Title: Dark Ties

Author: Nictaeny9

Story Link: Dark Ties

Score: 96/100

Title: [8/10;]

I dont' know what to say.. Well, the title is unique and very intriguing. So, I guess I kinda got hooked because of the title. However, you could atleast add some words, something like; The Dark Ties or Our Dark Ties,. Something along those lines.

Foreword/Description: [8/10;]

I loved the description, you didn't give me that "oh, this story goes like this" vibe, although the description could be better. Something threw me off at first glance,

A. Two very different girls yet both are similar in more ways than one.

I don't think you needed to put "both" there. It's awkward.

Two girls, very different yet similar in more ways than one.

B. Most people think monsters aren't human, they don't have a heart, they're grosteque.

Is there anything wrong here? Actually, there is.

Most people think monsters aren't humane. Heartless, grosteque, deadly.

C. Pushing them into each other's life... Will they end up in each other's arms?

Wouldn't it be better if...

What is fate pushes them into each other's lives? Will they end up in each other's arms/embrace?

D. How will it all end....

Usually, ellipses have three dots. ["..."] and since it's a question, add a question mark ["?']

How will it all end...?

Aside from these, I have nothing to say. The description was good, It made me feel something weird, that's why I clicked chapter one without even examining the characters. It made my feels tingle. :)

The way you described the characters:

A. Tiffany, a girl with a big heart, lovely smile and a tragic past. She lives behind a mask everyday, hiding away her pain and suffering. A master of acts, she never once let the gloomy her be seen by anybody. That was when 'She' walked into her life. 'She' was always there but never really here. 'She' brought out Tiffany's deepest secrets and fears. Will Tiffany stay away? Or will she fall into her arms?

Tiffany, a girl with a big heart, sweet smile, and a tragic life. She hides behind a mask, hiding her pain and suffering. A master of acts, she never showed anyone her gloomy side. But everything took a turn when "she" stepped into her life, when "she" seemed to be there but never really here, when "she" brought out Tiffany's deepest secrets and fears. Will Tiffany stay away? Or will she fall into her arms?

Note: I put "tragic life" there because Tiffany was not entirely abused in the past when her siblings were still alive. She was abused after her siblings' deaths [which counts as the past] until her present life.

Plot: [19/20;]

Mmm.. Not really that exclusive and not really that unique but there is something about the story that just.. lure readers into reading it. I was never a fan of abuse/dark/angst/violent stories but your story got me reading and wanting  more, which is a good thing. Oh wait, I almost forgot about Jessica for a minute there. I did not expect Jessica there, haha! Not until I read the tags. That unexpected character (for me) was good. I never expected JeTi and there you went "surprise!" with Jessica Jung. So, points for that ^^

Characters: [20/20;]

Lol, I don't care even if I am being too generous with points here but damn! I love how your characters are relateable and not even walking on the "perfect girl" line. Taeyeon's character is the best (for me), the way she handles everything and . I just can't say anything. XD

Grammar and Spelling: [19.5/20]

Your grammar and spelling were great. Errors exist but nothing major so I won't write some long- paragraph for that. Aside from dead words, nothing to say. Your word choices are great! I hardly found spelling mistakes.

Flow: [17/20;]

The flow is... fast-paced, I think. Because in chapter one, Taeyeon was being all annoyed by Tiffany's presence then in chapter two she gets all comfortable while talking to Tiffany. And wait, was Tiffany already fluttering at the end of chapter two?

Structure: [4.5/5;]

Aside from the not so dark picture, everything is fine. :) [Maybe a different picture of Fany will do. ^^,]

Here you go.. Was it late? Don't forget to credit. :)

REVIEW BY: cookiemonster555