Selfish

Jongdae was draped over the sofa’s arm with the folded piece of paper in his hand that listed Ocean Front Villas’ variety of foods to order for room service. He sighed deeply. “Why is room service so expensive?” Jongdae shook the menu in the air. “A freaking can of pop is like 10,000 won. Can you guys believe that?”

Chanyeol had his head poked in the fridge. “Then what are we supposed to eat for dinner later? And for breakfast tomorrow? There’s no food left.”

“Someone needs to go out and buy some groceries to save everyone.” Kris pointed toward the window where the rain was drumming. The silence that followed meant that no one had the guts to jump out into the pouring weather.

After flipping through all the channels on the TV for the third time, I quickly gave up and tossed the remote aside. “I’ll go.” There was nothing else to do anyway. It was either that, or sit through Sesame Street which was honestly the most entertaining channel I could find. That or a loop of infomercials on vacuum cleaners.

Yixing looked up from the cookbook he was studying beside the couch I was seated on. “For real?”

I stood on my feet and stretched my arms out, my joints popping. “Yeah I’ll find the nearest grocery store and get everything we need until tomorrow morning.”

“Do you not see what it looks like outside?” Minseok stared at me like I grew a third eye and Tao hushed him with an elbow nudge.

“I wrote a list beforehand!” Junmyeon waved a piece of paper in the air and tapped his temple with a finger. “I’m always thinking ahead and being the brains around here.” And Sehun responded by gagging.

“Is cheese on the list?” Kyungsoo asked, sitting up from the floor.

“Yes.”

Baehyun whipped his head around. “How about cookies?”

Junmyeon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes. Cookies are on the list.”

"I want Oreos, not just—"

"I put down Oreos."

I wandered across the living room to where Junmyeon was holding out the list to me, aware that when Luhan’s gaze transferred to me, a hole burned through my head. I hadn’t exactly completed a full-sentenced conversation with Luhan since coming down from the balcony without being sure that I wouldn’t jumble my words. Maybe I was using my new grocery-duty as an excuse to distance myself for a while, because only God knew how any accidental eye contact made the fire return to my face.

“Sora, can I come with you?” Jongdae hopped off the sofa with a sly grin on his face. I caught Luhan toss him a look that Jongdae ignored.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to.” Luhan pulled Jongdae back down on the sofa by his shoulder. “How about I go and you stay put?”

“B-But! But I like a certain brand of butter,” Jongdae stumbled over an excuse. “And if Sora gets any other brand, I won’t eat anything.”

Laughing, Luhan hit him on the head with the throw-pillow. “You eat everything like a pig, so it wouldn’t even matter.”

“Sora.” Kris called my attention before he tossed the keys in the air. I semi-gracefully caught them and wandered ahead to the front door to yank my shoes on.

Luhan was behind me in a second and slipped on his shoes faster than I could pull the zipper up on my boots. He stole the keys from my hand and left through the door with the keys spinning on his finger.

I stared at the back of his head. “Hey, I wanted to drive!”

“Since when did I ever let you drive?” Luhan shook out the umbrella that he brought with him and closed the door behind us when I caught up beside him. Unclipping the thing, the umbrella covered our heads while he encouraged me to hurry with a nod toward the van that waited for us.

I clutched on to the hem of my jacket, the wind giving me chills. “But this isn’t Seoul. You aren’t driving me to some meeting, you know.”

“It’s alright. I like driving you.” Luhan unlocked the passenger door for me and I climbed my way in before he closed it and circled the van to hop onto the driver’s seat. I couldn’t exactly think of a reply to that and I watched him stash away the umbrella to start the ignition and get the van onto the road. “There’s a map in the glove compartment,” he said when we were a good distance from the villa.

Right. I almost forgot we were headed to get groceries and that was the reason we were in a car. Pulling out the folded map from in front of me, it took me a few flips until I could pinpoint our exact location. My finger zeroed in on our destination. “E-Mart is a superstore not too far. It’s in the Tapdong branch.”

Luhan squinted through the window wipers clearing away the rain. “I think I saw a sign say Tapdong on the way back from camp.”

“Don’t get us lost.”

“You have the map though!” he defended himself.

“You’re driving!”

“Do you want to switch spots then?” Luhan made a move to release the steering wheel for me.

“Stop, stop!” I pointed out the windshield. “Keep your eyes on the road! You’re making me nervous.”

“Calm down. I’m a good driver, okay?” he assured, but the snicker he was holding back made me want to doubt him. “I passed my license test.”

I leaned further into my seat. “That’s good to hear from the driver.”

For a long time, the only sounds that caught my ears were the rain thumping against the glass beside my head and the quiet hum of the van. The radio’s volume was low, barely audible, though radio DJs must have just been stressing about the rain all day. The awkward tension kept me from saying anything to Luhan, though I must have been the only one feeling awkward because Luhan was slightly nodding his head along to some beat in his head while he focused on the road. Staring at his side profile for too long, I casted my eyes away.

Luhan reached a hand out to turn up the volume on the radio without peeling his eyes off the slick roads. “Listen, it’s this song!”

I instantly recognized the familiar whistling tune at the beginning of the song before Hyunseung’s voice cut in... or should I say Luhan’s voice because—

“When I look into your eyes, I’m a trouble maker.” Luhan mimicked Hyunseung’s low voice. I couldn’t help but double over in laughter as soon as Hyuna’s line came up and Luhan sang with the squeakiest voice he could muster. “When I stand next to you, I’m a trouble maker.”

I had my face buried in my hands while Luhan continued the song with his own version, even copying the background instrumentals when no one sang. “You’re embarrassing yourself, oh my god,” I said through the gaps between my fingers. I was holding my laugh in until my stomach hurt.

“It’s a duet song! What are you doing not singing the girl’s lines then?” Luhan gasped in dramatic pain for my lack of participation.

“I don’t know this song.”

“You liar, you pre-ordered the album and I personally handed it to you when it came through,” he clarified. “Plus, it was your ringtone for a month.”

I sank lower in my seat. “I don’t—”

Luhan interrupted me in order to sing Hyunseung’s high note. “Hoooow can I put you in my heart?”

I cut in right in time for Hyuna’s next line. “Now I will go wherever my heart takes me.”

“I never never stop.”

We looked to each other in time to finish the verse together. “I can’t stoooooop.”

Luhan burst into steering wheel-hitting laughter at the same time I let my embarrassment eat me alive in silence, pressing myself against the side of the car.

“See, I knew that you knew this song!” The van slowed and it took me a second too long to process that we had already arrived in front of E-Mart without Luhan managing to get us lost or stranded anywhere. Luhan reached out a hand to pat me under my chin. “You're too cute.”

He had already exited the car with the umbrella opened as he rounded to open the door for me before I made sense of what happened. His smile was irresistible and contagious.

Luhan tapped on my window. “Hurry and get off before E-Mart closes faster!”

“The list is here,” I said, pushing the cart down the aisle and digging the crumpled piece of paper from my pocket and holding it out for Luhan to grab.

He stared at the paper like it was foreign material. “...This isn’t the grocery list. This is Kris’ drawing of a deer... or a fat hippo with a hat. I can’t tell.”

“Turn it over.”

Luhan did as I said. “Oh! Okay, we need a carton of eggs.”

Craning my neck, I searched the store and pointed to where the chilled beverage and foods were being kept in cool shelves. “They might be over there.”

“Stalk of celery. Stick of carrot.” Luhan read below the list and wrinkled his nose. “Stick of carrot? Why can’t Junmyeon just plainly write eggs and celery and carrot?”

“Quit whining. You can write a detailed essay about his use of terminology when we get back.” Pushing it, I nudged the cart’s front on Luhan’s . “Get me the eggs.”

“Okay, okay.” He jumped to the side, rubbing his bottom. “Wait, what size eggs?” Luhan gazed over the different labels on the cartons.

I blinked. “...Regular?”

“But we’re eating dinner and breakfast. Wouldn’t large be best?”

“But the eggs aren’t the only thing we’re eating.” Walking around the cart, I bent to reach for a carton of regular eggs. Moving to place them in the cart, Luhan stopped me before I could by gripping on to the other end of the carton.

“But still, there’s twelve of us.”

We maintained our threatening and hard gazes on each other, neither of us wanting to release hold first. I spoke slowly. “Luhan. Let. Go.”

He challenged me with a raise of his brow. “You let go.”

“Are we really arguing over egg sizes?”

“Guess so.”

I was aware of the old woman and her grandchild who stopped putting their groceries in a basket to stare at the two of us questioningly. Gulping forcefully, I let Luhan win and pried my grip from the eggs. “Fine, just get large eggs!”

“Good!” Returning the regular ones with the others, he placed the correct carton he was satisfied with in the cart. Frowning, I made a turn for the produce aisle without sparing a glance at Luhan. “Aww, are you mad?” Luhan caught up beside me with his long strides. “I’ll let you pick the kind of drum of ice cream you want. Drum of ice cream,” he repeated quoting Junmyeon’s description.

I couldn’t keep acting angry for too long before I ended up laughing.

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