The you who seems lost again

The dark night is still cold and lonely, I lose you to the air

                Lu Han is back to sulking. Their plan keeps getting postponed because he’s only able to meet with Kyung Soo during Fridays and everyone knows that it’s an ominous day, he grew up to fear those things. The invite has already been sent, it’s with Min Seok. He doesn’t have time to be idle.

                “I need to go as soon as possible…” Lu Han whines. His cousin doesn’t seem to get the urgency.

                “I know…” Yi Xing answers but doesn’t look up and continues scanning through the old book that’s in front of him.

                “Yi Xing… I don’t think you realize how important it is that I leave now…”

                “Oh I know how urgent this is. Min Seok-ge already has the invitation and if you don’t come back, they’d probably do the ceremony thinking It would help in your recovery not realizing  that it’s just going to make it worst for you…”

                “So why am I not in transit yet?”

                Because it’s a Friday… and journeying during Fridays is never fruitful. Besides grandpa said to put it off for now. Sunday would be the best choice. I can make the necessary preparations for you.”

                Lu Han watches his cousin sift through whatever book it is in his hand. He used to think his cousin is different from normal kids. There weren’t many in their family since they seem to disappear one by one. Yi Xing and him used to play hide and seek around the estate regardless if they would scolded. They’d secretly sneak into the elders having tea. But they all make the most boring conversations so he and his cousin would go back to perusing the library’s huge collection of books instead.

                Yi Xing used to tell him he sees dead relatives walking around the grounds as if they belong to the living. Lu Han ingnores it most of the time, he doesn’t believe in ghost. Ironic that now he’s in the verge of becoming one. “Howcome I never get to see grandpa?”

                His cousin looks up from his book, a perplex look on his face. “Do you want to see him?”

                Lu Han doesn’t know how to respond. He misses his grandfather a lot, but the latter was never amiable to him when he was still living. “I don’t know… Does he want to see me?”

                “He does… But not like that. The lesser you are acquainted to the afterlife the easier for you to come back to the world of the living. Don’t make anymore acquaintances Lu Han…” Yi Xing goes back to his book but not before saying “And besides, you’d only see them if they wanted to be seen, as of the moment you’re a fresh target for the guardians. They’re avoiding you…”

                “Being half dead …” Lu Han mutters, his cousin laughs.

                “Being half dead is better than actually being dead… We’ll schedule your departure this Sunday. Grandpa already asked several servants to prepare everything that you might need for this journey…”

~o~

                Sunday came and Lu Han can’t help but feel nervous about this journey. He stills himself, he needs— no, he has to do this if he wants to return. He remembers his fiance and decided that he wants to talk to Min Seok first before going in this journey.

                Touching the gold chain on his neck, he closed his eyes and waits for Min Seok to respond. He doesn’t know how he’s able to communicate with Min Seok though he’s sure that this necklace is the reason. If it was magic or something else, he doesn’t want to question, this is the only link he has to his bethroted.

                He opens his eyes and the familiar sight of his plum garden appears before him  and like their previous meetings, Min Seok is there looking at the gardens. How he wishes this was reality. But it doesn’t matter, he’ll have Min Seok admiring the plum trees together with him after this ordeal is over.

                Min Seok finally realize that Lu Han is there, turning around to face the latter.

                “Hello again…” In these meetings, Min Seok is ubnable to speak. Except for that one at the secondhand bookstore. Meetings at the plum gardens are absolutely one-sided converations for Lu Han. “I just… I’m about to go on a journey… I’m on a mission to return to you, so cheer me on?”

                Before he can get another word out, he was pulled back to reality. “It’s time to go, Lu Han…” Yi Xing’s hand is on his shoulder. He was shoved towards a white horse and given a pouch, he knew is filled with food and things he need for the journey. “Grandfather gave you a dagger just in case…” His cousin leans in to whisper this information to him.  “The hell money is in a separate pouch. You don’t need to share food with Kyung Soo, he has his own. And if anything  strange happens, open the book…”

                “Huh?”

                “Just do it, don’t forget… Don’t talk to anyone other than Kyung Soo and be very careful. Most of all, no matter what happens, no matter what or who you see there, come back… I promise to take care of Min Seok-ge for you…”

                “Yi Xing… Of course I’ll come back, what are you talking about?”

                “Let’s get going... My death anniversary is close. I need to get back before that…” Kyung Soo interjects. He’s already settled on his horse, pouch hanging on his waste.

                Lu Han mounts his horse and readies himself for the journey. “Have a safe trip…” Yi Xing waves them off. Kyung Soo takes the lead and Lu Han follows. He prays he’d be able to fulfill his promise to Min Seok. He shakes his head, there’s no room for doubts. He will return as promised.

~o~

                They’ve decided to slow down for a while, trying to look for somewhere to camp at. Di Yu is not like what Lu Han expected, it was an endless desert. If you’re not familiar with the place, you’d definitely end up lost. It’s evident that Kyung Soo has travelled here a couple of times. He doesn’t seem to have trouble following an invisible trail.

                “Let’s stop for now… The horses look exhausted and I’m starving…” Kyung Soo stopped in the middle of the desert, jumping off his horse and tying the reign on an invisible  post.

                Lu Han looks around him, only seeing an endless sea of nothingness. He can’t help but ask, “Where is here?”

                “Oh, I forgot… You’re new. It’s… How do I describe it… Just imagine a grove of very tall trees and unknown fauna. Wait, have you tried visiting dreams? The scene looks different but the feel is the same…” Kyung Soo sits down and starts taking out food from his pouch. Whoever is making an offering for Kyung Soo is definitely  generous. Those rice cakes looks really expensive.

                Lu Han tries to imagine how the grove of trees would look like. He does have an idea how it felt like to be in someone elses dreams. But if it was the same as that, he doesn’t want to be here longer than necessary. There’s no other word for it, this place is dead. Heaving out a sigh, he mimics Kyung Soo’s actions and tied his horse on an imaginary tree. He sat down and untied his pouch. Rummaging through the bag’s contents, he found a loaf of bread. He doesn’t have an appetite so he decided to just feed it to the horse. “Your family must have loved you for you not to want to leave them…”

                “I don’t have a family…”

                Lu Han is confused, Kyung Soo gets offerings all the time. He read that the dead who doesn’t have a family who makes offerings for them starves too. But Kyung Soo looks healthy enough, he even gets nice clothes.

                “I used to have a family. I lived with my grandparents at the secondhand bookstore eons ago. It was previously a cafeteria. I moved with them when my parents died of a plague. I was worried that my grandparents wouldn’t want me. They were barely able to sustain themselves, I was another mouth to feed. But they welcomed me wholeheartedly. I was a good cook then, so I figured I’d help. Business wasn’t that great but we manage. Like most boys from poor families, we can’t affored a tutor so I tried as much as I can to teach myself to read to be able to improve my cooking.

                One weekend, my grandparents went away to get supplies. I was left alone, so I took that oppurtunity to practice the dishes I’ve newly discovered. The kitchen suddenly caught fire while I was in the backroom. I wasn’t able to escape…”

                “Why did you decide yo stay there instead of crossing-over?”

                “I wanted to, but it’s not as easy as you think… My grandparents never returned. I heard they were ambushed by bandits on their way to the mountains. I wasn’t properly buried, no one even knows I’m dead. So I was stuck there not until this family from Korea bought the property. I was glad, I’m Korean too you see. I’m not aware of the specific details but they held a ceremony for me. I had offerings, that was the first time I was able to eat properly and lived well as a ghost. The son even built me a house in the afterlife and gave me things to entertain myself with… I was very grateful…”

                “So that’s how you fell in love with the young owner of the bookstore?”

                Kyung Soo’s already huge eyes got even bigger. “How did—“

                “You’re pretty transparent, do you know that?” Kyung Soo raised an eyebrow. “Not literally transparent, I know you’re supposed to be transparent…” Lu Han chuckles before continuing. “It’s apparent that you like him, your eyes gives you away. They grow twice in size when you see Joon Myeon. You freeze on your tracks when he comes close to you. Don’t worry, it’s not something to be ashamed of. I’m the same…”

                Kyung Soo tilts his head to the side, listening intently. Urging Lu Han to continue with his story.

                “I first came to know about the second-hand bookstore when I was sixteen. I loved the store at  first sight but I never get the chance to visit it because I’m only allowed two routes.  One to school and the other towards home.

                One time my grandmother took me to the seamstress with her. I was ecstatic because it was right across  the street from the second-hand bookstore. As I was looking through the glass door, my eyes caught sight of a pair of very large, round eyes. When I was able to get to look at the face in it’s entireity, I knew I’d love the store more. I was too awstruck, standing there by the door unable to move. I was gaping like a fish at the front door of the shop for quite a while but I didn’t notice, not until my grandmother called for my attention…

                Since then I made sure to accompany my grandmother to her seamstress but I never got the courage to enter the shop…”

                “Well, you are pretty pathetic…” Kyung Soo pointed out.  “You probably had all the chance in the world but you didn’t take it… and let me guess the person you’re talking about, the object of your obsession, is Kim Min Seok-ssi?”

                “Obsession? I’m bound to marry him…”

                “Not really a good incentive considering you’re dead…” Kyung Soo brushes his hands from crumbs and started spreading a makeshift sleeping mat. His careless statement makes Lu Han angry.

                “I’m not dead yet…”

                “Keyword: Yet…” Kyung Soo mumbles under his breath.

                “What?”

                “Nothing, go sleep… We leave early in the morning…” the ghost closes his eyes to rest. Lu Han suddenly feels dread creep in.