I remember once again
The lakeshore we used to walk around often
Staying up all night talking about little things
We were so happy back then

“Hyung, time for your therapy.” Jungshin comes into Yonghwa’s room without knocking. He sees his friend sitting near the window. His crutches leaning against the wall. Photo album on his lap, Yonghwa was staring out the window.

It was at the tip of Jungshin’s tongue to scold his Hyung again. What was the point of getting hurt again staring at those pictures?  Jungshin never wanted to even go near Catalina Island in this life time.

“We’ll be late. Jonghyun’s coming to pick us up in 5 minutes.” Jungshin gently gets the album from Yonghwa’s lap.

“Oh, you’re here.” Yonghwa comes out of his reverie and looks at his Maknae.

“Yes, I’m here to take you to the hospital” He holds his hand out and watches as Yonghwa painfully stands up. Jungshin’s heart tearing up again as he sees Yonghwa bite his lower lip. But Jungshin had learned to keep his comments to himself.

Minhyuk scolded him a lot whenever he spoke his mind. Jonghyun was worst – he would just hit Jungshin in the stomach whenever he felt that their Maknae spoke out of turn.

No one was allowed to speak to Hyung that way. Even if it was the truth. Most specially if it was the truth.

Jonghyun was waiting for them as they went out the door. The 2 younger men help Yonghwa sit in the front seat of the Honda. Drops of sweat lined Yonghwa’s brow but he paid no mind. He tried to close his mind from the memories that he had that morning.

Him and Joo in Catalina Island. Walking on the beach. Those beautiful days before his doongsaengs came.

The therapy session would be another hard one. But he was getting used to the pain. His doctors had agreed that they didn’t want Yonghwa to rely so much on pain killers.  His sessions were almost every day now as he was getting ready for another operation.

It was 6 months after his accident.

I remember once again
The quiet park in front of your house
I used to throw fits because I missed you so much
It was so good back then because you were there

Yonghwa wakes up from his sleep. He’s been having the same dream every night. Joo was smiling, her arms around, kissing him.

God he misses her so much.  But he could only say it aloud in his empty room.  He was brusque when his parents tried to talk to him about Joo.  He was uncommunicative when his friends talked to him about her. He was rude to Taeyeon when she came to visit him. Flatly telling her that he didn’t want to even talk to her.

It hurt to see Taeyeon because she reminded him so much of Joo. It hurt.

He calls Jonghyun and asks him to take him somewhere.

An hour later they pull up in front of Joo’s apartment.

“This is not a good idea Hyung.” Jonghyun looks at Yonghwa.

“Just ask the landlord if he knows where she went.” Yonghwa replies quietly.

Jonghyun wordlessly gets out of the car and heads for the apartment building. After a few minutes he comes out and gets back in the car.

“The land lord is new.  The building is under new management.  He doesn’t have the last landlord’s contact number but I did see one of the girls who knew Joo.  She doesn’t know where Joo went but she did say that Joo’s apartment is empty right now.”

What Jonghyun didn’t tell his Hyung was that though Joo’s apartment was unoccupied there was a lady who kept it clean and spotless.

“Can you help me sit by the benches over there?” Yonghwa points to the little park in front of the building.

Jonghyun nods and helps Yonghwa to one of the benches. He sits beside Yonghwa, both lost in their thoughts.

Jonghyun knew that his friend was remembering all the times he and Joo sat on the benches and watched the people passing by.  Jonghyun had joined them there many times. His heart hurt remembering all their sweetness – how Yonghwa would embrace and kiss Joo not minding how she would blush with embarrassment at the blatant show of affection in front of Jonghyun or Minhyuk or Jungshin or all of them. And Jonghyun was very certain that Joo felt the same way. How her eyes would light up whenever she saw Yonghwa and how she always held on to him, cuddled against him, loving him with her and in every gesture and movement she made. They were so much in love. Jonghyun swallows. And that love made his Hyung like this.  

He watches Yonghwa open and close his hand reflexively over his cane. His Hyung had gone back to school - trying to catch up with his academics. Bravely walking thru the campus, ignoring all the stares and whispers of people who were curious of the guy who was beaten up because of a rich heiress.  Some people said he deserved it – a gold digger, others had felt bad for him because they knew Yonghwa to be a decent guy.

“Hyung, you know it’s always better to cry. It relieves things. To hell with the macho stuff. She hurt you badly.” Jonghyun gestures to his heart and head. “I really wish you would just cry.”

Yonghwa just nods. But lately he’d been finding it hard to cry – it was just like everything dried up inside him. All he wanted to do was finish school and go back East – to New York, far away from this park – far away from his memories of Joo.

It was 12 months after his accident.

One fine day, a teary day
A heartaching day because you were so dazzlingly beautiful
One fine day, a day I can never go back to
That day, that day, that day, that day, that day

Get out of my life – those words kept repeating in Yonghwa’s head. He regretted the words as soon as he said them. His body and mind full of pain. And he wanted to lash out.

Lash out at her. Lash out at Joo. The person he loved so much.

The after 4 days he asks the nurses if she came – she didn’t.  He kept asking in the coming days and was getting frustrated that Joo hadn’t come.

He wanted to explain. He knew it wasn’t her fault. But he really didn’t know how he could introduce her to his parents. 

There was a lawsuit filed against those men who hurt him and his friends. The assailants each got 5 to 10 years in prison.  Yonghwa wasn’t really paying attention but it did strike him as odd that not one man put up a defense and not one willingly admitted to have been hired by Jaejoong.

When he learned that she had withdrawn from the university and left her apartment Yonghwa felt his anger come back.

How could she leave him? He spoke those words in anger and pain. Did she not know him well enough?  She should have come back the next day and the next day and the day after that.  People who loved each other do that.

Never gave up.

But Joo did.

He felt his tears come. He wanted her back but she left him. Because he told her to.

It was his first week without his cane. Two years after his accident.

I remember once again
The endless words I saved up
They’re buried deep in my heart
I didn’t know back then because I didn’t know we’d say goodbye

The first time he saw her picture in the society pages was when he overheard two girls were talking about her in the library.

“Is this she? The heiress?” The first girl asks the other.

“Yup the same one.” The other’s head bobbed up and down. “She was the cause of the fight. Some guy got thugs to beat up her boyfriend then when the boyfriend was in the hospital she just left him.”

“Wah! Cold! But she’s really pretty. The guy next to her is so handsome too.” The other girl puts the newspaper article closer to her face. “Where is this again?”

“Silly! That’s in Monaco – Grand Prix.  The guy’s some aristocrat. He’s handsome. Nice club outfit huh?” The two nod in agreement. “Must be fabulous to be that rich –you get the pick of the guys.”

When the 2 girls left he got the newspaper and read the article. His mouth twisting in distaste as he read it. In the picture Joo was looking up at the guy’s face and laughing – holding a glass of champagne. The article hinted of an engagement as the couple were seen in several posh places in several fashion capitals in Europe. 

She never contacted him. Maybe it was because she did forget about him already. He was just another guy.

That night he got roaring drunk. Minhyuk had to come to the bar and take him home.  He was about to get into a fight with 2 guys.

After that he read about all her activities in the society pages and on the internet. It hurt him yes – so much but he couldn’t help himself.

He played basketball with his doongsaengs for the first time 2 and a half years after his accident.

One fine day, a teary day
A heart aching day because you were so dazzlingly beautiful
One fine day, a day I can never go back to
That day, that day, that day, that day, that day

He graduated at the top 5% of his class. His parents were so proud – his mother kept saying it over and over again. The Korean Ambassador gave a private dinner at the Embassy in his honor.

“You’ll go places Yong. Keep it up you’ll make us all proud.” The Korean Ambassador clapped Yonghwa on the shoulder.

Shin Hye was one of the guests then. A brilliant student, she kept up with Yonghwa and while they did go out for dinner dates and hung out together he didn’t take it any step further.

She wanted a relationship he said he didn’t. In frustration she accused him of still having feelings for Joo. Yonghwa’s voice was cold when he told her that if she wanted only then he would be willing – she was a beautiful and intelligent girl. But other than that he had nothing to give