I swear everyone I come across with has at least one guy chasing after them, one guy they like and at least a whole list of male components. Me? I don’t have anything like that! Most likely because I am a very anti social child. My love life shouldn't even be considered as a 'love life' I have no love in my life. Last boyfriend I had was in ninth grade, I was 14 so 4 years ago. we went our for almost two years so we only broke up almost 2 years ago. I guess you can say his my first love, he was my first real kiss, the first guy I actually liked. He was a guy that made me excited every time I received a text from him, he brought me excitement every time I was about to meet him. He was my first real love, and my first real heartbreak.

It was so long ago, but I remember being so hurt. The hurt feeling isn’t there anymore or the love feeling. I’ve moved on but man did it take me more then a year too. He broke my up with me because I moved schools. In 9th grade I got a scholarship to an prestigious school, meaning I have to leave all my friends from my old school. We did carry out our relationship but it only lasted another  6-10 months. He broke up with me claiming we rarely saw each other. That is true, but what did you expect me to do? I was studying at a school where you have to maintain a grade to avoid getting kicked out, I had to study 24/7 and no I was not smart which made things much more difficult. What made it much harder is that my parents never let me have a boyfriend. That means I had to do a lot of sneaking around, actually looking at it I don’t know how I did it for almost 2 years without getting caught.

Actually I did get caught after dating him for three weeks but I continued to date him behind my parents backs after I said I would break up with him. My parents don’t want me to date because they wanted me to do well at school which is understandable but I was a naughty child that had to rebelled against them. 

The aftermath of the breakup was hard, he did it through text which made it ten times harder. Looking back at it I laugh at the mistakes I made, I feel guilty for lying to my parents, I feel lonely that I don’t have anyone with me and I feel anxious if I will ever find someone who will love me like he did. I honestly don’t want a boyfriend, don’t get me wrong. I just want someone to cuddle with, tell them they love me and then off when I tell them too. Its weird I know but I hope you understand me.

Almost five years later, and we have grown apart. I never see my ex but when I do we ignore each other like nothing happened between us. We were high school sweethearts and it hurts that I don’t even get a simple glance, its like we are strangers. I’m over it now, as he has moved on and had 456776543 girlfriends. Now he is dating his longest girlfriend yet, 2 years and a half now. Me I haven’t had a boyfriend since him.

Truth*** I just can’t be bothered having a boyfriend, I rather fan girl over Korean man.

Truth*** The more I act like this, I will less likely have another boyfriend hahahah *sigh* :(



Present day

My love life for the last few years has been boring, I’ve been sticking my head in books, I’ve been away for parties to the point where people stopped inviting me. It’s hard especially because I go to an all girl school. Let’s just say every since I got dumped I’ve been very very anti social, yes I discovered K-pop in that matter, ironic hey?

Since I’ve graduated high school and entered University, my social life is doing great as it is catching up to the things I’ve missed in high school. I’ve been going to parties lately and meeting new people which is great.

I must say, I haven’t liked a guy since my ex and now I can feel that I’m liking a guy again :(((((( I hate liking guys, I always fall for guys and end up liking them for ages. It takes me like years to get over guys, no seriously that’s why I’ve only liked a few guys in my life. Okay so there’s kinda these two guys. Let me explain.

Let’s call the first guy H, so H works with me at a local retail story, like target or wallmart. We are both checkout operators. He only started working there a few months ago, and in those months we have become good friends. He is really nice, tall, has a deep voice and his face, errr it’s average I guess hahahaha. Anyways, our relationship is on the base where we can make fun of each other, joke around, hold a conversation and text each other. We haven’t known each other long so our friendship isn’t that strong or deep, like I can so live without him. 

One day he complimented me about having my hair down (I usually have it in a high pony tail at school and work). Since I don’t know what to do, being my awkward self I told him  to shut up and he just laughed. It was the first time a guy complimented me since my ex dumped me, it felt good. A few weeks later he asked for my snap chat, I’m not sure if you guys know what is snap chat. Snap chat is an app where you send photos to someone which they can see for a few seconds and then it disappears. Usually I send snap chats to people of ugly selfies as a joke. Anyways, so he asked for my username on snap chat. Since snapchat is on mobile phones, you can also add a person by using their mobile number. I told him my username which is my name and he said he wont remember it so it asked for my number instead.

I don’t know if he is asking for my number in that way or he just really wants my snap chat? I gave it anyways, for awhile I didn’t get a snap chat from him instead we ended up texting. Through our texting session I started to like his humour and next minute I started hoping he will ask me out on Valentines day. That was when I notice I may like him and I thought he would feel kinda the same way. As the compliments increases and so did the inside jokes.

However, I found out he texts other girls at work…. and snapchats them to. When we text he would be the one who ends the conversation by never replying to me :( WAHHHHHHH I want to text him but I look to desperate if I’m always texting him. It because he’s always giving me mixed messages, I at these things omg :((((( I don’t know what to do, like I don’t know what he sees me as… arghhh whoever said girls are frustrating guys are much worse!

But what the saddest thing of all is that I continue to bring my walls down to a guy I know that doesn’t like me. It and theres nothing I can do about it!

So about this second guy, lets go by the letter J. So J is a nice nice boy but he’s my number 1 stalker. I don’t like him at all but I have to include him in this chapter. So he freaken stalks me, he works with me at the check outs. Like I would be talking to a friend and when my friend leaves he would carry on the conversation using the same topic, you know why he knows this? He knows this because he’s been listening the whole time!! One time he added me on Facebook and suddenly liked all my old photos form my album in 2010. Talk about stalking! He always goes out of his way to talk to me at work and on facebook he always is sending me messages. Like seriously I don’t even like him in that way, sure as a friend but he has creeped me out to much that I don’t even like him!

I swear life is mocking me, I can’t get the guy I want instead life gives me a stalker who remembers conversations we had from months ago, who remembers what colour hair tie I am wearing when I first met him and searched my home address when looking for his payslip, saying that he stumbled across my payslip and “accidentally" opened it.

Life is funny like that that I just want to laugh, HAHAHHAHA no not funny!

So there is my love life= liking someone who doesn’t like me instead I have some stalker liking me! It’s crazy. My love life isn’t even active as other peoples but please I rather not date either J or H and just be single, I’m not even kidding.

 

Honest 10: My love life edition

Every update I'm going to update 10 honest facts relating to me, it might be about my bias, my life, k-pop idk, it depends how I feel that day.


1. My ideal type is tall guys, yes they have to be at least 10cm taller then me and have to be taller then me in high heels. I like guys older then me, I can stand guys even a minute younger then me, I like who are very manly and guys with big hands, I guess that represents manliness? And guys who drive, I think guys who drive look so cool. I like guys who are very mature, but still have the ability to make me laugh. I like guys who will get along with my family…. there is more but I can’t be bothered writing it, yes I am very picky.

2. Am I the only one who thinks that guys playing with kids well is the most hottest thing ever!

3. I am an Filipino living in Australia which is where I am born. I think I will end up marry an Australian boy.

4. I find Luhan, Woohyun, L, Sehun, Baekhyun Lay and Donghae are the most attractive guys in K-pop.

5. My first kiss was in 7th grade with m bests friends boyfriend, yes I kissed him infront of her and it was because we were playing spin the bottle. Surprisingly she was alright with that.

6. I always wanted to marry early around 23-25, then do everything together, travel or whatever. The maybe around 27 I want to have kids.

7. I always wanted to have a boyfriend an wear matching bunny ears at theme parks together. Since it’s not acceptable here in Australia, we would have to do it in Asian countries like Korea of course hahaha!

8. Guy that smell good, dammm boyyyyy I will marry you

9. I don’t get shy around guys surprisingly, only the popular guys hahaha

10. I find it weird how right now we are making memories that one day will be telling our husband.

So today is my bias's birthday. Knowing me you'll know Luhan is my biggest Bias but honestly he is 2nd on my list. I just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NO.1 BIAS, KIM TAEYEON. I love love love that girl, we have the same personalities and I think she is the best singer in K-pop!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GALLL







**NEW- Photo of the week
I will upload a photo of what I’ve been up to this week
Lunch at Grilled