“I am so sick of this. I swear that if I see one more of these damn names in front of my eyes I will go completely crazy. We have checked and compared these stupid lists three times already and we’ve only managed to get rid of scarcely any names.“ Dara let the paper she was holding slide on the table and raked both of her hands through her hair in exhaustion.

Bommie, who was sitting just in front of her, snatched the list from where it had fallen and run her eyes over it again.

“Come on Dara, we actually had narrowed the search a little. Anything is helpful at this moment. Look, there are quite many people that hadn’t attended the party: Yoo Yong Sung-ssi from the Accounting Department, Sun Dong Yol-ssi from the Media Center . . . Hwangssabu is not on the list either! “ The girl took another second to search for more examples. “Oh, and don’t forget that nearly the entire Marketing Department missed the party because they were busy in Japan with a campaign. That cuts down 5 men! . . . There’s also assistant Shin Min Jun-ssi whose wife recently gave birth at that time. Also, look here, Jiyong was absent as well!”

“Oh please, like it could have ever been Hwangssabu! And BIGBANG was out of the question from the very beginning . . .” Dara kept her dark expression and a perpetual pout on.

“Don’t be like this! At least be thankful that all these names are now for certain not a possibility. Cause let’s be serious, ruling out any of the candidates should matter a great deal, since you can’t just go around interviewing each and every employee, asking how soft they found your lips.”

“SHHHH! Don’t talk so loud Bom! Are you crazy?!”

“Yes. Yes I am. One ultimate proof of my insanity should be the fact that for the past hour I’ve been helping you solve your drunk one night stand mystery. You’re welcome by the way. I should be going now, it’s almost 4 p.m and I have my gym reservation-”

“Reservation for what?”  Dara instinctively asked, thinking he must have misheard.

“Gym reservation. You know, exercising . . .”

“Of course I know, I am not retarded. It’s just that I find it unbelievable that you are even mentioning such a thing. You hate working out. Especially in public places like the gym.”

“Yea I do. That’s why I did a reservation. DUUH! I’ll have the entire YG Gym for myself and I can get to do ma thang in silence!” Bommie stood up and gave her friend the list back. “Good luck with this. I would kiss you good-bye but we all know what an impact the last kiss you received had on you.  I’ll see you later, bye!”

­­­____________________________________________

“NO –“

“FREAKING – “

“WAY.“

Bom stared dumbfounded at Seunghyun. Seunghyun stared dumbfounded at Bom.

A second of silent fell upon this tensioned scene, right after the last word was shouted in unison by both of them.

“I can’t believe this is happening again. No, I just REFUSE to accept it! AM I CURSED OR SOMETHING?”  Bom banged her head against the male changing-room’s doorframe.

The universe was playing games on them. T.O.P just got walked in on for the second time in his life: already FAR MORE OFTEN than he would have ever wished for this to happen.

Much to Seunghyun delight, the situation unexpectedly turned out in his favor and avoided the potentially less lucky alternatives of the same scenario that would have been very much just as possible, yet comparably more catastrophic.  Thus, he was yet again found wearing a surprisingly rich amount of clothing for somebody supposedly engaged in an activity whose primary purpose is taking them of. He was in a T-shirt and sweatpants, just like the last time.

“HA, so you are the one in shock? May I remind you that I AM the victim here? YOU CAN”T JUST REPEATEDLY BURST INTO THE MALE DRESSING ROOM LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL. People are doing PRIVATE activities in here!”

“Oh yeah, go ahead and make another big scene about exposing 2 inches of your precious skin. YOU ARE FULLY DRESSED!”

“BUT WHAT IF I HADN’T BEEN?!”

“OH, WHAT A TRAGEDY, IMAGINE THE ORDEAL, PERISH THE THOUGHT! HEAVEN FORBID ANYTHING LIKE THAT SHOULD HAPPEN! LORD HAVE MERCY! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! JUST EXCUSE MY EXISTANCE I AM LEAVING IMMEDIATELY!” Bom left the room shouting and dramatically gesticulating, bearing a look of outraged indignation.

“Well I am actually ready now, so you can use it instead – oh, uhm – ok . . .? Come back when you feel like it . . .”

_____________________________________________

Seunghyun waited quietly in the middle of the fitness area, scrutinizing every exercise equipment out of boredom.  Not even he could believe he was there to actually use them out of his own initiative.

Bom eventually changed clothes where her corresponding gender was actually supposed to do it and had now awkwardly made her entrance in the empty room. She joined her unintended partner in this initiatory journey, displaying her colossal “done with life” face.

“Why are you still here?” she asked, articulating deeply every word.

“Me? Why are YOU still here?” he replied resentfully.

“Because I am supposed to be here. I am the ONLY ONE supposed to be here in fact! I swear we have had this discussion before . . .”

“WELL, that’s tremendously unfortunate because guess what! I am also the sole person who reserved this space for PERSONAL use.”

“And yet, there are obviously two of us here. Something turned out terribly wrong.”

*silence*

Bom scowled at Seunghyun. Seunghyun scowled back at Bom. They were both having mean thoughts and a shameless frown displayed on their faces.

“Somebody has to leave.” Their voices blended together harmoniously, vocalizing the same sentence, using the same kind of bitter, blunt intonation.

“HA HA well, joke’s on you cause I ain’t going anywhere.” Bom sharply remarked.

“I was the first one here and I also came for a reason. So guess what: I am not leaving either.” He replied in a similar hostile tone, giving just as good as he got.

“Pfoah, seriously?!. . . this is too much already. Whenever I come across you, my day gets suddenly a thousand times worse. I really don’t have enough patience to deal with this much of your idiocy in such a short time span.  I’ve seen your face way too often lately.”

Intending  to somehow show off how tired she was of Seunghyun’s presence and partly also because she wanted to waste plenty of time before exercising , the girl proceeded to roll her eyes and then started typing on her phone, as she usually did all the time.

Striking him harder than lighting during a summer storm, T.O.P experienced the deepest epiphany of his existence. He saw Bom involved in a familiar activity which suddenly reminded him of the current situation’s actual gravity: she was still in close contact with Ji Seok. So, his priority instantly changed: getting as far away as possible changed paradoxically to trying to keep her busy and in his close proximity for as long as possible.

Seunghyun forced a warm smile on himself and spoke in a soothing, deep voice:

“Why don’t we just sort things out as civilized and rational human beings would? I am sure we can find a convenient, peaceful way to coexist and share this space, right? After all, we’ve always gotten along pretty well, right?”

His shocking, strange change of attitude had no specific purpose other than to draw her attention away from any phone related activities. He did not think much about having a plan or any clear target, but he was aware that this could also potentially give him a chance to try and pull away some more precious information. Anything that could help further hinder the two love birds’ ill-omened relationship.

However, what was even more shocking was the fact that this technique has in fact really worked: Bom immediately lifted her eyes from her phone, dumbfounded and mistrustfully staring into Seunghyun’s eyes, asking for some explanation:

“E-excuse me?”

“I said, why don’t we just work out together? I don’t consider it to be such an impossible alternative.”

She smacked her lips, as if to emphasize her full disinterest with the subject.

“Fine, whatever. I don’t see any other solution anyway.”

“PERFECT!” T.O.P even let out a little squeal of excitement. “This is going to be amazing, you will see! We can help and support each other out! I can cheer for you! I will hold on to your feet when you are doing crunches! I will bring you water whenever you feel thirsty! And we can – “

“WHOA WHOA WHOA HOLD YOUR HORSES! WTF is wrong with you!? Are sure you aren’t on drugs or something? OH or maybe it’s the other way around! You forgot to take your drugs, right? These must be the symptoms of withdrawal.”

“HA HA! You are so funny, but no. I am just genuinely excited that we can do this together!!”

“Yep. You NEED help!” With this conclusive remark having been said, Bom proceeded to sit on one of the fitness pieces of equipment, which by the way, she had no idea how to use. This machine obviously had a certain purpose, but for our lazy girl, it was only serving a as a chair for the moment. She pulled out her phone again, which she seemed to never forget about, much to Seunghyun’s disapproval. Her fingers started tapping energetically.

“Well, I think YOU need help!” T.O.P declared, while a frozen, implacable look of bitterness suddenly settled on his face.

“Huh?” She lifted her eyes for a second but continued typing.

“Don’t you realize in what a deplorable condition you find yourself into? You are stuck in an outraging circle of heinous crimes whose only victim is your own health!”

At this point, Bom put the phone down, while her center of attention had fully switched upon Seunghyun’s fervent speech. She was just silently staring at him, wide eyed and astounded.

 “This has become a deadly serious problem! Can’t you see you are harming your well-being? You are on the path to self-destruction!”

After a brief dramatic pause, T.O.P snatched the little rectangular device that was lying in Bom’s lap.

“This!” He raised the phone in mid-air and vehemently pointed at it. “This is the wicked object that took control over your pitiful existence! It’s high time you fought and claimed your life back!”

*BEEP*

Out of the blue, adding up to the absurdity of the situation, the phone buzzed right in Seunghyun’s hand, signalizing the arrival of a new message. Bommie instinctively looked at the screen with pleading eyes, but didn’t even dare to say a word.

“See! This is what I am talking about! Fortunately, I am here to fix it.”

With a broad, theatrical gesture, T.O.P threw the cellphone on the floor, making it slide a few inches away from them.

“ARE YOU CRAZY!!!?? WTF MAN! YOU’D BETTER PRAY IT’S STILL WORKING OR ELSE YOU ARE DEAD!”

“You see? You are so tensed up and agitated, all because of that profane object. That is the source of all your misery. You must learn to let go!”

He plunked himself on the floor at her feet, in front of the fitness machine she was sitting on. He then crossed his legs, closed his eyes, breathed in deeply and smiled serenely, his posture spectacularly resembling Prince Buddha at the verge of holy enlightenment.

Bommie remained speechless.

“Luckily for you and not known to many, I have recently become accustomed to an ancient meditation practice of the old Maya people of the Timbuktu plateau.”

He breathed in again and grabbed Bom’s hand, holding it tight.

“So let me help you. I am going to show you the way to the liberation of the spirit. This technique will revive the positive energies within your body, and invigorate your whole being. It is known that the Maya people have found the drainless spring of youth and thus they were one of the most longevous people in history.”

In his long series of baloneys and rambling, T.O.P managed to hit a soft spot for Bom. She was taken aback and had a rather shady attitude towards his story, but hearing about the miraculous prospects of rejuvenating youth, the girl was suddenly enthusiastic about trying out this unheard procedure.

“So . . . What does it consist of?” the pupil asked the master.

“Oh, well . . . It’s actually very simple! The first important thing is to close your eyes! And keep them shut until I tell you that you can open them. Don’t even think about cheating or nothing will work properly.”

She obediently did so.

“Okay, now . . . uhm, now I need you think about your sins.”

Seunghyun fluttered his hands in font of Bom’s face to assure that she couldn’t see anything.

“My sins?! What the heck do you take me for? You think I am a serial killer or what?”

“Oh well, no, no. They don’t have to be serious ones. Anything that might be considered rude to the others or wrong to yourself. The first step in this complex process of purification is awareness. One should know their true self. Please cite them out loud.” he held on stronger to her hand. “You can do this, I trust you.”

T.O.P’s other hand was reaching out to seize Bom’s phone. Surprisingly enough, the screen lit up immediately and it was still functioning, so upon reaching it, our yoga master started, you guessed, he started going through her recent messages.

“Ugh, okay, so: I might as well start with the fact that I have tried to repeatedly use the men’s changing room, which is not even a sin if you ask me, but somebody seemed to have been extremely bothered by it. *cough* such a princess *cough*.  Other things . . ., well, I’ve been eating lots of corn lately and concealing it from Hwangssabu-shi, thank God he still didn’t notice tho . . .”

“Very good, go on. And keep your eyes shut.”

“I haven’t called my mother in 2 weeks. But well, she doesn’t call either and I just forgot to do so. I should pay her a visit, hope she is not upset with me”

“Hella daughter you are.”

“Oh shut the fu – oh, yeah, I also tend to swear a lot . . .”

Seunghyun had an idea and decided to change the strategy. He exited the message log, since it was taking way too much time to read the ridiculously long conversation. Instead, he went directly to the calendar and sent it whole to his e-mail. Because yeah, lately, he has actually became accustomed to many of the magnificent communication methods of the 21^st century.  

By doing as such, he had far more than enough time to analyze it later, alone. He put the phone back on the floor.

“Amazing, you did great! And most importantly, don’t forget about the biggest sin: your texting addiction. You have now begun the healing process. This is all for today, you can open your eyes.”

“Oh, damn, well that was short. Are you sure it will be effective though? ”

“Yes! Most certainly. I already see your cheeks smoothed out and brightened. I can feel you’re already one less future wrinkle.”

“Yaah, what a relief!” she smiled and patted her face with one hand, to check the new condition of her skin.

All of a sudden, the gym door opened with a squeak and a fellow employee entered. His eyes inevitably focused upon the weird state in which the eccentric pair could be found: Seunghyun practically kneeling in front of a happy Bom, holding her hand while she held her cheek in excitement.

The newcomer mumbled astounded:

“Biahn, am I interrupting something?!”

The couple’s instant reaction was a series of inexplicable, random, twisted actions, each of them meaning to find a quick, plausible explanation.

“No, no, I was just showing Bom noona how to use this piece of equipment. Yes, now raise your hand like this, very good . . .” He straighten up instantly and then tackled Bom, pressing himself over her and pulling her arm, as if he was trying to find the best way in which he could guide her.

*whispering* “YAAH! Who are you calling noona?! You just said I am already getting younger!” She subtly smacked T.O.P’s backhead, wiggling and trying hard to escape his grip. “Yes, yes, thank you for showing me! I know how it’s done now! But my tooth hurts so bad, auchhhh, apaaa! I think we’ve exercised enough for today.”

“Ha, ha, yes, it’s already been an hour. Time flies when you have fun! We should get going. Anyway, have a great day! Farewell!”

And just like that, they swiftly untangled and rose to an upright position, standing side by side like soldiers for a brief second.  T.O.P awkwardly said good bye and proceeded to the door, followed by Bommie, who was struggling hard to mimic a toothache while waving frenetically.

The employee remained alone, starring into the abyss. He was thinking about the weird behavior he has just witnessed, which by the way, seemed to resemble some kind of a weird mating dance of exotic birds.

That was interesting. Hmm, maybe I have been misusing that machine all my life.

___________________________________________

“So I don’t really know how to put it.”

“What do you mean? Just split it out, man. I can only help you after I know what the issue is.”

“But it’s so hard to believe! I am actually having a hard time myself, struggling to acknowledge that it’s actually happening.”

“I am pretty sure you are exaggerating”

“I’m not! It’ just complicated and weird and uncomfortable for me to be talking about it.”

 “Ughhh . . . C’mon, Taeyang- hyung, you said it yourself, I am the most qualified person in managing delicate relationships and love situations! Let me know what the problem is so I can solve it. You asked for my help in the first place.”

HOLY GOD you are just like a little girl. Seungri thought to himself, as his nerves started to tense up.

Stop hesitating and just say it already. Let Dr. Love here in person do his job! My vast life experience should be enough for both of us.

“Fine, I’ll just say it to you like this then. Here it goes, please pay attention: . . .”

So this was how Seungri’s and Taeyang’s conversation has been going for the past couple of minutes. They got together after schedule, just the two of them, upon Youngbae’s request. Now all that was missing was the revelation of this clandestine meeting’s purpose, which was long in coming.

Taeyang eventually got the guts up to speak:

“. . . so, I have this friend who . . . well, he kinda got himself into trouble. What started out as an apparently negligibly tricky situation has now gradually began degenerating into a major issue. The thing is, he more or less suddenly found himself to be dating this girl, and then, faster than he would’ve ever thought, things got pretty serious, pretty quickly. So here is what causes him trouble:  at the beginning, he didn’t know how to handle with this experience, so naturally, he avoided sharing it with any of his close ones, just up until he figured out how to put it. But even now, when he knows that things are clearly for real, the relationship is still strictly secret, neither of his friends knows anything about it. Frankly said, he is feeling really bad for hiding it, but he feels so overwhelmed with all of his emotions that he just can’t build up the courage to confess it and say out loud. What can one do in such trouble?”

Seungri felt the ground slipping from under his feet. His hands quickly got ice-cold, yet he started sweating. He was nervously fidgeting with his fingers, but they were so numb that the boy’s tactile capacity was completely diminished anyway.

Inside his frozen mind, echoing in a continuously increasing volume, one could hear the strange repetitive sound of a ringing tone:

   *ring*   *Ring*   *RING* Good evening. You’ve reached Doctor Love’s office. Unfortunately, he is not available at the time, but we hope he will be back soon. Have a nice day!

 “Please say something, Seungri-yah. You are so good with love advice. Wouldn’t it be only fair that he tells his friends at once?” Youngbae asked once again.

How the heck did he found out? How is it possible that he knows?! I should’ve paid more attention. Now I bet he is hella angry with me, oh boy, I can feel it. I need to calm down.

As if he just woke up from a nightmare, the maknae tried to pull himself together again and find his tongue:

“I don’t know . . . Maybe if he isn’t so sure of himself, it’s not THAT BAD to still be keeping the secret. . .”

“Seriously?! But it’s really wrong, isn’t it? What kind of friend conceals SUCH important matters? Sharing one’s love life is a substantial part of any healthy, real friendship.”

“Yes, of course, but sometimes it’s so difficult right? Ha ha . . .” Seungri tried here to insert a little awkward forced laugh. “I don’t think he means to be mean, and nor does he strike me as a bad friend. He just needs to take his time and a true friend won’t ever judge him for that anyway, RIGHT?”

“You are right! It shouldn’t matter that much after all. Thank you so much! I feel so relieved to hear this. My heart is at ease now.”

“Wait, what?! Your heart?” Seungri raised one brow inquisitively.

“Oh, well, yeah . . . To be honest I was afraid to tell you at first, but since you have been so sincerely positive about it, I can say it now. I’ve been dating a lovely girl for almost a month!” Taeyang cracked a big smile just at the mere thought of her.

“You have? OH GOD YOU HAVE! CONGRATIULATIONS!” Seungri couldn’t contain his happiness, most of it being caused, however, by the relief of not being the victim of relationships exposure. He hugged Youngbae cheerfully.

“Thank you very much. But please don’t tell any more people just yet. I want to do it myself soon, but I have to take some time, just like you’ve wisely said.”

“Sure, no problem! I am very good with secrets!” The corner of maknae’s lips formed a cocky, proud smile.