The Shinee dorm was deadly silent in the morning. I was always the first one up when they didn’t have any schedules they had to attend that day. I rolled over to find Key completely curled up in the blankets with only his fluffy blonde hair peeking out over the top. Usually when I stayed over, I slept with either Key or Taemin because they were both small enough for me to easily fit on the bed with them. Seeing Kibum so comfortable made me want to roll over, hug him and fall back asleep but once I was awake I could never fall asleep again. So I got up quietly, trying not to move the bed a lot, picked up my white hoodie that I got during my junior year of high school so I could have something to remind me of home when I moved to Korea, and slid it on as I shuffled out of the bedroom. The boys definitely wouldn’t be up for least another hour and a half so I decided to make them a sort of congratulatory breakfast. They loved it when I made them breakfast. I’m a terrible cook but the one thing I specialize in is pancakes, which is something none of them know how to make so whenever we had time in the morning, I would always make them my famous pancakes. The smell of the batter was beginning to take me out of my half comma I was still in from my terrible night’s sleep and I started remembering everything that happened the night before. God that was so embarrassing. But he just looked so perfect. The way the slightly damp tips of his hair stuck to his forehead, the way his perfectly built arms reached out and grabbed the pack of beer, the way he sauntered over to the living room shirtless, the warm vanilla scent that had never failed to completely surrender me to my senses. Oh god he was just walking perfection. The next thing I knew, I was holding the batter bowl limply in my arms while barely stirring, allowing the thick clumpy globs of batter to spill onto my hoodie and the front of my shorts. “God damnit what is wrong with you?!” I silently screamed to myself as I set the bowl down and walked over to the bathroom to find a towel. The front of my clothes was covered in goopy, uncooked pancakes. A towel was not going to do the job so I carefully took off the hoodie, trying not to get any batter on myself. I bunched it up and threw it in the laundry bin before starting on my shorts. I slipped out of them easily and tossed them as well. I was left standing in my black wife-beater and baby blue underwear that only covered about half of my . I looked down and found some batter had gotten on my arm so I went over to the sink to wash it off. That was when I caught sight of Jonghyun in the mirror, standing with his mouth slightly open and a look of surprise on his face. The other members had seen me in my underwear before but I was always too self-conscious around Jonghyun. This was the first time he’d seen me half which explained the look on his face. I jumped and looked over at him, subconsciously trying to cover myself up with my arms.

“Oh my god I’m sorry! I was just coming to use the b-bathroom and….” He quickly turned around so we weren’t just standing and staring at each other, only half clothed, “sorry. Uh, here take these!” he handed me a pair of gray basketball shorts he had been holding, I assumed he was going to change into them. His face was still looking in the opposite direction as his arm stretched back, holding the dangling shorts. I tore my arm from hiding my body to grab the shorts.

“Oh, thanks.” I couldn’t find any words to say, I was too stunned and confused. I shouldn’t have been confused. It was simple, really. Jonghyun, the guy I’d been in love with for 4 years just caught me changing and wiping pancake batter off myself. But for some reason this hadn’t completely sunken in yet so no words were able to be formed to heal the awkwardness that loomed around both of us. “Um,” some words started to flow through my brain again, mostly the need to apologize, “sorry…I was making breakfast and I kind of spilled batter on my clothes and….yeah.” I was so caught up in the moment I completely forgot I was still half . I quickly got into the shorts Jonghyun had handed me as he started to speak.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it! It’s totally cool. I um, I’m gonna get something to uh, to drink.” He stuttered as he pointed over to the kitchen, still looking the other way. His hand made its way to his hair and ruffled the back as he slowly started to walk to the kitchen. Once he was out of sight, I gave in to my shaking legs and almost hurdled to the floor, only being stopped by propping myself up with my hands on the sink.

“Jesus Christ…” I mumbled to myself and closed my eyes, hoping that if I shut them tight enough, the embarrassment might go away….no luck. I took the hair band off my wrist and put my hair up into a ponytail before venturing back out to the kitchen. Jonghyun was leaning against the counter, face towards the fridge while drinking a can of cold coffee. All I wanted to do was forget what just happened and get the awkward vibes out of the room. So I mustered up my courage, put a smile on my face and walked to the kitchen to grab a drink. “Why are you up so early?” I tried to think of anything to say to move past what had just happened, “Usually you’re not up for another hour.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he still sounded a little uncomfortable. I didn’t blame him. “I guess I got a lot of sleep last night.” I sure as hell didn’t. Of course I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Well good cause I want to take you guys shopping today. I feel bad for chipping your plates last night and ruining Jinki’s dinner. So I want to make it up to you guys!” I tried to sound cheerful, as if nothing awkward had just happened. It seemed to work because his face became a little more relaxed and he began comfortably drinking his coffee again.

“Oh, hey you don’t have to feel bad. Really it was nothing!” he tried to play off my offer but I could tell he wanted to go. It had been a really long couple of months with all their schedules and performances and none of them had gotten any time off to do anything relaxing.

“Dude no. We’re going.” I courageously patted his shoulder while saying this, desperate to ward off any lingering stiffness. “Once the guys wake up I’ll make breakfast and then we’ll go, okay?” I smiled at him and he smiled back. My efforts paid off as he slipped from my grip and playfully tossed my ponytail as he walked out of the kitchen.

“Haha, okay whatever you say boss.” I watched him as he went in the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the shower turn on and fought against my own mind, trying to lock out the thought of him completely and wet in the steaming shower. I ran over to the sink and splashed some cold water on my face before leaning against the counter and smiling like an idiot, thinking about how he flicked my ponytail and stared into my eyes, looking deep into my soul. Or at least that’s what it felt like.