Chapter 16

Jaejoong guarded Yuri’s bed for five days as if he could stop death from taking her away. His eyes were tired & his hair was tousled. The incense of the air in the room was suffocating, pressing in on them from all sides, so thick it was almost visible.

For five days, Jaejoong hadn’t left the bedside, even when he heard Changmin pounding incessantly on the front door, shouting for Jaejoong to let him in. He had refused to let anyone into the room & roared at a maid on the second day. She had only, in her worry, asked through the doorway if the young master would take some food as to not ruin his health. He wanted to starve & die so he could accompany Yuri in her days in heaven, ‘But that can never happen.’ He thought bitterly.

Yuri was struggling to breathe in uneven, shallow gasps, her locks sticking to her neck & forehead in her laborious struggle for life. The lace & toile floral satin chemise nightgown she wore was soaked through with sweat & it clung tightly to her still shapely figure. It was like her spirit, trying desperately to hold onto her body.

Jaejoong took Yuri’s lifeless hands into his & held them against his heart. Feeling his steady heartbeat, Yuri stirred, her eyelids fluttering slightly. He whispered to her in a low, soothing voice, hoping that wherever she was now, she could still hear him.

“That’s where you will be, Yuri, until the end of forever. I will love you until the end of time & beyond. No matter what happens, our souls are entwined for eternity, if only eternity could be applied to you too, Yuri.” Jaejoong felt hot tears burning in his eyes as he bent down to kiss her closed eyelids. His lips travelled to her forehead, back down to her pale cheeks & finally, claiming those infinitely soft lips, “My heart will be yours only & my love will be evergreen.” Grief clouded his voice, making it hard to articulate the words but Jaejoong went on as if his life depended on it, “It will be enough to keep us together. Forever.”

He watched helplessly as Yuri slowly slipped away from the world, from life, from him. Her ragged breathing ceased & in the silence of the haunting room, his tears fell onto Yuri’s perfectly modeled features, drenching her with his eternal love.

The fiery gold sun was setting yet again, bathing Jaejoong in a warm flood of golden light as he watched from his balcony. He wanted to hide from those mocking rays of sunlight but forced himself to remain still, alone & unaccompanied, ‘What right does the sun have to continue its daily journey through the heavens while my Yuri is no longer with me?’ Jaejoong thought rebelliously, glaring at the glowing sphere with unreasonable anger. His heart ached with unbearable sadness, worse than he had ever experienced before but there was no one there to ease it. Once again, he was thrown out into the cruel world alone & would be until the end of time.

‘Why did you have to leave me like this?’ Jaejoong clenched his hands tightly on the railing of the magnificent balcony until the white of his knuckles could be clearly seen, ‘Heart broken & utterly alone in the world.’ A hand came down forcefully on top of the railing, hard but Jaejoong hardly noticed the pain. He raised his eyes to the colour-filled sky who’s golds, red, purple & blue seem to bit into his pained soul, ‘I will spend the rest of eternity living on the memories of you, even the wind, Yuri, will echo with your laughter.’

“Jaejoong Oppa.” A voice called softly.

He leapt up, knocking over his chair in the process. That musical voice. Wouldn’t he recognize that anywhere? But how could it be? The very thought of it was absurd. He whipped around, eyes searching frantically for the source of that beloved voice. What his soulful eyes presently met stunned him in a state of shocked speechlessness.

There, before him, stood his Yuri.

Jaejoong stared, mouth slightly open in shock, at the beautiful apparition standing in front of him. As one by one, his senses began functioning again, his mind did a double take. He had seen with his own eyes Yuri being cremate & pour into the ocean where she could be free & happy & it was a moment of pure pain he could never forget so why was the same girl standing in front of him as if nothing had happened? Or was he, the stable, level-headed Kim Jaejoong, hallucinating? Was this nothing but a dream in the corner of his mind? A fragment of his imagination in his desperation to have her back by his side? Jaejoong was still deep in his surprised musings when she spoke again.

“I have missed you, Oppa.” Yuri was whispering but each syllable echoed off the marble walls in the silence, sounding several times as loud. Her voice carried a hint of those wind chimes hanging on his door back at his store.

Jaejoong couldn’t tear his fascinated eyes away from her so he stared like one in a mesmerized trance. He gazed at her, eyes lingering over every feature he had missed so much over the past week. Her full, moist lips, long lashes veiling shiny eyes, softly curved, lithe figure, yet it couldn’t be real, could it? Could she have been reincarnated? Maybe god saw how much he needed her & sent her back down to him.

Jaejoong took several cautious, uncertain stepped towards her, whispering Yuri’s name. He stopped midway, unable to continue. At this close proximity, it finally hit him & he realized what he was seeing.

Up close, he noticed that her skin wasn’t reflecting the light of the sun, it was actually giving off its own soft, appealing glow. Yuri’s eyes sparkled as she saw the comprehension dawn on his previously blank face.

She was an angel, his angel, pure & perfect.

Reality finally sank in & Jaejoong felt a rush of contentment surge through him but along with it, a feeling of disappointment & bittersweet pain, as if he had just lost her all over again.

“I have finally reached your end of the spectrum, Oppa.” Yuri smiled, flashing straight, white, teeth, “& we will never be apart again. You were right, our love will never vanish.”

She stood there, eager yet tentative, so full of life & yet, not alive.

“Yuri.” Jaejoong wanted to reach out to touch her, to hold her in his arms but he knew he could never do that again. The single fact that she was going to be there for him without end enabled him to bear another surge of pain.

She was his guardian angel.

“We will be together until the end of eternity.” Yuri breathed, reaching out her hands to him.

Jaejoong took them hesitatingly, half prepared for his hands to come into contact with nothing but air but their hands met, warm & comforting. Slowly, Yuri leaned in & kissed him lightly on the lips, the kiss of an angel. With a sound that was half sob, half laugh, Jaejoong pulled her into his embrace, crushing her tightly against him. They clung to each other, neither willing to let go, both trying to make this moment last as long as possible.

Finally, Yuri made the first move to push away from him. Jaejoong looked down at her, noticing with panic her outline beginning to blur & fade & realized the last time he got to hold her was coming to an end. He needed to move away, to release her but why did it feel like his legs had just turned to marshmallow? Yuri was speaking again.

“Promise me, Oppa. Continue living life to its fullest everyday like you would if I was still with you. Don’t dwell on this, please promise me.” She was still so close he could feel her fresh breath on his cheek.

Jaejoong stared. Go back to living like he would if she had never come into his life? That was like asking him to walk to the moon. No. He wanted to yell. How could he pretend nothing had happened? It was impossible, he couldn’t do it.

“Please Oppa, never give up, do it for me? I can never be happy in heaven until I see that you are. I will be with you as long as our love never fades.”

‘Just say no, its not selfish to want you here by my side & only you. I can’t live without you.’ Jaejoong found himself nodding numbly, ‘I promise to try.” He choked out, wondering where he would find that strength he needed to live the rest of forever.

“Oppa.” He looked at Yuri & was startled to find her disappearing from him, becoming almost transparent. The faint outlines of the sunset was visible through her body, “You need to let me go, Oppa.” She whispered. His arms were already closing in through her petite body as they stood.

Jaejoong closed his eyes in pain & let his breath out between his semi-pursed lips. As the air escaped from his lips, he did the hardest thing he had ever do. Pulling his arms away, Jaejoong stepped back, releasing Yuri, letting her finally go in peace, into the world into which he couldn’t follow, “Bye Yuri, I will always love you.” He whispered softly.

From somewhere above him, he heard faintly, “I.” & Jaejoong felt a breezy gust of wind caress his body, “Love.” The melodic voice was nothing more than a scarce whisper, rising higher still, reaching for the sunset & echoing back to him from the sunlight painted clouds, “You.”

He turned his eyes heavenward & caught the last whispered word, “Too.” With a final guest of wind, everything went still.