Click on the photo to read the story ^^

Author: Littlemisshappyify

Reviewer: NorthMelon

Date: April 26, 2014

 

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

It's actually quite effective since it's short and easy to remember. As you've said, not everyone knows what Gisaeng meant (people like me) but you made it up by explaining it in your foreword along with a lot of other definitions in case people didn't know what you were talking about.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

Well, you didn't exactly have a BG this time which made it a little plain but I liked how your poster portrayed your characters really well. Also, your poster sets the mood for this story really nicely.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

I don't want to be mean or anything because since your foreword is laid out the same way as "The Imposter" story, there really isn't much to say. Although, I really really like your trailer. :)

 

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot is laid out quite well so far. But I must say, it is a little too predictable. In chapter two when one of the men was talking about looking for the missing prince, I already figured that the missing prince is Seung Yu. Also because everytime you have Seryung mention the the crown prince, you said that Seung Yu would tense up which made it obvious that he was the prince. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing though because it gives your readers a sense of triumph when they're right about something before you finally prove them right. TBH, I love going "I told you so" when I get something right about stories/dramas/movies so I think that was pretty well done.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through?

Your first chapter was a little draggy because you kept going on and on about the scenery that Seryung was in but after that, you went straight into action and that, I thought, made the story more interesting to read. I have one complaint though. Your first chapter is way too long compared to your other chapters.

Was the characterization consistent?

Your characterization, again, is very consistent. You can easily put yourself into a character's shoes and persevere with character and their thoughts.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

So far so good.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your organization is really good. The order of events was really well done. Since this time you didn't switch to much from one POV to the next, it was straightforward and easy to read.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

I am dying to find out what happened to Seryung right now so yes, your cliff hangers were really well done.

 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

You did have grammar errors here and there but again, they're very minor and could've been easily ignored.

ie. “Lee Seryung stood silently in the uphill, watching the skies explodes in various hues.” (chapter 1)

 

it should be “watching the sky explode into various hues.” but instead, you wrote “watching the skies explodes in various hues.”

 

ie. “The silent, almost eerie atmosphere of the gigantic castle contrasted dramatically from the clamor of daily life at Port Mapo, a village with community of huts and hovels.” (chapter 1)

 

You’re missing a comma between “eerie” and “atmosphere”. Also, the way you wrote “a village with community of huts and hovels” sounds a bit awkward when you try to read it out loud. I suggest you re-word that. A good tip for editing is to read your story out loud to yourself so that it’ll be easier for you to point out any grammar mistakes and awkward sentences.

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

Your use of transition words are very well used, making the flow from paragraph to paragraph really smooth and concise.

 

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

I swear, are you a genius or something? Because all of your stories are really good. You have a real talent my friend. This story is really cool and intriguing and I've enjoyed it a lot ^^ I want to put this on the recommended list really badly. Really worth reading you asked me. You also have really good visualization skills to allow your readers to see and lay out your scenes this easily. Awesome job!

 

Thanks for requesting!

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