Calling for shibi_shibi_ec 

authors note

Hi, thank you waiting. I enjoyed review your story and below is your review. Please don't take any of it to heart, it's just my 100% honest opinion so please don't bash me if you don't agree with something. Thank you requesting and I hope you will request again, thank you :)

Story: When wolf meets hyde

Reviewed: foreword- chapter 2

Concept 10/10
I admit it's a common concept you have but I love how you introduce the wolf era and hyde era. I love how you are mixing two characters that can be seen as the bad guys in most stories together. I love the idea and the concept goes with it. If you continue to display originality then I'm sure readers would love to read your story. The reason why I gave you a ten because the concept is very original. I'm sure there are stories along the same line but it is very rare making your story stand out more. Good job and keep up the good work. Usually I don't give out high marks when it comes to concepts because concepts in AFF are always the same. 

Characters 8/10
I'll give you another high mark for that. I love the whole taoris going on, I love how they aren't seen as a friendly match which can be annoying to read after reading it in several stories. Your choice in characters is really well done as I don't know which characters I would have chosen to play the lead. Taoris really suits it. I was going to give you another ten but I decided to give you an eight because of the lack of information given about each  characters. Like how is Kris a wolf? or what is a hyde? You need to give these information out so your readers can picture what the characters are like. You should do it fluidly and do it at the beginning when introducing the characters. 

Plot 7/10
Even though I gave the concept a ten, I'm giving the plot a seven and that is because I kinda understand it but yet I don't. The plot is great but how am I able to judge when I have only two chapters to judge the whole thing. The plot is really good, I love the concept, the story of the hyde and wolf and from reading it I think that the story will engross into a good story. Just continue writing along the lines of the plot line because the plot of the story has already captured me into wanting to read it.

English 4/10

I understand that English may not be your second language and that is fine, it doesn't mean you can't write, it just means the wording on your story is confusing and therefore maybe confusing for the reader to read. I honestly felt confused when reading. Lets start with your grammar. You are missing words and some of your sentences don't finish. It can be easily fixed by re reading your story out loud over and over again, using that method you can start to notice if something sounds wrong. You also have trouble with your past present and future, I know non english speakers have trouble with it, I admit I do to hahah but such sentences like these need to arrange your past, present and future:

(This is from your story chapter 1)

original sentence: Start from that day
It should be: Starting from that day

or 

Original sentence: He then begin 
It should be: He then began

You see the difference? You have used the right words but you are using a word that is not in it's time phrase. You can improve it by searching up past, present and future words and researching on it or you can inbox and I can help you out :) And one more thing! When a new person speaks, you should put it in a new sentence to avoid confusion. Also when they finish speaking say who is speaking, such as "Son I need you help" Tao's father cried. Like something like that to let your audience know who is speaking. 

The english isn't great I admit, the english bought confusion and therefore it has the potential to ruin a great story. You have a great story, good concept, characters and plot but just fix up your english and it will be fine. 

Writing style: 4/10
Your writing style is alright, I think the story lacks background information and needs more information about the settings and characters. Like, the wolf and hyde era's and when are they dated, where are they set. Not enough information can be very bland and boring. I can see through your writing that you have a basic capability of describing and therefore you need to apply that into your story, I know you can do it :)

It was also very messy and fast paced which readers don't like. A big thing I have noticed about your story is that every sentence is shortened and is only a couple of sentences long. It's good that you're using sentences and it shows you know basic english but reading it sounds robotic, trust me. A perfect sentence is a sentence that not only has action but something descriptive, your sentences only have the action and not the descriptive part. Usually within a few sentences an reader can decided if it's going to be a good story or not, I didn't feel attached with your story within the first sentence because of the use of short sentences. I did want to read it because I read the foreword and I made your trailer and reading the description I totally wanted to read it because it had a good plot, but actually reading it was confusing and very robotic.

overall: 5/10

I love the concept, the characters and the plot very very very very much however, the grammar, the writing style and how it was written honestly ruined it for me. You have done well and I can tell you did well planning it but you just need to improve your writing skills and apply the things I told you into your story. I believe it can be a really good story! 

how you can improve your story?
Research and learn how to use your past present and future, learn to be more descriptive and your story will be amazing. You have no problems with the plot as the plot is already perfect as it is. If you can't find on the internet then please inbox and I can help you out :)

(I don't know why it's all in bold hahahah)