I would like to dedicate this chapter to a delightful reader named  mariarosavo_  You are the best!! And your friend can come join our loving parties anytime! XD 

I was now standing in the doors of the airport, Montana's retreating figure bringing tears to my eyes. I knew that she had to leave soon but I was hoping it wasn't so soon. She's my best friend, I hate to be away from her for so long. I stood there and waved to her aimlessly and watched her round the corner out of sight. We both were crying and neither wanted the other to see. Life without each other was hard enough for the first several years and now that we are both busier... Life was becoming harder to involve one another.

 

Chen had come along, he brought her here so he felt it only be right to see her off as well. As I began gasping in sorrow Chen wrapped a brother like arm around me. He squeezed me close under his arm and sighed.

 

"Let's go home." He whispered and pulled me along, taking me from the threshold.

 

In the car I watched the light pass by the window quickly, everything blurring with the sun from the daylight. Chen hummed along with the radio as he drove and I couldn't, I just felt too tired to even care. The scenery outside wasn't anything in particular, it was a blur and nothing mattered. Montana leaving was like losing a friend I didn't know when I'd get back.

 

"Would you like to pick up some bubble tea?" Chen asked, his voice bright.

 

I shook my head, "No thank you."

 

I was frankly too tired to even think of the wonderful drink. I saw Chen slump in his seat, trying to noticeably think of something to do.

 

"Oh! How about we go visit BTS? Or VIXX?" He suggested, his tone upbeat like a small puppy.

 

Yet again I still shook my head, "Maybe some other time."

 

"You denied both boba and men?" Chen gasped, "What's wrong with you?!"

 

I just looked over at him, "Can we please just not delve into this? I'm not feeling the best Chen."

 

He furrowed his brows and nodded sadly, "Okay, I'll leave you alone..."

 

I turned and looked back outside, closing my eyes and letting myself be absorbed in the silence. I could see the sun bouncing on and off my eyelids as Chen drove. I didn't know if it was bad that I also felt saddened that I let myself get carried away with Kyungsoo. I felt angry that I not only let him take control of me, but I didn't stop him. Should I just let things be like this? Should I just allow myself to be absorbed in my feelings and let them take over? The answer every time I asked my mind said yes and a hundred times yes.  I just felt for the first time since meeting Montana that I was alone and that our friendship was at stake with our busy lives. She is my best friend and leaving me for better work, better people, and a better life.

 

I wonder if this how Montana felt when I left all those years ago...

 

I felt the car come to a halt I looked up, groaning a little. Chen had driven me to a cafe that we all frequented. I looked over to him and saw him already out of the car and closing the door. I curled against the door, refusing to get out. The door opened and I almost stumbled onto the cement. I pulled back with my well built abdominal muscles and I flipped into my other side, aiming myself away from the door.

 

"Come on." Chen grumbled as he reached in.

 

"No." I growled.

 

His hands reached around me and grabbed my seatbelt, unbuckling it and pulling against me to let it go. I heard him grunt and growl in anger.

 

"LET GO!" He hissed as he pulled against the nylon.

 

"NO." I spoke viciously.

 

I didn't want to go into some cafe to drink the same thing over and over and just indulge in conversations that I couldn't care for. The only thing I wished to do was to travel home and curl up in my bed and to not leave until Moa made me. I wanted the comforting hand of one of my calmer friends to hold me. I wanted them to talk me through it, to talk me through my sadness. Chen was not this kind of friend. I didn't want to be near him and I didn't want him to try and talk to me, let alone drag me into a cafe.

 

"I WILL CALL MOA!" He yelled.

 

"GO AHEAD!"

 

There was a pause before I heard a chuckle and his hands pull away.

 

"I'll call Kyungsoo."

 

The name rung in my ears gently and my heart quickened at the thought of Kyungsoo being involved. But what can he do? He won't make a trip all the way here just to force me out of the car. Chen was dumb if he thought that would work on me.

 

"Fine, call him." I smirked.

 

I could tell that this took Chen by surprise. My normal behavior would have been to succumb to his wishes and lash out because of just that name. He was in for a real treat if he thought that I was going to fall for that again.

 

"Oh would you leave her be." Jin's voice rang out and I stiffened.

 

"He's right, she'll come out when she's ready." Hongbin chuckled.

 

"Well I hope she doesn't take too long, I've been standing all day." Hoseok whined.

 

"I'm not complaining, but why did you come along?" Lay's voice mumbled.

 

"Well you all are so kind and soft spoken that I wanted to provide the humor!" J-Hope laughed.

 

"Oh shush now and go back inside." Suho mumbled.

 

"Do you need help Chen?" Leo quickly whispered.

 

"That would be great Leo!" The smile was evident in Chen's voice.

 

I twisted my head and looked at them all. They were all standing outside the car with gentle smiles on their faces. It was only the gentlest of members from the groups standing before me. Suho, Lay, Hongbin, Leo, and Jin... Well Chen and J-Hope were there too but they were only comedy in the sea of kindness. I was standing amongst the kindest and most pure souls out of my friends and I felt nothing more than honored.

 

"Would you like to come inside for a drink?" Suho smiled and extended a hand to me.

 

I shyly looked down at my feet before grabbing his hand and delicately rising from the vehicle. They all seemed to smile wider at my timid response. The whole group helped me onto the sidewalk and showered me in happy words. I glanced at everyone skeptically.

 

What's going on?

 

"I'm starving." Chen yawned as he headed inside, locking the car with a click of a button.

 

"Just order something when we all do." Suho nudged him in slight anger and slight play.

 

"Fine umma." Chen grumbled back.

 

I kept glancing cautiously at everyone as we not only entered the cafe, but we entered a private room filled with lazy boy chairs and comfy couches. In the center of the coffee table there were menus and a phone that had several numbers displayed on the front. A large TV was sitting at one end and the news played endlessly across its glossy surface. A skylight above provided the perfect mid day glow across the cozy room. I was sat in one chair and everyone else relaxed amongst me. I was handed a menu and they all quietly discussed what they wanted to eat and drink. I glanced over the menu of cafe sandwiches and salads and occasionally glancing up at the men among me.

 

What are they up to?

 

"Rachel, what would you like?" Lay smiled.

 

"Uhhh..."

 

"Just get her the regular."  Jin shook his head.

 

I glanced at him in wonder. They were all acting like this was normal, like we did this every Sunday like a brunch that you spend with that one side of the family you'd rather avoid. I set the menu down on the table as J-Hope ordered our food over the phone. I squinted my eyes at everyone in confusion. Soon everyone was off into their own conversations and Suho gently clapped his hands to gather their attention. The chatter stopped and all eyes went to the awkward man standing.

 

"Let's go through this slowly, we don't want to raise an argument out of it." He spoke and everyone nodded.

 

"We only want what is best for you Rachel." Hongbin smiled.

 

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

 

Suho sat down and looked about himself at all the other males. A look passing between them all.

 

"Rachel, we all admit that at one point or another, we liked you more than friends." Jin informed me.

 

"All of you?!"I gasped.

 

"Yes, we discussed it." Hongbin nodded.

 

"Please don't think differently of us." Leo asked quietly.

 

I shook my head to show that my thoughts wouldn't change of them, they wouldn't alter my ideas.

 

"We want to make sure that you have the best life that you can have." Chen smirked from the edge of the couch.

 

"My life is already pretty great! I mean I have all of you guys, a wonderful family, and an amazing career." I smiled.

 

"But you deserve more." Lay sighed.

 

"Something more than what we as your friends have to offer." Hongbin smiled softly.

 

"What do you mean?" I backed up a little, looking at everyone in question.

 

"We want you to be in a relationship." J-Hope chuckled.

 

"E-Excuse me?" I choked on my own breath.

 

I was too surprised to even understand them. Why would they want me to be in a relationship?! What the hell is going on?!

 

Jin sighed, "I know this is hard to understand, but you need to know that after so much thought and concern for you, we see the thing to solve your problem and we can't just sit by and let you live your life without knowing."

 

"We know who you love more than anything, we also know who loves you more than you know." Suho smiled softly in his motherly way.

 

I sighed, I knew pretty much who they were talking about.

 

"Look I know that you think-" I began but was cut  off by a sassy sigh.

 

"Will you just quiet down and listen to us? We know you will deny it even though we're right." Chen gave me a look.

 

I shut up and looked down at my hands in embarrassment. He was right and it bothered me that he was almost always right.

 

"Chen, be nice." Lay growled.

 

"Listen Rachel, we are all here because we take the longest to anger, even if we were to argue." Suho got up and came to my side, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, comforting me, "We are all here, not necessarily to argue with you, but to ask you to at least try and do what we wish. We want you to be honest, let Kyungsoo know that he is your favorite out of us all."

 

"Let him know that you really care for him." Hongbin nodded.

 

"You can even go as far as telling him you love him!" J-Hope smiled.

 

I watched as my fingers knit together and twisted in worry. I didn't know what to do... Do I do what they ask? What if it goes wrong? Or do I stay silent like I always do?

 

"I know this is hard on you but please." Leo begged slightly.

 

I furrowed my brows and closed my eyes tightly. They were telling me the things I've always wanted to do, but they didn't hear or see the things I've gone through. They don't know about Jimin, they don't know about the guy in the park, they don't know about the recent grabbing, and they don't know about Kyungsoo and I sleeping next to each other. They didn't know that this was just as hard on me as they could possibly think.

 

"How do I even do it?" I sniffled.

 

There was a long pause before they all chuckled.

 

"Tell him you like him but that you are unsure if it will lead anywhere." Jin spoke up.

 

"Let him know that you are nervous about it, but that you have your eye on him." Lay cooed.

 

I opened my eyes and looked at them with a soft smile, "For you all, I'll do it."

 

"You really will?!" Chen looked ecstatic.

 

I giggled, "A form of it, yes."

 

"This is great!" Hongbin cheered.

 

After we all laughed and ate it was time for me to go back home to the two men I shared my life with the most. In the car Chen hummed to the music but had a forever lasting smile on his face. I looked out the window again, but this time not in depression or anger, but now it was in happiness and a hint of nervousness. I was finally going to tell him that I thought of him more than just friends. I was finally going to let my heart speak openly for me. This had to be the longest ride of my life, I was just so anxious to speak to him that my knee bounced impatiently. Before Chen could even park the car in the parking lot I opened the door and ran to the doors, hurrying inside. I took the stairs because even though taking the elevator would be faster, I couldn't stand still. I wanted to burn off some energy so I could calm down when I did it. When I told Do Kyungsoo that I liked him more than he thought I did. I giggled as I ran up the stairs, thinking of the best thing that could happen. I ran to the apartment door, unlocked it, flung it open and carelessly threw my shoes off, hurrying into the apartment.

 

"Kyungsoo!" I called with a smile.

 

I was given silence, nothing to echo my happy yell.

 

"Kai?" I called as well.              

 

More silence, they weren't home. My boosted energy plummeted and dropped to my feet. I sat on the floor and furrowed my brows. I knew that if I didn't tell him soon I wasn't going to be able to have the courage to tell him at all. In this moment I could only think of my days in Michigan. The days when I would sit on the ground in either sadness or exhaustion and my dog, Fawn, would come running, press the weight of her body against me and rub against me until I pet her. I used to go to sleep against her soft yet wirey hair, I used to curl and hold her to me, not wanting to let her warmth go. I smiled as I remembered her cute smile that you could clearly see. I always said that she smiled because we were a smiley family, she naturally picked it up. I wished for her to come bounding around the corner with that little smile set on her face and her tail swinging in circles. I wanted to hold onto my baby girl.

 

I chuckled and pulled out my phone, playing an album that kept me calm and happy and that brought back memories of the old days. It was "In The Lonely Hour" by Sam Smith. I sang along as I laid on the wooden floor, letting my exhaustion imagine Fawn laying with me. I began losing my consciousness and a small smile played on my lips. I would tell Kyungsoo for sure when I woke up. I would let him know the truth.

 

*          *          *

I bouncing into someone's arms and I felt my head bob and smack into a chest. I didn't open my eyes, but I whined out in my sleep.

 

"Wait... I have to tell Kyungsoo the truth..." I mumbled.

 

"About what?" The voice speaking to me was not one I could recognize in my drowsy state.

 

"That I like..." I yawned and snuggled into this person, going back to sleep.

 

I could faintly hear someone calling my name, trying to wake me.

 

*          *          *

I stretched my arms high and yawned, feeling fully rested. I was now on the couch and my phone had Sam Smith on endless repeat. I heard humming from the kitchen, when I peeked my eyes over the couch I saw Kyungsoo humming and fluttering around the counters, cooking something that made my stomach growl. I shimmied a little higher and listened to the notes he produced only to realize he was humming out the song my phone played. I smiled and rose from the couch. I removed the blanket that had been draped across me and I folded it, replacing it on the back of the couch.

 

In the kitchen the light hit Kyungsoo's figure just perfectly and made him look angelic as he glided seamlessly around the room. I knew that I could watch him all day, he was just so perfect in any way I could see.

 

"Kyungsoo." I called with a smile.

 

His eyes came up and met with mine, amusement and delight traveling across his features. This look sent all kinds of things through my stomach.

 

"How'd you sleep?" He smiled as he stirred something delightful.

 

"Very good!" I came and took a seat at the counter, facing him.

 

He chuckled, "You're in a good mood."

 

"Sure am! Did you move me to the couch?" I asked with a tilt of my head.

 

"Oh uh yeah." He nodded and a blush swept across his cheeks.

 

"Yah, why are you blushing? Did you peek at my body?" I smirked.

 

His eyes widened and he gulped, "No! I d-didn't do anything like that!" He panicked.

 

"I never thought you were like that D.O." I faked a sad look.

 

"I'm not! I mean unless that's what you like, but that's not me!" He shook his head furiously.

 

What I like?

 

"I know, I'm just teasing you. That's okay, I get enough of it from Kai."  I smiled brightly.

 

He let out a sigh, "Don't do that to me!"

 

"Sorry Kyungsoo, I like you too much to leave you alone!" I smiled, telling him a version of what I really wanted to say.

 

I was hoping he would question it and ask further on it so I could fully explain. I really wanted to let him know the truth.

 

"Well I'm glad you like me." He smiled shyly down at his work table.

 

"I'll always like you Kyungsoo!" I laughed.

 

"What are friends for, right?" He sighed.

 

"Oh... If you want it to be friendship wise then ok." I shrugged and went back to the couch, grabbing my phone.

 

"Wait... What is that supposed to mean?" He asked.

 

"I meant I like you more than the rest of the guys. I mean I'm unsure about where it will go and if I really want to be saying this yet, but oops, I already said it!" I smiled.

 

Even though I was acting playful and happy, I was deep down terrified and nervous. I could be seen as a dog with her tail between her legs, maybe even peeing a little. I was so scared!

 

I watched his eyes go the widest I've ever seen them, "Rachel... Are you saying that you like like me?!"

 

I laughed at the childish term, "I guess I am."

 

He put down the knife he was holding and hurried over to me, "Really?"

 

"Yes, but I don't know what to do..." I looked down.

 

I could feel his stare on me, it was almost painful, "Why don't we date then?" His tone was beyond happy.

 

OH MY GOD HE WANTS TO DATE ME!!!!!!!!

 

Okay feeling ecstatic didn't even cut it, I could barely breath and I could barely think. Kyungsoo not only was excited, but he WANTED to date ME. I never thought I'd hear those words!

 

"Oh no I can't do that." I shook my head.

 

If the media got a hold of it we were looking at a BIG scandal. If Moa even found out she would make me dump him. I'd rather not be with him then get with him and have to dump him soon after. I saw his face drop as I shook my head.

 

"Then what do we do?" He asked.

 

"Hm? I don't know, I guess you know how I feel now, that's all that matters I guess..." I mumbled, not sure of what to say.

 

His body was so close and I could feel my heart pounding harshly, trying to break free. I could feel my mind bugging and grasping at straws, trying to find a solution. I was trying to find the simplest solution to my confession. I wanted to date Kyungsoo but life was stopping me.

 

"I see..." He looked off.

 

"I'm sorry... I just had to tell you." I watched him with furrowed brows.

 

"No it's alright! I'm glad I know!" He smiled.

 

"You're glad?" I tilted my head curiously.

 

"Yeah, I won't feel as guilty for getting close anymore..." He mumbled with a bright blush.

 

I chuckled, "Thank you Kyungsoo for accepting my kinda confession." I hugged him.

 

His arms wrapped around me, "Hopefully one day it won't be a kinda."

 

His words warmed me and made me shiver all over. Even though the two of us weren't going to do anything, it was still lovely to know that someday it might evolve into more. For now, we would settle as friends with the knowing benefits of more than. If it came to it I would eventually tell him that "like" was an understatement, but just saying that I liked him took a weight off my shoulders and I felt giddy from my head to my toes.