Truth or Dare

After the exhausting day, we arrived back in the villa by the late evening by the time the moon was an eerie crescent in the sky. We ended things off after dining in a seafood restaurant. It took two white vans to fit us all and Kris and Minseok volunteered to drive them. Hopping off the car, I stretched out my arms in the cold air, ready to wash up and head back to sleep. Being squeezed between Chanyeol and the van’s wall the entire ride, it felt good to move freely. I thought that there wasn’t a second that was boring during the day, but rather every second was spent well.

“Mr. Kim, is there a problem?” I heard Junmyeon ask from some distance away.

I stared incredulously at Jongin’s figure that stood next to the front door, even double-taking and reassuring myself that he was there.

“Just call me Jongin.” He rubbed his nape, acting like he wasn’t used to being named so formally. “But there’s no problem. I just wanted to see Sora.” Several of them gestured toward me. We made immediate eye contact that stung on my part. With a grin breaking his face, Jongin jogged to me. “Hey, do you want to take a walk on the beach?”

Jongin had only intended for me to hear it, but the atmosphere dropped so quietly that everyone stared. Suddenly everyone was anticipating my answer. Their gazes felt powerful enough to knock me down. I looked to Luhan out of habit whenever I panicked. He pressed his lips in a thin line, and I expected him to tell me not to go, but instead he nodded subtly in approval despite looking so uneasy.

“Uh, sure. Right now?”

“Right now. C’mon.” Jongin started toward the direction of the beach after calling back goodbyes to everyone else.

I caught up beside him and looked back once to see them already filing in inside the villa. Luhan had his back to me as I began the walk, not allowing us to exchange final glances at each other. Squinting through the darkness, I saw the black ocean roll back and forth against the sand. Jongin was awfully quiet for someone who had invited me to walk with him in the first place.

“So,” I broke the silence, “How is managing your dad’s business?”

“It’s alright. I think I’ll get the hang of this eventually.”

I gazed at his side profile, his expression like an unwavering statue again. “Since when was your dad the owner of something like this? I mean, Ocean Front? That’s huge.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s been like fifty years.”

“How come you never told me?”

Jongin looked me sideways. “I didn’t think it was necessary.”

So was that what he did at times when I wouldn’t hear from him in a few days? Managing part of the business from Seoul? I attempted to keep conversation going. “What did you do all day today?”

“Work.”

I deflated at his answer. Jongin was always like that. It was like he expected me to read his mind all the time to know what was happening. I really didn’t know him. What was his favourite color? Or where did he grow up originally? He was a stranger sometimes.  “Jongin, can I honestly tell you something?”

“Go ahead.” He kicked away a seashell.

My legs felt heavily because walking across the sand seemed more difficult. “I think we lack communication in our relationship,” I said without looking at him, even when he turned his head to me.

“What relationship?” I almost heard the snicker in his voice. “Sure I take you out from time to time, but I’m not looking for any commitment. We’re fine the way we are.”

“Why not?” I cleared my throat from the crack in my voice. When I heard myself say those two words, I knew it was too late to take them back.

The sudden silence he made was excruciatingly painful to listen to. “I don’t feel like I could do that with you.”

I was practically hit in the face.

There was a yell that threatened to escape my mouth, but I stared at the sand as if it would make my sudden flash of anger and disappointment vanish. Jongin said it so casually as if asking "How are you?"  I felt Jongin snake his hand in mine, squeezing my fingers. It all felt too raw. For a while, I glared at our hands like an ugly foreign object and shook myself from him. I my heels and walked away from him, half-expecting him to call my name, but there was nothing that followed afterwards.

I walked aimlessly because the thought of returning to the villa didn’t come across my mind with the angry lash of words clogging my brain. The sand and the sudden weakness of my legs were trying to slow me down, but I continued to walk with a fight. When I looked up, I realized I was nowhere in particular but the light from the streetlamp beside the villa assured me I wasn’t lost. Like all the energy had finally drained from me, I plopped down on the sand. It seemed like I had given up, though I was never a person who let things go by so easily.

But what else could I do?

Noticing only now, I wondered how long my phone had been vibrating from the texts I was receiving. Fishing it out of my pocket, I unlocked the screen and read the seven texts that were all from Luhan.

⌜10:28PM⌟
The guys keep on saying that I shouldn't let my fiancée go off with another man during the night. You owe me for making so many excuses!!

 

⌜10:31PM⌟
Where are you though? It's dark out

 

⌜10:33PM⌟
Are you okay?

 

⌜10:45PM⌟
...? Sora answer me

 

⌜10:49PM⌟
Ok I'm officially worried ⌜10:51PM⌟
Don't be dead please

 

I couldn’t help but smile at the last one despite the frustration having just overcome me. My thumb hovered over the keypad about to reply, though I heard my name being called.

“Lee Sora! What the hell are you doing?” Luhan broke into a jog to catch up to where I sat, his brows furrowed. A million weights were lifted off my shoulders as soon as I saw him. It was like habit of him to show up whenever I was going through some sort of turmoil, as if he had the power to lift the anchor off the ground every time. He had his hands on his knees as he panted and caught his breath. “Why weren’t you answering my texts?”

“I was about to.” I held my phone up. “I’m not dead.”

“Well yeah, I can see.” Exhaling loudly, he ran a hand through his hair and sat down in front of me on the sand. Luhan glanced behind his shoulder. “Where did Jongin go? It looks like you’re playing hide and seek with him.”

My answer was blunt. “He left.”

Luhan unconsciously placed a hand on my leg, turning his head toward the waters. “And let you go off alone? Does he know how dark it is out here?”

The worry in his tone touched a nerve and the first thing on my mind seemed to pour out of my mouth without a filter. “I’ve been doing a lot of pointless things lately, haven’t I?”

He looked at me with some concern in his eyes that I could faintly see gleaming. I was never the person to talk about my feelings and expect the person who was listening to feel bad for me. I’d rather hold it in and find a way to deal with it myself. That’s what adults did. That’s what I had to do. With Luhan it was different. His aura invited me to talk. In the end I knew he always had the right thing to say anyway. I couldn’t have thought of someone else that I preferred to find me here on the sand—sitting alone, feeling crushed and thrown away like garbage.

“What did he do to you?” Luhan breathed, almost a whisper.

“Nothing. He did nothing. That’s the problem.” My shoulders sunk. “Jongin never wanted to get serious with me in the first place. But I guess that doesn’t matter because I don’t think I know him anyway. He’s pointless. Everything’s been pointless.”

Luhan’s voice was soft, soothing every tense muscle in my body. “Maybe Jongin wasn’t the prince charming you were looking for. Maybe...”

I peeked at him from underneath the hair that had fallen on my face and waited for him to continue, though he trailed off to silence. There was certain tightness in his jaw. “Should I give