Bittersweet Memories  

  The truth didn't seem enough to heal the banging decay agnoy ...thats how memory where there to ease the inner-struggle but slice wide painfully the dying times.

" what did happen  ?

   OMG my boy ?"

The story wasn't never easy to contain or comprehend when all we have got is restless hopes and trembling calls for love.

10 years ago, reality wasn't that pleasantly inviting to comprehend or dwell in its twisted malicious plots , and their stainless love wasn't that helping in front of the eyes of those who held and craved most of their innocent early time and unfathomable history..without each other wasn't that enough .

The night before depart was still kind of grotesque , crispy an cold, Luhan couldn't sleep or taste a comfortable breathing without leaving a heavy sigh here there. starring at the ticking clock an his phone clasped in his hand tightly in fear of not hearing the other's voice again if he throw it away , he wanted too but his chest felt heavier as if he was carryings , back-breaking stones and could no more utter or let out a puff of air. His hands were sweating even when the phone flashed brightly in his swollen puffy eyes, he was shaking like a broken-winged bird , he was able to hum in response but not away from stifled sob , that left him clutch his little deer plushie close to his speedy-heart's beats

" He is fine Lu , don't worry "

The soft audible response from his childhood classmate , was quite assuring an calm , yet it didn't halted the throbbing beats nor the dripping salty tears from invading his angelic face and blurring his vision an world into pitch black ....

Without that unicorn, his only source of light an hope..

..an everything.

" but.."

He was close to let a shaky dry laugh , cause he damn felt it, he knew deep down , he could taste the blood on his lower lip where he fell and was saved before it may turn into another bruised spot all over his body.

It was all his fault , he wasn't that clumsy, not stupid, even when his mother softly scold him for being always in rush and never thinking twice before indulging himself into the unwanted and maybe dangerous.

But he was not.

He didn't mean to cause such fuss and worries that clouded his once-peaceful family atmosphere , he was ...

" He will go through a surgery

...today...you know..his back ..he need__"

He was not that annoying brat , nor a selfish unconsidered friend, he was just ..

No , he can't take it any longer , the deserted abundant room start suffocating him , he was in need for a release , for a way out , for a pain killer , to just heal his unredeemable wounds, to ease an cure his stupid childish bruises , to stop this banging headache and just sleep without a single thought or a stinging pangs...

Peaceful escape..

He need to find his calming escape and just throw those weighting restless calls away.

His heart need to stop dragging into the ambivalent , toiling him with more breathless imaginations that can never reborn or paint its shadow existence ever again, he is no longer the 10 years old boy, he is no longer that oblivious whiny boyfriend, he is no longer that coward shy lover ..

He is now 23 years old for heaven sake

when is he planning to grow up ?

face the hideous reality's stomps and dirty jokes and just grow up ?

play it right and taking it with a steel heart and bold determination ?

an never turn back or wail for the expired past ?

" " the pain take hold of his sane ability to draw one thin line between reality and his craved fantasy , but why is it so hard to just give up to the pain and let it go but itself , to give up an never hope once again. Its like the heart reigned his whole meaningless life and turned him into a lifeless aimless but hopeful retard he is .

* lets get the out of here * thats what only  invading in his exhausted mind, the urge to run away from everything an nothing was so strong enough to fill his weary body with euphoric of unannounced adventures.

-" hey Jongin ah"

 He made up his mind, to make a difference in his miserable-love-life

He end up calling his dongsaneg and just decided to delay their evening meeting , he wont be in the dorm anyway ,and certainly there is no need for explanation to that dark-haired boy , yet he will inform him as not classmate an door mate but as a friend he always found it necessary to be honest an straitforawad to his close buddies .

"hyung..i am coming at your..."

He was absentminded when he respond to his  whiny-friend an tried grumbly to just let the speakers resonate in his empty space until the others get the message and accept his older's sudden decision .

" hyung, i will drop by your __"

Luhan rolled his eyes, an sigh for the second time already , * he is so damn stubborn and dumb* , he kept ruffling his hair in hope the other may sense his annoyance and just cut the call , apologize or something . But the latter kept blabbing incoherently about his lover -secret lover- how he wanted to missed him so much and he just couldn't get a chance to be there with him

..or whatever..luhan 's headache start sending unpleasantly heat and shivers through his body, he wanted deadly for new place, new beginning , for new breath source to inhaled and just die in ecstasy 

..if death is only what cost to bring his lost- peacefulness once again .

But its seems he need to erase not only post on this death insane thought to another time , until its really show up , cause his heart once again palpitate like crazy child when he heard that name; That sugary name, that vital to live with name, that rare remedy to his heart mysterious nostalgic an mixed sensations, That name proved to him belatedly when he was step close to muster enough self-courage an just throw everything an give up, that his still wrong.

Stupidly wrongly

Wholeheartedly wrong

Plainly wrong

" I've changed my mind, you're going back to the dorm isnt ? , lets go together"  

yeah, he is painfully wrong , if he surmised that he will be able to breath the unearthly air and fly away...alone

He didn't mind though, inwardly his stomach wasn't that calm either, like inner-party over there, butterflies fluttering, taking him to nowhere but every lovely feels he yearned to sink in , to taste and to engraved in his mind like the most beautiful memories he could ever have.

Beautiful memories .

Isnt ?

Beautiful memories it will be ?

Why dose it sound so unreal , nonsensically pronounced in the mute world, is it because it is his mere imagination , his another thriving fantasy , his burned fancy..

But that soft cooing voice, that twinkling honey orbs, those sweet plump lips , he could imagine how he uttered his rushed decision, he could paint in his mind the way those lips parted so delicately so heavenly and closed in blink of eye but in moment of eternity . 

and this is not part of unreal idiotic dream, this is so damn real that the agonizing pangs hammer inside his chest will proved to his close-to lose his sanity mind that it is real.

How can he just not hope for a while , smile for a minute and be happy for a second. ?

Happy ??

yeah  !

He needed to be happ__

" LAY HYUNG !!!"

Isn't life piece of ?

I am  back (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

Okay , I am not totally satisfied with this update , but I  was absent for long time...an  I guess  .you waited too much , so..

Anyway I hope I didn't let you down 

thank you for reading dears  (=^w^=)