✳ Judged ✳

"The bravest thing i ever did was continuing my life when i wanted to die" 

Mark's body became stiff, his face was unreadable. He open his mouth once, but nothing came out. He blink his eyes multiple times and try to speak once more and this time, he succeeded 

"Wha-what?" 

Minah didn't say anything, she has spoken too much to this stranger; this stranger that she has met today. She has spoken much more to Mark than to most of her classmates and she was finding it dangerous. She has to stop talking to him.

She didn't replied but just stood up and walk away. Mark slump into the bench and blew a raspberry, walking the figure walking away. how could she be so cold?

Mark sat there, staring at his lap and fiddling with his fingers like an 8 year old kid. He didn't know why but he felt so anxious yet giddy at the same time and i can say that it is weird. 

"Her voice" he trialled off "it sounds so nice" 

"Is this really attraction?" He ask the nothingness as if someone would answer the question

"And i'm talking to myself" he chuckle and shook his head "get a grip of yourself" 

"She's interesting"

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School was finally over. Everything was the same; same old boring classes but except there's a new kid around, mark. Minah and Mark didn't really talk for the rest of the day and Minah wasn't bothered by it. In fact, she was glad.

She step in to her house, it was dead silent. It means her parents aren't home to fight or yell and that means she's all by herself, again. At days like this, she wish and wish she could leave the house as soon as she's 18, when she's legal. "Another year more" she kept telling herself. Which is 8 months away, only 8 more months to bear the pain and she's free.

She walk along the hallway, only hearing the ticking of the grandfather clock. It was so peaceful and she liked it. She open the door and step in her dark room, hands moving to the right and turning on the lights. The Magic forest chandelier that was hanging in the middle of the room flickered. No doubt, the chandelier was stunning. It is especially produce in Spain in a company called "Lldró" which specialize in producing porcelain figurines. It was a specially made gift for her parents, one in a million.

The orange colored light lit up the room. Her elegant white bed, decorated with gold edges and diamond bits with a white color leather headboard was place in the middle of the room. The wall behind the bed was pure gold, decorated with vintage designs while the rest of the wall was a white and gold vintage wallpaper. A huge white smart TV was place 5 meters away on the opposite of her bed which she rarely even use.

She place her bag in her closet and sat at the edge of her bed,staring at the blank television. suddenly, she felt like she was hungry. she frown and stare at her stomach. it was unusual for her to be hungry but today she is, maybe she's too tired she needs to refill her energy. She walk out from her room and walk to the kitchen which hadn't bee used for quite a long time now. she open the fridge and just as what she guessed, it was empty. she open all the cupboard and found it all in the same state. she's hungry right now and she needs to refill her stomach. does she need to do grocery shopping?

she contemplated whether she should or shouldn't. she hates going outside to where the real world was, where society is filled with lies, betrayal and greed. no one can be trusted, she in a big breath and decided she should go. she didn't know where she got the confindence from but she should give it a try, to see if society has changed.

Minah told the driver to drop her off at the building two blocks away from the supermerket. she wanted to walk there because she didn't want those scary, judging eyes on her. she walk slowly, her hair dancing along to the cold wind. she figure her outift was too thin, it didn't give enough warmth she needed to go against the cold spring breeze.

she wore an oversize white t-shirt with black studded shorts, showing a cool and hip side of her. she also wore her black vans and tied her hair in a pony tail. on her right hand was her phone, with one side of the earphone on her right ear. casual yet stylish. this is one of the advantage of having a mother who owns a fashion clothing line, you know how to dress to impress.

she push her trolley to the ramen section and while she was choosing her ramen, she could hear whispers and glares that was piercing right through her back. she turn to where the whispers were heard and saw 4 presence on the opposite side. she tried to shake it off as they were still young, around her age maybe and perhaps, just perhaps, they didn't mean it towards her.

she convinced herself that she is not the topic they're talking about but their whispers and gossip were so loud that minah could know what they were talking about. was this on purpose?

"she dress like a "

did i dress too revealing?

"she's so fat"

am i?

"she's so ugly! aish! she hurt my eyes!"

I-I'm so sorry...

"Does this kind of person even exist? she looks so mean"

ouch...

Minah felt her eyes heating up, her eyes were already now red, it was glistening. was she that bad? she knows she's worthless and does no good to society but was she really that bad? her parents were probably right then. she's worthless.

This is why she hates going out and communicating with people. the society she lives in judge. even out of jealousy or insecurities, these people judge. in this case, minah is being judge just because of jealousy. all through her life she is always judged, even by her own parents.

The girls on the side notice that minah was tearing up so they quickly walk away to avoid scene. Minah bit her inner cheeks to prevent herself from crying, she didn't want to cry in public and no, not in a supermarket.

she use the back of her hand to wipe the tears that was streaming down her cheeks and sniffle a sob. adrenaline that pump through her viens, she hates herself right now, she hates everything thing. first she was depress and now she's mad. mood swings 

she turn to face the ramen shelf and drop about 5 to 6 ramen bowls in the trolley which would take her months to finish them. she stroll along the supermarket, dropping a piece or two of everything she sees. incluiding some unnecessarily things like candy, hairclips and so on.

She push her trolley to the counter to get it paid

"that would be 518000 won" the cashier said politely

reality then hit her. it cost her $518 for a bunch of useless things. She open her wallet and hand her credit card to the cashier because to be honest, she don't have enough cash for that. looking at the three big plastic bag that contains all those unnecessarily things, she felt guilty. she felt more guilty because she dailed her driver's number and told him to pick up those heavy plastics. to make her feel more guilty, the car is two blocks away.

She felt sorry and guilty, it was all because of her that made him suffer. she is the cause of people's suffering. she hates herself so much.

"So much for grocery shopping" she mumble, seeing the figure of her driver having trouble carrying those bags

Author's Note: i know this chapter is  kinda boring but i just want you guys to know why minah hates people. so you got a brief explanation of why already. more explanation will be coming on the next chapters.

 so here's a picture of how  Minah's room look like. okay guys. i'm soooo sorry for the hideous drawing *runs away and hide* it's just helps (?) you guys to imagine better. don't judge this author because shemightkillyou (i'm just joking) and here's the chandelier which i truly adore.   bye for now!!

Quote of the day:  "it takes a million compliments to build you up. And one insult to sent it all crashing down"