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Author: Syaadan

Reviewer: Lovebisous

Date: May 7, 2014

 

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

To be honest I thought the title sounded like a Rated M one. Forgive me for this thinking, blame my friends. It sounded a bit cute though. It winded like those 'fluffy' themed stories.

Poster and BG layout?(Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it.)

I think that it matches well with the characters. Like Kyungsoo, who's the 'prince', you added a castle to emphasized the his character. 

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

I'd say that it was about half and half. Even though that I thought that the foreword and description was good, it didn't appeal to me that much.  

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

The plot? I thought it was kind of boring. Usually, I would understand where the title come from, but I couldn't find any sentences to back up the title. Yes, Kyungsoo did say that she should be his 'toy', but I couldn't find any parts where she is his toy. So, it was a bit confusing for me.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or too rushed?

I honestly thought that it was going kind of slow. And, I sometimes couldn't visualize the scene when I was reading it, so please use more details too.

Was the characterization consistent?

Yes. Every chapter, I saw what the character was. I mean, like you don't have to visualize it. The author usually reminds us that Kyungsoo is a quiet, rich boy and JinHee was this poor, kind-hearted girl.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or smooth?

I think that it was a bit choppy. You didn't add that many details and I couldn't visualize a  scene that clearly. So, you need a lot more details.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

It was a kid of both actually. Like in the first chapter, it told you that he had entered the building, then suddenly, he pulled out his textbook and sat down. So, it was telling you that he sat in the hallway?

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

It actually didn't. The endings are the second most important, after details, of course. Like in the first chapter, the ending was 'Are you happy now?' That didn't want me to wait for the next chapter. I think that it should've ended with him seeing Jinhee.

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

It was okay. But adding the letters at the ends of the words is just something a writer shouldn't do. I get that you're trying to emphasize what the character is feeling, but doing a thing like that is just awful. Like when Jinhee wanted to emphasize 'way', by putting 'wayyy' is not even a word. Wayyyy, is just incorrect and if you wanted emphasis, then put the word in italics or something like that.

Use of transition words? (It helps with the flow from one chapter to another so it doesn't seem choppy.)

I saw that you didn't use any transition words. So, sometimes I kept thinking what time it was or when this happened, or was it the same day the event happened. 

How did I like it overall? Further comments?

 I did enjoy it. But, if I saw it in an EXO tag, I wouldn't click on it. I hope that your story will have many Subscribers and up voters! Keep updating! Fighting! ❤~

 

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