Seohyun stares at the door intently as she holds the door knob tightly. Her heart was beating fast but she shoves that familiar feeling away by shaking her head lightly. She closes her eyes and let out a deep breath upon opening it again.

 

‘You’re doing the right thing.’ She mumbled.

 

A small smile escapes her lips. She nods to herself. ‘Geure. You’re doing the right thing, Joohyun-ah.’ She whispered to herself before opening the door.

 

Her heart almost skips a beat when she saw someone upon opening the door.

 

“U-Unnie..” She stuttered.

 

Tiffany was just passing by looking for Seohyun when a door from her right side suddenly opened. She was ready to greet whoever will come out but her eyes widened in surprise when she saw a familiar face. Seohyun was obviously surprised to see her there too. hang open when she remember the people that she saw standing by this door just few moments ago.

 

‘I just saw YongHwa coming out of this room a while ago. But what is she doing here? Were they together? But I saw him with ShinHye ssi.’

 

Tiffany thought to herself. She immediately shoves her thoughts away when she saw Seohyun’s face.

 

‘Did she cry?’

 

Putting all her questions and confusion aside, she smiled at the younger woman in front of her.

 

“Oh, Joohyun-ah!” She said pretending to be calm as if she didn’t notice anything.

 

“I’ve been looking for you. The show is about to start and your stylists are looking for you. Get ready, okay?” She said trying her best to sound normal.

 

“N-Ne.” Seohyun answers nervously. She  immediately turn around to head to their dressing room which is just two doors away.

 

Tiffany watches her walks nervously. Seohyun was about to open the door of their dressing room when Tiffany calls her.

 

“Maknae.”

 

Seohyun stops on her track before slowly turning around to look at her.

 

“N-Ne?”

 

Tiffany walks to where Seohyun is standing.

 

“Is everything alright?” she finally asked when she stops in front of her. Seohyun swallowed a hard lump on as she look at Tiffany who is staring at her worriedly.

 

“O-Of course, Unnie. Go ahead, I’ll be there in a while.” She said smiling trying to hide her nervousness but Tiffany knew her very well. She knows if she’s really smiling or if she’s just faking it. This time Tiffany is sure that she’s faking it.

 

She heaved a sigh before patting the younger woman’s head. “Ahrasseo. I’ll go ahead.” She said giving her a warm smile.

 

She looked at her again before finally turning around to walk away. After a few steps, she turns to look at Seohyun’s back who is now entering their dressing room.

 

Just by looking at her, she knew there’s something wrong.

 

‘This couldn’t be Taeyeon’s shouting at her a while ago. It must be related to YongHwa and Shinhye-ssi. I saw them by this door a while ago. Did they talk to Maknae?’

 

“No. That’s impossible. What am I thinking?” She said to herself shaking her head gently.

 

She heaved a sigh before she finally makes her way to the stage. She walks out from that place with a confuse mind and Seohyun’s look still bothering her. She know there’s something wrong but whatever it is, she know that Seohyun will tell it to them when she’s ready. She knows because she always does. She never hides any secret from them, or so they thought.

 

‘You’ll be fine Maknae. We know you’ll be fine.’

 

She thought to herself before joining the other members on the stage to prepare for the show.

 

“Where is she?” Taeyeon asked.

 

“She’ll be here in a minute.” She said trying to smile. She didn’t say anything else since she already turned her lapel mic on. Taeyeon knew there’s something wrong just by looking at Tiffany’s expression but she will deal with it after the show.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

“Anneonghasaeyo!” A cheerful Seohyun came out the stage bowing to everyone while smiling widely.

 

Taeyeon gently shakes her head. ‘She’s faking it.’ She thought to herself as she heaved a deep sigh.

 

She has been with the eight girls for a very long time. If there’s someone who knows them well, that would be her. She knows almost everything about them, she knows if they are having a hard time or not just by silently watching their action. Whenever they are having trouble over something or if they have problem, she can easily tell but she never asked them about it, they always tell her what was bothering them. They trusted her so much that she doesn’t need to force them to tell it to her. She doesn’t interfere with their decisions unless it’s needed. It might not be obvious as she doesn’t show it to them often but Taeyeon cared a lot about them more than she cared about herself. Most of the times, they may have misunderstanding, they would yell at each other, hurt each other’s feelings  but at the end of the day, they would patch things up because they are family. Ever since their debut, they never treat each other as a simple colleague; it has always been a family. A family that you can rely on in times of need. A family that will never turn their back at you when everyone does. A family that will fight for you when it’s needed. A family that would protect each member. That’s SNSD, they are more than just a girl group, fans may be aware of how close they are but there’s more to that closeness behind the camera. Taeyeon, being the leader of the group would always set aside her personal matters for the girls. She is fine as long as her eight sisters are happy. For SNSD, Taeyeon was their great leader and sister. They are grateful for everything that she has done.

 

And with the latest happening to Seohyun’s life, Taeyeon knows that she was not alone feeling worried. She was not alone feeling scared, all of them felt the same thing for their maknae. They know she had a hard time; it was a miracle the younger woman survived all the trials in her life. Seohyun was a survivor and a fighter in life, that’s what they all believe in.

 

But despite what happened, she wanted to give the guy who broke their maknae’s heart another chance to prove himself. Taeyeon knew that YongHwa was sincere when he told her she would get Seohyun back and she trusts his words, she was just disappointed that the guy seems to move so slow that it’s frustrating her. Some of her members aren’t like her, some of them don’t trust him that much, and even Tiffany, the person who used to be very close with him still doubts him. She can’t blame them but if he will not make any move, she doesn’t know until when she can be able to protect him against her sisters without hurting their maknae’s feelings. She doesn’t know until when she can convince them that he is still a trustworthy guy, after all.

 

She looks at Tiffany who was eyeing Seohyun with a worried expression. She holds her hand and grips it tightly. Tiffany turned to her when she felt her hands.

 

‘It’s okay.’ She mouthed at her. Tiffany nods and smiles as an answer before taking a deep breath watching Seohyun’s every move.

 

Seohyun greeted everyone as she came out the stage all smile. She saw how her Unnies are looking at her as if she was the strangest person they have ever seen but she ignored their looks and continues to smile to everyone as if everything is fine. The room is filled with loud cheer when she came out, she waved to everyone in the audience which made the noise even louder. She bowed to the guests and staffs as she makes her way to her seat where the rest of SNSD are seated.

 

“Oh! Anneonghasaeyo!” The staff greeted her back cheerfully, oblivious of what happened at the backstage. She bowed to the staff as she continues to walk to her assigned seat.

 

“Are you okay?” YoonA asked her the moment she sat comfortably handing her the pink blanket to cover her legs since she’s wearing a skirt. She was covering her lapel mic.

 

“Ne.” She smiled weakly. YoonA just give her a gentle nod.

 

“Okay.” She said patting her head. She didn’t ask her any further since she knows that Seohyun is being careful since she’s now wearing her lapel mic, everything that she said will be heard around the studio.

 

“Oh?! Anneonghasaeyo, Hyungsoonim!” Seohyun stiffened, her eyes widened in surprise upon hearing the familiar voice. She wasn’t surprise that he was talking to her on stage but she was surprise as how he calls her even with his lapel mic on.

 

'Is he crazy?!' She thought. She composed herself before she turned around slowly to face JungShin. She smiles at him awkwardly when he finallty sits beside her.

 

 “O-Oh..N-Ne..Anneonghasaeyo!” She bowed nervously.

 

“Woah! Jinjja! I’m really honored to sit beside you today. How are you? It’s been a long time, right?”

 

“N-Ne. I-I’m fine.” She said almost a whisper.

 

“I follow all your activities in America, actually, we all do. We watch all your shows there. You’re really doing great there! I’m so proud of you!”He said while tapping her shoulder.

 

‘Can he just sit quietly?! Seriously!’ She thought while still smiling awkwardly to the guy.

 

“Ah… N-Ne. Kamsahamnida.” She managed to say despite her awkwardness.

 

“Seohyun ssi!” Jungshin was about to say something when the PD called out Seohyun’s name through megaphone which made Seohyun grateful.

 

“Please stand in the center. We will start on my cue, we’ll open the program with your performance.” The PD added.

 

“Ne!” She stands immediately to follow the PD’s instruction. She saw her Unnies cheering for her so she gave them a warm smile. She was about to take a step when she saw the other CNBLUE members arrived including YongHwa, the three bowed to her, she even saw YongHwa smiling at her but she ignored it, she bowed back to them before walking to the center of the stage. The crowd became loud when she finally stands in the center stage.

 

“We’re going live in 3…2…1 and Cue!” She heard the Director yelled. The whole studio was filled with cheer and applause.

 

She smiled to everyone as she holds her microphone tightly. The lights turned off then suddenly the spot light to where she is standing. She closes her eyes, she needs to focus on her performance and put all her dilemma aside. She can always deal with them later. She  took a deep breath as she opens her eyes when she heard the music started playing.

 

The show begins with Seohyun singing her winning piece at World Star Champion.

 

( Click here to listen to the song. Just imagine it was Seohyun singing. LOL)

 

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

 

The cheer became even louder this time making Seohyun happy. Her nervousness soon faded away upon hearing the loud cheer from her fans.

 

The lights went on and everyone can see Seohyun smiling to everyone.

 

“Woah! She’s really good!” All of a sudden, she heard someone said behind her. She just doesn’t know exactly who it was but it made her happy.

 

“That's because she’s Seo Joohyun. You know?” Kang HoDong jokingly replied that makes Seohyun chuckle silently.

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

 

Her smile faded away as she remembers everything that happened in the past as if it just happened yesterday. The memory is still fresh on her mind as if it just all happened yesterday, she felt the familiar pain in her chest again as she remembers everything, how she found out his infidelity and how she lost their child. It hurts her to find out that her husband cheated on her, it pained her even more upon learning that he had a child with her. So she did everything she could to forget him but ended up fooling everyone including herself. She can still remember how she cried every night in America, how she tired herself just to forget him but to no avail. Just when she thought she has moved on, she was wrong.

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
 

The crowd went wild when she hit the high note.

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me

 

She remembers what happened to them moments ago. How he kissed him passionately and how she responded to his kiss. How he told her that he never cheated on her and how he told her he missed her. She felt confused but right at that moment, she wanted to believe him, she wanted to  tell him what she feels but she stops herself, she knows it’s not yet the right time. Will she be able to tell him? She doesn’t know, the only thing that she’s certain is the fact that YongHwa is still her happiness and she wanted him back, she wants to make everything right. She felt a hot sensation from her eyes and before she can even stop it, a tear suddenly escape from her eyes. She brushed it away immediately but the fans as well as the MCs noticed it right away.

 

“OMO! Is she crying?” She heard Kang HoDong say.

 

“ULJIMA! ULJIMA! ULJIMA!” The crowd cheered on her. The loud cheer gives her more strength so she smiled as she continues to sing brushing away her tears.

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

 

The big LED screen at her back shows some video clip of her winning moment at World Star Champion that made the crowd cheer even louder.

 

The stage was filled with fireworks effect and loud cheers from the crowd as she hit every high notes effortlessly. Even all the artists on stage and the MCs were amazed by her performance that they ended up giving her standing ovation but she didn’t see this because her back was facing them but she can hear their loud cheer. Everyone was amazed and proud of her aside from one person who still manage to stand and claps her hands pretending she liked the performance just to avoid any issues.

‘Tss! She’s obviously showing off! !’  If there’s one thing she hated being in a show together with SNSD, it’s the fact that she has to pretend she likes them just to avoid any misunderstanding.

 

When the song ended, Seohyun was surprised to see the artists on stage standing as they clapped enthusiastically for her performance. She bowed to them feeling embarrassed as she gets back to her seat.

 

“Woah! That was the greatest opening number that we had in the entire year!” Leeteuk said after everyone calmed down from cheering.

 

“So this was what the PD keeps on telling us that we will have a very special opening number for our Anniversary episode.” Kang HoDong added.

 

“Seo JooHyun ssi literally takes the whole studio by storm! Jinjja Daebak!” Boom said still clapping his hands excitedly.

 

“Aigoo! Kamsahamnida!” She stands to bow to the three MCs.

 

“But---“

 

Kang HoDong was not able to finish what he’s about to say when the crowd start cheering something.

 

“ENCORE! ENCORE! ENCORE!” The whole studio was filled with loud cheer.

 

Seohyun laughs shyly when she understands what the crowd was saying.

 

“I would sing three more songs later.” She announced that made the crowd cheered louder.

 

“Woah! You really have a lot of fans here. If I didn’t know this is our Anniversary Special, I would really think this is your own show. Can we just get her as a part of our show?” Boom jokingly asked the staff in the audience.

 

“Hey! We can’t do that! I’m sure, she’s really busy now.” Leeteuk said.

 

“Aniyo! It’s fine! I would really love to be a part of this show. I heard so many good things about your show.” Seohyun said smiling.

 

 “Geure? Let’s talk about that after the show, okay?” Kang Ho Dong said that burst everyone to laughter.

 

“But is the song dedicated for someone or does it has a special meaning to you since we saw you crying while singing.” Boom curiously asked which made Seohyun taken aback.

 

“I-It was my winning piece in World Star Champion so it’s really a very special song for me. I-I’m just happy that I was able to sing it in my own country. I’m just happy.” She said tucking some strands of her hair behind her ear. A gesture she always does when she’s nervous.

 

“Ah, so those were tears of joy, right? Because from what I heard, this is really your first TV appearance with SNSD since you got back, right?” Kang Ho Dong asked.

 

“Ne.”

 

“It’s really an honor having you here for our special day.” Leeteuk said.

 

“Kamsahamnida!” She bowed to them again.

 

“So, I guess it’s time we introduce now the other guests!” Kang HoDong said excitedly while everyone in the studio claps their hands including the guests.

 

The MC then began to introduce all the artists that are present in the show. The show which is hosted by LeeTeuk, Boom and Kang HoDong is a mixed of a Variety and Talk Show. Every week, they featured different artists with great story to share to everyone. Today, it marked its first year anniversary so they decided to air it live.

 

The show went on smoothly with the MCs having fun with all the guests. Seohyun laughs a lot as if she was doing fine. At that moment, she forgets all her problem and just have fun. She was having too much fun that she doesn’t really mind the fact that YongHwa sits three seats away from her.

 

“SNSD will always be my family.” Taeyeon said when the MC asked them what does SNSD mean to them, a cliché question that was always being asked whenever they are guesting in a variety show.

 

“How about you Seohyun? What does SNSD mean to you?”Boom asked.

 

“Hmmm, SNSD is my source of  strength. I gained strength from my unnie-deul. I don’t think I would be able to survive all my struggles without them. Whatever I have right now, whatever I am right now, I owe it everything to them. Even though things went bad for me or if my plans didn’t worked out the way I want it to be, I would still be fine because I know that I have my Unnies. I believe that everything will be fine as long as I have them.”

 

“Isn’t our maknae the sweetest?” Tiffany said teary eyed.

 

“SNSD must be really proud of her.” Kang HoDong said.

 

“Of course!” Her Unnie deul said all together.

 

“She really grew up well.” Leeteuk commented.

 

“We raised her well.” Taeyeon jokingly said.

 

“SNSD is one of the longest group in Korea which are still active until now. Do you still get shy when people praises you?” Boom asked.

 

“Hmm..Ne. We still get shy because we think it’s too much.” Tiffany admitted showing her eyesmiles.

 

“Do you think you don’t deserve those praises?” LeeTeuk asked obviously shocked.

 

“Aniyo! Aniyo!” Tiffany said waving her hands. “It’s not that we don’t deserve it but we think that those praises are just too much for us because we are also aware that a lot of groups have debuted nowadays that are really better than us and we think that they deserve those praises more than us. I mean, we’ve been through that stages already. We’ve received tons of praises from everyone and I think it’s about time that people will recognize new talents and new faces. Our hoobaes deserve it more than us” She added.