Is it all pretend?
Description
When he thinks about it, everything is an act.
His smiles: fake. His unaffected and slightly ignorant image: pretend. His every move, his every word: a lie.
In his world, where the façade he carries is absolutely necessary, he struggles to differentiate his two personalities: Jinki and Onew. And when he feels like both of them are complete failures, he doesn't know where to turn to.
At the same time, his crush on his fellow member doesn't help him stabilise his life. Because in the end, the subtle touches, the stealing glances, are not enough for him.
Foreword
Sometimes, the pressure was just too much. As the leader, I had to take care of everything, and, even though I was good at doing that, the other -necessary- part of being an idol just didn't seem to fit me. I couldn't learn flawlessly a choreography in those three months we were given to practice. Hell, I couldn't even walk two metres before stumbling and falling down.
At times like these, I just wanted to quit everything. Quit running like hell just to be left behind again, quit trying so hard to satisfy everyone and their needs. Because, even though I always did my best, I just kept failing every aspect of my life.
...
He was always so comfortable with everyone that he didn't realize the effect it had on me. I was grateful for that much.
He'd never noticed how when he was around I couldn't take my eyes off him, how whenever he suddenly talked to me I always stuttered, how my palms were sweaty every time he grabbed my hand.
He never failed to surprise me: all this 'skinship', never left me unnaffected.
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