Trapped in between.

Lay wasn't the person who will easily give up his own heart and hopes front of life cruelty and cold threats, Even when there  was those bratty prankster boys , mocking his slight accent or the way his dimple blossomed his angelic face with sunny laughs. It didn't stop him from walking further an defeating them with his cold stubbornness and unbounded venture in his first years at elementary school. He fought for the truth and rightness not because its noble quality that had to be engraved in each soul and heart but simply because those big sprinkling brown orbs taught him to stand for what he believe the eternal joy and happiness However, not every brick we choose to built with our life's believes and conducts will be the needed one. For all the time it may eventually become in one way or another into a stone, a hinder that will alter his own years of codes and principal  ( blindly he surmised were the corner stone of his life ) into nothingness, thin air, plain childhood-lie or immature promises. and that was all experienced from his best friend , his dearest neighbor and his heart stealer : Luhan.

Luhan wasn't that easy to control or  read , submissiveness an obedient was never a honest acknowledgment  to be called with . Since the kindergarten trying to snatch his favorite toy never ended without painful stinging,punch in the back of your head or stinging stapes . Yet he wasn't always that faithful to process and improvement, inconstancies changes and mysterious twists in his daily life made him kind of coward and lazy front of his ambivalent feelings , he preferred to read the direct answer than to hear the unanswerable questions, running away was not only a hideous face of his life's difficulties but was more like alternative choice , who want taste or face realty's frustrating plots; they played harsh yet imbecile role in his life, great parch of it was in his childhood and even adulthood,  his secret lover taught him that in the hard way  , he couldn't protect his own heart nor runaway from its undying pangs ...he shouldn't be acting like ungrateful cold brat ..but with him not the same ...   no longer the same.

 Nevertheless, love bloomed beside pain  , he was more like  unwelcome visitor ,but who said you can refuse  willingly and hate the pain when it is so sweet , so blessing an full hopes to just tucked away and curse the minute our existence  belatedly felt  so alive ?

"  Aren't you going head back dorm , i.."

" no.."

" its late lay hyung, you need to get rest , your waist injure still not__"

" its fine" sighing lay, felt another throbbing stings in his lower back, but shrugged it off , he was only masking what was a common pain mixed with glittering sweats for the other  that accompanied his muscle an flexible body whenever the music guided him into the the world of freedom and solace .

" I am fine " 

"oh" turning around, Lay raised his eyebrow at the dark-haired boy " before i forget, i m going get Mr Park's assignment an others homeworks from Luhan hyung..if you still....  i can copie some for you " Jongin scratch his neck because of stiffing silence echoing the dancing floor " you know ..you helped  me last time and i want to repay..it just .i don__"

" thank you " tugging his lower lip  into beaming smile , lay found his dongseang bashful approach cute " but i can  handle it by myself . there is no need to repay me for anything... just go back home safely "

* say hi to that stupid deer*  it was the only unsaid thoughts that plastered a wide smile upon his tired pale face.

" Speaking of the deer"  Jongin's favorite (girly ) ringtone echoed through the room, his sweaty tired expression soon turned into a big grin with childish tone       " hyung i am coming at your ..."

Jongin didn't notice the sudden change in his Hyung's face when he stand up and start his dance part once again, after putting the ear buds he wanted ( not) to listen to anything more related to that 'deer' boy.

The sleepy boy was quite tired and the sleepiness start conquering his world , muting his senses and hypnotizing his mind beside the penetrating thoughts about that little round-eyed boy ..there was nothing concerned the world surrounding him at all...but he kept his happy tone with whiny pout reaching the other silent posture .

" oh ..okay ..i guess then.. Hyung ther___"

" .." 

He heard everything, he didn't stirr one finger, nor moved a step , he couldn't do nothing but starring at his foggy expression on the big mirror of the studio...he could hear his heart's beat throbbing almost like whisper..the voice of Jongin merrily resonating in his ear like intruder buzzing , it didn't help him to focus or concentrate on what he suppose to be doing * what was i suppose to do ? *

Blank, that s how Lay found his inner-dilemma fully broken down ..he only managed to breath and blink front of the back of the other boy .

" This is so stupid" he cursed, grunting , almost face palming and regretting it next thing cause he looked like hopeless retarded.

" I will drop by your place today ...I want talk to you " Jongin voice gets lower into thin whisper but the other could even hear the soft raffle of the curtain..he couldn't concentrate on nothing but the other talks and whispers an mixed expressions * staying with him ? what ? * 

the dimple-boy shook his head and bend to tug his bag . This is probably unexpected and uncanny to explain but he changed his mind and no in hell he is going to let that whinny dark-haired boy sleep with his deer under the same roof . 

where the hell did that courage come from  ?

Where was he thinking about?

Where is the icy unruffled Lay ? 

When did he ever gave a second thought abt that *stupid deer* ( thousand thousand times stupidly.)

" Whatever " a loud huff an sigh left his heavy tight chest 

" What did you say lay ?... hyun__oh !!" jonging turned around to respond to his grumbled hyung ,

Jongin forgot to turn his phone off  .

" I change my mind ,you 're heading back to the dorm isn't lets go together" throwing his bag on his shoulder , Lay headed toward the closed door without giving a deal about the other shocked expression 

" You are going back h__ hyung wait for me " 

 Whipping some droplet of  sweat sprinkling his bangs an  forehead , Lay didn't found a desire to explain or stay for another seconds, he kept feeling a quite unbearable nausea , and the pain is on again.

Without him is so much dreadful than can handle all alone.

Because of him is double dreadful than hell.

So what the hell if he is going too see his flawless pretty face today -he even heard his dance mate squealing on  how his deer hyung looked so cute with new pink hair . How does he looks, Needless to wonder ,he is sure it will only took his breath away the moment he will stare at that flawless deer  ? -Even when they shared the same room , they were barely able or in courage to talk to each other face to face, he always reaching home almost dawn where he will found the other drowsing in Wonderland .

Isn't ridiculous that they Lived, ate and sat on the same furniture , slept under one starless roof , yet they never held a proper conversation or bid each other a full a well - heard greeting ? 

Everything is damn mess...

Everything is just not right...

Wrongness filling their lungs unto the suffocation. 

Wrongness stifling their bright smiles, their innocent gaze and cherry love.

Wrongness killing their taintless love....?

and who is the doer and who is the fixer?

or just both of them spoiled their pure childhood an altered their young dreams into bloody nightmares ?

* wrong..wrong * one word but thousand unfathomable sensations haunted him down , he felt himself lost once again , like bad deja-vu , like ten years ago...the same bitter taste of lostness and endless pangs that followed him when he falsely and idiotically choose the best ( he still think other wise but..) for both of them .

* We can't .."

" Why..?

* This is wrong...

" but I love you don t you love me too ?

" ..w..we ..need ..to just forget it , its just fling more like summer waves and soon will disappear you will feel better wi__

" no no nO NO NO.. "  a stream of diamonds-like tears stained those puffy rosy cheeks, the big sparkling deer eyes turned into dropping lifeless orbs. The way his everything fall apart , kept banging his chest with his tiny fists , the way he sniffles, yelled and sobbed in his chest...was met by a cold unbearable voidness , lay was in blank status , can't budge or utter one soothing words, he found himself instead backing few steps away from the tormented little boy and turning around and then he started running an running until he could no more breath or stand the stinging pangs in his lower body .

The one reflection that kept banging his eardrums so dreadful was the deer-dry sobs , the dying cries and the heavy sniffling ..an he hated .*

He hated the pain ..he hated the pangs..he hated the suffer..he  just wanted to breath like every sane person do.

Is that so damn so hard to obtain ?? 

But here he is once again sinking into that cracking unhealed wound, he is no longer blankly eyeing the street blurry lights, he is no longer able to distinguish where his feet is taking him  cause he can no longer feel anything but pain. 

and the darkness answered him back .

" LAY HUNG !!"

 Quick update as a way of repaying an saying thank you for the votes an sub  ▰˘◡˘▰  

I hope i didn't confused you already :p sorry if I did and sorry for the gram. mistakes .

Step by step ..i am trying to figure out with you the story's upcoming events , I have plans but my heart an Exo's great influence keep driving  me off the shore sometimes...

I will do my best...always I will.

thank you so so so much (✿◠‿◠) 

* their bubbly laughs only God knows how much i adore it >< *