After the last message that I sent to Kikwang by telling him that I don’t want to pick up his calls for now and that I needed time to think, hoping that he could respect my decision on that, he did just that by not texting and calling me the very next day. I know that he’ll respect my decision and it’s not that I hate him or don’t want to see him anymore, it’s just that I’m definitely still shock by all that’s been happening so far. It’s so sudden that I don’t know who to listen and who to look to. After the night that Kikwang punched Lee Joon oppa, I texted Lee Joon oppa again the next day and asked about his condition. I’m relieved to know that at least he’s doing fine and he told me that he totally understood Kikwang’s action towards him. I find it weird though because I still don’t understand why Kikwang would act that way to Lee Joon oppa when it’s so obvious that both of them are close since their debut days. I lay down on my bed as Secret don’t have any schedules fixed today and instead only Sunhwa and Jieun have their own schedules that they need to attend to. Hana went out with her friends as it’s been awhile since they last met and me on the other hand just decided to stay in our dorm as I actually have a new script that I need to read on for a new drama that I’ll be on. I tried to think hard about the possibilities of why Kikwang did what he did when suddenly a flashback of when we were active on ‘Oh! My School’ came to mind.

Flashback..

I quickly walked along the backstage corridor to my makeup room. I was a bit late for today as our schedule ended late. Looking at the time, I only have thirty minutes to get ready before ‘Oh! My School’ goes on-air. When I was about to enter my makeup room, I heard noises coming from the makeup room beside me and that’s when I remembered that Kikwang, Yoseob and Lee Joon oppa’s makeup room is actually beside mine. If I have a lot of time, I would have gone inside to greet them but because I don’t have much time now, I can’t do so and with that I walked past their room to go inside my makeup room when I heard my name being mentioned by Lee Joon oppa. I can’t helped but to be curious as to why they’re mentioning my name and with that, I quietly stood outside their makeup room to listen. “Yah! Kikwang ah.. Do you think that Hyosung ssi likes me?”. Wait. What? Did Lee Joon oppa just ask that to Kikwang? I went closer to the door to hear Kikwang’s reply. I heard him coughing before answering Lee Joon oppa’s question. “Dae? Ehh hyung.. What’s with the sudden question?”. ‘Yes! Exactly! What’s with the sudden question?!’. I agreed to Kikwang. Was I being too friendly that Lee Joon oppa asked that kind of question? But that’s just how I am. I love to talk to everyone that I met or just met. “Oh Joonie hyung! How can you ask that kind of question to Kikwang? You know that Kikwang likes Hyosung ssi since the very first time ‘Shy Boy’ came out whereas hyung just started liking her when you met her on this show.. You can’t just cut the line hyung..”. I froze. Really?! Kikwang likes me? I don’t know why, but suddenly I felt my heart racing so fast. What is this feeling? I heard Lee Joon oppa asking Kikwang whether he really did like me but then Kikwang answered, “Aniya.. I just, have a crush on her.. I mean, looking at her on ‘Shy Boy’, she was really good and all so yeah..”. 'Yah Jeon Hyosung! Jungshin chariyo! Why are you feeling disappointed with Kikwang’s answer!’. I hit my face and told myself to get it together. “I think I like her.. I hope she have the same feeling as I do though.. Yah ottoke?! Why am I feeling like this?”. ‘Did Lee Joon oppa just confessed his feelings towards me? He.. He likes.. He likes me?’. My eyes opened wide and I can’t help but to feel shock by his confession. “Hyosung ah! You’re not ready yet?”. My heart almost popped out when I heard my name being called out by my manager oppa. Without looking at him, I quickly ran in my makeup room and closed the door shut. ‘What am I going to do now?! Lee Joon oppa already got the wrong message just because I was being friendly towards him.. Aigoo!’. I ruffled my hair and sighed.

End of flashback..

“Eyy.. Seolma! That was like 3 years ago! Don’t tell me that Lee Joon oppa still have feelings towards me till now? But why would he? He wouldn’t betray his dongsaeng right? Plus, why would he act up now, right? Maldo andwae.. Geundae, is Kikwang thinking the same thing that I’m thinking now so that’s why he did what he did? He’s afraid that Lee Joon oppa’s feelings is coming back so that’s why he’s acting that way towards Lee Joon oppa?”. I questioned myself but I can’t seem to find the answer. Suddenly, I thought of Yoseob. Considering at that time, Yoseob was also there at the scene, it’s best if I were to ask him if I really heard what I heard at that time and who knows, maybe Yoseob have some solutions to the questions that’s  lingering in my head too. I quickly dialled Yoseob’s number and a few seconds later, Yoseob answered the phone. “Yoboseyo?”. “Oh Yoseob ah! It’s Hyosung here.. Deo bappa?”. I asked Yoseob if he was busy or not as I don’t wanna disturb him if he is. “Oh Hyosung ah.. Aniya.. I’m on my way to my own schedule now so I can talk.. What’s up?”. I was relieved to know that Yoseob is not busy as I can’t wait to ask Yoseob all the questions that’s lingering in my head. “I have a few things to ask you but before that, is Kikwang there? How is he?”. Well, to be honest, that was the main question that I wanted to ask Yoseob. It’s killing me to not know how he is eventhough I’m still upset with him. “Aniya.. He’s not here.. He’s off to his own schedule.. Kokcheong hajima.. He’s fine eventhough he became quiet after that incident.. But not too worry, because he’s working hard to uncover the truth.. Gidariseyo!”. I heard Yoseob laughing after he said that. I didn’t really get what he meant but right now, the questions that’s in my head is bothering me more than what Yoseob is telling me. “Yah.. I have something to ask you but promise me that you’ll answer the truth and the truth only..”. I heard Yoseob’s tone became serious after I told him that and I asked him everything that’s lingering in my mind. “Geurae.. Whatever that you heard at that time were all true.. Joonie hyung did admit that he likes you and he was hoping that you felt the same way as he did.. But one thing that you should know though, whatever that Kikwang said at that time were not true.. He did not have a crush on you.. He really likes you and you should know the difference between having a crush and liking someone, right? They have two different meanings.. Kikwang told Joonie hyung that he just have a crush on you was because he didn’t want to hurt Joonie hyung’s feelings..”. I was shocked to know that. He denied that he liked me in front of Lee Joon oppa just because he didn’t want to hurt Lee Joon oppa’s feelings? Oh my god.. What have I done? “So, what should I do now Yoseob ah? We still can’t accuse Lee Joon oppa right? I mean, we don’t even know what he’s trying to do now.. He can’t be keeping his feelings towards me till now, right? My relationship and Kikwang is coming to two years now.. He shouldn’t have that kind of feelings anymore towards his dongsaeng’s girlfriend.. That’s just ridiculous..”. I told Yoseob in disbelieve. “Well, it may be ridiculous to you but not him.. No matter how naïve or silly Joonie hyung is, we are still guys you know and just so you know, a guy doesn’t like it when another guy took the girl that he have feelings for, away from him.. I’m not trying to scare you here, Hyosung ah.. I just want you to think of the possibilities that may be possible right now.. Maybe Joonie hyung is indeed planning something or maybe he just wants to get closer to you back but he didn’t realize that he’s actually pulling you away from Kikwang instead.. Again, like I say.. These are all the possibilities that I could think of because I, too, already regard Joonie hyung like my own hyung so there’s no way I’ll just blindly accuse him..”. Yoseob told me. I can’t help but to agree with all the things that Yoseob says. What if, like what Yoseob says, Lee Joon oppa is indeed pulling me away from Kikwang because looking at things now, I am disappointed with Kikwang and we’re not even talking to each other now. “Yoboseyo? Hyosung ah? Deo gwaenchana? I apologize if whatever that I say just now is hurting your feelings..”. I heard Yoseob’s voice from across the line which woke me up from my thoughts. “Oh.. Aniya Yoseob ah.. I’m thankful that you’re at least helping me to ease down my thoughts a bit.. Nan michigaenae jinja..”. I started to tell Yoseob how I really am feeling right now. Yoseob and I are close since our ‘Oh! My School’ days and in fact, he’s the first Beast member that I’m close with and after that when Kikwang became a regular for a month, he’s the second Beast member that I’m close with and till the time when Kikwang and I made it official, that was when I started to know all the other Beast members and we all became close ever since. Even when there are times when Kikwang and I had our own conflicts, I can’t help but to text any one of s to ask how is he doing and so did he. “Yah! Deo himnae haeaji! Text or call me anytime if you wanna ask about Kikwang.. But still, you have to work things out with him because if not, he might misunderstood me for contacting you behind his back.. Then, Kikwang’s gonna kill me.. Arasso?!”. I can’t help but to laugh at Yoseob for what he said. “Arasso! Yoseob ah, gomawo! I appreciate your help..”. I thanked Yoseob before I hang up the phone. I put my phone aside and the conversation that I had with Yoseob just now came back to mind. ‘So, Lee Joon oppa really did plan to take me away from Kikwang? I swear that I won’t forgive Lee Joon oppa if that really is what he’s trying to do.. Isn’t that too overboard for him to do so? Holding a grudge is already mean enough and to carry on with it and hurting the people close to you is unforgivable.. Kikwang ah, mianhe.. I’m a stupid girlfriend who can’t even trust her own boyfriend when all this while, we already promised to make this relationship work based on trust and nothing else matters.. Mianhe..’. I’m clearly disappointed with myself. Slowly, I get up from my bed as I need some fresh air to clear this puzzled mind of mine. I was about to go out of my room when I came across the polaroid pictures of me and Kikwang when we went for our quick date at the Han River, pasted on the wall near my door. That was also the night before our photos went viral online stating that we were in a relationship and because I was still on my ‘no dating’ contract at that time, I can’t make it public. I took one of the polaroid picture off the wall and read the quote that Kikwang wrote on that polaroid. ‘True love doesn’t have a happy ending because true love never ends. <3’. Looking at that polaroid picture of us and reading that quote that he wrote made me more determined to end this drama that Lee Joon oppa had created. “KaTalk!”. I quickly took my phone which was on my bed when I heard the notification. It was Sunhwa telling me that she has something to tell me and asked me to wait for her as she was already on her way back home. I replied her by saying ‘okay’ but at the same time I was wondering what is she going to tell me about. I paste the polaroid picture back on my wall and went out to the living room while waiting for Sunhwa to get back.