Title: Falling Hard

Author: elle96beauty

Story Link: Falling Hard

Score: 77/100

Title: [9/10;]

I liked the title. It suits the idea of it, sure, it might not be one of those fancy and unique titles out there but it generally suits the plot itself. And for me, that is what's important. I'll tell you why you lost a point here though: The title kinda gives that oh-this-story-goes-like-this vibe. Nonetheless, I like the title.

Foreword/Description: [5/10;]

The description is not that "clear". The first lines weren't that relevant. And I never really thought that the story is about a playgirl finally falling inlove if I didn't read the last line. The grammar isn't that good either. I'll correct your description:

"..Beauty? Intelligence? Confidence?

Pfft!

I am more than that.."

"Beautiful, intelligent and confident,

I am all that.."

"..Being a carefree girl like I always be, I enjoy my life to the fullest. High school was really fun and I thought university won't that hard.."

"Being a carefree girl like I always am, I live my life to the fullest. High school was never really fun and I thought university life won't be that hard.."

"..Dang! 

I was wrong. I never wrong.

It's because of him I'm like this. I will not forgive you, Huang Zitao.."

"But I was wrong. And I am never wrong.

Because of him, I changed. I will never forgive you, Huang Zitao"

Remove the unnecessary expressions like, "Pffft" or "Dang!" it doesn't make sense since those are only expressions. So, I think those expressions would be better if they get included in the chapters instead.

Plot: [16/20;]

The plot is overrated, over-used, cliché. I've encountered a lot of stories in this site that goes with the same plot. The only difference is in this story, the girl is the one with the playgirl personality and not the boy. So, points for that. I don't think there will be twists and turns too. It didn't really get my interest, I only got to read chapter one and I am not planning on reading the next chapter.

Characters: [18/20;]

The way you wrote Hana's character was fine. She is the schools playgirl and he plays with boys' hearts. It is quite unusual for me since I am in a country where boys are usually the players haha. However, Hana changes boyfriends every week?, wouldn't that cause a big riot in the school if her ex-boyfriends and current boyfriends bump into each other?. Try and lengthen the dating period for a month, atleast.

I love how mysterious Tao was in the first chapter though.

Grammar and Spelling: [14/20;]

You have problems with tenses, verbs and spelling. The moment I read the first paragraph, my eyebrows furrowed. I suggest you get a beta-reader. I have a lot to say in this part but I'll just point some:

A. "A shorter figure from me with a creepy grin standing in front of me." could be written like this, "A grinning figure slightly shorter than me is right infront of my eyes." (it could be written in different forms too.)

B. "It was a vain feelings but I know that he has something in him."  could be written as, "It were vain feelings but there was something in him that caught my attention."

C. "I remembered meeting him for the first time." should be, "I remember meeting him for the first time/ I remember the first time I laid my eyes upon him."

D. "Right then, when I was flirting with the well-known playboy in the university, my eyes met with him." --- "Right then, while I was flirting with a well-known playboy in school, my eyes met his."

E. "His name is Huang Zitao, a chinese boy with a baggy eyes"  .... "His name is Huang Zitao, a chinese boy with baggy eyes."

F. "Strangely, those baggy eyes that made him more attractive to me." ... "Strangely, his baggy eyes made me more attracted to him."

There are a lot more.

Flow: [13/15;]

It is kinda slow or maybe it's just me. Try to shorten the chapters, remove the unnecessary scenes and focus more on Hana's new found infatuation for Zitao. You can remove that scene with Soomin since I don't really find it necessary or interesting either. Just make a new paragraph/s narrating how Hana changed after that night and don't make conversations about it. Trust me, some readers skip it and sometimes, readers lose interest when encountering those kinds of scenes. Just go direct to the point and don't beat around the bush.

The story is about Zitao and Hana. Just focus on those two.

Structure: [2/5;]

The picture/poster doesn't give a bit of the angst. No. Not at all. I thought it was a fluffy story until I read the tags. Did you do the poster yourself or it's from a poster shop?. If you edited it, then this is for you: Next time, try finding some darker colors and some emo fonts if you're planning to do angst. Also, find a darker picture of Tao since it IS ANGST and not FLUFF. Why is Tao smiling?

If the poster is from a poster shop, please ignore the comment.

What is your font? Try using some "classic" fonts to add some angsty feels. Try "Georgia" or "Courier". Anyway, nevermind. The font is too simple I cannot grasp the feels.

Please fix your phrasing too. Also, use some dividers/separators to avoid confusion in some scenes.

So here you go. I hope I didn't offend you a bit :)

REVIEW BY: DrunkenMaster