Calling for MiaMae14

Authors note

Hello, sorry for the delay but I manage to finish your review and I'm close to finishing your trailer. You can retrieve you trailer tomorrow. Below is your story review, please no bashing just accept the comments. I understand I am no known author but I am just a reviewer representing what readers wants. Thank you for requesting :)

Concept 9/10

It's not clique, the concept is very mysterious and makes you want to read more. I love the concept of your story, I admit I have read the same concept or plot line in other stories but somehow your story does not lack originality making it stand out more in my eyes. You did a great job in writing this and I believe as a writer you suit this concept and that is why I gave you a nine. 

Characters 9/10 

OMG GREAT JOB!!! I have read one shot stories that have 4562738947 characters making it very confusing. One shot or short stories should have a minimum or 1 character and a maximum of 5. I am glad you didn't go over that limit. Actually one shot stories are very hard to do, I would have given you a ten but I gave you a nine because you need to introduce the characters more. I know because you have a word limit when it comes to writing one shot stories and you want to get straight to the point, but to get to the main point you also need to introduce the character. You don't have to do it right away but you can do it as you progress in the story. You only have to do it for the main characters, so for Dasom and Minhwan. You did introduce a character and that is Dasom, reading the story I did understand her mysterious vibe but with Minhwan I think I needed more from him. That is why I gave you a nine, because you did introduce a character well, but you just need to do it for the other. 

Plot 7/10
I love the plot of the story, I didn't have much problems with it but except for something minor. I know a one shot story is a quick paced piece of writing. However, you need to be more fluid with the story. Usually one shot's are meant to take place for one period. You did well in writing a years worth in two chapters. That is when it comes to confusion, I admit I was confused at one bit towards the end because it kept of switching scenes from one to the other. This can make you lose readers because they will be confused and turned off by the story. It isn't a big problem, you just need to be more fluid with your words. Instead of cutting a scene and opening into a new one, you can just use the right words to enter in a new scene. It's a method my English teacher has taught me to use. I know this should  be marked in writing style but for me, the plot became confusing because the story kept jumping from one scene to the next. However, I did enjoy the plot, it's not new to me but like I said you have this originality in your story that some authors lack. I would have given you a higher mark, but honestly I got confused at times. 

English 10/10

I didn't find anything wrong with your English, I'm not sure if English is you native language but judging your writing I think you are. There are no grammar mistakes or mis-used words, I believe you edited the story  a few times and that is good! Your English is perfect so that is why I'm giving you a 10. 

Writing style 8/10 
You have great idea's, great writing features but from what I read you need to be more descriptive in you writing. Yes you have captured their feelings and emotions well and I applaud you for that but you also need to describe the setting more. This is why short stores and one shots are hard to write because you have to cram in all these information in a short time frame. Also you need to work with the fluid of the story, other then that I believe you are a great writer. The way you wrote the depth of the characters emotions was amazing, I was about to give you a low mark but reading it made me raise your mark more. It is really good, if you put the same emotion and feel to describing the location and setting of the story then it would be perfect. It doesn't have to be a paragraph, it just needs to be a sentence or a bit more. Enough for a reader to set an imagine in their head of the story. 

Overall 7.5/10 

You have done well in writing this one shot, like I said one shots are very hard to write. I am very familiar with one shot stories because my teacher use to make write billions of them when I was in school. The only problem with the story is the fluid of the story, usually one shots capture a scene from a day, the longest would be 2 days. Longer and it would be very hard to write, yet confusing to the reader's liking. I know it's hard for your story to do, and there is no rule saying  you can't incorporate years into a short story. You can still do it but you have to watch your fluid and the words you'll use. Other then that your writing style and choice of characters is very well written, good job. 

If you want I can give you a tip on how to write these one shots. It's a method I've been using for years and this is the first time I am sharing this to anyone :)

-A short story should start with an intro (setting, characters)

- Then it should have it's (problem)

- Main point (the character is distressed)

- Solution (character is finding a solution) 

-Resolution (ending, problem solve)

Just follow these steps and trust me your one shot will turn out good. 

I hope my review helps, and I hope you do great in the competition. Good luck, fighting!