VI

LEGO HOUSE

“Because I know, and anyone else who’s seen your past with Kyungsoo would know,

That you’re lying.”

Jong In just rolled his eyes, irritated at Baekhyun.

“Hyung, what nonsense are you on about?”

“Admit it Jong In—you love Kyungsoo. Stop lying to yourself and face the truth.”

Jong In pointedly ignored the elder and slipped inside his bed. He slept on his side—back facing Baekhyun—and threw the blanket over him. Baekhyun wasn’t giving up.

“Jong In… I know what you’re feeling, because I’ve been there. I myself, was always pretty sure I hated Chan yeol. But Kyungsoo saw right through me—he told me I was lying.

I soon realized I was. Lying to Chan Yeol. Lying to myself.

In the course of time where distance separated us, I settled for saying I hate you instead of I love you. So much so, that I believed it. But today with Kyungsoo, my eyes were opened—opened to the fact that I’ve desperately been burying love deep inside my heart, to be forgotten. Because I thought it was too late to go back. Because I thought it was impossible for Yeol and me to be as close as we used to be.

But I was wrong!

Channie rescued me from falling off a bed, and wrote a freaking poem for me! It isn’t too late, Jong In. You don’t have to hate him any longer. Take this chance to break down your walls and let him in. Let him know what bothered you, and what you really feel.

Because I think Kyungsoo missed you a lot too.”

Jong In showed no reaction.  Baekhyun sighed. He had said all he needed to say. He only hoped Jong In listened. He stood up, closed the lights, and also went to sleep.

Jong In tightened his hold on his pillow.

“I’m sorry for imposing on you, hyung…” Kyungsoo said shyly.

“It’s alright Soo. I wouldn’t want you to sleep with him anyway,” Chan Yeol replied.

Kyungsoo was on Baekhyun’s bed, Chan Yeol was covering him with the blanket. The latter noticed how red and swollen Kyungsoo’s eyes were from crying. He felt the urge to punch Jong In’s gut. He gently combed Kyungsoo’s hair with his fingers.

“Are you comfortable?”

“Y-yes… thanks hyung. Do you really not mind?”

“Of course not. As long as Jong In’s mean to you, you will sleep here with me.”

Mentioning Jong In’s name was a mistake, Chan Yeol soon realized, as a fresh batch of tears fell from Kyungsoo’s already weak eyes. Chan Yeol worriedly wiped those tears away with his thumbs.

“Kyungsoo…”

“I’m sorry. I know that you and all the other members love me, but whenever I think of Jong In, all the known warmth disappears. I feel so very unloved and unwanted. As if I’m the bane of his existence. That maybe it had been better off to be eaten by aliens. That maybe it would be better if I died so he wouldn’t have to see me.”

“Well, that’s not fair” Chan Yeol pouted. “What about me then? I’m here aren’t I? Does my love not give you enough warmth?

Kyungsoo soon realized that he wasn’t being nice to the giant. Chan Yeol had served as his shelter, but all he was doing was crying over Jong In. It wasn’t right to not acknowledge Chan Yeol.

“I-I’m sorry hyung. Your love is very warm. Thank you.”

Kyungsoo mustered up a small smile. Chan Yeol sighed.

“Come sleep in my bed with me.”

Kyungsoo was rather surprised. “H-huh?”

“You feel unloved and unwanted, right? You’re very wrong. What would EXO be without D.O. Omma? Jong In is just blind for the moment. He’ll come around soon.

But in the meantime…”

Chan Yeol removed Kyungsoo’s blanket and lifted him off the bed, earning him a squeak from the younger. He gently placed Kyungsoo on his own bed, closed the lights, and lied next to him; covering them both up with his blanket. He gathered Kyungsoo in his arms until the younger’s face was on his chest.

“In the meantime, I’ll shower you with the love you’re not getting from Jong In. I’ll satisfy you—make you feel wanted.”

Kyungsoo could feel his cheeks burn.

“You’re blushing. I can feel the hotness of your face,” Chan Yeol chuckled.

“Y-you don’t really have to… b-but thank you. A-and, I can use Baekhyun hyung’s bed…”

“Yeah, you can. But you like this better, don’t you?”

Kyungsoo looked up at Chan Yeol with his wide eyes, thanking the dark that Chan Yeol couldn’t see his flushed state.

“I… I do like this…” Kyungsoo quickly hid his face in Chan Yeol’s chest again. “It… makes me feel loved.”

Chan Yeol chuckled.

“I’ll hold you any time Kyungsoo. I love you. Good night.”

And for that moment, Chan Yeol’s love was enough.

“Kyungie hyung, come watch Pororo with me.”

“I’m sorry Jongie. I just finished preparing our meal for dinner, and I’m still sore from practice. I’m too tired.”

“Oh… o-of course. My bad.”

“Kyungsoo hyung, let’s hang-out today.”

“I’m so sorry Jong In-ah. Choreographer hyung told me to practice my dance. I can’t today.”

“I… see. Ok, maybe I’ll ask Taemin. Practice hard hyung.”

“Kyungsoo hyung, I need your help in my English lessons. I can’t rap this—I don’t know how to read it.”

“Sorry, Jongie—please ask Yi Fan hyung to teach you. I still have to finish with our laundry, then iron afterwards. Maybe next time.”

“Yeah… maybe.”

“Kyungie hyung, can we please go out for lun--”

“Before you say anything, please pick up your clothes. You know how I don’t like messy things.”

“I’ll pick them up later. Let’s go out for lunch~ I’ll treat you! There’s this great place wher-”

“No, pick them up now Jong In. And I’m sorry, I can’t have lunch with you. I have vocal lessons, and the new trainer wants me to eat lunch there so she can discuss today’s targets.”

“Geez! You’re such a killjoy! Would you just loosen up and skip practice for one day? And they’re my clothes, so I can do whatever I want. If I want to leave them everywhere, then I’m going to do so.”

“Jong In! You know how hard it is for me to tidy up the apartment! Can’t you even do something so simple? Ugh. Look, I gotta go. Clean up your clothes. And about lunch, we’ll do it together some other time, ok? I’m just so busy right now.”

“WHY IN THE WORLD CAN’T YOU KEEP YOUR CLOTHES IN THE PROPER PLACE!? ARE YOU ANNOYING ME ON PURPOSE?

IT WAS TOLERABLE THE FIRST TWO WEEKS, BUT IT’S BEEN MONTHS JONG IN! YOU’RE BEING IRRESPONSIBE!”

“MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! I’LL DO WHAT I WANT!

DON’T EVEN TALK TO ME!”

Jong In woke up.

It was three in the morning.

His forehead was sweaty, but his body felt cold even though he slept with a blanket. He buried his face in his palms. He was crumbling. He thought he had hidden it all away in his subconscious, but it somehow leaked into his dream. The road he didn’t want to look back on.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t care anymore. It wasn’t his fault that love got erased from his dictionary. As far as he was concerned, Kyungsoo was the one who wouldn’t bridge the gap between them. Countless times in the past, his offers were rejected and he felt so unneeded. Like a nuisance, like a burden. So he decided that he would be just that. Be a thorn. Be a burn. Be a scratch on Kyungsoo’s windshield.

But would anyone believe that Kyungsoo shattered him? No, they probably won’t. They would probably just tell him it’s all because of the rough schedules, and draining performances. Not only that, but the weight of being the omma was on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Kyungsoo was lead vocal. Kyungsoo had to take care of the house. Kyungsoo had to take care of everyone. Kyungsoo easily got tired. Kyungsoo could not make time for him. Jong In had to understand.

But if Jong In understood Kyungsoo, who would understand Jong In?

The members had their own problems—their own arguments at the time. Jong In had to face the turmoil of his feelings all alone. He knew the work was really away Kyungsoo’s energy and time, but he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t accept that there was nothing he could do to get Kyungsoo back. So instead of being sad, he chose to be angry—chose to blame Kyungsoo for not being there when he needed the elder the most.

At the back of his mind, memories reeled like an old film. Every night he would take time to look at Kyungsoo’s sleeping face. Wondering where the days went…

When Kyungsoo was only ever concerned about him. When Kyungsoo had energy to spare for their little antics. When he didn’t have to share the elder with anyone. When they had all the time in the world for Pororo marathons and Kimchi Spaghetti. Counting the stars when they couldn’t sleep. Watching movies on Friday nights. Camping inside their makeshift blanket tent during summer twilights. Making faces in the mirror when they brushed their teeth. Sneaking inside each other’s bed when storms were just too rough. Promises of holding each other’s hand even until their career ended.

It was cruel, Jong In thought. That Kyungsoo secretly stole a piece of his heart, made him love the elder. Only for a day to come, where Kyungsoo would stop mattering the most— because Kyungsoo just couldn’t give Jong In his time of the day.

That’s not fair. Let me hurt you too,

Jong In thought.

Because in reality, he was the baby. It was him who cried over Kyungsoo, when the elder didn’t have time to pay attention to him. He was the sissy, he was the wuss, he was the weakling. He was cracking. But no, he refused to be that. Refused to be broken. Refused to acknowledge the pain in his heart, because a piece had gone missing. And Kyungsoo had it.

He couldn't be the only one in pain. He wanted Kyungsoo to feel it too.

“I’m angry…” Jong In whispered to the wind.

“I’m mad…”

“I hate him.”

“No,” a voice called out.

“No, you’re not and no, you don’t.

You aren’t angry or mad—you’re hurt.

You don’t hate him—you miss him.”

Jong In looked across the room to find Baekhyun awake.

“Jong In… You had a dream about him, didn’t you?”

Jong In glared coldly. “Shut up and leave me be.”

“Jong In, don’t you think you’ve gone far enough? You don’t even know that you’re crying.”

Jong In was shocked as he brought fingers to his face. Tears? Tears for Kyungsoo? Unacceptable. He roughly wiped them away with his forearm.

“Jong In… You miss him.”

“NO!” Jong In shouted.

“NO, I DON’T!” Jong In shook.

“IF HE DOESN’T NEED ME, THEN I DON’T NEED HIM EITHER!” Jong In buried his face in his palms.

“I don’t miss him… I don’t…

Not the way he smiles at me. Not the way his eyes watch over me caringly. Not the way ‘Jong Innie’ rolls so naturally off his lips. Not how we hug. Not how we hold hands. Not how we laugh with each other.

No…I don’t miss him.’”

Dripping. Tears dripping down from the gaps of his fingers, onto his bedsheets. Baekhyun went to him and hugged him. “What else don’t you miss about him?”

“How his eyes get abnormally large. How he’s my hyung, and yet he’s shorter than me. How he keeps snacks for me in his bag, because he knows I get hungry easily. His little arms wrapped around me. Little hands covered by mine. Little fingers laced with my long ones. His little smile, brightening up the world, more than the Sun ever could.

I don’t miss a single thing.”

“Jong In... If today was the last day on Earth because of alien invasion, and you had to say your last words to him, because you’d never see each other again— would it be I hate you? Or I love you?”

Poke.

Poke.

Poke, poke.

Chan Yeol scrunched up his face. He was having a pretty good sleep, until an unknown force disturbed it. He opened his bleary eyes, only to be met by large ones.

Poke.

“Kyungsoo… ” Chan Yeol slurred, voice heavy with sleep. “Stop poking my nose.”

Kyungsoo giggled. Poke, poke, poke, poke.

“Yah…” Chan Yeol sleepily tried. He took a look at the wall clock. 7:30 AM. Too early, he told himself. “Go back to sleep, Kyungie. Hyung is still sleepy.”

“…Buy me lego. Let’s go to the store and buy lego.”

Ugh... let me sleep an hour more. Chan Yeol groaned. He rolled over so he was lying on top of Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo full out chuckled. Just great. How was Chan Yeol supposed to sleep after hearing that? He swore, Kyungsoo was sunshine personified. After yesterday’s events, where the younger was crying his eyes out, this was such a breath of fresh air. It felt good to hear Kyungsoo happy.

“Hyung, you’re heavy.”

“Why do you want lego?” Chan Yeol asked, finally giving in.

“I’m going to make a lego house, so I can live in it. My cousins, the three little pigs—they built one out of bricks. They say the big bad wolf can’t blow their house down. Well, it was true—but their house was ugly, you know? So plain.”

Chan Yeol snickered.

“So, I want to build a lego house then show them. It may not be wolf proof, but it’s prettier than their house. And anyways, there aren’t any wolves here—so I don’t have to worry about it getting destroyed. Once I’m finished, you’ll come live with me, right?”

Chan Yeol smiled. “Of course. But you know… As much as I hate Jong In for being a retard yesterday, I think he should come live with you too.”

A bit of Chan Yeol's anger towards Jong In had subsided already. He was still pissed at him, but at a lesser level. Jong In was a brat, but maybe he had his reasons. And anyway, today's goal was getting Kaisoo back together. He had to help somehow.

Kyungsoo thought about it. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't know any Jong In. Therefore, he’s a stranger. Strangers are dangerous hyung. They might steal your stuff and kill you afterwards.”

“He’s not a stranger, silly~ I’ll introduce him to you later. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from him.”