Calling HeiRyung
 

Aurthors note

hello, I just reviewed your story. I read all the chapters posted, below is my review of your story. Thankyou for requesting at Priscilla's review and trailer shop. If you need other requesting for a review or trailer don't hesitate to fill out the form or message me. 

Concept 8/10 

I love it! It kinda reminds me of Hunger Games (Please don't make an replica of Hunger Games!). The concept of the story has been used in a lot in fan fics. It's alright to do it but try and be different rather then being predictable. Honestly I love this concept and this world you have made up. Good job, and so that is why I give you an 8! 

Characters 7/10 

From my understanding, the main character is 12 years old? and she has a troubled brother? I love how the female character is so strong, but I just think isn't 12 a young age? But then again, its your fan fic there must be a reason why shes young, maybe this is just a flash back, I don't know. For the brother, again I'm not sure if I read this right but in the first chapter he is rude and a few chapters after that hes nice to his sister. Again, it maybe his attitude that day or something, and so I was confused. Just a tip, if your going to write about a character, make sure he/she stays the same through the plot to avoid confusing readers. The only time they change persinality is when they are meant to change. 

Plot 9/10

I love originality in stories, I hate reading the same kind of stories twice or more then that. Your story definitely had me wanting to read it because of its originality, even though the concept is common the outline and the world you have made in this story is simply great. I don't know the whole plot of the story yet, but from the title and the meaning behind it encourage me to want to read more. 

English 10/10

I'm not sure if your English is your native language, but your grammar and your creative choice of words is excellent. You have used words that fitted well describing the story. The story is understandable and easy to ready, great job!

Writing style 9/10

You are a very creative writer for creating something like this. I usually find angst writers so creative as I am not much of an angst writer ahhaha. Anyways, I love how you give enough information of the current situation. Some go to far describing every aspect which can be long and boring, while some don't give enough not warning us with what is going on. As for you, you have displayed the right information is needed for the readers to picture the situation in their heads. 

Overall 8/10

Your theme/ concept got me interested in the story, the originality of it makes me want to read more. Its an easy story to read and it can be seen that you work hard for each chapter that is updated. I think it is perfect, however, I gave it an eight because I'm meant to judge a story from 3 chapters you have written. Its not anyones fault, but I cant be expected to judge a whole story in 3 chapters. However, those three chapters left an impression on me. I honestly cannot wait to see whats coming, to see how potatos have to do with the story, and how EXO comes along. With the vague information given, I'm sure not only me but others too would be excited for the next chapter to come out. Sometimes vague information isn't good as it sometimes causes a reader to walk away, but you, you have done well and slowly is setting out the scene. Just a tip, if your going to do this, give enough information not to much and not limited enough because it may bore your reader as the story is slow. 

Honest opinon, I can't wait until you update if you continue to produce, originality, stick to your characters personalities and your creative writing ways then for sure your story will do well. I know you will do well. Honestly I couldn't really find anything bad about your story as it was really good. Good luck with your writing and your story :)))