Old Connections

I felt numb.

Even as I walked through the parking lot a meter behind Luhan, my legs felt numb. Did everything have to come down to that? To see the bonds that was strengthened in a few weeks collapse in the span of an hour? Was it really that easy? They had been my friends too.

Had been.

Life felt so unfair—like you couldn't receive without something being taken from you.

After Luhan had explained his apparent lies and the deceit, it was like his apologies wouldn't sink well in their brains and ran past their ears. I could see—still standing behind Luhan at that time and choosing to stay quiet—that not even a million sincere sorry's were going to work. It was a blur of hushed screams and eleven voices talking at once. Before I knew it, they were walking away. I thought that it might have been the last I was going to see of them. Why did it have to end on such a bad note? There were other ways...

I ran into something solid, and I hadn't realized it was Luhan's chest until I felt his arms coming around my back. He pressed me against him in a tight hug. Seeing over his shoulder, we had already reached his car. "I'm so sorry," he breathed. I wondered how many times he had to repeat that that day. "I'm sorry I had to bring you in this mess with me in the first place—that I convinced you to lie with me. I was stupid. I should have told them before it got too bad."

What was I supposed to say to make the situation better? My mind was processing slowly. Clutching at the sides of his shirt, I was at least happy that I still had Luhan in the end. How inconsiderate. "I know you meant everything you said back there," my voice was muffled on his shoulder.

"Thank you." One of his hands came around to brush the hair away from my forehead. His lips pressed on my skin in a tender kiss. "As soon as I get home, I'll call my parents and tell them the truth. I'll just deal with the consequences. The longer I wait, the harder this is just going to get."

I pulled away to meet his solemn eyes. "Let me come with you at least."

His smile was sad. "No, I'll drop you off at your place. You're probably exhausted. You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

I wanted to point out that it was a Friday, which meant there was no work the following day. The last thing I wanted was to leave this side. Even if it was just a short while. I was involved in the whole ordeal after all. Luhan didn't have to suffer himself and carry all the weight.

"I'll be there with you, so let's go." I didn't leave time for him to protest and insist on leaving me at my house and instead I walked ahead to where the front passenger seat was.

"How am I even going to tell my parents?" Luhan was staring at the still-locked front door of his penthouse. "What if they get so mad that... that..." He hadn't dared to finish his thought.

My fingers brushed against his sleeve. "Whichever way this goes, they'll still love you no matter what."

Telling himself I was right, he nodded to himself and dug his keys out to unlock the door. The door swung open with a push. "Could you get me the phone?"

"Of course," I said, stepping inside with him.

His place had still been the same as the last time I'd been there. Maybe it was just a tad neater. For someone who was afraid of heights, he lived at the top floor. It made sense to me now why all his windows had been covered with thick drapes. As soon as I slipped off my shoes, I approached his kitchen to where the wireless phone was resting. I stared at the machine with the red number 1 flashing in bold.

"Luhan, I think you have a voice message." I pointed at it.

Leaning back to see him, he was sitting on the arm of the couch. "Could you press play?"

I hit the button with the arrow pointing right. With a beep, the device proclaimed the voice message's date and time. 7:13pm on this Friday. It wasn't from too long ago. Merely an hour. The voice message played and the woman at the other line was taking in what I noted was Chinese. The woman sounded happy, maybe excited. There was a smile in her voice.

"No, no, no." Luhan was repeatedly thumping his forehead with a fist. It seemed like the glad tone of the voice message-leaver did not brighten his mood. It did the opposite. The recording ended with another shrill beep.

“So…” I waited for Luhan to explain.

"That was my mom." He stood to pace. "She said she's going to be landing in Korea with my dad in a few hours from now.”

"What?" Now of all times? Luck didn't seem to be on our sides today. "She can't. She..." I grabbed the phone and walked to hand it to Luhan. "Here."

His fingers ran over the number pad quickly, tapping in his mother's Beijing number. Holding it to his ear, I could hear the ringing from where I stood near him. Luhan spoke almost breathlessly like he had been running as soon as someone had picked up. I listened attentively despite not understanding. Luhan took a long pause before blurting out a quiet response which I assumed was his confession of the truth. That there was no engagement. No fiancée.

The voice of the speaker from the other line grew loud and angry. It took me a second too long to realize that she screaming. Luhan explained in a hushed tone while he had absentmindedly reached out to grasp onto my hand. The yelling didn't cease to lessen despite Luhan's attempts at carefully explaining. There was a long pause as Luhan silently listened. His tone was pleading and desperate when he spoke again, just before hanging up.

His hand fell to his side limply.

I wondered if it was wrong to speak first, though decided to anyway. "What did she say?"

"They were coming here to visit us. To meet you, my 'fiancée.' And I told her. I said the whole thing wasn't true, and that I just didn’t want to meet whoever they were going to set me up with to marry." Luhan pulled me closer to him. His hand released mine to rest at my back. "But she said her and my dad are still coming anyway because they're already at the Beijing airport. They're furious. So furious."

I stepped forward to tie my arms around his middle. I embraced him like I could somehow take all of his pain away and take all of the worry away. I knew it wouldn't work and we'd still be wired in the same situation, but at least I hoped.

Luhan smoothed my hair with a hand. "Let's go. I'll drop you off at your house before they get here in less than two hours."

"I have to stay."

"You really don't."

"I do," I insisted. I was a part of it too. If I walked away like I was innocent and just a witness, there wouldn't be any justice. "I'm staying with you."

We sat in silence while we waited for the countdown to tick to its final second. It was late by then though it felt like the day didn't want to end and to rather extend our turmoil. We were sitting cross legged on his bed, leaning against the pillows. I held Luhan's hand on my lap, my thumb drawing soothing and rhythmic circles.

“Tell me that everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered, resting his head on my shoulder.

“It’ll be okay. I promise.” I forced a smile even though he couldn’t see. “They’ll understand when we explain. Your friends too. They’ll forgive us.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and then they’ll forget about this whole thing. It’ll be okay.” I might have just been saying things we both wanted to hear. There were no real promises in the end. Who could guarantee something like that?

“It makes me feel bad,” he muttered.

“What makes you feel bad?”

“When other people blame you too.” Luhan raised his head, meeting my eyes. “It was my idea. I couldn’t stand to see them treat you like that. I had to step up. I know that it wasn’t exactly part of your plan, but I had to say something—”

I interrupted him with peck on his lips. “It’s fine.”

Foreheads touching, he pulled me closer to his side. “Thanks for staying,” his words were barely audible as his mouth brushed against mine. “You didn’t have to.”

“I want to.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I wrapped myself around him tighter.

I thought that we could stay like that for the whole night, but the sound of the door bell rin