~Kim Namjoon's Story~

"Why does it matter that I'm mad at you or not, what am I to you Namjoon for you to care whether or not I'm mad at you? We're not a couple, right? That is what you had said earlier. So, why does it bother you?"

"When you figure that out Namjoon, then we can talk."

Those taunting words that have clearly made an impact on his indestructible heart had been on constant repeat subconsciously in his head for the past 3 hours. That exhausted distraught look in her eyes at that mere moment in time had haunted him without his consent as he sat there motionless for quite sometime now.

"We're not a couple, right? That is what you had said earlier. So, why does it bother you?"

They weren't a couple right? She was right. He had said those words without a care in the world, yet why did he feel a throbbing pain inside of his chest at that exact moment? He knew what he had felt at that time was guilt and whether he wanted to admit to it or not, he was most definitely feeling guilty for causing her such a pained expression in her eyes. He had promised to protect her but why did it always seem like he was the one to hurt her the most? She was hurt and angry at him and he knew it, he knew it all too well.

"So, why does it bother you?"

Why was it that he couldn't take it whenever she'd be upset with him? Why did it bother him so much? Question after question, no matter how hard he tried to answer her back right then and there; he simply couldn't. He didn't have an answer for her because he himself hadn't the slightest comprehend-able explanation for the feelings he had towards her.  

"Hey, hyung?" And so, he had been sitting rooted to this old raggedy chair of Jin's for the past 2 hours staring off into space. He was physically and visibly there and yet his subconscious mind was nowhere in sight and nowhere to be found.

"Hyung?" The boys had been eying their lifeless friend; clearly unsure of what to do or say to him, fearing for their dear life amongst his uninhabited body at that time. There was only one time that they've ever seen him this "quiet"; the night right after the accident had seemingly taken place. It didn't take them more than a few seconds when he had called them abruptly, as the boys have been friends for so long now for them to know something had been bothering him and without him even having to explain a single word.  

"Yah, Namjoon." It was right after Soyun had went off on him that he needed confinement and yet he didn't want to be alone either. He was always grateful towards his best friends for being there whenever he needed them. It was right after that "initial" argument that had taken place that he had called them wanting to "hang out" at their usual hang out spot at the eldest hyung's house. Knowing that they could somewhat keep his mind off of his unwanted thoughts like they always did. He came there with that plan. not realizing that his so called "plan" definitely didn't go accordingly.

"When you figure that out Namjoon, then we can talk."

His mind kept on wandering back to those "words". Those taunting words that he couldn't seem to erase from his memory. Those words that had been bothering him, driving him to near insanity was taking a huge toll on him. He couldn't take the fact that she was mad at him, but the fact that she didn't want to even talk to him? That right there was what got him on edge and he was left with a strange foreign feeling. He was hurt, hurt by someone he cared about and for the first time, someone actually made him feel...vulnerable. That someone wasn't just anyone; it had to be Soyun, Park Soyun out of all people; it just had to be her. Why?

*SHAKE* "Namjoon?"

"Huh?" His mind instantly went blank, the blank that he had wished for all this time had finally appeared but it only stayed for a mere second before his thoughts flooded right back into place. Feeling and hearing Jin's voice crash through his tainted thoughts was like a miracle at that moment in time. It had taken them more than a dozen tries to gain his attention and they weren't going to let it slip out of their hands that easily.

"What the heck's wrong with you?" Yoongi spoke up more worryingly than his agitated tone had seemingly lead out as the boys all kept quiet expressions; not wanting to cause damage to their momentary breakthrough.

"I..." The first word that Namjoon had uttered out upon his arrival 2 hours prior had indirectly left them dumbfounded. There was something very wrong, something had happened to Namjoon and they all knew it right then.

"I have a problem..." It was the first time that any of them has ever seen or heard Namjoon sound so... Defeated? He was never the type to spill out "problems" especially his own as he always kept his issues to himself, solving things out on his own terms was what they were all used to but not this.

"What's wrong hyung?" Jimin was always brightly cheerful and smiling happily but right now his eyes grew wide with concern, seeing Namjoon so out of it for the first time in forever had startled the young one completely.

"Wait. Did you and Soyun fight again, hyung?" Even though the maknae was a baby due to his age restriction, he was probably the most observant one in the bunch and when Namjoon didn't reply to his sudden question; he knew that he had struck out. Not only was Jungkook observant but he was also the closest to Soyun aside from Namjoon, so of course he knew about their constant "love" quarrels. But this time, it seemed a bit more complex than their previous fights.

"If you don't tell us, we can't exactly help you. You know that right, Namjoon?" Seeing that Namjoon had slowly drifted back into his frozen state of mind once more, Hoseok dived right into saving them all from loosing their grasp on the situation at hand.

"She asked me..."What am I to you?"..." Even in that lifeless state that he had managed to pull himself into yet again, Namjoon answered Hoseok's question without much effort this time around as everyone's eyes darted back and forth towards one another clearly, seeing where this conversation was headed.

*Whisper* *"Seriously? Wow, someone's all grown up now..."* "Sorry... Anyways, you were saying that Soyun asked you, what is she to you. And I'm guessing by the looks of this you didn't answer her right?" Jin questioned while raising an eyebrow suspiciously. Soyun has definitely grown up over the past year and as for Namjoon? Jin and the others were so sure that Namjoon was just in total denial of his own "feelings".

"Not didn't, but couldn't..." Namjoon's voice muffled out horsed and almost inaudible as everyone shot glances back and forth at each other once more. Namjoon acted as though he didn't hear Jin's whispering rant but ignoring it would be better for the fact that he didn't want to admit that Jin's statement was correct. Soyun had grown up, she wasn't the little girl who he would come to rescue every time she had managed to fall. Suddenly shooting himself on his feet, Jin thought up a very simple solution for Namjoon's problem; which was a no brainer.

"Well that's an easy problem to solve, just answer the question~" Simple solution right? If only Namjoon knew the answer, would he have deemed it "simple".

"I don't know the answer." They all diverted their attention back onto Namjoon's motionless figure, not too sure what more to tell him as that was his only way out of this.

"Well hyung, I'd hate to break this to ya but we can't really help you out on that one. We're not you." Jungkook gave a light pat on Namjoon's shoulder as he spoke the honest truth. The boys wanted to help but they couldn't as everyone nodded slightly, agreeing with the maknae's choice of words.

"She's basically asking you why you care about her, so why do you? What is Soyun to you, Namjoon hyung~?" Taehyung had been silently watching things unfold and now it was his turn to get down to business. His specialty; getting people to admit things without them knowing had finally and officially set sailed.

*Silence*  Namjoon stared at him blankly, not really knowing what to say or maybe he was hesitating for some unknown reason. But thinking that even if he had kept his mouth shut, these sly best friends of his would all eventually pry deeper into his head and that wasn't what he wanted right now.

"She's...she's someone very important to me." Both Soyun and Sora had become a part of his life, a part of his life that he can't imagine living without. Soyun was most definitely someone important to him, that was the honest truth as he spoke up softly somehow sounding unsure of himself.

"Okay, so she's important to you. Why is she so important?" Taehyung's words yet again had stumped him. At a time where his brain needed air, Taehyung had managed to drown him once more as endless thoughts invaded every inch of him; suffocating him without a fair warning. He could feel his blood boiling inside of his veins, but he tried to keep his cool thinking that they were only trying to help him. But he was seriously not holding up too well at that moment.
 
"I don't know. All I know is that I can't let anything happen to her." Namjoon's voice got dangerously sharper as the 5 others stood there amused. Not only was Namjoon about to burst, but they had to admit that Taehyung had no fear of getting Namjoon this far out of his barrier without so much of a hint of sweat. They all knew what would become of Taehyung if Namjoon exploded at that moment and so did Taehyung himself. But he was so close to getting the information that he just couldn't stop right now.

"Fair enough, but why?" Pushing buttons was definitely Taehyung's talent as his big googly eyes eyed Namjoon trying to fish out more.

"Why? What do you mean, WHY?! If I knew why, I wouldn't be here talking to you guys right NOW!" Okay, so maybe it wasn't a good idea to push those buttons of his further as they all saw Namjoon's fiery glare suddenly come through shooting daggers at Taehyung.

"Okay, let's try and calm down Namjoon." As the oldest, Jin was there to cease the situation as he came to Namjoon's side trying to deflate the rising anger illuminating from his body. The safest place to be was behind the baby maknae. No one wants to hurt their "Golden Maknae", as Taehyung swiftly hopped over hiding himself behind Jungkook while poking his head out from time to time making sure he was safe from Namjoon's grasp.

*Sigh* It only took a brief second or two before Namjoon's defeated expression appeared once again. The boys took his actions quite seriously and knowing that he was really really out of it, to which was the least of their concerns. They needed to help him figure this out, not only for his sanity but for theirs as well. Even though they already knew the answer that he himself couldn't come up with, they weren't about ready to ruin all the fun that they were having while prying through his head like this once in a lifetime occurrence.

"Okay, let's try and walk through this again. So you're saying that Soyun is important to you and that you can't let anything happen to her. Isn't that how we all feel towards her though?" Hoseok was the first to speak knowing that since he was the closest to Namjoon. that maybe he would have a better chance of cracking the shell.

*Nod* With just that small gester, Hoseok knew that he was onto something and taking the initiative to continue on with his sly interrogation.

"So, she's a friend that you care about? Or is she more than a friend?" The 5 dwarfs on the other hand glanced proudly at Hoseok, grinning widely as he had managed to bring up the "friend" factor without much effort. He was on a roll and they were totally enjoying the confused and lost look Namjoon had plastered onto his face so suddenly so at that moment.

*Silence* Namjoon sat there thinking about the words that had just struck a cord in his heart. Soyun wasn't just a friend to him, but what was she then?

"...more than a friend, she's like my little sister. Someone that I need to protect." His gentle tone echoed throughout the entire room. It was out of his control as those words subconsciously slipped out from his dry cracked lips. But this time, there wasn't hesitation lingering in his voice as he was almost so sure of himself that that was the sole explanation.

"But she asked you out Namjoon." That statement left him speechless. Hoseok was right and thinking back; he couldn't seem to understand his own behavior at that time when she had asked him to "go out" with her.

~~~~~~~
"Do you really like me that much?" For the first time, he sounded unsure of himself and he didn't know why he suddenly asked her such a question.

"I just don't understand why you like me?" Guessing by her nonexistent reply; he suddenly spoke up again ending with a light chuckle, realizing how stupid he had just sounded.

"I like you because I like you."  Her response left him speechless,even though he expected those words from her, it still caught him off guard when it came out of without her giving it much thought.

*SILENCE* He kept his gaze on the girl who had laid calmly right beside him, not knowing why his heart was trembling like mad so suddenly so. But he knew fairly well that it was because of her. She made his heart go crazy and he didn't know why.

"Does this mean that you agree to go out with me then?" Her soft gentle voice echoed through the cold air surrounding them and at that moment he felt her warm breath brush lightly on his chilled skin. He looked over at her not being able to speak for a mere two seconds.

"I'm not entirely sure how to answer that Soyun?" His voice was soft and gentle when it finally came out as he didn't want to hurt her more than he already had but it was already too late. He didn't have to ask to know that she was already wounded by him. Even with her back slowly meeting his eyes, he already knew he had hurt her somehow.

"I'll take that answer as a yes. Now, goodnight Namjoon oppa~"
~~~~~~~~

"...I" He couldn't understand why he; at that time didn't say "no" or object to her and to her response. He was back at that crosswalk yet again after thinking about it. Its not that he didn't want to tell her "no"; he simply couldn't. He tilted his head lower than it should have been, grabbing whatever hair he could get a hold of while ruffling it frantically. He was loosing it and he hated this feeling that was suddenly overcoming him. He hated complicated relationships, that's why he never really cared for dating anyone and yet here he was stuck in a mess that he didn't even know he had gotten himself into.

"Okay okay, let's just say hypothetically speaking that you do decide not to take things further than your sister/brother/friendship thingy with her and one day she falls in love with some random guy. How would you feel then? Would you be upset?" Seeing Namjoon frustrated was not pleasant but Hoseok was definitely getting to the root of this whether he had to sacrifice his life or what not, he was going to get to the bottom of this.

"I don't think so... I mean, I think I would be happy for her." Everyone was a bit taken aback at Namjoon's instant reply as he looked up at them; more serious than he had intended to be. For one, they all knew that his answer wasn't exactly honest as he diverted his attention on anything except them.

"So, you're saying you can live without her in your life?" Yoongi was next to strike an attack at the poor defenseless Namjoon, unfortunately it kind of backfired but in a good way.

*GLARE* "What?! I said I would be happy if she does find someone she loves! What does that have to do with me never seeing her again!?!" Namjoon's voice roared as he felt a tad bit agitated upon hearing such a question. He even stood up towering over Yoongi only by a mere five inches but none the less his nerves were on hot water right at that moment, waiting for a proper explanation from someone in that room.

"Namjoon, she's not your real sister. When she gets a career, gets married, and has a life of her own; she won't always be able to be wherever you are and see you whenever you'd like her to." That never dawned on him, it never dawned on him once that he might not be able to see her all the time. He was so used to seeing her every single day, that he didn't think much of it until Jin suddenly brought it up.

*Pat* "Unless you want to end up "Soyun-less" I suggest you think more in depth about your true feelings for her. And as your friends, we all hope that you can chase after her while you still can before someone else catches her~" Hoseok's words left Namjoon speechless once again as he just felt a harsh blow throughout his entire body.

He slouched down onto the chair lifeless once again and knowing most definitely that he wasn't going to get an ounce of sleep that night. That, he was almost certain of as his mind once again flooded with endless thoughts to which he had tried so hard to rid himself of. He came to his friends for "help" but they ended up causing more unwanted and unnecessary complications that he wasn't exactly ready for. He couldn't get her off his mind, not even for a split second. Soyun, Park Soyun why did she effect him so much? He was scared of the answer.

The Next Morning:

The warm morning rays glistened its way faintly through the window as Namjoon had subconsciously watched the dark nights' sky vanish into thin air as the bright broad daylight of today appeared in what felt like a blink of an eye. With not so much of a minute of shut eye, Namjoon had been tossing and turning restlessly on his now disastrous bed the whole night after coming home from the "hang out" to which he had so regretted for putting himself through. He knew fairly well that his friends were only trying to help, so he couldn't exactly blame them. He was the one who got himself into this "complicated relationship" that he vowed never to be in and yet he didn't really know what to do to get out of it per say. "Answering the question", he knew was the only solution and yet he just couldn't do it.

*Glance* Looking at the clock right beside his bed; Namjoon reluctantly plopped himself onto his feet while rubbing his extremely exhausted eyes knowing that he needed to do something productive to keep his mind off of this current "situation" that he couldn't rid himself of anytime soon. As he made his way out from the room, his eyes couldn't seem to look anywhere else but there. He stopped dead in his tracks, seeing that her door had been slightly ajar and the sounds of the bathroom fossett being at that moment. He knew that she was awake and that right there suddenly sparked a little tug at his heart for the first time in his life. It was because of her that he was seriously loosing it as her words from the last night had still been tugging endlessly inside his head.

"Why does it matter that I'm mad at you or not, what am I to you Namjoon for you to care whether or not I'm mad at you? We're not a couple, right? That is what you had  said earlier. So, why does it bother you?"

He hated that she was literally driving him to the wits end without even doing a single thing. Was she still mad at him? That thought never left his mind the entire night as he turned his attention unconsciously keeping his gaze on the bathroom door for quite sometime. He wanted to see her,