Chapter 5

Jaejoong gasped as he came to & realized he was sweating heavily, the sweat already soaking into his once clean, white club room assorted relaxed long sleeve shirt. He sighed, it had been so long already, so long that Jaejoong had stopped counting as the years slipped by. Gradually, the world had mellowed out, it was no longer the cruel place it once was but love, it always eluded him. Love was like trying to catch a soaring bird. It just wasn’t possible.

Jaejoong remembered that girl, the one girl he had tried to love. The one that had drown a long time ago. The girl he couldn’t save & who couldn’t save him because he hadn’t truly loved her. He was only able to watch as the girl slid away from his grasps. All of a sudden, Jaejoong felt depressed & discouraged, ‘I don’t think I’m capable of falling in love. I will just have to remain here, watching, waiting. Forever.’

‘Don’t be upset because roses have thorns. Be glad because thorns have roses.’ Yuri’s soft voice came back to him, telling him her views through rose-tinted glasses. Jaejoong’s mind wandered to her & slowly, a smile began to form at the cornered of his lips. In the days she had been here, Jaejoong had spent considerable time wondering about himself. He could never describe the fact that his heart would always quicken when she was around. How he always felt something was missing when she wasn’t there. How the temperature would always increase when she was near him. Jaejoong had never been able to identify that feeling he felt when he gazed into her exquisitely eyes.

He thought back to the scene that afternoon. The silkiness of her fruity scented hair, the softness of her sweet lips. The feeling of her body pressed against his. Most of all, Jaejoong remembered that amazing feeling of rightness that he felt while holding her.

Suddenly, as if it was someone else thinking, Jaejoong knew. He knew what that unidentifiable feeling in his heart was. It was love. Love for Yuri.

Jaejoong closed his eyes, standing by his precious flowers, experiencing that wonderful feeling that had a name. The feeling he had experienced once but had forgotten what it was like. Had he really experienced it before? Or was he only deluded to think it had? Jaejoong felt the warmth of the sun through the window & smiled. For the first time in forever, he was glad it was sunny,

“Hey, man. You are still here?” Changmin reappeared suddenly, speaking into his ear, causing Jaejoong to jump three feet into the air.

“Don’t you make any noise?” Jaejoong asked indignantly, trying to frown but not managing to wipe that silly grin off of his face.

“I did. You just didn’t hear me.” Changmin blinked innocently, "You were too busy grinning to yourself."

Jaejoong pouted cutely, the color rushing into his cheeks. In shock, he heard himself say something he had never expected himself to utter, “Hey, Changmin. I need advice.”

“Welcome home, honey.” Mrs. Choi said, as a girl walked in the front door. Yuri, from her curled position on the couch, could see that she was indeed very beautiful, almost as perfect as the picture upstairs.

“How was the trip back from France?”

“Mom.” The girl drawled, “I’m fine obviously. You don’t need to nag.”

Yuri’s first impression of Sulli was a snobby, self-centered girl. It was so different from the personality she expected Sulli to have.

“Sulli, darling. This is your cousin, Kwon Yuri. You know, the one I wrote to you about.” Mrs. Choi turned, beaming to Yuri, “Hun, this is my daughter, Sulli.”

Sulli looked at Yuri assessing, orange lips shaped in a pout, “So, you are Yuri?” She smirked, adopting a pitying expression, “I’m sorry. I heard some dreadful thi…”

“Nice to meet you at last.” Yuri forced on a smiled, quickly cutting off the rest of the sentences.

“Of course. I’m sure we will have so much fun together, don’t you think?” Sulli was now wearing a smile that didn’t reach her black, doe-eyes. It was obvious she too, despised Yuri for who she was & how she was now living on their charity.

Yuri groaned, rolling her own eyes, ‘I’m stuck with this ty, stuck up creature for the rest of my life?’ She forced herself to nod, the thoughts of a kindred friendship with her cousin vanishing under waves of distaste, “Mom!” Sulli whined, “I’m going to my room!” She got up, tugging at her black/ivory two-toned scoopneck dress.

“Yes, dear. You must be tired from your trip. Go ahead, Yuri & I will bring up your stuff.” Mrs. Choi said fondly.

Yuri looked up, ‘What? Who does she think I am? A modern cinderella?’ She glanced at Sulli & caught the girl smirking satisfactorily again.

“You don’t mind, do you, Yuri?” Sulli asked in her snotty voice.

Yuri gritted her small, pearly white teeth together, ‘Must not tackle her.’ She counseled herself, ‘Be patient.’ “Of course not.” Yuri said icily, “Go ahead & get your beauty rest.”

Sulli glowered but contented herself by making her way upstairs, swinging her hips from side to side.

“Isn’t she sweet?” Mrs. Choi asked, as they tugged Sulli’s heavy luggage upstairs.

‘Sweet?’ Yuri thought, ‘You have got to be joking.’ “Of course.” She managed to said.

“I do spoil her a bit.” Mrs. Choi admitted, not noticing the rigidness of Yuri’s body, “With her father gone, I’m all she has left.”

Yuri coughed pointedly but wisely kept silent, ‘A bit?!’ Her mind was yelling, ‘To the point when she can’t even carry up her own luggage?!’

After Yuri deposited all of Sulli’s luggage in a heap in front of her door, she sank on the bed in the spare bedroom, her new room. She was out of breath & panting, energy gone, ‘I’m getting weaker every day.’ Yuri thought miserably, ‘I can’t even carry a small suitcase without getting exhausted.’

Her aunt had thoughtfully put up some cream-colored curtains to match the bedspread & the room was filled with all sorts of small knick-knacks that would have delighted any girl but the room was missing something, ‘Love.’ She thought. The love of a father, a mother, anyone that loves you. Yuri sat up against the headboard, tucking her flawless, long legs under her chin. She sighed, glancing at the empty photo frames waiting to be filled with pictures of friends & family.

“The only picture I have is one of my mom.” She said, out loud, “& even she can’t comfort me now.” Yuri crawled under the covers, bringing the duvet up to her chin. Out of the dark, an image appeared. A pair of warm, sympathetic, soft eyes, a mouth curved in a slight smile, Kim Jaejoong. The image felt so real & comforting that Yuri almost reached out for the tissue he was holding out.

Her mind wandered to the kiss they had shared that day. The safe feeling she felt in his arms, ‘Jaejoong Oppa.’ Yuri thought desperately, ‘You don’t know how much I want to be with you. How much I want to love you & be loved in return but I can’t.’ She remembered the sympathetic look in his eyes when she had told him about her small family but this is different, ‘If you knew, you would look down at me & wish you had never known me.’

Not for the first time, tears welled up in her eyes, ‘You don’t know the truth Oppa, & you would hate me if you did.’ Yuri felt a tear splash across her cheek & onto the pillow. She blinked rapidly to stop the flood of tears, ‘Do not cry, Yuri. You promised mom you would cherish what’s left of your life.’ By this time, the tears were coursing down her cheeks. Finally, Yuri gave up trying to be cheerful & gave herself up to the darkness & with it, the memories.