Click on the photo to read the story ^^

Author: mickeywithoutears

Reviewer: kpopulzzangforever

Date: 4/26/2014

 

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

Your title was pretty straightforward. It tells the reader what the story is going to be about , that the characters are going to have to find a way out, and that there is only one way out. It basically sums the whole story up. So all in all the title was quite effective ^^

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

 I like the poster. The poster was very well done , and was very good , and it was very effective, because without the poster it would make it less scary, which would be kinda plain.The poster sets the mood of the story. I also liked the background as well .The background went really well with the story, it fits the story well, and it also goes with the mood of the story.The background was very well done and really good. It gives  the feeling/vibe that Yesung and ShinHye have their own story, and past. Which to me seemed very effective to the story because  it tells me that Yesung and ShinHye aren't just random characters that aren't importanat. It showes that they are important.  So the poster and the background were great :)

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

The foreword and description really drew me into wanting to read it more even though I'm not a huge fan of horror . What it said in the description was wow amazing I am speechless, it drew me in a lot more. The trailer went with the story well . The black and white theme was really effective it made it more scary than if it was in colored. The scenes in the video? They were very good  some of the scenes were included in the story , which was really cool. All in all awesome job , I really like it  ^^

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot was laid out quite well . The events were unexpected which is a good thing . For example in chapter 11 when WonBin, JaeJin and MinHwan saw Yesung came out of the door with blood prints on the handle , it was unexpeccted I did not expect that someone to be Yesung.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through?

The pacing of the story was smooth. It wasn't draggy or rushed through.

Was the characterization consistent?

The characterization was very consistent. You stuck with the characters  and their personalities really well.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

The story flow was mostly smooth , but sometimes choppy. I say that because most of the times I understood what was going on. But sometimes I didn't really understand what was going on ,so I needed to read it 3 or 4 times. All in all the story flow was smooth.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Sometimes you did not organize the events in chronological order. Instead you organized them in flashback. Which is unique. All in all you did organized the events in chronological order but, sometimes you did sometime different which was adding flashbacks. I'm not saying its a bad thing , its actually a good and unique thing.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

The end of each chapter was really effective . It made me want to read more and more :)

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

I noticed that you had a couple of grammar mistakes and typos here and there but they're so minor that readers might not be able to pick it out or could've easily ignored.

ie. (paragraph 2 of chapter 1) "...none of them who were all sleeping so soudly"  you spelled soundly wrong, you just forgot forgot the n

ie. (in chapter 6) you put "the rest of the students when someone's voice stopped them in their tracks"  instead you should have put "on their tracks"

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

Really good use of transition words.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

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