I chuckled, placing a soft hand over my lips as I giggled. Memories of that time flooded into my mind and it gave me butterflies. All the dreams and hope that came with everything of becoming an idol. It's been five years since I first debuted and I just debuted again for the eighth time. I got all my regular congratulations from BTS, VIXX, and of course EXO, but along the way I met many other groups that congratulated me, such as, GOT7, B.A.P, Teen Top, BTOB, and Super Junior. I had met several girl groups as well, but f(x) were the closest group I liked. The other groups would bully me and tell me I needed to look like a girl for once. Only did f(x) understand and want to be friends. Even though they say we were friends I wasn't too close to them. I was closer to guy groups then I was female.

 I kept giggling to the video that played off my phone. Sehun plopped on the bench next to me, his breath staggered and his body shaking a little. He looked at me and smiled.

"Whatcha watching?" He asked around rugged breaths.

I turned to him with a smile, "Hey Sehun, how was your run?" I paused the video.

"It was tiring, as usual. I would hug you, but I'm all sweaty and I don't want you getting grossed out." He chuckled.

"I wouldn't get grossed out, it's you Sehun." I smiled brightly.

He kissed my forehead, "I'll just leave at that, alright? I'll give you a hug later." He smiled lovingly at me.

"Okay!" I nodded and returned to the video.

"What are you watching?" He asked, repeating his earlier question.

"Oh, yeah! I'm watching my first debut stage. Don't you remember? The one where you and the guys were my backup dancers." I faced my phone his way and he smiled brightly, chuckling harshly.

I remembered the feeling of their arms around me and how when their hands brushed up my legs I got tingles. I remember the fans cheering and when Kai did the final move all the girls screaming. I smiled at the thought.

"I remember that! You were hot while dancing, I could barely keep my eyes off you." He smirked.

I playfully nudged his shoulder, "Yah, don't be getting all romantic on me, you know my heart can't take it!" I chuckled dramatically.

"My little drama queen." He sighed and ruffled my hair.

I rolled my eyes and went back to the video, smiling upon seeing the guys dip and dance with me as if we flowed like water. I looked so young then, so full of hope. I smiled and exited the video, putting my phone away and turning to Sehun.

"How about we grab some boba on the way home? I'll pay." I smiled.

"Music to my ears, but I'll pay." He poked my nose and stood.

I scrunched up my nose and rubbed it, "You know I'd rather pay!"

"And you know I have more money, so just let me pay and you save up your money for something big." He smiled and ruffled my hair again.

"Yah! You're going to ruin my hair! Pabo..." I whined while I fixed it.

He chuckled and held his hand out to me, "Come on princess."

I smiled and took his hand, walking next to him with a small hop in my step. As we passed people they waved and took pictures I waved back and Sehun pushed me along with a smile. It was already all over the internet and papers. The fact that everyone saw Sehun and I as the romantic soon to be couple. I didn't blame them, we both were really close and acted like a couple, the only thing was that we weren't. I got the feeling that Sehun wanted to be more than friends, become the couple everyone saw us as. The only problem was me, I told myself never to love again after falling for Kyungsoo and not having my love returned. Even though all those years ago I denied liking Chen, Sehun was still under the impression that I was in love with him. It was actually quite cute how he would suddenly become all possessive as soon as Chen walked into the room. Chen and Tao got a kick out of the whole "in a relationship" rumors and would tease us often. Many of the guys ignored the rumors and just acted like they usually did, cuddly and loving. After I locked all my emotions in me I didn't even care anymore. I let the boys be as close as they could to me. They even started kissing my cheeks and ears in public, becoming more affectionate than ever before. 

Sehun and I walked into my apartment and I smiled upon seeing all the shoes at the entrance. All the guys were here, obviously making a ruckus from the loud shouts and laughter that echoed through the apartment. Sehun kissed my nose and let me go, traveling into the apartment to greet everyone.

"Hey Sehun!" I heard Luhan laugh.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" There was a long pause as I pulled my shoes off and it made me freeze, "What the hell are you guys doing?!" He shouted.

"We are having bets." Kris grumbled.

"You shouldn't be betting things like this!" Sehun hissed.

"What? It's not like she'll know." Baekhyun waved it off.

I slipped my last shoe off and stood around the corner, listening and peeking to what they were betting on. On a large white board was my name and a list of their names with tally marks underneath it. The title on the board was "Who will Rachel date first?" I covered my mouth as I chuckled.

"How do you know that? What if one of you tells her? You know how open we are." Sehun crossed his arms.

"Because we said we wouldn't tell her." Kai nodded.

"Why don't I trust that?" Sehun sighed.

"Because you don't trust a lot of things." Chen chuckled, pointing a slim finger his way.

"I trust her... and some of you, but not all of you." Sehun chuckled.

"We won't tell, just chill out." Tao hummed.

"What if she were to walk into the room right now?" Sehun asked.

"Then we would flip the board and act like we were playing Pictionary." Suho nodded.

"You guys are idiots." Sehun sighed and went into the kitchen, getting a glass of water.

I looked at the board a little longer, trying to see who got the most marks. 

Suho- 2

Chanyeol- 4

Tao-1

Luhan- 5

Lay- 7

Kris- 0

Sehun- 10

D.O- 8

Kai-9

Chen- 2

Xiumin- 4

Baekhyun- 3

I chuckled and looked at the marks again, wondering how they tallied everything up. Suddenly Tao turned and looked into the kitchen with a big smile.

"If it makes you feel any better you're in the lead." He chanted.

Sehun turned and gave him a surprised look, "Really?" He hurried over and looked at the board in hope.

After looking it over he pumped his fist in the air and went back to the kitchen.

"Shut up Tao." Kris grumbled.

"What? Are you just being a because you don't have a chance?" Tao chuckled.

Upon hearing that Kris lunged at Tao and tackled him on the couch. Shouts and girly screams erupted from Tao and I shook my head, walking over to the couch and crossing my arms, looking at the board in fake irritation. In the midst of laughing Chanyeol turned his head and saw me, freezing and getting a scared look on his face.

"Oh ..."

"What's 'Oh ' for?" Kai asked.

"Watch your language!" Kyungsoo grumbled.

Chanyeol ignored the two and stood, opening his arms to cover the board.

"It's not what you think!"

Upon hearing that and seeing his panicked gaze they all turned and in turn jumped in front of the board and tried to cover it. I cocked an eyebrow up.

"Wh-Wh-When did you get home?" Chanyeol stuttered.

"With Sehun." I spoke plainly.

"What...? So that means you heard.... everything?" Luhan asked.

Chen turned and looked at the smirking maknae, "You bastard! You didn't tell us!"

I nodded and walked over to Sehun, "That was funny, thanks." I patted his shoulder and started up the stairs. I turned before I got halfway up the stairs, "By the way, at this rate the tally is accurate." I pointed to them and turned, going up to my room.

I walked in and set my things down, saying hello to Kyung and Kai. They were curled up on my "new" bed. After my fifth debut, Moa had bought me a new bed and repainted my room to my liking. I loved it when she was spontaneous like that. After two years Jack headed back home and was warmly greeted by his family, who had figured things out for once. I looked at the pictures on my desk and smiled. The old pictures of Montana and I still stood, but more decorated the surface, more of EXO and I and BTS and VIXX. I hadn't been home in two years and it was starting to take effect on my nerves. I wanted to go home so badly. I sighed and sat down at my desk, pulling out my notebook and starting up a new page to write lyrics down. As I sat there my phone started ringing.

"Hello?" I placed the phone between my shoulder and cheek, writing while I listened.

"Hey!" It was Montana.

I nearly dropped the phone in surprise, "Hey! Oh my gosh I haven't talked to you in like 5 months!"

"Well you know 8 months... but who's counting." She chuckled.

"I'm so sorry! I feel bad!" I whined a little.

"Don't worry about it! Just make up for it by coming home! I miss my best friend!!" She whined into the phone desperately.

"I will! Let me call Moa and set up a trip and I'll call you back alright?" I told her.

"Alright! You better call me back!" She warned.

"I will... okay.... bye!" I mumbled and hung up.

I called Moa and she answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey Moa! I have a favor!" I pleaded into the phone.

"What is it this time?" She sighed.

"I want to go home for a trip!" I asked in the sweetest tone I could muster.

There was a long pause before Moa sighed, "Alright, I'll send you home for a bit."

"Really?" I asked in excitement.

"Really."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!! You are the best!!!" I cheered into the phone.

I heard Moa laugh lightly, "I'll set it up for you to leave the day after tomorrow."

"Thank you Moa!" I smiled brightly.

"I'll send you your ticket for the trip tomorrow morning." She mumbled before muttering a goodbye and hanging up.

Once she was officially hung up I got up from my seat and jumped around, squealing happily and dancing around in mirth.

"BEST DAY EVA!!!!!" I screamed and giggled as I jumped around.

I was overjoyed to the fact that I was going to be able to see my best friend so soon. I danced like a crazy person and pumped my hands around like I was the best dancer in the world. In that moment I didn't care if anyone saw me, I was too excited and happy to give a damn. I slid back into my chair and pulled out my phone, calling Montana.

"Hello?" She answered solemnly.

"Hey, is that any way to speak to your friend who just got tickets to come see you?" I asked teasingly.

"Shut up! No way!" She screamed.

"I KNOW!!!!" I screamed back.

"OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST!!!!!!" She yelled.

We continued to yell back and forth about how awesome and perfect everything was until I heard a knock on my door. I told her I had to go, so she said goodbye and hung up. I turned toward the door.

"Come on in." I called out and plugged my phone into its charger.

"Why are you yelling so much?" Kai walked in.

I turned and ran over to him, grabbing his hands in mine, "I'm so excited! I get to go home for a bit and see my best friend!!" I smiled broadly at him.

"That's great! Have fun princess." He ruffled my hair.

I jumped on him with a hug and he laughed, twirling me around. We spun around until his foot got caught on the carpet and he tripped falling backward and landing on the floor with me on top of him. I had shut my eyes tightly so I didn't have to actually see the compact. Something felt off as I laid there. I squinted one eye open and saw that my lips were pressed squarely against Kai's. His soft plump lips were molded to mine and it was almost a perfect fit, but something was off. Kyungsoo's face popped into my mind and I popped my eyes open in realization.

M-M-M-M-MY F-F-FIRST KISS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I jumped up and scooted away from him as fast as I could, not even flinching when I slammed my head into my desk as I slid under it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was saving that first for my first love! Sure Kai was hot and y and damn.... but he wasn't my love I wanted to share it with! I hid under my desk and had a white knuckled grip on my hair. Kai sat up and was staring at me, his gaze soft and somewhat... sad. I felt my heart pounding uncomfortably.

"Don't tell me that was.... your first-" He started.

"Don't even say it!" I yelled at him from my position under the desk.

He froze up and obviously realized that his assumption was correct. Kai swore under his breath and ruffled his hair.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know... I mean it was accident anyways!" He huffed.

I slowly started to calm down.

"It was an accident..." I mumbled to myself.

"Right! It wasn't supposed to happen!" He explained as if he was in trouble and trying to right the situation.

"Right..."

"Just consider it your first peck, not first... you know..." He scratched the back of his head, "Only when it's with someone you love can you consider your first kiss." He spout some nonsense that I couldn't help but rely on.

"Right... First peck... That's no big deal!" I smiled a little, my shaking and racing heart calming down.

"Right! We can pretend that this didn't happen even!" He raised his hands in defense.

I turned and looked at him, he sighed a little and offered a small smile. I crawled out from under the desk and went over to him. I took in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Kai but I'd rather act like this never happened." I muttered, not wanting to remember the scene a few moments before. 

A look in his eyes showed that he was a little saddened, but he could deal with it. He nodded and stood, patting my head and leaving the room. I bit my thumb nail as I spun in the room, my stomach clenching and my head hurting. I didn't like Kai like that and I felt like everything just got ten times more difficult between us. 

Damn it!

I kicked the comforter on my bed and heard a knock on the door. I didn't even turn around.

"Come in." I mumbled, slightly lost in my own world.

All my focus was trying to get rid of that scene. Permanently burn it out of my mind. My door creaked open and I still didn't move. I heard the soft footfalls of someone approaching me. I furrowed my brows as I thought about it.

How could something like that even happen?

I tapped my fingers against my lip and pondered about it. I was already forgetting part of it, the only problem was that my lips were a little sore from hitting his so hard. Since they were sore I kept thinking about it and in turn I kept trying harder to not think about it and overall I was getting a headache. The person that walked into the room tapped the back of my throbbing head, attempting to get my attention. I turned and felt my stomach drop.

"Are you okay?" Kyungsoo asked.

"I'm fine... Just deep in thought." I muttered with a small smile.

Ever since I decided to throw away my feelings, for the sake of us both, I couldn't stand to look at Kyungsoo directly. Every time I looked at him my feelings were being drawn back slowly like a fish on a pole.

"I see, well let's go down and make something for everyone, it's been a while since we've cooked together." He smiled and I couldn't help but get another headache.

Well great, more memories I've been trying to get rid of coming to the surface!

I had been trying to erase my good memories and feelings for Kyungsoo for the past five years. It was finally starting to make good progress and then suddenly he has to be attractive and ask me to cook with him. Then there was the thing about his face popping up when I "pecked" Kai. It bothered me deeply and all I could do was nod and follow him downstairs.

"Are you two finally talking?" Baekhyun pointed a finger between Kyungsoo and I.

We both froze and looked at him in slight shock.

That's right...

After my first debut and I decided to lock my feelings away, I had grown distant from him. I had made my distance as far as I could without him noticing... at first. After a while he took it as a sign that I didn't want to talk to him, and that's when all conversing stopped, except for small little mumblings that weren't important. We stopped talking... three years ago...?

Has it already been three years?

"Yeah... You guys wouldn't talk for the longest time." Tao nodded in shock.

Suho and Xiumin gave me a questioning look that made my heart stop.

That's right... they knew.

They knew about my feelings and Xiumin knew something that he refused to explain to me. After I told Kyungsoo I trusted him I completely shut him out. I felt bad for the first two years, then it became a dull scab that I only occasionally picked at. I brushed past Kyungsoo and walked into the kitchen, pulling out things to make dinner and I pulled out my phone, seeing two knew texts. One from Suho and one from Xiumin. I groaned out loud and flopped my head back. Everyone looked at me in suspicion. I grumbled and opened their texts.

Xiumin: "I know those feelings are still there. Don't run away from yourself."

Suho: "Please start talking to him again, it causes tension whenever you two are in a room. I don't know what happened, but I would like to. Maybe you could tell me over some boba?"

Xiumin's made my eyes sting and my lip quiver into a pout, while Suho's was tempting me. My heart was pounding and I squinted my eyes closed tightly. I didn't want to hear and think about this nonsense right now.

That's all my feelings ever were, nonsense.

I started to chop up onions, making a reasonable excuse for the tears that were starting to fall from my eyes. I pinched my arm, telling myself that I needed to stay strong and not show them your tears. I saw Xiumin and Kyungsoo look between each other in worry. Sehun walked over and grabbed a tissue, wiping away my tears.

"Don't cry..." He whispered softly.

"It's these damn onions Sehunnie!" I chuckled out and he smiled.

"Sehunnie?" Chen asked at the couch.

"When did they get 'that' close?" Chanyeol asked.

Everyone shrugged and went back to watching Sehun and I. Every time a tear started to leave my eyes he would dab it up, making me giggle. When I was done I placed the chopped up onions in a bowl and washed my hands. I looked up and saw that Sehun had caught a wiff of the onions, tears starting to form in his eyes. I grabbed a tissue and dabbed his eyes dry.

"Don't you start crying on me." I chuckled.

He laughed and poked my nose.

"Get a room!" Baekhyun yelled and several guys laughed while others looked a little hurt.

"We will!" I yelled in rebellion.

Everyone froze at that and Sehun and I just chuckled under our breath as we stood in the kitchen. Kyungsoo walked over and pulled Sehun out of the kitchen.

"I'll help her, you go sit on the couch." D.O grumbled.

"Yah! You just want to get cozy with her!" Sehun growled a little.

Kyungsoo and I both looked up and stared at Sehun like he was crazy. Xiumin shot me another look and I looked away, not wanting to be in the midst of his observant eyes. My phone vibrated and I looked at it.

Xiumin: "Why do you lead Sehun on like that? It'll break his heart when he finds out you don't even like him that way."

Me: "I'm not leading him on, what if I like him too?!"

Xiumin: "But you don't, you like Kyungsoo."

Me: "That's in the past Minnie, the feelings are gone."

Xiumin: "You mean to say 'they are supposed to be gone'."

I stared at his response and glared at my phone.

Me: "No, I meant what I said."

Bull...

Xiumin: "I know the truth, don't lie to me."

I grumbled and put my phone back in my pocket, finishing preparing dinner for D.O to make. After he made it we ate and said goodbye to the guys, where Xiumin hugged me and gave me a pointed look. Suho mumbled something about boba tea and I ignored him as I turned and headed back inside. Kai was dong the dishes since it was his turn tonight.

"Goodnight." I grumbled and headed upstairs, going into my room and sliding to the floor.

I need to sort out my feelings... They are slowly killing me from the inside out!

I thought I had them sorted, but my heart is telling me otherwise. I roughly hit my head and tried to knock some sense into myself. The only thing that did was give me an incredible headache. I sighed and stood, going over to my desk and working on a new song. I worked on it for an hour before fatigue started to get to me. I yawned and looked over at my inviting bed that held my two lovely cats. I turned off my desk light and headed over to the bed, sliding into its comforts. I pulled the blankets over me and turned off my bedside lamp. Kyung and Kai curled up around my legs and upon feeling their warmth I fell asleep.

 

---

Hey guys! Okay sooooooo the first chapter to the sequel is up! Woohoo!! *pops open a Coke in celebration*

hehe Well alright, so this is only part 1! Being honest I won't be uploading the already written part 2 until I'm at least done with part 5. I like to be ahead like that. :) I know some of you will hate me for it! 

Question: Do tou guys think that I should have Rachel date Sehun for a bit? 

Like date him before realizing that her feelings for Kyungsoo are still there? Just wondering! I always want to know what my precious readers want!

Thank you all! 

<3