TheLandOfBrownSugar Review

www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/421536

Title: 4-5

To be honest I haven't come across that kind of title before in the FanFic world and I think it's pretty unique. With that title, it gives a vague info about the incoming story which is the ideal thing to do to catch out your readers and surprise them.

Foreword/ Description: 2-5

To be entirely honest, your foreword had bored me out. It started off with a boring sentence which kind of made me want to look away and find another story.

Listen, when you start to read something you look at the first sentence right?

It may be different for other people but for me something like your foreword seemed too long and dragged on making the chances of a pretty decent story line to success drop immediately.

That's why you've gotten a 2. Shorten and Excite.

Development of characters through dialog and actions: 18-20

(Includes personality, flaws, quirks, habits *do not use flaws to polish up the better qualities. Flaws are what makes a character interesting)

Well, I must say that the story is indeed well-worded and interesting. After reading it, I see how well you've revolved it around the title.

The characters 'mask' had evolved very naturally and I think it's a great success. It's only the too unreal scene of Sunny 'Kya'-ing.

It would've been better left with a simple blush instead of an unreal anime image.

Except for all that, Hoya's character turned out well and so was everyone else'.

Plot: 13-15

It's unique but now I feel I've heard of it just a little bit. What seemed different was how bold Sunny was when she kissed Hoya.

It went well just as I've stated above and I think 3 chapters matched it well. The ending was blissful and sweet and seemed to mark a great ending.

Realism: 29-30

(Yes, we really stress realism. If it's not, then the reader cannot connect to the character as well)

You did well! There were no over used glares or giggles except if they had been using their mask which I fully understand.

You just missed one point with the weird giggle from Sunny and the unreal burst of popularity.

Grammar/Spelling: 15-15

No grammar or spelling mistakes found.

Overall enjoyment of story: 17-20

I've enjoyed it but it didn't leave a lasting impression. This is from MY perspective. Other people may LIKE this fluff more than I do but I'll confess that angst is more my thing.

Well done.

Reviewed by KirbyK.