L.Joe's POV

"Happy birthday, dear Byunghunnie~!", my mom handed me a big envelope.
"What is this?", I ripped it curiously.
"Just open it, you're gonna love it", said my mom.
I pulled out a book from it.
"Yah~! isn't this Fight Club first edition?!", I squealed.
"Yeah, I got that from a friend of mine", my mom smiled.
"Mom... Thank you so much", I couldn't stop grinning from happiness as I hugged my mom tight.

"It's actually a push for you to continue your Journal Of Ardency sequel", she sighed, that vivacious face turned sour in seconds.
"Eh?", I raised my eyebrows.
"Your editor keeps calling meee... yah, how could he believe that a lady like me could write something like that. Heol, I'd better don't know your identity as well", she scoffed.
"But mom, you're the one who suggested it", I chuckled.
"Yeah... do you still work on it? I don't really like your first book. I think you should stop writing", said my mom, carefree as always. But I know she was just joking. Her eyes wet a little when she saw my first edition displayed on the front of one famous book store.
"Thank you, mom. You always been a good supporter", I smiled.
"Hahaha. Well... Byunghun-ah, you know I should rush to the airport right now... ah... so sad to left my sweetie like this", she pretended to cry and pinched my cheek.

"Yah, mom~! stop it!", I tossed her hand away.
"Tsk. Daniel do that a lot, why couldn't I?", she protested.
"Because if it was you it's..."
"Stop it there. I'll call Daniel every minute to make sure you're safe. Aish, that bastard fish", she sighed heavily and stood up to carry her Jil Sander bag on her left hand.
"Bye mom", I said.
"Bye Honey-ya", she kissed my forehead just before I bursted in annoyance.
"Stop calling me Honeeeey~!", I protested as everyone watched us from beyond the door and she left.

. Now everyone does call me Honey, it's frustrating, really. I thought because it feels gross at first, but then I realized it's because it doesn't feel special anymore. I want that nickname for me and Niel only. Where's that fish kid, though... I know he's not good in remembering trivial things such birthdays, but he planned that on my birthday, didn't he?.

I checked my phone. Still nothing. Ah. Niel... Just call me, text me. Should I initiate it first. No no no. I want it purely from him. I rested my head on my pillow. I should wait for it a little more... This VIP room is too big for me alone. What I hate about hospital is, no matter how many people around you, you always have that sense of abandonment. The world goes by outside and yet, you're just lying here, looking at the same old four sides of room, the same old white ceilings, the same old white curtains. People keep walking and I'll be forgotten...

I closed my eyes. The chattering that I heard every time I close my eyes. They always think that I'm sleeping, but I could hear it all. When they talked about how my theraphy didn't get the expected result, but yet every time I had my check they always say I'm improving. Why didn't they just tell me the truth? I want to be the outside world's part too... Every time I remember those chattering and I saw my pale face on the window reflection I feel like I'm fading away. Leaves were falling outside, they withered and die. It was just circle of life isn't it, to come back to the ground and transcend into something else.

Everything went blur, and the next time I knew I woke up at evening and Jonghyun was beside me. I focused my sight and I could see that concerned face of him. Though it was hard to differentiate his expression...

"Jonghyun-ah... wh-what is it?", I asked worriedly.
"Hyung, I don't know how to say this", he sighed heavily and looked down in despair.
"Ng? what is it... you can tell me", I shook his shoulder, seek for an answer.
"Niel went to Paris with Soojoo", his gaze pierced through my eyes.
"He what?", I gasped in surprise. My heart raced.
"Do you notice that it's weird for a bride-to-be to fly here? just what? for fun? showing you that DVD box?!", said Jonghyun.
"W-wait, is there already a proof that Niel went with her? Did he just disappear? yah, Jonghyun.. you're just joking, aren't you?", I smiled unsurely.
"No I'm not joking...", he shook his head still with his serious face.

"Yah... Jonghyun...", I shook his shoulder once again, laughed to loosen him a bit. But he stood still.
"Jonghyun...", I begged.
"I'm not joking, hyung, I saw him on the airport with Soojoo. I was about to pick up my sister, when I saw him there, I pulled him and told him to go back but he avoided me and gone... Aish. That pabo. I don't know what to do anymore", Jonghyun slammed the table. He looked so irritated. Is this for real? Didn't he just...
"You're lying because it's my birthday, right?", I grinned awkwardly.
"Ah, it's your birthday?", he looked at me in surprise.

So Jonghyun didn't know... so it's for real, then? that's why Niel hasn't say a thing about my birthday?. What is it... Niel... why didn't you just tell me?. It was all joke then, he might laugh about me with Soojoo when they conversed on the balcony that time. I'm such a fool.

"So I'm just a substitute all along... I always am", my lips trembled.
"Hyung...", Jonghyun sat beside me and round his arm on my shoulders.
"He could just tell me, and how could I be mad at him for going back together with a friend that I also really cherish?", the tears started to fall.
"Hyung, I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell you this on your birthday... yah, I don't know your birthday, really. I don't use Facebook anymore", Jonghyun took me to his embrace.
"So he's really gone...", I sniveled, the news still sound really absurd to me.

"But didn't I fight hard for him? w