“Do you know how hard it was for me to see him just leave like that? What about what that meant to me”, I hushed in one breath.

My chest tightened once more as the memories continued to congest my mind. I felt a pang of dizziness, closing my eyes to seek balance. What was I doing? What was this going to do for me? My regrets grew rapidly with each passing memory troubling my heart.

Khun bolted up and grasped my shoulders with his hands trembling desperately; his eyes burned with madness I never witnessed before. “You need to stop all of this. You need me in your life! Elle, I can take care of you, protect you, and make you happy again. Why does it always have to be him? You saw what he did to you. How much longer will it take until you finally realize that you need to let go of Jay?” Khun raged furiously, clenching his fingers into my shoulders.

Panic began to rise within me, and chills crept up my spine. Everything was coming at me too quickly, and slowly I realized what his words meant. My eyes widened, continually looking at him in disbelief.

“I have… let him go, but so have I… with you” I quivered, already regretting my words.

His eyes gravely searched mine, trying to fix my eyes on his. Then, his furrowed eyebrows slowly relaxed, and his grip loosened.

“Never mind. Just… whatever. Forget it”, he stammered, grabbing his jacket along with him out the door. I stood there, staring at the wall on the other side of the room, listening to his faint footsteps down the hall and towards the elevator. I looked back at the closed door, and listened to the keen silence and loneliness that permeated throughout the apartment. Was I really so oblivious? Was I really so blind or did I really truly know it and just ignored it?

I staggered to my bedroom and plopped myself onto my bed. “What am I going to do now”, I thought to myself, “Khun was Jay’s best friend. What am I supposed to do about all of this”? I groaned and curled up into a ball, unable to escape this antagonizing hurt and confusion I was feeling. I pulled the covers over my head and waited to drift into sleep, my favorite remedy.

I opened my eyes to darkness and, for a moment, I was confused about where I was and what day it was. I reached for my phone and read the time, “7:30 PM”. Immense grogginess weighed my body down as I struggled to get out of bed. I flickered the light switch on in the living room and spotted the two mugs that remained on the coffee stand. The room felt colder and emptier now than it had ever been in the last few months. I dragged my drained body to the kitchen and gulped down a refreshing glass of water to replenish my body. I continued to sit there, thinking back to the past few hours. A glimpse of TOP’s face quickly flashed in my mind, and I immediately remembered our encounter at the club the previous night. His scent surfaced in my memory and the feeling of the smooth engine humming in his car. I stopped my mental tracks, catching myself smiling. I shook my head in attempt to shake the cautiously bubbly feeling and downed the rest of my water.

*Ding Dong*

Who could it possibly be? Was it Khun? My heart began to thump and felt a lurch in my stomach. I remained silent in my chair, hoping that he would go away. A few seconds passed before he rang the doorbell again.

*Ding Dong* *Ding Dong*

I was breathing faintly with a cold sweat striking my neck. What do I do?

“Elle, it’s TOP”, a raspy voice called through the door. My senses bolted back to me as if someone slapped me awake. I quickly bounced off my chair, fixing my hair into a tight bun. What in the world was he doing here?

I creaked the door open and TOP’s handsome face welcomed me at the other end. He smiled warmly with eyes as big as gleaming pearls. “So… I was wondering if you would like to catch dinner with Jiyong and me as our apologies for last night, if that’s alright with you”, he carefully asked with wide and hopeful eyes. 

I paused for a moment, taken aback by his unexpected invitation. “Oh… Well, there’s no need for further apologies…” I drifted off looking away from his gaze.

“Please. It’s our pleasure and, really, excuse to see you again”, he interrupted me, this time more pleading than before.  “Shall we dine?” he shot a killer smile and a devious look.

Why not?

Amused by his banter, I quietly laughed and jokingly rolled my eyes. “I’ll be out, so I’ll meet you downstairs” I answered as I waved to TOP who began to happily stroll down the hall. “I don’t usually wait for girls, so count yourself special!” he hollered as the elevator dinged and the door swiftly opened.