again.

"Seohyun-ssi." He looked at me and I looked back. "Actually, it was the same place when we saw you weeping, alone. You sat at the same swing."

I feel ashamed and smiled a bit at him. I offered him a piece of apple and he accepted it.

"Kamsahamnida." He said.  "You seem uncomfortable with me. I'm sorry if I'm acting and talking like a friend of yours. But, can't we be friends?" I just looked at him. "You seem too silent to talk with but I still want to befriend you."

"Ah, jinjjayo?" I smiled at him and I added "Me too." Then we smiled with each other.

 

 

"If you don't mind, why do you sit at the same swing?" He wondered.

"Aigoo." I sighed.

"But you don't have to tell if you don't want to, I'll understand."

"Aniyo. Since you're my friend now, I'll tell you what you asked."

"Jeongmal? Arasseo. I'll listen."

"Aigoo." I sighed again. He looked at me being bothered of my sighing.

"You really don't have to tell if you're not ready yet."

"Actually" I started. He looked at me, patiently waiting for what I would tell. My eyes began to form some tears. But, I was able to hold them. "It was exactly in this place where my bestfriends Yuri and Hyoyeon left me. I lost them in this place. And I often came here when I have no work because I'm hoping that maybe they will go to this place. Maybe I would see them here. I want to apologize and I want them back.....Aigoo." Tears began to fall and Yonghwa was bothered.

"Choesonghamnida.(I'm sorry)" He felt sorry.

"Aniyo. Don't be sorry. You've done nothing wrong." I said.

"But, why did you lose them?" He asked further, and he handed me his handkerchief.

"Because...I was blinded by love." I confessed. Yonghwa looked at me like he didn't expected what I have just said. "They don't like him because according to them he's not different from other guys. They confronted me for that and I defended him. I never meant to slap Hyoyeon. It was definitely out of my intention. But nevertheless I did hurt her that's why I lost them. Yuri sided with her because I was wrong. I never knew that they were the ones who truly cared and loved me, but I threw them away because of him. How frustrating it is to think that because of love, I lost my dear friends. And I totally regret it. Until now, I'm still suffering the prize."

Yonghwa remained silent like he didn't know how to comfort me.

"Do you know that I was suffering from serious agony at the time? I lost my eomma, I lost my bestfriends, then he followed. He left me." I continued.

"Choesonghamnida." Yonghwa felt sorry again. "I always see you with a sad countenance. You used to entwine yourself with sadness. How can you move on if you're like that? Why not try to wear your smile? Be happy with what you have now. Stop living for what was gone 'cause you will always find yourself frustrated. Start your life again, with us, your new friends." I looked at him and smiled.