A / N :: i did not intend for this to become a chaptered fic ... but you know what ? i think i'm gonna make it into one. c:

i hope you guys like this chapter.

italics are flashbacks ! <3

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He shouldn't feel this way. It was all wrong. ChangJo was his dongsaeng for crying out loud ! But ... Everytime he saw the dancer's bright, happy smile, L.Joe's heart couldn't help but speed up. Every time they touched, even if it was the smallest thing, L.Joe's skin would heat up to the point where he felt he would burn.

It was wrong on so many levels, but he couldn't help but feel this way. ChangJo was so much more to him than just a band mate, then just a friend. He loved the brunette more than just a brother, it was so much more than brotherly love ... But he could never tell ChangJo, it would just ruin their friendship, plus, L.Joe was ninety - nine percent sure that ChangJo was straight, and even if he wasn't the straight, what made L.Joe think that ChangJo would fall for him ? 

He was nothing more than a bad boy, and a shoulder to cry on when ChangJo needed it. He tried to be a safety blanket for ChangJo, he wanted to be there for the younger one, but how could do that without feeling awkward ? Now whenever ChangJo stood beside him, gave him a hug or even just brushed their hands slightly, L.Joe jerked away. Not that he didn't like the contact, it just gave him false hope and he really didn't want to be let down.

So, maybe he wasn't such a bad boy after all, but only to ChangJo. Only ChangJo could bring this out of the pinkette, only his dancing baby could ever make L.Joe feel this way. How long had he liked ChangJo like this ? Maybe ... Two ... Three months ? How do you come to someone and tell them that you've liked them for a couple months, when you're both guys, and it's horrible for you two to be together in the eyes of society ?

.... Screw society, L.Joe was going to do what would make him happy.

Rolling off the bed and landing on the floor with a soft thud, L.Joe got up and dusted himself off before heading to ChangJo's room. Was he really going to do this ? Right at this moment, was he going to put everything on the line, just for that small chance that ChangJo feels the same way ? Was he really going to risk everything ? If ChangJo did feel the same way, and they did get together, their would be a lot of bumps in the road, L.Joe knew it, but if it meant he could hold ChangJo's hand, and have the brunette smile up to him everyday, it was all worth it. Finding himself at ChangJo's door, L.Joe's body began to shake, his legs and arms trembling ... Why was he like this ? L.Joe wasn't afraid of anything ! He could take rejection ! He was a tough bad boy ! Bringing a shaky hand to the door, L.Joe bit down on his bottom lip and knocked loudly four times. When he pulled his hand back, all he could hear was his heart thudding in his chest, nothing else. The dorm seemed deadly quiet, as if everyone was holding their breath just waiting for what was going to come next. 

L.Joe heard someone turn the door knob, and he jumped back, hiding the fear in his eyes, L.Joe looked up to meet the maknae's tired eyes. Why was the youngest the tallest ? That was just unfair ... Even if it was just by a couple of centimeters -- Ah ! Now was not the time to think about ChangJo's height.

"Hyung ? It's late ... What do you need ?" ChangJo's voice rang, breaking the silence that had come between the two.

"I need to talk to you." L.Joe's voice surprised him, had he just said that ?

"... Can't it wait tell tomorrow, hyung ?"

"No, I need to talk to you now." What was he doing ? Why was his body acting on his own ? All L.Joe really wanted to do was turn on his heel and flee, but Lee ByungHun was no wimp. He was going to face ChangJo, and if ChangJo didn't feel the same then whatever ! Pushing past the younger one and entering the room, L.Joe his heel and faced the brunette. Worry and confusion were clear on ChangJo's face,

"What is it ?" ChangJo asked impatiently as he closed the door.

"I'm not one to beat around the bush, you know that. So, I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm ... I'm in love with you, ChangJo and I have been for the past couple of months." He stared into ChangJo's eyes, no hesitation. L.Joe was strong, he could do this, and he could take the rejection ... He just needed ChangJo to know his feelings. "I don't want to be with anyone else, you're enough for me JongHyun. You're my world, when you touch me I want to melt, when you smile at me, I feel like the luckiest man in the world, and when you hug me, I want to make you mine." Taking a breath, L.Joe stared deeply in ChangJo's eyes. "I'm head over heels for you."

There wasn't a single sign for what was coming next.

L.Joe was expecting rejection, he was expecting a smack, something, anything to prove that ChangJo didn't feel the same way, He did not expect to be tackled onto ChangJo's bed and pulled into a tight bear hug, with a fifteen year older boy that was crying into his shirt.

"ByungHun ! You don't know how long I've waited for you to say that ! I ... I love you too !" ChangJo sobbed, burying his face into L.Joe's chest. Not another word was uttered between the two, they just laid on the bed, ChangJo with his head on L.Joe's chest. L.Joe with his arm wrapped around ChangJo's waist, contently making small circles on ChangJo's hip with his thumb. The duo fell asleep together there, snuggled against each other, not bothering to share a kiss or anything like that.

Because they knew, that there didn't need to be a romantic kiss, there didn't need to be anything like that. Their love was stronger, there was no need to prove it with a small kiss that would end in a minute, because what they had, would last forever, both of them were sure of that.

- - - -

ChangJo continued walking down the side walk, not bothering to look at L.Joe. Hadn't L.Joe said that ChangJo was enough for him ? Liar. Clearly, he was not enough.

"Come on baby ! Talk to me please ?" L.Joe pleaded, ChangJo turned a fierce gaze to his hyung.

"Why wasn't I enough, ByungHun ? Why couldn't it just be me ? ! Do you know how I felt when I smelt that perfume ? I though that maybe, it was nothing, I decided to overlook it as nothing ! When I smelt it on your neck, I choose to overlook it again, thinking that you just changed your shampoo ... But I knew, Joe. I knew you weren't going to come home to me one hundred percent mine ! I knew I had been sharing you with some other ! I didn't like it, but I loved you enough to overlook it ! But I just can't do it L.Joe, I can't be happy knowing you sneak off at night, to go be with some , just to get off !" ChangJo yelled his eyes filling up with tears again, he didn't want to cry in front of L.Joe, not at all. He didn't want to show this kind of weakness, but he couldn't help it. He was like a fragile piece of glass that had just been broken, while L.Joe on the other hand, felt like the child that was being scolded for breaking it.

"You were enough for me ChangJo ! I ... I just needed you know ..." L.Joe coughed, shifting a little uncomfortably.

"Just needed what, ByungHun ? You just needed someone on the side to bang, because I wouldn't let you !" ChangJo snapped.

"You barely let me kiss you !" L.Joe growled, ChangJo had turned away by now and started walking again, but L.Joe reached out and grabbed his hand, this was not over yet.

"I'm sorry for that, Joe. I'm sorry I don't let you touch me like that !" ChangJo hissed sarcastically, "Is that all you wanted from me ? A quick , and then you'd be on your way ?"

"Don't swear at me !" L.Joe said, maybe it wasn't the best time to lecture ChangJo on cussing but hey, he was still the maknae's hyung.

"Don't tell me what to do !" ChangJo growled, pulling his hand out of L.Joe's grasp,

"No, you weren't just a quick for me, ChangJo ! I love you ! I never stopped loving you !" L.Joe pleaded again, ChangJo had just turned and had started walking again when he heard those words, coming to a stop and turning around with tears falling out of his eyes the boy shook his head.

"Don't lie to me like that, ByungHun. I don't need that kind of false hope." Finally, he managed to turn and run away from the pinkette, leaving L.Joe alone on the street, just a meter or two away from the entrance to the building.

- - - - -

L.Joe entered the building by himself, and curled into his cold, lonely bed. This had to be the first time he had slept alone in over two months, there was no other body beside him, nobody else to share any warmth with or to cuddle against. L.Joe had to settle for a pillow, but it was no replacement for ChangJo. How was he feeling right now ? Was he cuddling up against Chunji ? Was Chungji ChangJo's hair, like he use to ? Were they in the same position that they use to fall asleep in every night ?

No, L.Joe was just being paranoid, there was no way ChangJo moved on that fast ! ChangJo had loved L.Joe ... And L.Joe threw it all away, just for lust.

The pinkette didn't think he'd regret anything more than this. This had to be his worse screw up ever ...

He had to make this right !
No, he would make this right, he'll get his dancing baby back again, and this time, he'll never let him go.