10 minutes later, I was standing outside what looked to be a nail salon. Only a select few, including Shinee and I, knew that if you went all the way to the back of the salon, there’s a café behind an old looking white door at the end of a hall. It was basically a hole-in-the-wall kind of place. Locals rarely even knew about this place. The boys and I often came here when we wanted to eat out but everywhere else was extremely packed and we didn’t want to be stared down while eating. It was small and smelled like nail polish remover but the coffee was to die for and they had delicious French pastries which are popular in Korea but usually rock hard and filled with the most random things. My mind said go in but my feet stayed firmly planted on the outside of the salon. Should I bring it up if he doesn’t? He would probably bring it up right? Does he know how I feel about him? Maybe he pitied me and that’s why he did that. I wasn’t going to stand around and not find out. I pushed my legs forward and opened the door. The smell of nail polish stung my nose as I walked through but my eyes stayed focused on the hallway that would lead me to, hopefully, some answers to my confusion. When I opened the door, I immediately spotted Jonghyun. His silver hair hung over his eyes as he stared into a cup of coffee, hunching over the table while his hand stirred the spoon around over and over again. I was nervous to talk to him after what had happened a week earlier but I really did miss my friend and the joy of seeing him again was stronger than the nerves. I walked closer to find that his head phones were in. He didn’t even notice I was there until I sat down in the chair opposite him and kicked him lightly in the shin. His head bounced up and his raised eyes and closed mouth became his signature crooked smile and his under eyelids puffed up, creating those long creases extending from his eyes that I loved. I couldn’t hide my huge smile as he took out his headphones and leaned back in his chair, still staring into my eyes and smiling.

“So you couldn’t sleep huh? I missed you guys.” I was the first to talk. I had missed all of them so much. I dreaded their trips because it meant being by myself, without anybody to go to the gym with like I did with Minho. Or anybody to pick me up at 1:00 in the morning like Taemin did. Nobody to speak English with like Key or help practice my songs like Jinki. No Jonghyun to lift my spirits with one look or call me stupid.

“We missed you too. A lot. Honestly we talked about going over to your house when we got back cause we missed you so much! But the members were all exhausted.” He spoke with a quiet tone. He looked really jetlagged. But his smile still hadn’t faded. Neither had mine.

“Why aren’t you asleep with your boyfriends?” I always teased them because of how close and touchy they all were with each other. He laughed a breathy laugh at my comment and lowered his eyes slightly as his arms went up and down with his chest.

“I couldn’t fall asleep. And I knew you probably weren’t asleep so I thought we could be zombies together.” He took a sip of coffee as he looked at me again.

“Well you were spot on. Good timing. The infomercials were getting a bit old.”

“Pretty sure I’ve seen the one selling the face shaper enough times I could recite it.” He spoke the entire thing and we both laughed so hard we were practically crying. You could say we were pretty tired.

“I’m gonna order some coffee I’ll be right back.” I started to get up when he put his hand up and pushed out his chair. “I got it! Chai tea latte? Extra chai? Got it.” It was amazing how much he knew about me.

I sat back down and looked up at him as he walked away. “Thanks.” I gave him a quick smile and turned back to look at his empty chair. I watched my thumbs make circles around each other until he got back, carrying a white mug and two plates. He set down the mug and one plate in front of me and sat back down in his chair with the other plate.

“You liked the butter croissant right?” he paused with a slightly worried expression on his face. I smirked at his face before answering.

“Yes you’re fine. Thanks man.” With that he eased back into a smile before we both started on the food. It was like everything was normal. I didn’t feel awkward or nervous anymore. It just felt like any other day when we would eat out together.

“So I talked to Taemin.” We were halfway through the croissants at this point, and my mouth just stopped. Suddenly my nerves came back and I remembered back to the night in the car when I talked to Taemin about Jonghyun. My mouth was still motionless even though I had a full bite shoved in there as I slowly looked up to meet Jonghyun’s eyes that were already looking at me. He had a small smile on his face as he chewed slowly.

“About what?” I chewed and swallowed my food before looking back down again when I said this.

“Well, actually he talked to me. Over a week ago. The day after I saw you in the bathroom.” He was still smiling as he uttered these frightening words. Oh god, don’t remind me about the bathroom. I pictured it in my head. Standing there in my underwear, having a brief stare down with Jonghyun. I’m pretty sure my face turned bright red at that point. He just giggled and put his elbows on the table and locked his hands together. “He asked me if I still had feelings for you.” Still?! Still!?!? So he had feelings for me once? I choked on my coffee mid sip and started into a coughing fit. My fist beat against my chest partly trying to make the coffee go in the right tube and partly to stop my heart from exploding. At the rate it was beating, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it did.

“Pardon?” My coughs had died down mostly and I was now staring at him with wide, expecting eyes and furrowed brows.

“A while back, around when we started hanging out more, I kinda started to like you. And I told Taemin about it.” I was still staring at him, wide eyed but now it was a look of shock. “I was confused why he brought it up again all of the sudden that day, but I told him I do.” My eyes became wider, however that was possible. “And then he proceeded to tell me that you said you were in love with me.” God damnit Taemin. That can’t keep a secret. He was so dead tomorrow. “But anyway, I thought I should tell you. That’s why I kissed you. I’d been wanting to basically ever since I met you, but I didn’t think you felt the same way. I didn’t want to break our friendship. It was getting harder to hold back though. Like when I saw you in the bathroom, I can’t tell you how hard it was to not ruin everything right then and there.” He looked down and smiled at the last part. Was this really happening? I thought I was the only one struggling these last two years. I thought I was the one trying to hold myself back from pouncing on him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, afraid if I did that he would disappear and I’d realize I was just daydreaming. He was still looking down as he started to speak again. “But when Tae told me you felt like that, I guess I was too happy to control myself.” He put his hands down, resting his forearms on the table, and looked back up at me. “I’m sorry I made you wait this long to hear an explanation. I completely forgot about Japan that night. I wanted to know if you legitimately felt that way. But looking back, I feel guilty that I jumped that far without hearing from you personally how you feel. I’m sorry if it was too far.” His eyes lowered back down to his empty cup, and his smile faded slightly into just a one cornered grin. And I just wanted to hold him so that he’d know I felt the same way and that he didn’t have to feel bad. I was still in a state of shock and I realized my hands were shaking. But I reached out and touched his hand, trying to gather my thoughts and process everything he had just said. I felt more looking at him than just wanting to be with him as a couple. I felt a love for him as my best friend. A love that was only growing bigger with the want for more than friendship. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to not replace a friendship with a relationship, but intertwine the two. I finally felt a sense of relief at his confession. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to hide anymore. I just wanted to reassure him at this moment that his words weren’t for nothing. That I really did love him. I moved my hand from resting on top of his and flipped it over so I could wrap my fingers around his hand. Something I’ve done multiple times but only now did it mean something more. He looked over to our hands and smiled.

“I’m gonna tell you right now, the only thing you need to feel bad about is leaving me hanging for an entire week after kissing me like that.” At that he laughed lightly before detaching his stare from our locked hands and moving up to my eyes. He moved his other hand to sandwich mine. “Do you wanna go? I have something I wanna show you.” He looked very excited at the thought and I was running out of coffee so I said yes and downed the rest of my mug. We walked out of the shop, hand in hand and quickly ran to his car when we got outside, hoping no one would recognize him. When we got back to my dorm, it was about 3:30 and we proceeded to eat more food and talk for another half an hour before he took out his guitar. “Remember that night I told you about the song I was writing?” I thought back to the night I accidently fell asleep in their dorm and woke up to find Jonghyun in the kitchen.

“Yeah I remember.”

“It’s about you. I’ve been working on it almost a year and I finished it that night when I saw you sleeping on the couch.” I tried not to blush as I fiddled with the guitar strings.

“So you gonna sing it or not?”

“Calm down I’m getting there!” he pushed my hand off the guitar and smiled as he rested it against his chest and started to play. I don’t know when exactly I stopped breathing during the first half of the song but I found myself having to remember how to inhale. The song was beautiful. The chords he played were so perfectly unique and the way he would slip easily in and out of his falsetto was utterly flawless. I’d heard him sing thousands of times before but it was different now that it was directed at me. He finished with a grin and looked up at me as he dragged out the last note. I was sitting crisscross with my chin in my hands, gawking up at him like a little kid listening to her dad tell her an adventure story. He laughed at my face and put down his guitar. I was sitting on the left side of my couch while he was propped up on the arm right next to me. I scoot over for him to sit next to me. He slid down and flung his legs over my lap so he could stretch out and lie down. I looked at his feet and looked back at him as he met my gaze. I smiled a mischievous smile and his face dropped. He knew what I was about to do. I locked his ankles in my arm and tickled his feet with no mercy. He was a squirming, squealing mess under my grasp and I was dying of laughter. I stopped because I was laughing too much and looked at his face. He was smiling but glaring at me with wide eyes.

“Hey!” he kicked his feet away from me and sat up. I didn’t have time to wipe the tears from my eyes before he tackled me and pinned me on the couch, using his body weight to hold me down while he attacked my sides with his fingers. I should never have told him how ticklish I am. My eyes were completely shut and I wasn’t even able to laugh anymore. All I could do was flex my abs and try to curl up into a ball with my mouth wide open. My hair was now almost completely in my face. I was still trying to recover, my hands clutching my sides as I was coming down from my laughing high. I felt one of Jonghyun’s hands leave my torso and move the hair out of my face. I was now able to barely open my eyes but I was still laughing and I saw him just staring at me, smiling. His smile was so warm. His eyes traveled to every part of my face, seeming to be taking a scan. I was still laughing when he leaned in and kissed me. I felt the familiar electric current run through me. I hadn’t felt it since the night him and Jinki came over. I had waited for this moment ever since I met him. Even though we had already kissed, this one felt more legit and real. I was in shock the first time and even though the feel of his lips was still new, I felt more at ease. My whole body was tingling but I felt content. He broke the kiss to look in my eyes again. “I really missed you.” His words made me giggle like an idiot. He chuckled at my reaction and kissed me again. His right hand was still holding my side and his left hand let go of the hair he moved from my face and cupped my cheek, my skin with his thumb. I ran my hand slowly through his soft silver ash hair and left it at the base of his neck. The kiss gradually got deeper and we just stayed like that for a while. My other hand eventually found its way under his shirt and I traced the skin on his warm back. Again, I felt the need to feel all of him physically and emotionally. I had the emotional part basically covered already. I wrapped my legs around his, pulling him closer if that was possible. I moved both hands to caress his back and moved my leg up and down, feeling the texture of his jeans that really ought to have been on my floor by now. Squeezing my legs, our lower bodies met, releasing a small sigh from my lips into the kiss. Realizing I'd just moaned for the first time in front of him, I felt my face flush. I could feel his mouth turn into a smile, apparently pleased because he immediately pushed down on my pelvis making my breath hitch in my throat. He smiled again. “Someone’s a little worked up.” He said in a mocking way. “Did I do that?”

“Yeah stupid.” We both laughed and went back to the kiss. But after a minute or so, Jonghyun stopped and pulled away.

Just looking at me, grinning, he said, "I love you." I smiled ear to ear.

"I love you too." I’d said this a billion times. But now these four words also held a different kind of love than ever before. And with that, his hands wrapped around my legs, hoisting us both up off the couch. I knew where this was going, and oh boy, was I excited.