XII

WE ARE ONE

On the way home, Kyung Eun yawned. After going out with eleven guys all on the same day, who wouldn’t be sleepy? Jong In patted her on the head and asked if she wanted to be carried home. She insisted she could walk. But in less than half an hour, she was already asleep as Jong In carried her on his back.

When they reached the apartment, Kyung Eun woke up. She apologized to Jong In for having to carry her; blushing as she did so. Jong In just giggled and hugged her. Deciding to retire for the night, Kyung Eun hugged and thanked each of the members. She did not fail to mention that hopefully when she wakes up, she’ll be back in her own body—but she did enjoy today. She’s never been on so many dates with handsome guys in a single day.

Kyung Eun then went to the Kaisoo room and prepared to go to sleep.

Meanwhile, each of the members showed each other their pictures with Kyung Eun—having a very fun shipping battle among themselves. When all the joking around was done, Joonmyeon spoke up.

“So… tomorrow’s the last day of craziness?” He sounded a bit sad. “I’m really happy we’ll have our Soo back, but I think I’ll miss all the random adventures we’ve had with him.”

“Who says it has to end?” Kris stated with a smile. “As soon as he’s back to normal, we’ll do everything together again—like the family we once were. We’ll create a hundred more random memories with each other. Rather than the end, it’s only the beginning. The beginning of our very serious bonding moments~”

 Many “aisshhh!” and “Who’s this cheezy Duizhang?” echoed in the room. Things were so different now. They were all smiling with each other—messing about and being the brothers they’ve always been. It’s hard to imagine how they were so distant before—how they let work and arguments take over, ruining this beautiful bond they had with each other. They promised never to let it happen again.

That night, EXO slept peacefully with a thankful prayer on their lips; looking forward to the last day of 4D irrationality.

Luhan woke up early, together with Minseok, to fix up some breakfast and heat the bath water. Once that was done, they proceeded to go wake up their band mates. Minseok went into the Kaisoo room, and saw Kyungsoo as a guy again—the wig and feminine wear neatly placed on the bedside table. He chuckled and blushed a bit, remembering yesterday’s encounter. Getting over himself, he proceeded to gently awaken Jong In. Then they both tried to wake up Kyungsoo, but he didn’t even stir. They let him be, and joined everyone for breakfast. “Maybe he thinks he’s hibernating today.” Tao suggested.  Without any other ideas, the group took that into consideration.

After breakfast, they tried once more to wake Kyungsoo up. When the boy didn’t budge, the members accepted Tao’s theory.

Noon came around later that day.

Kyungsoo finally opened his eyes, rubbing away his sleep minutes after. He sat up and looked around his room in pure sadness. He sighed and got off the bed, heading towards the kitchen lethargically.

The members were eating their lunch, and smiled upon seeing Kyungsoo. But the grin fell off their faces when they noticed that Kyungsoo looked depressed. They called out to him—greeting him “good morning” or asking him “what’s wrong, Soo?” But their voices fell on deaf ears. When Kyungsoo didn’t respond to their calls, they felt rather dejected. Tao even went over to Kyungsoo and hugged him; begging for Kyungsoo to answer, but to no avail.

The members just watched Kyungsoo drag his body to the cupboard, pulling out cereal. He then went on to the fridge, getting a carton of milk. The petite boy sat down on his usual chair, and began his meal slovenly; still unaffected by the eleven males trying to get his attention. After a few bites, Kyungsoo sighed. He put down his spoon and walked over to the living room.

The other males followed him.

In their living room, they had a table where pictures stood in their little frames—dating back to pre-debut era, all the way until Overdose. They liked to call it their “evolution table,” since they saw how they transformed from trainees to the well-known artists they’ve become. Kyungsoo’s gaze lingered long—he started from the pictures of Wolf, chronologically descending down the neat row of photos. The members wondered why Kyungsoo didn’t start with Overdose.

Finally, the petite male’s eyes landed on their pictures during pre-debut. They were so young, with eager smiles plastered on their faces. Dark circles colored beneath their eyes, and towels hung on their shoulders—signifying a day full of sore limbs, and sore throats. But they were happy. Tired as they were, they smiled genuine smiles—the mirth in their hearts exploding in the form of youth chasing after their dreams.

That picture did the trick. That picture caused a tear to run down Kyungsoo’s cheek, quickly followed by another one and another one and another one. Upon seeing this, the members got shocked, quickly making a move to approach their band mate. But then, Kyungsoo spoke—halting everyone in their steps.

“W-we made it…” Kyungsoo said, in the middle of sniffs and labored breathing, because he was now crying.

“We made it so far… Who knew that EXO could reach this height? Certainly not us. When we were trainees, we didn’t think we’d be such a hit. All we wanted was to debut, and now—we’ve become so much more. God had blessed us; given us the privilege of marking the entertainment industry. We’ve made it big, guys. Our dream…Tasted so much sweeter than we ever imagined it to be. And we’ve only just begun.

We reached all this,

all the fans, the music, the passion,

together.

So why did you guys leave so soon?”

Kyungsoo paused as the hot tears overwhelmed him. He took time to rub at his eyes. When his orbs were red and irritated from all the rubbing, he continued to speak.

“Look at me…

It’s been a year...

A year since you guys died from the car accident,

leaving me completely alone.

We… We didn’t even have the time to settle our arguments, to forgive and reconcile, to say goodbye. I mean, I know EXO’s messed up—on stage, we were all smiles and chummy arms over shoulders, but when we got home, we ignored each other. I understand… That we drifted away from what we used to be. That we… stopped acting like a family ever since work, pressure and stress washed over our being.

And I regret it so much.

I remember clearly, how I stayed late at the recording studio to practice on my vocals more; While the rest of you took the company van home. When I got back to an empty apartment, and manager hyung sitting there with water in his eyes, the news slapped me right across the face.

Kyungsoo…

Your band mates…

The van got into a car accident,

and they didn’t make it

Some drunk driver’s car collided with the company van, and no one survived.

I myself only heard the news from a staff member, who happened to pass by the incident on her way home.

Starting tomorrow, EXO will be disbanded.

You may choose to continue under SM as part of SM the Ballad.

But of course, the choice is yours.

If you want to take a break from the music industry…

That’s fine as well.

Take care, son.

This apartment is still yours to keep.

Contact me once you’ve made your decision.

You’ll be alright, Kyungsoo.

You’ll be alright.”

Kyungsoo hiccupped, as a fresh batch of tears filled his already irritated eyes. “I know… we weren’t the perfect family. But you didn’t have to go. I may have stopped saying it or expressing it, but I still loved you guys. You didn’t have to leave.”Kyungsoo took the framed picture in his hands and rubbed his thumb over the surface.

“Minseok hyung… Thank you for being EXO’s guiding brother.

Luhan hyung, thank you for always being the warm and friendly soul that you were.

Yi Fan hyung, thank you for being out of this world hilarious, even when you try so hard not to be.

Joonmyeon hyung, thank you for being EXO’s guardian angel.

Yi Xing hyung, thank you for being our kind unicorn.

Jongdae hyung, thank you for being a troll who knows to be serious when needed.

Baekhyun hyun, thank you for being the chatter box to help ease me when I’m nervous.

Chan Yeol hyung, thank you for being EXO’s happy virus.

Tao, thank you for being our kung fu baby panda.

Sehun, thank you for being our stoic yet still loveable maknae.

And Jong In… I’m sorry.

For the times I yelled at you when you left your clothes everywhere.

I just… I got annoyed. You knew I hated that—you knew it got on my nerves. But you still kept on doing it! And I don’t know why! You just… you became so obnoxious towards me… And I got mad. And we stopped talking. And now, Now when you’re no longer here… This is the only time I think of saying

That I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for getting mad, instead of being mature. Everyone was stressed; maybe you were just too tired to fix your clothes. I should have just fixed them for you, instead of always asking you to do it when clearly you didn’t want to.

Jong In, I hope you know I loved you. Thank you for being my best friend.

I ran out of time for you. I got too tired to accept your invites to hang-out. And I worked more—spent time with you less. Only now do I regret everything.

I miss you Jong In.

Always have.

I miss everyone.

There was a time I felt like the only one who cared—

the only one made to do chores  for this family.

I felt like such a maid.

But if you all come back…

I promise I won’t complain.

I promise to put you all first in my life.

So please come back.

Please.

I’ll take care of you.

Come back.”

Kyungsoo’s tears had already formed a wet spot on the floor. The members themselves had cried along throughout Kyungsoo’s monologue. They went to him—wrapped their arms around him, told him they were there, that everything was going to be alright. That Kyungsoo didn’t need to cry, because they loved him too— and their family was fixed again.

But Kyungsoo didn’t hear them. Didn’t see them. Didn’t feel them. Because to him, they were already dead.

The entire day passed by with Kyungsoo going to each bedroom.
He lied down on everyone’s bed for over an hour, just staring at the ceiling. When the hour was up, he kissed the bed and moved on to the next one. After lunch, the members followed Kyungsoo to a music shop. They couldn’t help but tear up whenever Kyungsoo smiled bitterly to himself, muttering “Oh, Luhan hyung would like this song,” Or “Yi Xing hyung would dance to this,”only to end each sentence with “I wish I could have given this to him when he was still here.”

The afternoon dragged on—Kyungsoo just idly walking around town in his detached state. He almost crossed the street on a green light, if Joonmyeon didn’t pull him back. Kyungsoo looked back—directly looking at Joonmyeon. For a moment, the leader hoped Kyungsoo could see him. But Kyungsoo didn’t see anyone, so he looked ahead once more. Joonmyeon visibly deflated; Yi Xing rubbed his arm to comfort him.

Right after dinner, Kyungsoo went straight to bed.

“Good night Minseok hyung!” He yelled into the apartment.

“Good night Luhan hyung!”

“Good night Kris hyung!”

“Good night Joonmyeon hyung!”

“Good night Yi Xing hyung!”

“Good night Jongdae hyung!”

“Good night Baekhyun hyung!”

“Good night Chan Yeol hyung!”

“Good night Tao!”

“Good night Sehun!”

“Good night Jong In!”

“I love you guys!”

The EXO members felt themselves tear up for the nth time, seeing Kyungsoo this way. They were supposedly dead, and yet Kyungsoo…Kyungsoo greeted them goodnight, and told them he loved them, knowing that he wouldn’t be receiving a reply.

As the members gathered in the living room, they made a vow.

A vow to cherish this family.
A vow to cherish their bond.
A vow to cherish each other.

They had a group hug.

Together, They declared the same familiar line— rehearsed every time, said to every camera, but only now do they feel the intensity of this short statement. Only now do they feel how this one line cuts deep; meaning so much more to them, than to anyone else.

“EXO,
We are one!”