The shopping trip was a success. The boys really seemed to enjoy themselves. Our first stop was a little boutique that sold accessories. Taemin wanted to get some new sunglasses and Kibum had been talking about getting a new hat for months. We walked around Seoul all day, going in and out of shops and stopping for coffee a couple times. It was surprisingly easy to get around. Seeing as how Shinee is like one of the most popular groups ever, it was almost impossible to walk without being squished by the screaming fans, struggling to take pictures of their oppas. But today was pretty tame. Shinee’s manager followed us around on crowd control duty. By the time we were done, we were all complaining about our feet hurting and Minho and Jinki had fallen asleep on each other in the van. They dropped me off at my building on their way home. I really didn’t want to leave them. It had been such a great day. The awkwardness of the events that took place this morning between Jonghyun and I was completely gone and they all seemed so refreshed and relaxed for the first time in a long time. But my job was done for the day so I decided to go home and rest up a bit before my training session later that night. I waved goodbye and blew them all cheesy kisses before getting off and watching the van disappear into the busy streets of Seoul. My dorm felt nice and cool but also kind of lonely. I was usually okay with being alone here but I wanted to be back with the guys. Leaving my bag, shoes and coat sprawled across my living room, I stripped off my clothes as I walked to the bathroom and got in the shower. I hadn’t had time to shower that morning because breakfast took longer than expected so I still smelled like pancakes and sweat. I took my sweet time in the shower, washing off the day and singing a melody of all my favorite songs. After my shower, I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and packed my gym bag with flip flops to wear home, deodorant, a towel, and my phone charger. My plan was to catch the bus and meet my trainer at the SM building at 9:00 PM. “Oh crap its 8:45!” I was going to be at least a half hour late at this point. Each bus ride usually took about 25 minutes. I hoisted my bag onto my shoulder, threw on my Nike sneakers Minho had given me as a birthday present and hauled to my front door. As soon as I swung it open, I found Jonghyun standing on the other side with his fist up, looking like he was about to knock. “Whoa! Um hey!” I didn’t remember making plans with him that night so I wasn’t exactly sure why he was here.

“Hey! I came to pick you up! You have practice tonight right? I thought I’d give you a ride since it’s pretty far.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and smiled.

“Oh! Wow thanks! Um, yeah. Okay let’s go!” I was actually really relieved because this meant I wasn’t going to be late! He was still smiling at me as he gestured for me to go first. A perfect gentleman. His car always smelled like a mix of his cologne and coffee. A smile crept onto my face as the smell filled my nose and I looked out the window. Seoul at night was gorgeous. City lights filled the streets as people walked back and forth, going to clubs and out to dinner.

“Hey, sorry about this morning. I know it’s not a big deal but I just feel like I should apologize again.” He didn’t sound awkward at all. His voice was still happy and cheerful and he looked at me and laughed a little.

“Haha, yeahhhh. It’s okay. I should really learn how to close doors.” I didn’t even feel awkward anymore. I definitely still felt self-conscious but I tried to just laugh it off. All of the sudden he took my hand and squeezed it like he knew what I was thinking and wanted to let me know it was okay. He let go and turned his attention back to the road.

“You looked pretty hot though.” He had that stupid smirk on his face as he said it. I would’ve spit out my drink if I had been drinking something. My face went completely red and I turned my head toward the window to try and hide it. He saw me and laughed to himself. My heart was beating fast now and I could feel pride welling up inside me as his words replayed in my head.

“Thanks for the ride. I would’ve gotten yelled at if I were late.” I looked at my phone, 8:57. Perfect. I got out and took my bag out of the back seat.

“You need a ride home? I’m gonna be busy but I can ask Tae if he’ll pick you up. He’s gonna be driving this way anyway.”

I smiled and waved my hand. “No it’s okay I’ll text him! See you later Jjong.” I closed the door and waved at him through the window. He returned my wave with a smile and put his hand up as he drove off.

Taemin was late, like usual. I was sitting on the curb right outside the building, fiddling with a small rock right in front of me. It was around 1:30 in the morning. Practice was especially tiring today. We focused on controlling how much space you take on the stage when dancing and perfecting my footwork. He finally showed up and rolled down his window.

“Hey! Let’s go!” he yelled out to me. I tossed my bag on my shoulder and ran over to the car. We were halfway home when Taemin spoke up again. “So, Jonghyun.” I felt my face flush and I looked at him in surprise at the random comment.

“Uhhhh, what about him?” I tried to play it cool. Obviously he knew something was up but I was hoping I could get out of talking about it.

“Well, let’s start with the fact that earlier today, I caught you staring at him at least 15 times.”

“I…don’t know what you’re talking abou-“

“Or the fact that you can’t keep still whenever he’s around. Like last night? I couldn’t get comfortable cause your legs kept squirming around underneath my when he came and sat down.” I couldn’t look at him straight. I knew he was right and there was no way out of this conversation.

“That’s just cause…you know…I had too much caffeine yesterday. I was really jittery.” For some reason I kept going with the excuses.

“I know you like him, dummy. It’s okay! I won’t tell.” He poked me in the stomach and gave me a reassuring smile.

“He saw me half today…” I felt a sense of relief because someone finally knew my feelings and this just blurted out of my mouth.

“What?!” Taemin looked at me with wide eyes. A car horn blared at us.

“Dude the road!” I yelled at him, making him snap back and swerve the car, just barely maneuvering past the other car. “Jesus Christ Tae!” my hand was now clutching my chest.

“He saw you ????” apparently this was more important than the fact that we almost just died.

“Half . I spilled batter on my clothes so I went to go change and, he just kinda…appeared.” I could hear his compliment in my head, “You looked pretty hot though.” It played over and over in my head, making me subconsciously smile.

“So?? What happened?? Did you guys do it?” Taemin was smiling. He seemed legitimately curious.

“What?!?! No!! Dude no. He handed me some shorts and left.” Thanks to Taemin, I was now thinking about if we had ended up “doing it”. Oh god how glorious he must be at it. The feeling of his muscular but lean body pressed up against mine, skin to skin, his breath grazing my neck….No. No. That would never happen. “But anyway, yeah. I’m kinda in love with him. It’s turning me into a babbling, clumsy idiot! I don’t know what to do Tae.”

“Well, you could start by talking to him about it. You guys are close enough to have these conversations.” But that was the thing! We were such great friends. I didn’t want to ruin that by confessing and being shot down.

“No. Absolutely not. I’m not tryna get rejected and ruin our friendship.” I was still looking out the window at all the people going about their lives. It’s funny how many people stay up this late. If it were me I would’ve been in bed hours ago. Sleep has become a very precious thing in the last two years.

“But who knows? He might feel the same way!” Taemin always looked for the positive outcomes of everything. That’s one thing I loved but also hated about him. It’s not like everything can just turn out fine all the time.

“No, Tae. This is one thing I know wouldn’t go my way. But thanks buddy.” I turned to him and pinched his cheek. And just like that we drove the rest of the way home in silence, listening to the low hum of the radio.