Life in Japan is great, i have to admit that. The country's really clean and the people are so courteous. For these past few years, I've been studying therapy. I've now become a great therapist to the satisfaction of my parents. My dream of becoming a singer slowly disappeared as i learnt more about psychological crap. yep. 

 

 

Today i passed by this big screen and it was playing some Korean Music Video, so of course, i looked up. 

 

He made it. 

 

Adjusting my beanie, i smiled, walking back home. 

 

 

 

 

Hi diary, it's been ages since i've last updated you. Life's really hectic as a singer you know. But i'm currently on a break now before my comeback. 

 

Mum's doing well too, i got her a huge, comfy home. She's happy, i guess. Maybe not, anymore. 

 

And in case you've been wondering, the other boys are either still training or have given up and found other jobs. I went alone to this world of stardom. 

 

 

 

You know, maybe i'm regretting this desicion of becoming a singer. 

 

 

[september 28th 2010] 

 

Today i got a call from Mum. 

 

"Cheol ah, have you been… well?" I could hear her anxious voice.

 

I knew she was waiting for me to tell her that i was done. That i've stopped. But i haven't. It was my only relief. 

 

"I'm fine, i think."  I struggled to breathe. Taking a sharp breath, i inhaled the substance again. 

 

"Have you… stopped? I can talk to your CEO and maybe-" 

 

"I SAID I WAS FINE. GET OFF MY BACK AND STOP BEING ONE OF THEM" I couldn't believe what I had just said. It was too late to take it back, so i just hung up. 

 

 

 

 

I almost got found out at work today. They didn't suspect anything though. It kind of went like this. 

 

Boss: "Mr Doyoon, I've found a job offer for you in Korea. As it is your homeland, i'm sure you would not reject it. 

 

After i readjusted my beanie, I said: "Sure! I'd be glad to. Who is the offer for?" 

 

Boss: "It's for a- um, Doyoon I think your jacket is losing fur."

 

I looked down at my shirt. Hair. I started to panic: "Uh yeah. This jacket is old so um ya it's dropping it's fur." I then turned around to show him the back of my coat which was covered in black fur. 

 

Boss: "Haha. You might want to throw that out. Anyway, the person who hired you requested to be anonymous to protect the patient so i suggest you pack your bags and leave for Korea to find out by yourself. I've emailed you the address and your plabe tickets. Now get going." 

 

Me: "Thank you so much, sir" 

 

I turned around, silently cursing at myself. 

 

I went home after that, not after getting a new beanie because my old one was too loose now. 

 

 

 

 

My CEO came in today again. Sigh. 

 

I heard thundering footsteps approaching my dorm. It was him again. I braced myself for the flood of critics and restrictions to come. I took another swig of my pleasure. I took a sharp breath. 

 

"Choi Seungcheol." His eyes were stern. I got used to it so i'm not scared of him anymore.

 

"What do you want from me. Do you want me to starve myself again or do you want me to go to the hospital so you could pull out my drip again to drag me to the concert. Or do you want me to go jump off a cliff because i gladly would." 

 

"I understand that-" 

 

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. STOP PRETENDING TO BE ON MY SIDE WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE CAUSING ME TO BECOME THE MESS I AM TODAY" I couldn't catch my breath. 

 

"Okay. I guess your mother was right. I'm bringing in a therapist to help you." 

 

"I don't need help" I pounded on my lungs, willing them to take in oxygen again. 

 

He just sighed, "He's a specialist from Japan and he's coming in tomorrow so i expect you to be ready." 

 

"There you go again. Expect, expect, EXPECT" I spat. 

 

"You might remember him. His name's Jang Doyoon."

 

That shut me up.