Chapter 15: Overwhelmed

I get to spend an hour or two every night with Amber, in the privacy of her own room.

Not that I was having inappropriate thoughts about anything. But I am so looking forward to this deal.

November

“Aren’t you tired of all the training and sleepless nights?” Krystal’s question was so out of the blue.

It was already past 11 and we were at the nearest tteokboki stall, eating our stomachs out while doing the homework my instructor gave me for that day. We took our lessons outside tonight. Krystal insisted that a change in view helps with the learning process.

“No.” I answered.

“Really?”

I paused. Thinking. Weighing my feelings and thoughts. “Well maybe sometimes, I do.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

We took bites of the spicy rice cakes we ordered two servings each, watching as our breaths fog up in the cold November air. Words were not spoken as we drowned our minds in thoughts of the future.

“Don’t you feel that all we’re doing now could all be worthless in a few months? What if we don’t debut? What will we do with our lives then?” Krystal broke the silence.

I’ve never really thought about what I would do if I don’t debut as a singer. All I thought back when I auditioned for SM was to get away from everything that’s hurting me. Music was my second love. Nicole was my first.

“I really haven’t thought of that, you know.” But now I’m starting to think about the inevitable future and how it may make or break my nonexistent career.

“Well. For me I think I’ll just be a teacher. Teach preschool kids, or maybe even study music.” Her eyes had a distant look. She’s probably weighing future options now. But her sister’s already an idol and they are in the same company. From how I see it, Krystal’s having a hard time making her own mark as an idol.

Since coming to SM, she had been training extra hard but all the trainees know and call her ‘Jessica’s sister’. She was never Jung Soojung or Krystal. She said she doesn’t mind being branded as ‘Jessica’s sister’; but I see in her eyes that she’s hurt. She wants to be known as Krystal, an idol in training.

A loud clatter of utensils from the nearby table brought me out of my thoughts. I’ve been spacing out a lot these days. Maybe it’s just the stress of things pilling up. There’s the upcoming death anniversary of Nicole, Krystal’s seemingly worsening relationship with her sister, and the source of all my headaches these past few days – Luna and Sulli’s petty argument…

 “YAAAAH!” A piercing scream rose me from my sleep.

“What’s your problem?! I was just doing my own business here!”

“You just stepped intentionally on my leg, unnie!”

“I did not mean it, Sulli! I was just on my way down my bed. I’m sorry okay?”

“No. You totally mean it! It was payback for me eating all you yogurt two days ago.”

A door suddenly slammed shut.

“Sulli! Luna!” Vic-eomma’s voice broke through the early morning banter of the two roommates.

“Vic-eomma! Sulli’s being too childish again.” I heard Luna say in irritation.

“Sulli.” Vic-eomma started. “What happened, hmm?”

“Luna unnie stepped on my leg on her way down the bunk bed.” Sulli’s was doing her cute voice, she’s also probably pouting cutely to attract pity.

“Sulli, I know you’re cute but your pouting won’t work on me.” Vic-eomma said. “Luna. Is it true that you stepped on her leg, hm?”

“Yeah. But it was dark so I did not see where I was stepping on.” Luna answered defensively.

“She’s lying! She totally meant it!” Piped Sulli.

“Sulli!” Vic-eomma reprimanded. “Why would you say she deliberately stepped on you?”

“It was payback for me eating her yogurt and using up all her face cream the other day.”

“Is that true, Luna?”

“Ne. But, I wasn’t really mad at her. I was just pissed off for a day and after that I was feeling fine.” Luna explained.

“Sulli. She’s already forgave you. Why make a bigger issue out of such a small thing?” Vic-eomma said.

“But…you don’t understand!”

“What don’t we understand? Explain, Sulli.” Luna said.

“No. You don’t get it! Just because I’m always behind choreography and lessons, you look down on me, right?! Tell me I’m right!” Sulli exclaimed.

“No. We never thought that of you, Sulli. Calm down.” That was Vic-eomma.

“No. I see it in your eyes.”

BAM!

“Sulli! Sulli!”

A series of knocks followed soon.

“Open the door, please…”

December

“Again!” Joon-oppa (one of our dance instructors) said over our loud puffs of air.

“No rest for you. If you want to be the best, get off your asses and do the dance routine again!” Joon oppa voice rang through the whole practice room.

Dragging our sorry asses off the floor, we went into another round of the routine.

“My feet hurt from all those hard moves. Darn.” Krystal said as she was taking off her shoes.

We were all in the shower room, in different stages of undress when Sulli decided to be her bratty self again.

“I don’t want to be in the stall next to her.” Sulli pointed at Luna who was now on her way to the showers.

“Fine! I’ll just shower in the farthest stall.” Luna walked off to the said stall.

Krystal, Vic-eomma and I just exchanged exasperated looks as we headed to our own stalls.

Only the sound of water slapping against the tiles could be heard in the shower room. What used to be a noisy affair for us was now bathed in awkward silence. The energy bunnies still refused to make up. Their petty fight had turned into a war of insults and below the belt blows of hurtful words.

We tried our best to have them talk their issues over all to no avail. So here we are on the way back to the dorm, still drowning in the awkward atmosphere brought about by Luna and Sulli.

It was a good thing that today was the last day of our practice for the year. We were given a two-week Christmas vacation. We all thought of spending it with our families; but unfortunately only Luna, Sulli, and Krystal will get to be with their loved ones. Vic-eomma and I decided to save money and just stay in the dorm.

At least we have each other to celebrate Christmas and New Year with. We may not be with our families but we have each other, and we’re basically family now.

We were supposed to have a mini Christmas party before we all went away, but with Luna and Sulli still bashing heads, we can’t possibly have an enjoyable time. So we decided (we consisting of Vic-eomma, Krystal and I) to just exchange gifts.

Gifts given, bags packed, we all said our goodbyes to Luna, Sulli and Krystal.

This was probably the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. Luna and Sulli still hasn’t made up. Krystal has been acting weird these past few weeks. I don’t know if it’s because of the Jessica issue or some other reason, but I was becoming more worried because she’s acting the way Nicole did before she died.  I made a mental note to talk to Krystal when she gets back.

But the most depressing thing is remembering how I saw Nicole’s body lying lifeless on her perfectly made bed on Christmas Eve.

Christmas since then was no longer a celebration of life but a commemoration of the death of the one person who has truly ever seen me for who I am. 

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A/N: Sorry for the late update. But here's another chapter. I hope you guys like this.

Again, comments are most welcome! :)

Love,

blacknaive