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Author: Heart_and_Seoul

Reviewer: NorthMelon

 

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

I like the title. It's catchy but since the name has already been used in a movie, I suggest you watch out for that in the future because it can be suggested to copyright and playgrism.

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

I like the poster and background. It really sets the mood for this story and the background isn't too distracting as well. I like how you switched up the posters in every chapter once in a while, which is a good variety so it's not as boring, but however, it doesn't really seem consistent. Your poster is like a theme song or the main intro to a drama/movie that you're watching. The main intro never changes but since your posters change, it may throw people off thinking that theyre reading something else.

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

It's really interesting of how you hinted at many things and that "badass bad-guy -kicking" really got me motivated to read more.

 

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

Your plot development is a little draggy. Up until this point, I still don't see much real plot. There is definetely a lot of character development but the plot still needs a lot more work.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through?

Again, it's a little slow because you're slowly developing it. But you've reached about 10 chapters now so I suggest you get a faster build-up towards your plot.

Was the characterization consistent?

I actually really like your characterization. You really stuck with your characters and they're personalities were really well played through as well as leaving readers with more mysteries to unfold from the character and their past.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

Your story flow is so far so good. It's smooth and easy to understand which is a very important skill to have as a writer for your readers.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

Your organization is good as well. I also like how you didn't tell the readers right off the bat as to what you were referring to. Like that explosion at the oasis, that was pretty cool how you wrote what they did previously AFTER it happened. That keeps readers on their toes, always wondering what's going to happen next.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

To be honest, your chapter endings didn't really encourage me on wanting to read more. Your cliff hangers weren't a big enough impact to draw the readers into wanting to read more and find out what happens. 

 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

Your overall spelling and grammar is really good. I had no problem with it what so ever. Although, I noticed that you often switched between "Yura" and "Yuna" many times. Got to watch out for that in the future. You also a little bit of grammar errors which made the sentences sound awkward.

ie. “Now they were rabid carnivorous vagabond dogs that would rip anything living thing that came into their line of vision into shreds.” (chapter 1)

It shouldn't be written as "rip anything living thing" but as "rip any living thing" or "rip anything that's living"

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

Your use of transition words was really effective. You can flow from scene to scene smoothly without causing any confusion. I also like how you made use of the ellipsis (...) to indicate when you're switching POVs and I thought that that was very effective.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

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