Parents

“Love your parents, we are busy growing up that we forget they are growing old to,”

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I remember in 2nd grade my teacher asked the class to write down who are our hero is in our life? I remember my classmates writing down, superman, batman, wonder woman, spider man. Me? I wrote down my parents names. You may think this is going to be a rant about my parents? Well your wrong, I see my parents differently compared to other people my age.. this is how I see my parents in my eyes:

From a young age I saw how hard my parents worked, I saw the importance of having parents and until this day I still see them as my hero’s. There are a lot of reasons why, but mainly because they are willing to do anything for me to succeed. I love my parents and from a young age, I respect them deeply. But now I am 17, I am at that awkward stage where my decisions are imperial then other’s. Now that I have some experience of life I believe I can run my own life. That is where I am wrong. I wish I can be so independent but the truth is we are only just starting and this is the time we need our parents more then ever.

I want to be independent, I like to do things myself. I get our parents are meant to help us but sometimes I don’t want to burden them. Like I said before my parents are my hero’s, my whole life is based among them. Burdening them is one of my biggest worries. I've had so many complaints from my parents that I'm too secretive that I need to open up more, but how can I when I feel like nothing but a stain my parents are tired of cleaning. I'm afraid of disappointing the people I have respect for.

I remember in 4th grade we were asked to write down what our dream is. I remember my classmates would wrote down doctor, lawyer, dancer, artist. Me? I wrote down I wrote down making my parents proud....

Until this day I still dream about making my parents proud, growing up I was a rebellious child (oh you'll get to hear some crazy stories later on) but I still appreciate my parents no matter what. Growing up my classmates did not understand why I love my family so much. Until this day I would love to still make my parents proud, and includes not giving them any burden, to achieve their dream, to give them the biggest respect. No one ever understands my love for my parents and I don’t think no one ever will. I admit I’m not an affectionate person and I can’t express it to my parents as much as I wish I could. I would like to say sorry to them, I can’t be smart enough, I can’t be affectionate enough, or even opened enough. However, even if my parents cannot see my affection I do really love them. I am sorry for my wrongs, I am sorry for being a disapointment but I know that one day I will be proven well, that my parents hard work won't be a waste.

The purpose of me writing this, is my way of saying sorry. I feel like a disappointment and you ask why?

-I’m not smart enough.
My parents don’t believe in people who are dumb. “There are no dumb people, those people who don’t succeed are people who don’t work hard,” my dad would always say to me. My grades, they aren’t the best, I’m not a total fail at school, I guess I’m average. Though, if I were to have a brain of a smart nerd I would have gone to med school, gone to law school or something so big. Instead I chose teaching, I did end up getting into the top 3rd best University in Australia, the best university in my town. Yes my parents are proud the fact their eldest daughter not only got accepted in university but in one of the top university in the world. However, deep down I could see they wish I was doing something more intense compared to secondary teaching. I just wish I was more smarter, to be something more.

-I don’t open to them enough
Like I said I don’t open up to people much, including my parents and the reason being. I don’t like burdening them with my problems. I feel like my purpose in life is to make my parents proud, and thats the thing. I want to make them proud, I want to show them my independence, I want them to be proud of me. I understand they complain about how I never open up, and I understand they don’t feel loved enough but can’t they understand me? Just because I don’t open up to them, tell them every thing about my life. I still love them no matter what, but I hate telling them all my problems. I can see them frustrated about the fact that I’m not open enough, I just not only want to burden them also it’s something I’m not use too. I guess I’m afraid to disappoint them when I tell them my huge problems.

Because I don’t open up to them, they misunderstand me.

They think wrong of me just because I don’t tell them information of myself. Such as; spending my money. They believe that I spend my money that I earn on random things, what they don’t know is that I split my pay every week. One half goes to my Korea fund, the other goes to my next shopping trip and the rest goes to my saving for a camera. My parents don’t know about this because I never tell them. I guess this is what I get for not opening up to them.

So from this you learn that I respect my parents too much that I hate giving them burden. You also learn that I don’t open to my parents enough because I’m scared to disappoint them, which is why I consider myself as a failure. I know I should tell them how I feel, but then again I’m scared that I will disappoint them, the truth is I’m scared of my parents, I’m scared of disappointing them. I love them, and even though I don’t have the guts to say it I try my best to show it. My parents are my hero’s and even though I’m not the child they always wanted, everyday, every second I will fight to be the best for my parents.

Honestly I don’t really want to go to university, what I want? I really want to go on spontaneous trips, I want to work and then go to the outskirts of the ruin countries. I want to experience different cultures, I want to see the sun in different countries and embrace different weathers in places I wouldn’t imagine. I guess that dream has to wait until my parents are satisfied with me.

I’m actually Filippino but my parents migrated to Australia before I was born. They work their asses off, to get from nothing to something. With hard work they manage to go from sleeping on cardboard boxes in a run down apartment, to sleeping in a house worth a persons arm and legs. My parents worked so hard, my dad even worked hard for my sister and I to attend private schools. Working 2 jobs, with 4 hour sleep a day, my dad did that for 4 years until I graduated high school so I can attend this prestigious school.

To get the results I got when exiting high school I could see it wasn’t enough. I felt bad for the efforts that my parents put in all went to waist. I feel so bad and the worst child. I feel as if I failed my parents. But no matter what I love them, and this is why I love them because they are willing to do anything for me and thats why I look up to my parents because from a young age I always saw them working hard, I watched my parents work hard to build a massive house of their own. I watched new cars enter our house, and I watch our house have expensive appliances.

I just wish that people would love their parents as much as I love mine, forever will I continue to embrace their love for me as a daughter. I may not express it as much as I wish I could, but I promise one day the hard work they endured will all be worth it. I promise that I will make them proud, that I will be somebody, that I will finish university unlike them because they lacked of funds.

One day I will make my parents proud.

but right now, I’m sorry I can’t be enough to make them proud, I’m sorry for being a disappointment, and I’m sorry for being all this.

The life I live has so much pressure, sometimes I wish I grew up in the philippines where my life wouldn’t be as wealthy as it is here in Australia but at least I am happy with friends, I wont have as much pressure. I know this seems confusing but, I’m not complaining I’m just disappointed in myself for knowing I have failed agents my parent’s request. I guess this is just a period in my life that wont matter in the future when i finally make my parents proud.

I have no respect for people who treat their parents crap, remember the sacrifice they have done for you. Without them you wouldn't be living on this earth, so you owe them everything. I really hope people do understand how important their parents are before its to late, remember your parents are growing old as well.

So this is how I really see my parents, I always needed some way to express this so i thought it's best to do it through here. Next update will be about my sort of love life hahaah.

Honest 10: random fact edition

Every update I'm going to update 10 honest facts relating to me, it might be about my bias, my life, k-pop idk, it depends how I feel that day.

1. This chapter was meant to be up a few hours ago but I'm to busy watching SNSD's new MV Mr.Mr omg I'm going to watch it again.
2. SNSD and EXO are my 2 favorite K-pop groups.
3. I'm sick from going to the toga party last night, 8000 people went, it's for university students
4. I have work tomorrow at 8am, even though I'm sick I'm still going becuase I need the money
5. I just watched Mr Mr again, argghhh someone stop me and my obsession
6. My driving test is in 2 weeks :0
7. I really don't want to go to work, someone just give me money
8. I need money for SNSD's new album!!
9. right now my noes is running like a tap
10. I need to stop watching SNSD's MrMr, this is my 500th time watching it. Lol each time I wrote down a fact I would go back to youtube and watch the MV again

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Parents

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