Title: Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

Author: Lovex2254

Story Link: Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

Score: 67.5/85

[Since this is a oneshot, the perfect score is 85]

Title: [4/10;]

Too long. Too wordy. Too much. The title isn't THAT related to the story. Sure, it may be related at some point but generally, no, it is not. Also, the looong title I just read could be shortened into; When You're High or She's Got The Blues (which is still wordy and stupid), or just Blues.

The story revolves around Jax, who at the end of the story confesses why she does drugs. She does drugs because she's dejected, depressed (maybe), miserable and all she needs is her boyfriend, Sehun who is always busy training to be an idol. She's got the blues. I feel like you just put those random phone calls to justify the title... a little. I'll tell you, it did not do a good job.

Foreword/ Description [6/10;]

Are those lyrics in the description? If it is, it isn't related t the story at all.

A. "Love hurts. It tears us down, ruins us. Sometimes, though, it's worth it."

Was it worth it for Jax? No. Remove this line or change it into something... something like,

"Love hurts. It tears us down. Sometimes it's worth it, but to me, it isn't."

Try writing that part in Jax's point of view.

One more thing, what is a joint? Try writing mini descriptions of what a "joint" is because I honestly do not know what a joint is. Unless you're talking about the body part, which I'm sure you're not because joints don't have laces.

Plot: [17/20;]

Not that new. Clichéd. A lot of drug stories here and there. I didn't see anything special in this one too. It's like the rest of 'em. There was no unexpected... no, wait, there was. The ending was unexpected, I expected a happy one and instead, you left me hanging. haha.

Character: [18/20;]

I don't think the characters were well-developed. Anyway, it's just a one-shot so... nevermind.  I didn't like the way Sehun treated Jax. Was his character deliberately written to be like that?. I mean, his girlfriend is taking drugs and taking the wrong path, yet he chose to train and just let Jax do her thing. It's like he didn't love Jax at all and the only reason he liked Jax is because the girl is beautiful or something. He could have atleast tried talking to her.

And yes, I am aware Sehun is training for SM. So, he can pick Jax up at three in the morning or whatever time is it in the morning, but he can't talk to her when she get's sober and normal the next day?.

Grammar and Spelling: [19.5/20;]

Just like before, I hardly found any mistakes, except for phrasing at times, aside from that, It's good. As always from you.

Structure: [3/5;]

Ah, this time, you don't have a poster. Appearance get reader's attention. So, try or... ignore this suggestion. Try requesting for a poster, even if it's just a one-shot. It helps. :) Aside from that, no problémo.

Hello!

REVIEW BY: cookiemoster555