Calling Wolfandthebeauty
Yifan's Honest Reviews and Recommendations [Closed. Sorry]
Story Link:
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/642518/should-have-been-me-exo-xiumin-exooneshot-kimminseok-xiuminandoc-xiuminoneshot
Title: Should have been me
Score: 4/5
Titles should always give the readers an insight into what the story is going to be about. This is exactly what this title did. Though the title itself is good, it is grammatically incorrect. “Should have been me” is a fragment of a statement and thus you may want to consider revising it to “It Should Have Been Me”. Also, when writing a title for a story, all the words, minus words such as ‘to’ and ‘a’, should all be capitalized.
Foreword/Description: 3/5
The description is the first thing that your readers will read before deciding whether or not they actually want to continue on and read your story. This is why it is critical to use proper grammar and punctuation!
Misspelling a word isn’t uncommon, it happens to everyone. However, at the top of a writing document, no matter if you use GoogleDocs, Word, or the story editor on AsianFanFics, there is the spell check button; and it is there for a very good reason. Yes, every once in a while a misspelled word will sneak by unnoticed, even when using spell check. However, when a word is misspelled so badly to the point that someone can’t make out what it was supposed to say, that shows a clear lack of editing.
Also, before posting something, always check your punctuation. Make sure you have commas where commas are needed and ending punctuation where it should go. Having a lack of punctuation is rather annoying to see, not to mention confusing. Readers will end up turning away before even thinking about continuing on to your actual story.
Development of Characters: 16/20
There wasn’t very much development of the characters throughout the story. Now why did you earn a 16/20? Because, even though we as the readers don’t get to see how much Hyemi has changed from the time of the first flashback back to the time of the present day, it is obvious that she has gone through a bunch to make her realize the wrongdoing she has done. She doesn’t let the readers forget her regrets either as she continues to repeat things such as “I was foolish back then” and “I made a mistake”, which keeps the readers engaged, wanting to see how she deals with her “mistake”.
Plot: 7/15
“My best friend loves me but I love someone else who treats me poorly. After I’m dumped by the person who I thought I loved, I’ll realize that I really loved my best friend all along only to discover it is too late because he loves someone else.”
This plot is widely overused. Where is originality? Though it is a good plot line, readers will start to get bored after reading the same story over and over again. Meaning, they might just end up skipping over your story entirely because they already read twenty other stories just like it.
No matter how well written a story is, originality is what matters. If your story is original then more people will be interested in it. Just look at all of the featured stories on this site alone. Yes, most of them are about some form of love, but none of them are ever the same. The reason they get popular is because they all have a well thought over storyline that is original and eye catching.
Realism: 27/30
Taking in account of what I just said about your plot not being original, it was, in fact, very realistic. Readers will easily be able to connect to the regrets that Hyemi is feeling over a bad choice she made that ended up effecting her entire life. Though some people, like myself, cannot relate to the love side of the story, we can relate to making mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, and though it’s okay to dwell on them for a little bit, you eventually have take a deep breath, get back on your feet, and move on. This is something that your story stressed immensely.
Grammar/Spelling: 5/15
Going back to what I first talked about in your description and foreword review, always make sure to check over your work before posting it. Having grammatical and spelling errors will take away from your story and distract the readers. I would suggest going back through your story and reading it out loud, word for word. If it sounds silly, or the word choices you made don’t make sense when spoken out loud, change it. There were many time throughout the story that I would of changed the word choices that you made. Awkward wording will distract readers and may even confuse them. If you’re not fluent in English, which at this point I cannot tell, I would suggest getting an editor who is.
Also, whenever you can add more details to a sentence, do! Details are an important part of a story and will keep the readers engaged.
“I like you, “He blurted.
This sentence, pulled directly from your story, is extremely straightforward and boring. I mean, Minseok just confessed to the love of his life! Where is all the excitement? Also, “he blurted” doesn’t make sense. It should be:
I like you,” He blurted out.
Someone cannot just “blurt." Plus, there could be so much more detail added to enrich the sentence, bringing it to life. Pretend like your readers are canvases. White, ready to paint. That sentence only added a shade of grey. There are so many more colors you can add to that. Also, take notice of the quotation marks. The quotation marks that you used on that sentence were grammatically incorrect. I know that you know how to use quotation marks by the other sentences throughout your story, but I just wanted to take this opportunity and stress, once again, my point about checking over your work. Honestly after your story, it seemed to be more of rough draft for a story that still needed lots of work and editing.
Overall Enjoyment: 16/20
Despite my harsh review, I actually enjoyed your story quite a bit. Though it needs a lot more editing and has many places where I would consider revising, it had the overall makings of a good story. Hyemin was an enjoyable character to read about and I fully appreciate that fact that you tried to write from her point of view, which many writers on here do not even bother in attempting.
I don’t want to discourage you from writing and I hope that you take all my criticisms as helpful hints to making an even better story than you’ve already produced. I was so harsh because I believe that you can actually take in everything I said and put it to good use. Seeing by the comments on your story, there are many people that do enjoy reading your works and would gladly want to read more from you. I for one also hope to see more from you as you continue on your journey as an author.
Happy writing~
Review by: DailyDoseOfEXO
Sorry for the long wait. Reviews are being processed once again and we will hopefully be back on track in a week or so. Thank you for all the patience!
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