Calling Lynn_star
Yifan's Honest Reviews and Recommendations [Closed. Sorry]
Lynn_star Review
Title: score- 5/5
I can’t help but give you a full score. There is really nothing to mark off. When I looked up the definition, I smiled. It’s true. The characters are pretty strange. Especially Luhan.
Foreword/ Description: score- 3/5
I feel like a broken record, repeating things over and over again. Though I love the description because it’s light and cute, the foreword…
Do not, I say, absolutely do not put up character profiles. It took away the ability to reveal things about them. Although your character profiles aren’t as detailed as some, which I like, you still gave away much of the plot. Now, your readers know who Chanyeol will like (even though it’s quite obvious) and what Luhan will do once he meets the straight Sehun. Like I said, yours weren’t as bad as some that give away the ENTIRE plot, you still shouldn’t have them. Take them down. I promise, it’ll make a large difference. Even though it’s not an officially published story that has its own book and such, treat it like one. What books have you read that have character profiles? None. So, seriously, take them down.
Development of characters through dialog and actions: score- 17/20
All of the characters have shown a lot of weird things that they like to do throughout the chapters so far and that’s what makes an interesting story. When a character is the bland:
Nice
Funny
Caring
No one wants to read a story like that and your story definitely does not have that and I really love it. The development between Kyungsoo and Jongin is very nice. How you slowly revealed what happened between them starting from chapter one. The only problem I have is the Hunhan development. It has gotten no where. To read some the Hunhan, it’s just slow and boring and I think it should get moving along, especially because Hunhan is the one on the poster. The Baekyeol development is still a bit slow but that’s good. I don’t think Baekyeol should be rushed because as I have read, Baekhyun is a very dense person.
Plot: score- 15/15
It’s just oh so original. A school for homos. Never would’ve thought of that! It’s so cute! The Kaisoo adds a lot to the overall story and I think it’s very nice. I feel like I’m being too easy going, especially how harsh my review was for the last story. I don’t know...
Realism: score- 21/30
I would’ve deducted a lot more but since they’re homo, it’s ok for them to do that. Just some of the things such as Luhan being very clingy to Sehun the first day. Even homoual men wouldn’t do that. They might be bubbly and excited but being that clingy? I don’t think so.
I really feel like I’m being way too nice.
Grammar/Spelling: score- 13/15
I know you’re fluent in English and all but the problem I had was that a lot of sentences that started with a subject. Such as:
“Luhan said and led the way into the theater. Chanyeol sat down first, Baekhyun taking the seat besides him, then Luhan, and finally Sehun at the far end. Sehun could see Baekhyun’s look of panic as Chanyeol leaned over him to make a joke to which Luhan laughed over.” (Lynn_star Queer and Proud 13)
Most of the sentences started with a subject and it’s a bit repetitive and annoying.
I’m being way too nice...
Overall enjoyment of story: score- 19/20
I absolutely love it. It’s funny, cute, and serious at the same time. A good combination.
Review by Love_me_love_kpop
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